Holy shit (HGG related - TL;DR + AW)

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

I was saving this for Friday because it is both a confession and it is flammable, but I don't think I can wait that long. Plus, I'm clearly being an AW by posting this in its own thread. *zips up flame-retardant suit*

Against the sound advice from some of you peeps, I had HGG over last night so we could do the do. And we did. It was pretty good. But holy shit is that guy fucked up. After the grand finale and everyone was dressed (well me, partially), he sat across from me in my living room and talked about himself for about half an hour. Pretty much unprompted. He gave me a brief romantic history of himself, some details about his family, some random interests he has (it's cool you like mythology, dude, but why are you telling me this right now?). It was awkward because it was not a give-and-take conversation. It was like a weird soapbox situation.

So, he tells me about how he loves kids, how he's always wanted a family. He's never dated a single mom, but has always seen himself as becoming a step-dad. Went into some stuff about how passing on one's values are more important that passing on one's genes. Ok, cool. Fine. Whatever. But he ALSO said the following…

"This might be a one-time thing. I don't know if this is going to happen again."

"I have one ground rule: Don't fall in love with me." (el oh el)

"I'm at this weird point in my life where women are throwing themselves at me."

"You are a little too young for me." (I'm 25, he's 35… and he lives with his parents; I do not)

Oh, and this one's my favorite:

"I was kind of trying you out to see if you could move me. Sorry. You don't."

So, thus ends the HGG/JIT saga. I'm relieved it's over with, and glad to have dodged the crazy-bullet. I am also pleased to say his parting was after I so cleverly retorted, "Well, I may not move you, but I'm gonna move you on out that door" as I pointed to the door and then pushed him out. Good one, JIT lol

littlestjerry · June 2014

No flames from me!

But, wtf to the rest. First, you obviously moved something, if ya know what I mean. Second, who the hell says that? Is he socially awkward or just pompous?

[Deleted User] · June 2014

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ravenclaw1 · June 2014

justAphase said:
Still ded at "you're too young for me" when dude lives with his parents.

Uh, yea

I don't know the backstory, but sounds interesting

Your farewell retort makes me PPH you

ASmallWonder · June 2014

What in the actual fuck?!

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

justAphase said:

I want to go back to that grocery store and be like, "hey, where's that hot bearded guy from the missed connections? I don't see any hot bearded guys here"

OMG.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

Little Jerry said:

No flames from me!

But, wtf to the rest. First, you obviously moved something, if ya know what I mean. Second, who the hell says that? Is he socially awkward or just pompous?

I think it's a little both, but I've been burned by that "I'm a really hot guy who doesn't think he's attractive" thing before. It usually means there's a narcissist lurking, just waiting to be a pain in your ass.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

uconnhuskie007 said:

So overall sleepyJesus would you say it was worth it? (I hope so!). It's too bad there's no potential but at least you got a good story

It was worth it to end the dry spell, but I'm not exactly heartbroken that it was a one-time thing.

The O's were nice, but my mind isn't blown.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

@ChickenOnaSunday well, he was pretty clear about not wanting to date anyone prior to this. I was 100% ok with just having the sex, and put about 0 emotions into it, so maybe that's why I failed to "move" him lmao Who knows. I think he's just kinda fucked up. An emotional mid-life crisis is what he called it.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

HGG = Hot Grocery Guy. lol

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

CTGirl30 said:

pobrecita said:

I'm dying at his ground rule. Dude clearly fancies himself living in a romcom.
Setting: Mom and Dad's basement.

I'm laughing with real tears right now lol

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

Hawkward said:

I love your perfect exit line! I always think of those things five minutes too late.

I'm sorry the guy was such an ass though.

To be fair, there was a bit of conversation that separated his "you don't move me" and my super-witty quip. I kind of sat in a state of "wtf" for awhile before coming up with that one. After I said it he gave me the most hilariously confused expression.

I did push the door closed on him, though. That was pretty satisfying.

secretsout · June 2014

Omg. Thinks pretty highly of himself, huh?

Well, even though it went this way, hopefully you had some fun with it all, and at least you have a good story out of it!

SCSmith2011 · June 2014

So this guy is basically Will Farrel's character from Wedding Crashers? What an ass. Glad you got some and then were able to boot him out the door. :-)

angelashly · June 2014

CTGirl30 said:

pobrecita said:

I'm dying at his ground rule. Dude clearly fancies himself living in a romcom.

Setting: Mom and Dad's basement.

/ded

He sounds like Matthew McConaughey's character on Failure to.Launch.

Glad you got some though

Unknown · June 2014

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BluepointToasted · June 2014

Lol, worth it for the good story

CinemaGoddess · June 2014

I really hope his penis fails the next time he's with a really awesome chick.

NeneCakies · June 2014

Maybe HGG now = hokey gibberish guy

Good riddance to him and your sex draught. What a douche.

ShakeyJakey · June 2014

pobrecita said:
I'm dying at his ground rule. Dude clearly fancies himself living in a romcom.

Yes! Exactly. I dated I guy that once. He wanted some manic pixie dream girl and I actually told him when we "broke up" after a few dates that life isn't a romcom or Zoe deschanel movie.

ShakeyJakey · June 2014

And honesty for a craigslist post, it could have been a lot worse. Still a hilarious story though. I like the new nickname of hokey gibberish guy

ILoveBoys · June 2014

WOW.

MrsT0514 · June 2014

What an asshat. But again...kudos on that awesome exit line! I love it! And at least it was some good sex. No harm no foul there.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

NeneCakies said:

Maybe HGG now = hokey gibberish guy
Good riddance to him and your sex draught. What a douche.

Amen and amen.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

El oh el what an ass. I think I would have laughed in his face. I would never knock anyone for their profession but if you still live with your mom at 35 your grocery store gig might not be working for you. At the age of 25 you are much more adult then him. It appears that way anyway.
I wanted to say this but thought it would sound too judgy....it's fine if you work at McDs the rest of your life. As long as you don't start awkwardly handing out life/love lessons as if you are oh so old and wise or something. Right after you sleep with the person. It feels like that's what he was doing lol. How weird! Assess yourself, dude.

It was really weird.

In his defense, there have been some extenuating life circumstances that landed him back at mom & pop's, including a job loss and a divorce. I mean, I try not to knock him too much for that... everybody fucks up.

But lol at "you're too young for me" in light of all that. Please.

jorkz821 · June 2014

Holy shit. What a self absorbed crazy person. Thank goodness you managed to not fall in love with him!

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

jorkz821 said:

Holy shit. What a self absorbed crazy person. Thank goodness you managed to not fall in love with him!

My weak, feminine heart pulled through just this once. Bless.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

justAphase said:

Or "I just want to see if you move me"

This will get you swiped right a lot, I think.

TarheelMama202 · June 2014

Well, my life just ended because someone actually used the words "you don't move me" in real life.

I'm just glad you got some penetration.

And that you physically pushed him out the door. Bye, be gone bitch.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

I'm glad I got some penetration, too, Tarheel lol

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

"You don't move me" is my new favorite insult.

NeneCakies · June 2014

"You can't talk to me that way!"

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

"You can't talk to me that way! You don't even move me!"

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

Because I just saw him, I thought I'd share I dated a very similar sounding guy when I was 23. He was 33 at the time. I was naive, and put up with his BS for like 9 months. I have no idea why I did that.
He now lives in the same town as me, and works in my building. He's still living with his Ps. And he's still dating what appear to be 23 year olds. He's 44 now. 44! I thank my lucky stars I moved on and met DH shortly after.

To the bolded? Because you were 23

thebanich · June 2014

Wow. What an asshat. Congrats on the sex and the awesome zinger though

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

Bonzo2011 said:

So I'm guessing the coffee date has been nixed? j/k Glad you got what you needed, and didn't have to find out about the crazy after getting invested!

lol I better not have coffee with him now, because I might fall in love. Or throw myself at him. Can't have that.

LuckyDad · June 2014

Wow. At least you got some and he showed he was a tool early.

octobermama87 · June 2014

I love you Frenchie. You're such a badass for doing this. From start to finish. You've got balls babe. :-*

Monkeybabe · June 2014

You are a badass. What a tool.

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Holy shit (HGG related - TL;DR + AW)

Re: Holy shit (HGG related - TL;DR + AW)

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

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Want a personalized experience?

Holy shit (HGG related - TL;DR + AW)

Re: Holy shit (HGG related - TL;DR + AW)

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright