grandparents rights?!

jeslillyn · June 2014

To make a super long and painful story short I dont have the best relationship with my own mother. ...just a little history it has to do with my past with her husband. Who isnt the greatest person, hes has a long list of things that just arent right including him making racist comments & my child is biracial. Anyways since my son has been here its been a mess with her and because of a series of negative situations I made the decision it would be best for her to not be in our lives right now. Ever since then she has done nothing but demand to see him, sending text messages demanding to know where we are, and other ones saying awful things about me being a horrible mother. Now her lastest letter sent in the mail is that she is filing for grandparents rights. The thought of it just makes me sick. I thought it was a joke but friend of mine said this just happened to her sister. Im so sick over it all. Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks in advance.

mkat10414 · June 2014

I don't have any experience with this but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Also, I would definitely save all those texts that she sends you. Might help in the long run.

jeslillyn · June 2014

**latest

Lena122 · June 2014

From what I understand, grandparents can only get rights if they've had a previous relationship with the child. For example, MIL has watched DS once a week for about 2 years and DD since she was 3 months. Hypothetically if DH left us but MIL wanted to remain in the kids' lives then she could file for rights and be granted time with them by the court. She has a significant relationship with them so I imagine the court would rule in her favor. If she didn't have any real relationship with them previous to DH leaving us then she'd have no ground to stand on. I'm sure this varies by state so I'd definitely look into it further.

xanadu94 · June 2014

I found this link which gives a run-down for each state: https://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/grandparent-rights-united-states

Most of the states seem to grant these rights when one of the parents is deceased or if it is in the best interest of the child. I can't imagine your mother actually getting anything out of this, but I am not an expert. Seems awful to even think about.

jeslillyn · June 2014

Shes only seen him twice since hes been born. I tried to look into it, I live in PA and there is a lot of mixed information. Thank you for your input though.

jeslillyn · June 2014

Thanks ill check out that website link

peanutmuse · June 2014

Save every single bit of correspondence. Don't delete anything that she sends you. That's my two cents.

xanadu94 · June 2014

According to the information listed on the website for PA:

"PENNSYLVANIA
A court may grant visitation if at least one of the child's parents is deceased, the parents are divorced or separated for more than six months, or the child has lived with the grandparent for more than 12 months. Determination of grandparent visitation must include consideration of the best interest of the child, potential interference with the parent-child relationship, and the contact between the grandparent and grandchild. Adoption cuts off visitation rights of grandparents unless adoption is granted to a stepparent or grandparent."

I think this means you are in the clear. I would still have contact info for a lawyer, just in case. And yes, keep everything. Take screenshots, keep phone records of harassment, etc. I'm thinking your mother is doing this as a scare tactic though.

SandFHasse · June 2014

My IL's threatened this awhile ago. Now they say they won't, but I'm scared every day that they will threaten it again. I save all text messages and take pics every time we see them. I also write it down in a calendar.

Sorry you are going through this.

Jackapatamus · June 2014

There was a Supreme Court ruling on grandparent rights a year or two ago (double check when it was). That will give you all the legal info.

precious72381 · June 2014

How terrible!! So sorry you are going through this!! No advice other than what others said. And just be careful what you say/text/write to her. Sure she can delete her parts to make it look one sides and try to use it against you.

sugarland726 · June 2014

How stressful! It sounds though like you are probably on the safe side.

Babychuu · June 2014

No advice, just letting you know I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope this blows over without too much distress to yourself and your family.

last14real · June 2014

Ugh nothing extra to offer I just agree with all the PP's about making sure you document all your interaction and correspondence with her. Sorry she's being such a B.

Rebis58 · June 2014

How awful. Sorry you're going through that! It sounds (from previous posters) like your mother doesn't have a legal claim to grandparent's rights, but I agree to keep copies of all correspondence just in case. You could also consult with a lawyer just to see what kind of rights she has and what you can do going forward to protect your family.

For me, this would be enough to completely cut ties with my parent, no question. You threaten to take my child away? No way are you EVER going to have a relationship with them. I feel like it would be unsafe to even let her visit your LO because I wouldn't want to give her any argument on her side regarding grandparent's rights based on having a relationship with your child.

I think she is probably using empty threats to try to scare you into bringing LO around, and I definitely wouldn't cave to that kind of manipulation.

somewierd_person · June 2014

I would recommend not just saving but actually having a notary transcribe your text messages etc. I knew someone who was able to use these in court as evidence. That's if you think she is actually going to file. The person I knew went every two weeks to have them transcribed.

jeslillyn · June 2014

Thanks everyone for your input/support. I hope she doesn't follow through but I know her mother is going to pay for her lawyer if she does. Even if it is just a threat it scares the crap outta me !! There is no way id ever cave after this. . . This is my baby not hers. Im in a stable relationship and have saved everything so im hoping I can prove its in his best interest shes not involved.

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