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First pregnancy, first miscarriage, alone in another country....

MelbaRyeMelbaRye member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I guess to make a long story short; I have moved to the UK last year with my husband after we got married. We had been talking about trying for a while but decided to wait until our anniversary. Well that didn't go exactly to plan, instead we started trying in May. Last Friday we found out that we were pregnant! Great news specially so close to our anniversary that it seemed nothing to could bring us down, until three days later when I lost our baby. We estimated that we were about 5 weeks along. Living in the UK you kind of have to jump through some hoops. My GP's office is useless to say the least, when I called to tell them that I had started to bleed they weren't overly concerned & said they would see me in July for my first prenatal check up. I went to urgent care, then finally the ER where right there and then I literally peed my baby out. I was utterly crushed. How can you love something so much in such a short amount of time without ever hearing a heart beat, feeling it move. My husband who is a man of few words just held me knowing there was nothing he could really say.  To make matters worse we no sooner got home from the ER that our sister in-law text me to tell me she's pregnant. I completely lost it. I already don't get along with her as it is....on the worst day of my entire life I get this blow. I feel as though someone has reach into my chest & ripped out my heart. I have been wondering why ever since is this cruel joke being played on us. In my head I know this is God's way of letting us know something was wrong, and whatever it was he knew we couldn't handle it. I know that, but my heart is hurting so bad. Everywhere I look I see pregnant women & I fall apart all over again. I see mom's with there young babies in strollers & my heart just aches. My husband says he is upset but is relieved that I am ok. I'm just so angry. I'm angry that we found out. If we never would've taken the test I would've thought it was just a weird late period. I feel so alone here. I know I have my husbands family, though I don't tell them a thing. I really don't feel like I belong. My husband is all I have. Times like this I really wish we were back in the States. With my family, because I know I would have so much love & comfort. I'm happy we haven't told too many people that we are trying but now that we have another baby on the way in the family I feel like family dinners here are going to be unbearable.


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Re: First pregnancy, first miscarriage, alone in another country....

  • WatchmansMoonWatchmansMoon member

    I'm so sorry, Melba.  I know how hard it can be to miscarry, especially overseas.  My husband and I lost our first pregnancy at 10 weeks when in the Philippines, and it was very hard to deal with.  I know how you feel about loving a little one so much without ever actually hearing a heartbeat or feeling them move yet.  What you're feeling is very normal, and it does get better.  There's a great link online for helping those who have miscarried:  https://bit.ly/1nRjp1E  One of the suggestions in the booklet is to share what's happened with others, which you're doing right here!  I pray this is just the first step for you in finding God's healing and peace.  HUGS and blessings to you!

    ~ Seek the Light ~
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  • tlc35tlc35 member
    I'm sorry for your loss and that you are far away from your support system.  I found it really hard to look at pregnant ladies and babies as well.   Welcome to the board.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
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  • kerbear135kerbear135 member
    ***sig warning- picture of my daughter***





    I'm sorry for your loss. I feel your pain- I m/c on Sunday and found out Monday that 2 of my friends had babies over the weekend and another close friend announced she's pregnant- all on the same day...We hadn't told anyone yet that we were pregnant again so nobody knows about our loss. I know it's not the same as having your family close IRL, but at least you found this board and we can all lean on each other to get through this.


    image
    image


    BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
    BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
    BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14
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  • stephy1221stephy1221 member
    I am so sorry for your loss and that you are far away from your support system. I hope you find some comfort here.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

    image







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  • MiglinMiglin member
    Oh, I am just so incredibly sad for you. Like PP have said, I hope that you are able to find some of the support you need here. This is too painful an experience to have to go through it on your own.
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