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Dragonfly0708 · June 2014

Hi everyone. I've commented on this website (but not this specific board) a few times in the past...but I have been very inconsistent and I haven't been on this website in several months. The main reason is this- it's hard. It's hard to talk about, to read about...hard to hope. I am 43 years old. I've been married for three years and I am a stepmom to three beautiful kids. I desperately want a child of my own, but have not had any luck. I've suffered two miscarriages in the past. I'm now perimenopausal (based on my elevated FSH) and I have been told by two infertility specialists that donor egg is my only option. I've tried Femara, Clomid and injectables in the past with no success. I am not a good candidate for IVF. I have regular cycles and have no symptoms of menopause, so all of this is hard to understand. It is what it is. My sweet husband wants us to have a child together, but is not as invested as I am...because he already has three.

I would love to hear from other people that are in a similar situation. I am at an impasse. I am open to considering donor egg, although my first hope was to conceive with my own eggs. My husband is less willing to go that route. It's expensive and he isn't excited about having a child using a donor egg.

Would love thoughts and input from others with experience with this kind of struggle, if you wouldn't mind sharing.

Thanks so much.

chicagobride_07 · June 2014

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Most of the ladies on this board are using donor egg, embryos or sperm. You might find others in your situation on TTC over 35. Best wishes to you!

stinkerbell6879 · June 2014

Hello. This is a very hard, personal, rough path that unfortunately has no clear answers. Has your husband said adamantly "No" to donor eggs? or are you both unsure and trying to see if this is the path for you?

All I can say is that it is a big blow to hear this information, but it can also help because you have a path you can follow if you so chose to follow that path? Know what I mean? I learned this at 17yrs. old, so it was very clear to me and I was able to let my husband know this information before we even got married, talked about kids, etc so I knew his stance from the start.

So all I can say is (((HUGS))) and keep the communication going with your husband. Also there is some wonderful ladies on this board who are full of information. Good Luck!

daydreamer34254 · June 2014

Hi there. My DH & I are in a different situation, but just recently walked the path and decided on donor eggs. According to all the doctors we've seen, "we're young" (I'm 32, he'll be 35 in July) and our diagnosis is mostly unexplained. My husband has always been far more open to the idea of donor eggs than me. I went through a hard time before accepting it. It was hard and it took time, but now I see it as a wonderful option. We're hoping to do our first DEgg cycle in October, and I can't wait! I will say that the only person who can tell you when/if you are ready is YOU. Of course, you and your husband have to be on the same page, but it's your DNA that is getting cut out of the picture. You really do have to be ok with it before you can proceed.

77abbi77 · June 2014

Warning!!!! Child mentioned!!!!

Hi! My situation is different but also very much the same. I have been blessed with a daughter of my own which I am desperately thankful for every waking moment but I always wanted to give her a sibling. I am 32 and have very low amh which is seeming to be the reason I have not been able to get pregnant again. My fsh is a little bit elevated also. My husband also has 3 children from his previous marriage so I feel a bit alone one my quest to have another child. He is supportive and wants it but I think he wants it for me and that makes it really hard. But he has 4 kids so he would be fine if I said I was done. My 3 stepchildren are not very inclusive with my daughter. They are a tight bunch and sort of treat their half sister, my daughter, as an outsider which makes me really sad. Anyway, I can definitely relate with a mixed family and dealing with a well intentioned husband but who's heart does not break like yours does when it comes to having a child. It's hard. I have since made peace with the beautiful option of donor embryos. We are on the waiting list. We decided we wanted all or nothing as far as DNA goes. Both of us or neither of us. That just works best for us. I can tell my husband is a bit nervous about how deeply he would bond and that worries me but I know he will fall in love when the baby arrives (if we are blessed enough to have it work of course). Anyway I wish you luck and hope you are at peace with whatever you decide. I was just done with the drugs and stress the iui's were putting on our marriage. DNA just starting to move further and further down the list of priorities for us then suddenly I was just really thrilled about. I am so sorry for your losses and your struggles and I really wish you the best!

brooklynesque · June 2014

Welcome. Sorry you haven't had success getting pregnant. I'm a little younger than you but my eggs were shite. DE is hard to accept at first -- sometimes more so for partners than for us -- but for many of us it's the only shot if we want to carry a child. I'm now about a month away from delivering my DE baby and I couldn't be happier.

I found that my husband became much more open once we got access to donor databases and started finding some prospective donors that we could actually envision using. So I suggest that if DE ends up being the route you want to go ask your husband if he'd mind looking at some profiles with you. Some clinics don't have a database of profiles; instead, they give you a profile or two at a time to evaluate. Even if you plan to go to a clinic that does this, you can get access to agency databases so you can see profiles of some of the lovely young women who are willing to be donors. Let us know if you need recommendations.

Also, if you want to interact with women who have already had DE babies and get their perspective, I suggest that in addition to this site you also join PVED. It's devoted to egg and embryo donation exclusively and is frequented by lots of women with DE kids.

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