A little bit of venting, little bit of hurting.

GymSpaz26 · June 2014

Two of five friends from my small group have just announced/told me that they are pregnant. One with her 4th, one with her 2nd. I'm happy for them, but at the same time I am trying so, so hard to not be jealous. I've dreamed of being a mom since I was just a little girl. Finally, at 26 got married. At 27 started trying to get pregnant and it took a while. We finally got pregnant and our son passed away at 4 days old. And almost 8 months out, we are back where we started, trying to get pregnant again. It has only been two cycles so far, so I know I need to just be patient. But I also remember how long it took the first time. So I hear my friend who "oops I'm 5 weeks pregnant" with her 4th, and her 2nd "oops" pregnancy. And my other friend who is announcing to the world at 5 weeks because she can't hide it anymore. And it just hurts. Oh my goodness it hurts so bad because I really, really don't want to be jealous. But it is so hard not to be.

And then my husband sees me crying and he just tried to tell me not to think about it so much and just to not make it such a big deal. I try to explain to him how much it hurts, but I just don't think he understands. I tried to tell him that women are different, I can't just turn off my emotions or think about something else. It just doesn't work that way. And rather than trying to understand, I think he thinks I'm telling him that I don't think he really cares about our son. Uggggg. Why does it have to be so complicated?!

Thanks for listening (reading).

lrichmond86 · June 2014

Husbands don't get this part of it at all. Mothers are mourning not only the loss of that baby but also the loss of the experience of being pregnant with that baby. And when you desperately want to be pregnant again seeing/hearing about other pregnant women is like a knife in the heart. It used to make me upset that dh didn't have to deal with this part of our loss and didn't understand why it was hard for me. Sometimes it still does make me upset, But I can also kind if understand that he couldn't miss something that he never experienced, like pregnancy. Big hugs to you. I'm sorry it's so hard.

lexusolsen · June 2014

I'm sorry it's so difficult. I'll be thinking of you.

AshersMom11 · June 2014

I totally understand where you are coming from. I've been struggling with those same feelings lately. Two out of my three college roommates are pregnant and my sister in law is due 6 weeks before my EDD. The conflicting emotions make me feel like a crazy person. I am genuinely happy for them but at the same time I am so sad for myself and often feel jealous or angry. So sorry you are going through this, big hugs!

Noethola · June 2014

***ticker***

It is a very difficult journey. ((Hugs))

Maybe Joleisa · June 2014

You can't help what you feel, but what you are feeling is absolutely normal. ((hugs))

ikrystal · June 2014

lrichmond86 said:

Husbands don't get this part of it at all. Mothers are mourning not only the loss of that baby but also the loss of the experience of being pregnant with that baby. And when you desperately want to be pregnant again seeing/hearing about other pregnant women is like a knife in the heart. It used to make me upset that dh didn't have to deal with this part of our loss and didn't understand why it was hard for me. Sometimes it still does make me upset, But I can also kind if understand that he couldn't miss something that he never experienced, like pregnancy. Big hugs to you. I'm sorry it's so hard.

I agree, totally. Hugs, girl.

GymSpaz26 · June 2014

Thanks everyone.

angelsnight · June 2014

Ticker warning

You're not being a bad friend or a bad person. Under different circumstances I am sure you would be happy for your friends, but you're very sad for yourself. It's a hole in our hearts that will never fully heal, and what you're feeling is completely normal. ((hugs))

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

I completely understand and feel the same way especially back at work where there are pregnant women everywhere and many were pregnant at the same time I was so looking at them now I think that's what I would look like... it hurts like a punch in the gut and the jealousy eats away at me .... i feel like a awful ugly person but know it's just part of what I'm going through- in a normal circumstance I would to feel this way and yes my DF doesnt get it either he understands it hurts but don't see why I'm struggling in this way- the other day he said he doesn't know why I hate all babies so apparently doesn't get it and no I dont hate babies I just am angry I don't have mine ..... Ugh hang in there xo

sunflwra · June 2014

The "oopses" are some of the worse. And I agree about the husbands- as much as they may grieve, they don't have the physical pregnancy loss aspect that we do. I passed a mirror the other day and realized how small my stomach had gotten and it was like I'd forgotten for a minute until I saw the physical reminder. I'm sorry you're having a tough time- big hugs to you!

shandorfml2 · June 2014

I totally get it. It's so, so hard. ((hugs)))

OSUWifey09 · June 2014

***SIGGY/baby mentioned***

I completely agree with that @lrichmond86 said. Men just don't get it (which is why my husband and I have had so many problems since losing Devon). And it's OK to feel that hurt, or anger, or jealousy, or whatever you're feeling - I've felt all of those things, and more, since losing Devon. When my sister had my niece last month, I BAWLED my eyes out in the waiting room because I was jealous of her carefree spirit as she welcomed her daughter into the world. I will never have that carefree spirit again - any new baby announcement still puts me on edge, and it's been almost two years.

I'm so sorry you have to face all of these emotions. Do know that we get where you're coming from and are here for you. *hugs*

erinel · June 2014

I feel like I'm in your same boat, so I totally understand. I'm sorry your DH doesn't get it

stefuge · June 2014

I am so sorry you are feeling surrounded by pregnant ladies. It's okay to be hurt and angry and jealous - we have all lost the ability to have a carefree pregnancy and that is hard. I have not experienced PGAL but I have heard some of the other ladies here say that even once they were pregnant again, they still had those feelings of anger and jealousy. We not only lost our babies but also the innocence and ability yo believe that it will all be okay. (Hugs))

kflynn81 · June 2014

I totally get where you're coming from. On a different angle, having suffered years of infertility and then getting pregnant with Jack I was even still upset and jealous of pregnancy announcements even when I had one of my own on the way. Now that he's gone its so much worse because I'm jealous and envious of those who get pregnant no matter how (natural or with medical help) and most especially of those who have babies that came out breathing..... and I think this is normal and natural to feel this way. MH doesn't really "get it" either, he tells me I need to be happy for other people when good things happen for them and when its our turn they'll be happy for us. You can only be happy for other people with nothing in return for so long before it wears on you and you just have nothing left..... (((((((hugs)))))))

A little bit of venting, little bit of hurting.

Re: A little bit of venting, little bit of hurting.

NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:

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