Hi! I'm new & I have a complex ;p

mangomimosa · June 2014

Hi all! My hubby & I have been married for a little over a year. We spent the first year of our marriage adjusting to a new city & new jobs, and now that we're settled, we're super excited to start TTC! Can't believe this time has come...we've been planning on it for almost 3 years now!

So, I have a weird complex about babies/motherhood. I work in women's health & I spent years studying midwifery. I chose this field because I love helping other women. I was always paranoid people would think I was fascinated by pregnancy/reproductive health because I had babies on the brain, and I wanted to be taken seriously. So, I built up some pretty high walls around the part of the brain that goes mushy around babies. I even worked in postpartum/newborn nursery for a few years, and I was mostly **meh** about the babies. I very rarely held/cuddled them, and felt pretty ridiculous when I did. I think the #1 thing I said in the nursery was "I don't want to want one!"

Now that it's actually our time to start a family... I'm excited -- like, really, freaking excited... but also partially mortified that I'm excited. I don't like talking about it & at the same time, I want to talk about nothing else. I've avoided this area of my brain, or tried to, for so long, that allowing myself to think about babies/motherhood feels awkward (and also kind of awesome!). I want to be excited and proud of my pregnancy... I'm a little worried I'm going to be shy and embarrassed. Has anyone else felt like this?

Anyway... CD 11 here--and so the fun part begins! Good luck to everyone!!

PHNJenna · June 2014

Welcome! Often times I've felt the same. I've worked in a family planning clinic & maternal child health for the last 5 years and I can relate on a level, during the times of *preventing* I had to turn off the baby fever part and once you make that decision to start TTC, it's all I can think about too. I hear ya.

JNCPro3130 · June 2014

Welcome! I've had baby fever for a few years and have been waiting on finances and life situations to TTC, so I can't relate in that aspect; however, DH and I are on our first cycle trying and I'm excited and nervous. It's an exciting time!

divinemsbee · June 2014

Welcome!

If you want to be excited, be excited! I will say that I've been trying 18 months and I've never been all 'babiez squee! omg ovaries exploding/baby fever!!' Not ever. I want to start a family with my husband, I want to be a mother, but it's never been a baby crazy thing. And, trust me, I'll be bursting with joy when I get pregnant, I haven't a doubt. It's okay to be awkward for a bit, you've been a long time coming to this and I'm sure it's built up a lot. It doesn't make you any less of an awesome professional to want kids of your own. Have fun with it.

Good luck to you!

FJM85 · June 2014

Welcome!

augusta17 · June 2014

Welcome! It's absolutely normal to feel a mix of emotions. There is no shame in that, good luck!

KingLED · June 2014

Welcome.

justmepreggo2020 · June 2014

Hello : )

BillyHorrible · June 2014

Hi! Welcome!

Unknown · June 2014

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dazzld1 · June 2014

Welcome and good luck! I get what your saying. I got baby fever like 3 years before MH, so I had to kind of "turn off" (as much as possible) the part of my brain that made me baby crazy. I felt quite awkward/shy/embarrassed about it when we first started NTNP (which we did for 5 months before actively trying). By cycle 3 of actively trying I was well over those feelings (at that point it had been 8 months since we decided we were ready to have a baby). I think it's fairly normal to have those feelings at first, but it gets easier! Being a part of this community also helped me become more comfortable with the whole process of TTC

4RingCircus · June 2014

Welcome! It is very normal to have mixed emotions.

Wine&Cupcakes · June 2014

Welcome! I know how you feel, just try to mentally distinguish between your work "walls" and your personal life. I'm a pedi nurse and I do the same...I think its part of not attaching, especially when you don't know how a baby/child will fare in a medical sense.

Samby86 · June 2014

Welcome!

NSAnderson0313 · June 2014

Welcome and good luck!

holliberry28 · June 2014

Welcome!

mangomimosa · June 2014

Thanks for all the support, ladies! It helps to know I'm not the only one feeling weird about all this...

@PHNJenna --- Yes this is exactly my issue; I work in family planning now! NTTGP is the #1 topic of my day. I've gotta work on switching my brain around when I'm not at work!

@dazzld1 --- I'm actually really happy to hear being part of this community helped you be more comfortable with TTC! That'll help me feel a little less silly being on here. It's nice to talk w/ others who are going through the same thing, since obviously no one else cares about my 2WW and CM and whatnot (except the hubs of course!)

lizziemoore513 · June 2014

I totally understand. This is our first month TTC and I find it is all I can think about! I just try not to talk about it all the time so I don't annoy people or drive my husband crazy...