are you lonely?

sparkymcgeee · June 2014

I could have written this myself. Which totally sounds pathetic but it hit me this week during Eliza's swim lessons when I would try and stand in the same general space as the other parents and was ignored. They already knew each other. They were a group and I was just the lady with the kid who intruded on their kids swim class. At least that's what it felt like.
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5489301

gutsymama · June 2014

I think I could've written this too. We need a gtg.

sparkymcgeee · June 2014

We really do.

EagleWife · June 2014

Ahh jeeze

Sometimes this gig is lonely. I'd be much closer to going out of my mind if it wasn't for all of you. (Not that I'm far with all of this juggling.)

It's heartbreaking to imagine my little girl ever not wanting to hang out with me, though. I refuse to acknowledge that such a thing could ever happen.

Sorry that you felt left out at the swim class, Meimsx

That's crappy. Elbow your way on in there!!! I have to force myself to talk to people sometimes... it's more normal for me to wait to be talked to then be the one to start the conversation, so I understand.

>:D<

sparkymcgeee · June 2014

casey78 said:

( and now I'm sitting in panera crying and the manger thinks it's because they lost my catering order.

I totally cried reading it because even though I've never been one to have a lot of friends in school or whatever I still had a core group. I never really lacked friends. Now even though I still have friends I never get to see them. I rarely get to talk to them. It's like I got married and had kids and I'm not a desirable person to hang out with. I'm sure it's because I'm busy or they're busy but I crave it.

thegoodpotato · June 2014

Yes. For the past 13 years I've moved pretty much either every year or every other year. I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. The friends I do have live in Alberta or in the interior of the province.

It's gets lonely. I'm not that outgoing.

I'm sure I will get to know so many people through my store, but it's still pretty quiet.

sparkymcgeee · June 2014

We had one all set up and then my kids had to go and get sick. Oh but Mimi, Eliza asked today if we could go to the zoo. I told her of course so we should go to the zoo soon!

queenbone · June 2014

I'm not lonely, I am fortuneate enough to have many friends with children with children of similar ages and many of them have flexible or non traditional work schedules so we get to hang out a lit with the children. But I was among the last of my friends to get married and have kids so the are very few babies DD's age. I'm going to have to make new mom friends because I'm getting left behind. Once all your children are in school, the last thing you want to do doing the day is hang out with your friend and her young kids.

My problem is I'm very shy. And I hate small talk. So I have ahard time making new friends. I'm really uncomfortable putting myself out there. So asking someone IRL or online to be my FB friend is so hard for me. I'll agonize about it for days or weeks or months. DS1 has been at the same school for 2 yrs now, I just got around to asking some of the moms to be my FB friends. Why does this need to be so hard for me?

PS Somehow my kids turned off my spell check so I apologize for any errors. I'm a terrible speller in real life. And I'm computer incompetant so I don't know how ot fix it.

mittensonkittens · June 2014

Yes! This stage is lonely. I was one of the first in my group of friends to have kids. Within a few years there were 4 of us with kids around the same age, and we got really close. We all worked, so we only got together once or twice a month, but they understood me. Then all three of these ladies, my closest friends, moved away for different reasons the year before DD was born. I joined a moms group, but almost all the activities are during the week. I'm getting to know the parents of my older kids from birthday parties, but it takes time to develop close friendships. We have no family nearby, so it scares me that I have nobody to depend on if there is an emergency when DH is traveling for work.

bumpuser794640 · June 2014

I feel lonely a lot. I have friends with kids, but I feel like we all isolate ourselves and it sucks. I feel like I don't have anyone I can really talk to, except DH. I'm tearing up now.

PrimRoseMama · June 2014

I loathe feeling excluded. I make it a point if I see a new mom or dad at our Playgroup to talk to them & include them. I hate when moms exclude others. Hate!

KKinATX · June 2014

queenbone said:

I'm not lonely, I am fortuneate enough to have many friends with children with children of similar ages and many of them have flexible or non traditional work schedules so we get to hang out a lit with the children. But I was among the last of my friends to get married and have kids so the are very few babies DD's age. I'm going to have to make new mom friends because I'm getting left behind. Once all your children are in school, the last thing you want to do doing the day is hang out with your friend and her young kids.

My problem is I'm very shy. And I hate small talk. So I have ahard time making new friends. I'm really uncomfortable putting myself out there. So asking someone IRL or online to be my FB friend is so hard for me. I'll agonize about it for days or weeks or months. DS1 has been at the same school for 2 yrs now, I just got around to asking some of the moms to be my FB friends. Why does this need to be so hard for me?

PS Somehow my kids turned off my spell check so I apologize for any errors. I'm a terrible speller in real life. And I'm computer incompetant so I don't know how ot fix it.

It's good to hear other moms who don't feel lonely. I don't feel lonely either, and it makes me sad that some moms feel this way. I don't mean that to sound condescending at all. I can understand how it could be lonely. I think I too am fortunate that I have a lot of mom friends. In fact, in pretty much every circle I operate in have mom friends. My college friends are almost all moms, at work a co worker has become one of my closest friends and her son is the same age as mine, at church we have several friends with kids around our kids' ages, and I've become very good friends with a couple other moms at our DC (like, actually talk and hang out outside of DC). I think I just got lucky in this arena. Where we live most everyone around our age has kids and we all kind of entered into this stage of life around the same time. If we still lived in NOVA I would probably be much more lonely because of our huge group of friends there, only one couple has a baby, and it's like a brand new baby. I guess if I still lived in NOVA I'd be hanging out with the DC faction all the time

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[Deleted User] · June 2014

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thegoodpotato · June 2014

PrimRoseMama said:

I loathe feeling excluded. I make it a point if I see a new mom or dad at our Playgroup to talk to them & include them. I hate when moms exclude others. Hate!

This for me, too!

At our town playgroup I always talk to the new moms that drop in for the first time. I know how awkward it is walking in and feeling like everyone else knows each other.

mittensonkittens · June 2014

Hugs to all the lonely mommas. And I know exactly what you are talking about @casey78‌. I have wonderful friends...1000+ miles away.

bumpuser794640 · June 2014

@casey78‌ - I'd love to hang out with you again! Let's get together again soon.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I feel the same way. I am part of a moms group but there are over 300 members. It is hard to meet the same ones. Plus I feel extra lonely since my experiences with DD is different from all of the other babies. It does not help that I am shy on top if all of this.

lancomechica · June 2014

NKaeding said:
Honestly, J13 has been amazing in giving me mama friends. The NOVA mamas are amazing and the source of much of our playdates.

Same! I met the local moms group on TB too in the "local" section last year and joined a FB group for 2013 moms in our community so I'm just trying to meet as many people as I can with kiddos of similar ages.

KKinATX · June 2014

I will say, in situations where I'm in a new group and don't know anyone else I am pretty reserved. I'm not very good at just putting myself out there on my own. If I have DH or a friend with me then it's not as difficult for me. If we didn't already have established friends and I had to go out on my own and meet people in play groups I would be lost.

sparkymcgeee · June 2014

I see potential at church but most of the women are SAHMs and I'm not. So the playdates are every Wednesday at 11 or something. I can never go. I'm also shy so it's hard to tell someone "hey I'm free on this day let's get together".

Stina2012 · June 2014

Well did you introduce yourself to them?

I'm going to be honest, you seem to pick the negative side of situations first. Give them the benefit of the doubt! They aren't responsible for becoming friendly with you. Maybe they thought you wanted to stand alone! Strike up a conversation.

Boy the kids look like they are having fun! I'm Eliza's Mom!

sparkymcgeee · June 2014

I commented to them a few times about different things. Which takes a lot for me. No one said anything to me at all. I was literally ignored.

fabk · June 2014

The only time I feel lonely is at baby group. All of the other moms have known each other since their moms wrre going to baby group. Some are nice but some are downright rude.

ljs4117 · June 2014

casey78 said:

I commented to them a few times about different things. Which takes a lot for me. No one said anything to me at all. I was literally ignored.
I hate that feeling.

Me too...

I think it's normal but when it takes so much to attempt to break the ice it sort of crushes your confidence temporarily.

Now that this baby is out I'm really hoping to get into a mom's group around here.. being pregnant was rather energy-draining.. not to mention the mom's group I really want to check out is called Moms and Margaritas..

MRads · June 2014

I have only seen my friends a handful of times since having B. Most don't have kids. for the ten months that I was pumping and bf, my supply was such a fight, so leaving my kid outside of work hours sounded like more work than worth.

Now that B is sleeping better and were done nursing, i am making more of an effort. I see my sisters and niece and nephews almost every week, and I have always prioritized them. H and I also try to see his parents at least every other week. There's only so much time, and it is hard to do everything.

Lelo2006 · June 2014

Hugs to the lonely mamas. Sah was such a lonely time for me even though we regularly got out of the house and I have 20+ mom friends that I would meet up with during the week.

Lactation support group & mommy and me were great for meeting people.

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