Party for second baby?

mam885 · June 2014

My MIL approached me yesterday about hosting a shower for her daughter/my SIL for her second child (5 years apart, different gender this time, perhaps that was why she thought it was appropriate?) My SIL told her that she didn't think a shower was a great idea, but she was down for any excuse to eat cake.

So, what I'm wondering is, would a close-friends-and-family party be appropriate? No gifts, obviously, but if the party gets the green light from you ladies, would anyone have ideas for some sort of contribution for guests to bring? I'm thinking easy recipes, funny anecdotes from their second pregnancy, etc. (Or we could just go with CAKE PARTY 2014 and leave Baby Boy out of it.....)

mam885 · June 2014

Thank you for your replies. It looks like there's no real way to get around it. We all want to celebrate the new baby together (this would just be moms, sisters, and best friend), any ideas for how to do this?
(A meet the baby party isn't a viable option because her daughter's birthday will be just a few weeks after the new guy is born, so that birthday party may end up being a bit of a "meet the baby" for this same group. And I feel having DD1's birthday within weeks of DS's meet the baby is tackier than even a full-fledged shower.)

mam885 · June 2014

I would like to reply that expecting a baby is absolutely something to celebrate!
There's no need to get catty about anything. I won't be hosting any sort of formal get together, I was just asking a few questions on a message board to see if there was any way to tastefully appease my MIL and celebrate the good news in my SIL's life! It looks like that's not an option and no one will lose any sleep over it.

lexusolsen · June 2014

Why not invite them all over for dinner? Then you can do a toast and serve cake. No formal invitation and no gifts.

mam885 · June 2014

Thanks for the reply! I think we will just do that. Most of us get together pretty regularly, anyway, so we'll just invite 2 more people and call it good!

RibbitGrl930 · June 2014

Bliss+Berry said:

@mam885‌ how is it catty to point out the obvious? It isn't, it's just not what you wanted to hear. Sorrynotsorry.

You just hate babies.

mam885 · June 2014

You guys know there's a baby inside her belly, right?

VOR · June 2014

My SIL told her that she didn't think a shower was a great idea, but she was down for any excuse to eat cake.

It's not entirely specific to this post, but I see this here and there. People knowing full well that a party in "XYZ" situation isn't appropriate, but then throw out "but I love cake!/ any excuse to eat cake!".

WTF does that have to do with anything? If you love cake, then go buy a cake and eat it!

mam885 · June 2014

Guys, guys, guys. I'm with you. I think having a shower for a second kid is tacky as hell. Where we differ, however, is that I feel like a small- giftless- luncheon including a variety of sisters, mothers, and a best friend to celebrate a baby (yes, even if the baby is still inside the mom) is more of a gray area.

It is clear that, among those of you who have replied, that is NOT a gray area. I understand that a situation where invites are sent out will have the connotation that gifts are implied and it might end up in a big old awkward situation for those attending.

As I stated in my original post, I have no intention of throwing a shower/sprinkle/etc. And since it's clear that this does not get a green light, I'm not going to throw one. I asked for advice for a reason. Please do not assume that the the fact that I don't appreciate the snarkiness in regards to our respective definition differences means I'm going to go off in a huff and disregard the guidance that I asked for.

Also, thanks to Joy 2611 for your initial comment. I had never thought of a shower as an introduction to parenthood before, so thank you for that insight. It's not a way I had looked at things before, so I appreciate the difference in perspective. (Things got a little dark after that, but it's internet anonymity, what can you do?)

(As I mentioned earlier, a meet the baby get together is already informally taken care of by big sister's birthday about a month after he is due to arrive, so a second party so close to the first's birthday is not welcome.)

neverblushed · June 2014

There's an angle to this that has nothing to do with shower etiquette, and no one has touched on it, so I'm going to weigh in:

You say that the big sister's birthday party will provide an excuse for a "meet the baby" bash. I suspect you want to think twice about this for a few reasons:

--most 5 year olds have enough friends their own age so that their birthday party becomes a traditional "kid" party. When my own kids were toddlers and early preschoolers, the guests at their birthday party were grandparents, aunts/uncles, and family friends. Once they got to right around age 5, the guest list switched over to 100% kids. Before assuming that the big sister's birthday will be open to adult guests, I'd check with your SIL and see what, if anything, she has planned. Grandmas and aunties may not even be invited to the birthday bash.

--along the same lines, I would MAJORLY think twice about using the big sister's birthday party as an excuse to ooh and aah over her two week old baby brother. My DD was just about to turn 4 when her brother was born, and on her birthday she was very much struggling to adjust to his existence. Stealing the thunder of her birthday by also making it the first time for everyone to meet the baby would have been a really rotten thing to do. Also, having a separate "meet the baby" event sets a precedent and sends a clear message to big sis that her special milestones are still really important, even though there's a new baby.

I say have a separate "meet the baby" and let the 5 year old have her own party, even if the guests are pretty much the same. I'd take your SIL and the new baby out to lunch and let big sis have an afternoon of fun with her daddy on that day. There will be less friction all around.

mam885 · June 2014

Thanks for the advice. The meet the baby party isn't going to work out in the case (go ahead and skip past this part, because I assume no one cares, but the 5 year old's party is a family affair, two of the moms drive about 3 hours, I'm traveling twice for work and once for a family vacation and that takes us into Thanksgiving, etc.) It's a lovely idea, but just not going to work out.

It's not a big deal, I'll just take my SIL to lunch to celebrate and bring a big ol' cake!

mam885 · June 2014

Could I politely refer you to my previous reply and ask that you not infer that one is a special snowflake before reading through entire posts.

mam885 · June 2014

You get someone who asks for advice, then thanks you for the advice and takes said advice and then call that person names (possibly because you didn't read the thread?). Interesting.

Party for second baby?

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