Loss check in

shandorfml2 · June 2014

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby?

shandorfml2 · June 2014

Hi ladies, hope this week was kind to you

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I had a good therapy session, and that was helpful

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Continue healthy...need to walk more. Went on a nice little hike today

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? My parents have been wonderful. My Mom and sister were with us when she was born. My Dad was wonderful with me and H. My H's family was very supportive in the begining, and helped financially with her burial. Since then, it's lessened a little bit. They are not emotional people, and don't talk about emotions. So, they don't talk about her much.

sunflwra · June 2014

Hi ladies- As much as it sucks to be back here again, I'm really thankful for you ladies.

I can't believe that I delivered my baby girl a week ago. It's definitely not been a good week and I'm still in the stage of forgetting that I'm not pregnant anymore here and there. I was also thinking about the fact that I've been pregnant for 9 of the last 12 months and that I've lost two babies in the past year. In January, I was really glad to say goodbye to 2013 but now that I'm turning 36 on Monday, I'm really hoping that saying goodbye to 35 will help us move on from all of the crappy stuff that's happened in the last 12 months.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Still just trying to physically heal at this point. Started talks with DH about the potential of IVF so that if that recommendation comes our way, it's not a total shock. We've still got a lot of time and testing to come but just trying to take it a little at a time.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'll be out of work for the next 2 weeks and I want to take that time to make a plan for getting healthier. I need to lose 15-20 lbs and start working out to get in better cardiovascular shape. I was at a good weight before my second pregnancy but have gained 10 lbs since then and really want to be in the best shape I can when we TTC again.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? We didn't tell a lot of people that we were pregnant, even in our families, since we had the first loss. I wanted to get past our anatomy scan before sharing with the world. Thankfully my mom could come visit for the past week and help out with my daughter while we were in the hospital, etc. My in-laws have been in Europe since we lost the baby and DH didn't want to mess up their trip so he hasn't told them yet- I let it be his choice but I want nothing to do with that conversation tomorrow when they return. I'm good with the fact that not that many people know just because it's less people to have to tell the sad news to.

Thanks @shandorfml2 for checking in Hope everyone is finding a good way to enjoy their weekend.

dadalou · June 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. Just continuing to exercise and try to lose some weight.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? We are going to the Stillbirth Summit this next weekend. I am going to try and go to as many sessions as I can while I am there. I am also going to try and talk to people. I have a hard time meeting new people and with new situations, but most people there will be other loss parents so that might make it easier. Also DH is coming with me. He is better about initiating conversations with people.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? Yes and no. My family lives far away, but came down for the memorial service. They tried to be helpful, but really weren't while they were here. I was very aware of what I needed so I told them and had them watch DD a lot and help out with cooking and stuff. I told them I wasn't going to do anything for them while they were here. I was supposed to rest so I was going to. In the last few months I haven't talked to any of them much. My sisters are much more supportive than my parents. I think my parents just don't know what to say.

DH's family lives in the area and have been really helpful. DH's stepmom watches DD every month so that we can go to our grief group she also brings up Nathaniel a lot. At one of the last family get togethers MIL and stepMIL were looking at pictures of N and talking about him. It was nice that it was so normal and he was part of the day.

shandorfml2 · June 2014

@dadalou‌ good luck at the summit and let us know how it goes!

gracie5107 · June 2014

@dadalou I hope the stillbirth conference is good and you meet some really good people!

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I don't think so. Father's Day was hard because I just kept thinking I had let DH down by not giving him a living daughter to celebrate with. Most of my week was good, but Sunday was hard and emotional.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Staying healthy. I have continued to work on losing the baby weight and have made some good progress. I am also consistently running and hope to keep that up too.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? Both my mom and my in-laws have been supportive in their own ways, but not necessarily in the ways that I need. Neither family talks much about feelings and are on the quiet side. I know they are hurting and hurt for us, but they don't really bring up the loss or talk about Juliana unless we do. They would do anything we asked them to do, but they don't initiate any help or comfort. I know it doesn't come from a place of not caring, but it's also hard to be the one to ask for help or have to wonder about what they're thinking when we talk about Juliana.

CherryPicked · June 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

We will be checking out a support group this week that meets monthly. Hoping to meet other parents going through something similar.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I am hoping to be able to work full time this week. My job involves a lot of concentration so it has been hard. Also I've started trying to lose the baby weight by going for walks and trying to eat healthy.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby?

Yes, they have been supportive, but it is hard because we live states away from all of our family. The cards are dwindling and we are entering that time where we are still very actively grieving but not getting as much support. We have a trip home planned in July and will see a lot of family then.

Maybe Joleisa · June 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? In a strange way Father's Day was healing. My DH is the strong, silent type, so he doesn't talk about the boys often. I asked him a few weeks ago if he wanted to go away for FD weekend, but he never responded to my ideas so I made plans to go visit my dad. (My mom passed away in 2012, so me and my siblings plan something for him every year.) DH called me on Sunday and I could tell that he was all choked up on the phone. He apologized for not supporting me better through Mother's Day and talked about how he wasn't expecting Father's Day to affect him like it did. We had a good talk when I got home.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Continue working out, trying to eat better, still thinking of going to a loss support group. I know what I need to do to eat better, but it's the part I fail at most often.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? I had DH call my sister a few hours after getting to the hospital that awful day. My sister and my dad made it to the hospital before I delivered and were able to meet the boys. My sister has been very supportive and even attended a grief retreat with me 4 weeks after our loss. My dad was worried about me, but thought holding the boys the 4+ hours they lived was traumatic for me (and added that "during his day" they would not have allowed that.) Luckily I know he meant that in the best possible way even though he was wrong.

DH wasn't able to reach his parents and I'm not sure how he feels about that, but his parents have reached out and have been supportive in their own way.

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
No I actually feel like since I've been back at work I took steps backwards - I am having more meltdowns than ever but trying to do it alone and not in front of anyone- and I just overall have been really depressed it's so hard being around pregnant women all day who are due close to my EDD- also just small reminders of dates and things on my calendar or in emails that I did or worked on while I was pregnant is constantly on my mind -

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm trying to just push through and get past my EDD at this point I think. I'm also trying to lose the last 10lbs so all of my pp clothes fit again, right now I'm only getting into half and it's frustrating.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby?
In their own way I guess - his parents don't mention it at all, my parents avoid it too for the most part but my mom for the first time actually texted me last weekend saying she knows I'm still grieving and stressed about work and the new house so if I need anything she's there which was nice because I have been struggling lately.

dmizak · June 2014

Hello, first time posting. I've been lurking for a week or so. I lost my son, Kolt on May 28th. He was 45 days old.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Mostly just calling a couple people a week to tell the whole story. I seem to cry a little less each time I tell it, so I hope that means I am healing a little more each time.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Um...I guess to make an appointment with my OB to discuss my fears and concerns for another pregnancy, if we will try again, and to air my grievances for how they handled my last. I don't really have a plan on how to reach that goal, I guess I just need to do it!

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? Yes, everyone has been great. They leave me alone until I want to talk, but still let me know they care.

I hope to get to know you ladies a little better, and am so sorry you all are here.

PS I am sorry, I thought I erased my pregnancy ticker. Please bear with me while I try to remove it for good.

shandorfml2 · June 2014

@dmizak I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Kolt. I love his name. I am sorry to welcome you to this board, but we're here for you. Also, if you could please put a *picture warning of living child* when you post (your DS is gorgeous by the way) as some of us don't have living children and it is hard to see pictures of young children. Thanks!

shandorfml2 · June 2014

@Jellybean71514 I'm sorry your struggling. Grief will wax and wane like that, especially since you just went back to work. Take it easy on yourself ((hugs))

lexusolsen · June 2014

Maybe Joleisa said:
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I think I made it to acceptance. My grief is still there but it's like a calm gentle sadness. I can't decide if I should be happy or sad about this.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Im supposed to be trying to lose weight. That isn't going so well. I'm going to try to get back on track today. It's been a lot with Ben's due date, the end of the school year and my dd's birthday this weekend.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby?
They have been pretty awesome although we have had a few hiccups, mostly with my ILs. My family and dh's family that lives local were able to be at the hospital and got to hold Ben. His older brothers flew in two days later and helped us with a bunch of things. That was really unexpected and nice.

SandyEggo5 · June 2014

Hi, this is my first check in...

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

We brought our baby home today. I'm looking for some nice shelves to put up in our bedroom and display the urn and other momentos we have. I'm glad to have him finally home with us. I think healing may be a bit easier now that our family is all home together. I had one of my girlfriends over this week. It was the first time I've really talked to or seen anyone outside of family. It was emotional, but nice.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I'm going to try to call one of my friends who has been a great support to me from afar. She's been patient with me responding, but still calls and texts me to let me know she's thinking about me and there whenever I'm ready to talk. Somehow, she been able to say all the right things, but I'm still nervous about losing it while on the phone with her. It seems that it would be awkward not to be able to embrace in a hug during such an intimate conversation.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby?

Yes, my family has been very supportive. My mom flew out right away to be with us and help take care of DD. She has since gone home, so it's harder to help from afar, but I know they support us 100%.

hsabyan · June 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I don't even know. We purchased Georgia's gravestone last weekend, that was a step in making my visits to her more meaningful. I hate going now and just seeing the patch of grass that hasn't grown in yet. It will still be a few months before the stone is done and installed, but I'm looking forward to it. We are having her footprints in a heart engraved on it, I think it'll be pretty.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Grieving aside, my main goal right now is to get our finances in check. We've had so many expenses with hospital bills, funeral and burial costs, and me and my husband being off of work for so long. It sounds trivial when I look at the big picture of losing my baby, but I know that it is only adding stress when I have bills piling up. My husband and I are working on a side project on etsy. He's a graphic designer and so we're looking at selling personalized prints. He has made me a few to decorate the house, and I think that it's something that others might want as well. I am also working on a jewelry project myself. I'm perfecting memory jewelry- with pictures set in resin in metal bevels. It's given me something to throw myself into, but I still get to enjoy pictures and memories of Georgia as I do it. I've always liked crafts, but with everything else going on, all that stuff took a back burner.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby?

My husband's family (mostly) has been amazing to us. His cousin (whom we're not even that close to) has found a way to say exactly the right things and has reached out to us several times both when Georgia was still in the hospital, and afterwards. She sent us a card a month after she passed (last week) just reminding us that she was still thinking about us and acknowledging that even though the funeral is over and we are trying to continue our lives- that we are still missing a huge part of ourselves. It was nice to know that even though it feels like everyone thinks we should be back to normal- or feel awkward in our presence- that even after the dust has settled, Georgia is still on people's minds.

stefuge · June 2014

@dmizak‌ - I am so sorry for your loss and that you are joining us. I love your son's name - our second son is named Colton, so I may be a little biased. Please know we are here whenever you need us.

dmizak · June 2014

@stefuge @shandorfml2‌ Thank you for the welcome. I'm so sad to hear about all your little angles. Hopefully I can be of some help.

kflynn81 · June 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I wish I could say that I have but honestly I've had a really tough week. My coworkers friend lost her toddler last weekend and its all she can talk about this week....its just stirring up a lot of raw emotions and I'm thankful that she is off tomorrow so I can have a day in peace.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Spending the month before my frozen transfer to get as healthy as possible for Jack's sibling. I've been fortunate to have coworkers who are also trying to lose weight and get healthy they're a great support system.

QOTW: Has your family been supportive of you and H during the loss of your baby? My inlaws are amazing and have been totally supportive. My parents live out of state about a 9 hour drive and are living the retired glamorous life and don't really check in all that much. Its upsetting since my Mom and I used to be so close but I feel uncomfortable talking about Jack with her unless its only medically speaking (she was a nurse)

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