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August 2013 Moms
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NBR: how do you tell a friend she's being "tacky"?

Khaleesi07Khaleesi07 member
in August 2013 Moms
I'm in a wedding next month, and not really sure how to approach the bride with the fact that IMHO, she's being super gift grabby, and tacky.

She's having a pot luck wedding at a friend's backyard, which is a two hour drive for nearly the entire guest list. I'm offering my services as a make up artist for free, my mom is baking her cake for free, she's getting a venue for free, and she's getting her wedding catered by her guest list. I'm actually embarrassed for her that I just received a text "Fiancé and I are registered at bed, bath, and beyond, ok?" She's asking for gifts too!!?? I was under the impression that pot luck means you are asking your guests to bring a dish in lieu of gifts?

I just think she's coming off as inconsiderate at this point. She's asking her guests to spend money on gas, food, gifts, and spend four hours (round trip) driving. I told her last month that I may not be able to afford the gas to go to her wedding, and my SO would have to take the day off from his 2nd job (where he doesnt have personal or vaca days) so we would be not only set back on money for gas, but SO would be out of $120 from his paycheck. She knows money is tight for us. I just got a new pt job, so while we have a bit more breathing room with finances, we're not exactly the Trump family over here. I don't feel it's appropriate for her to basically "hint" at a gift when I'm already providing a food dish and make up.

Either way I'm going to say something to her--I just don't know how honest I should be. I could

A. Tell her that it's quite burdensome to ask her guests to spend money on gas, food, and a gift. Her guests will be traveling 2 hours in a car, in the summer, so they will also have concerns about food sanitation and keeping dishes cool/warm. Ain't nobody got time for that. The polite thing to do would be to offer guests to opt out of making a dish in lieu of providing a gift.

B. Pussy out and just tell her that I can't afford a gift, and my gift to her is the make-up.

Help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Re: NBR: how do you tell a friend she's being "tacky"?

  • ludaliludali member
    A - totally A - just because...where are her manners?  But if you don't do A, I sure hope you really will do B - you shouldn't have to feel that pressure.  I wish I had more to say, I'm honestly just in awe of how some people can be...but (as sad as it is), I'm glad you're seeing right through it...
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  • TrueBeliever925TrueBeliever925 member
    I wouldn't be surprised if she made you buy a $200+ bridesmaids dress at this point (if she hasn't already!) 

    Be grateful for what people are willing to do for you, biatcchh! Seriously! 

    I'd go with plan A and part of plan B. Tell her it's a gift in itself that you are doing her make up, making a food dish, and being affiliated in general with her as a bride. 

    And you're right.... 
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  • nittanygirl28nittanygirl28 member
    I would bring a card and write a note. If you want, politely mention in the note that you're glad you could be part of her special day (ie makeup artist). Then if she ever comments later, you could mention that you thought it was understood that your time as a makeup artist was the gift. We had a few people that came to our wedding and never gave us a gift. At first we thought it was rude then we realized we had no right to be upset, gifts are gifts and therefore not mandatory. We are glad they came and that's that. In your situation it sounds like you are jumping through some hoops to be a part of her special day. She should appreciate that.
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  • nittanygirl28nittanygirl28 member
    Does your friend watch Orange is the New Black? Maybe she should transform a funeral into a wedding like they did! That would eliminate the pot luck.
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  • thoughtfulmommythoughtfulmommy member
    I wouldn't address the issue if it were me, just because I think it would make it awkward. Can you buy her a card and write a nice message in it and maybe provide her with the lipgloss/ lipstick that you will use on her. Doing her makeup is a gift in itself.

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  • Khaleesi07Khaleesi07 member
    I get what you're saying @ELauren88‌ . If she doesn't ask, it's not my place to call her out. I wasn't going to say anything until she sent me the text about the registry.

    I texted her and politely told her that I was under the impression that since it was a pot luck wedding a food contribution was considered a gift, and she just texted back "no". Lmao. I then let her know that due to the cost of gas and the fact that I was already providing a food dish, I wouldn't be able to afford both. She said that it was fine and she was just glad I could make the wedding.

    I'm just going to leave it at that, even though a part of me still wants to send her an "aint nobody got time for that" gif. Thanks for the advice everyone!
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