Appointment made... post partum depression

ArmyMedic7588 · June 2014

So I have a history of depression and from PTSD. I was doing ok on meds before getting pregnant, but the cocktail I was on I wasn't able to take during my pregnancy. So with some supervision and lots of watching how I was feeling I made the decision to go off all meds. Surprisingly I felt the best I have in years during my pregnancy. Well then the past few weeks hit me like a brick. LO is just being a normal baby and honestly I won't complain because it could be a lot worse. But I've noticed my depression and anxiety coming back, but somewhat different. I'm not thinking about all the stuff I did in the past that made me upset, things with LO trigger me now. So I talked to my OB about all this today. She believes I have post partum depression (which is what I figured too). Made an appointment to go back to my psychiatrist and making one to go see a psychologist now also.

Really not much of a point to this post except I know how hard it is to go through depression and mental illness. I just thought there could possibly be a new mama out there who is struggling and needs to hear that it's ok to feel how your feeling. Baby blues are one thing, but when it's constant day in and day out sadness and anxiety it's ok to ask for help.

My only worry is what meds I may get put on this time (as it took awhile to find something right for me in the past, but I won't be able to take those meds with a new baby, they make me too sleepy). And I'm worried about milk supply as we're already not doing very great in that department. Fingers crossed I can start getting this under control before it gets too out of hand. And a big hug to any mama scared to ask for help or doesn't know where to turn to!

gutsysneakers · June 2014

I had the baby blues so I won't pretend to know exactly what you are going through, but kuddos to you for recognizing pp depression. I hope your appointments go well and they find the right combination of meds for you. FX nothing hurts your milk supply. We're (May board) here if you need to vent or talk!

ArmyMedic7588 · June 2014

Thanks @Jcrewgirl85! The baby blues suck though!! I won't deny that!! But I just want to reach out to other mamas who may have never had depression or who do and don't know what to do. I've been in that boat in the past and it sucks! It does get better but you have to ask for help sometimes!!

momthatlifts · June 2014

Best of luck to you. I just recently had a mental break down with my husband and we discussed possibly talking to someone. I wanted to see if it would get better on its own. I know how you feel and you're not alone. Just stay strong. I have to remind myself all the time that this is life. Woman do it every day and my life will be back to normal soon too. It's a lot to get used to and it's not easy.

LunaBug924 · June 2014

(Hugs) I think you are so brave to share your story. Thank you for that and I hope it encourages anyone else who is going through this to seek out the help and support they need.. It just shows what a great person and mother you are. I hope you and your doctors come up with a plan and you feel better.

yvanehtnioj · June 2014

Glad you are seeking help! I saw your post on the PPD board, good to see you sharing here. I hope you start
to feel better soon.

deanna1313 · June 2014

I didn't realize there was a PPD board. Thanks @yvanehtnioj‌ for mentioning it.
I posted about this about a week or so ago. My drs aren't sure what they are diagnosing me as yet since my baby is only 2weeks and 3 days old, but I'm still having a pretty hard time daily. I have good times of day and bad times. My good times have gotten so much better, too. I feel like myself sometimes so I assume that's a good sign. It worries me every day that I'm not going to get back to normal.
@ArmyMedic7588‌ just curious how you feel and what kind of symptoms you have been having. If you don't mind talking about them, of course.

EmilyGolden1 · June 2014

Hang in there mama! I hope everything turns around swiftly and your supply is not affected

DBonfante · June 2014

Jcrewgirl85 said:
I had the baby blues so I won't pretend to know exactly what you are going through, but kuddos to you for recognizing pp depression. I hope your appointments go well and they find the right combination of meds for you. FX nothing hurts your milk supply. We're (May board) here if you need to vent or talk!

I couldn't have said it better myself. So proud of you for sharing and taking care of yourself!! HUGS!!

CamrynnsMommy · June 2014

So glad you are seeking help, as often times that's hard to do. I hope they can help you find the right combo of meds.

I am waiting on the VA to get me in for a private referral, but I'm also dealing with a history of depression/PTSD and now possibly PPD.

SweetTea420 · June 2014

I was diagnosed with PPD a few weeks ago so just know that you are not the only one. My anxiety was out of control. I let it get pretty bad, to the point where I wanted nothing to do with my son and I was terrified to be left alone with him. A few weeks later I am feeling a million times better and enjoy spending all day taking care of my baby. I am on Zoloft and it hasn't hurt my milk supply. My supply has actually increased, probably because I'm eating and sleeping well and also not feeling so stressed out. FX that you start feeling better quickly!

ArmyMedic7588 · June 2014

@SweetTea420‌ I was wondering about Zoloft since I was on that in the past. Although I don't think it was the best med for me before it's good to know something I'm familiar with won't hurt my supply. I do think some of my supply issues are stress related. @CamrynnsMommy‌ glad your seeking help from the va. I hope they help you! Although my PTSD isn't combat related so I don't get any help military wise. But I've referred a good friend of mine to the va and he's finally seeking help for his time over in the sand box. @deanna1313‌ being that I have a history of PTSD (like I said not combat related, unfortunately a few years back I was raped just weeks after I had a late pregnancy loss) my symptoms aren't always the same as PPD. But I'll share if it would help. I've lately felt a lot of detachment from LO. I don't get as much joy out of spending time with her and find myself resenting family a lot (especially DH, he knows this and we're working on how I've been feeling and he helps tremendously). I cry a lot, like a few times a day even at the littlest things.

deanna1313 · June 2014

I was just curious about other people's symptoms and feelings they have been having just to relate and see if they're similar. Thanks @ArmyMedic7588‌

KBowen715 · June 2014

@deanna1313‌ -
While I'm not experiencing PPD this time, I believe I had it with my second son (who is now 9). I didn't feel sad (it is a common misconception that you have to be sad to be depressed), but I felt like I was in a fog. I felt trapped, anxious, and bored. I didn't feel like I could do anything or get anything done. I felt kind of flat- like I was watching my life instead of living it. When he was about 9 months old, it literally seemed like the sun just came out of nowhere and I was able to enjoy my baby and my toddler. It took me awhile to realize what I was experiencing was PPD since I didn't feel sad.

Hope that helps!

CamrynnsMommy · June 2014

@ArmyMedic7588‌, not to get too personal, but even if your PTSD isn't combat-related, but it's military-related, you're still entitled to treatment through the VA.

In fact, you should be entitled to five years of care at the VA after discharge, but I think you're AGR or NG, right?

ArmyMedic7588 · June 2014

@CamrynnsMommy‌ sorry I mean to say not military related. Happened before I even enlisted. And I'm NG. But thank you anyways! Though the military has been amazing to me and helpful in any way they can. Guess it helps that I work with the state medical command unit so I'm friends with the behavioral health people.

deanna1313 · June 2014

@KBowen715‌ you said it perfectly! Everytime others describe it I'm not sure if I can relate or if they are having the same symptoms. I have trouble describing how it feels, too. That you for sharing how you felt. It is so good for people to be able to relate and know that it's not only them. Did you feel badly all day everyday or did you have good times of the day?

KBowen715 · June 2014

deanna1313 said:
@KBowen715‌ you said it perfectly! Everytime others describe it I'm not sure if I can relate or if they are having the same symptoms. I have trouble describing how it feels, too. That you for sharing how you felt. It is so good for people to be able to relate and know that it's not only them. Did you feel badly all day everyday or did you have good times of the day?

I didn't have 'bad' times or 'good' times...they were all just kind of...blank. I was never sad and I was never elated. I felt like I was just going through the motions.

deanna1313 · June 2014

@KBowen715‌ I understand and have felt the same way. There are times where I snap out if it and then fall back into it, too.

KBowen715 · June 2014

deanna1313 said:
@KBowen715‌ I understand and have felt the same way. There are times where I snap out if it and then fall back into it, too.

Yes, exactly. I didn't get treatment because I didn't realize until the fog lifted, but I wish I would have. Zoloft is a good med because it targets the anxiety. Good luck!

sws684 · June 2014

@deanna1313‌ -
While I'm not experiencing PPD this time, I believe I had it with my second son (who is now 9). I didn't feel sad (it is a common misconception that you have to be sad to be depressed), but I felt like I was in a fog. I felt trapped, anxious, and bored. I didn't feel like I could do anything or get anything done. I felt kind of flat- like I was watching my life instead of living it. When he was about 9 months old, it literally seemed like the sun just came out of nowhere and I was able to enjoy my baby and my toddler. It took me awhile to realize what I was experiencing was PPD since I didn't feel sad.

Hope that helps!

THIS EXACTLY!!!! I may try Zoloft.. I finally told my husband about the general feeling of anxiety/uneasiness.. I also feel trapped.. Like I can't get anything done.. Can hardly eat/shower.. Need to leave house but don't at all feel like dragging around baby! I've had a few good days, but better part of 3 weeks I've felt bleh-ish.. And anxious!!!

sws684 · June 2014

Also I beat myself up for not being supermom enough and getting it all done.. I also am tired of EPing but am determined! I told DH Id feel like a million bucks just being able to wear a bra and shirt for an extended period of time haha

deanna1313 · June 2014

@sws684‌ I hear ya!!! I have a bra on right now and I feel better about myself already. Lol

I have been having that blah feeling along with anxiety and trapped feeling. Normally I am good with explaining how I feel to others, but I was having trouble describing it. You guys describe it perfectly.

Good to know I'm not the only one with these strange symptoms.

ArmyMedic7588 · June 2014

What you ladies discribe is exactly what I'm feeling. I know I need to get out and at least take her for a walk around the block or something but I have no energy or desire to do anything. Saw the psychiatrist a few hrs ago and he put me on Zoloft 50mg. We'll see how this goes. He told me not to breast feed being on meds since nothing is completely proven safe... But I know so many women who have while on Zoloft. So should I keep pumping or switch to formula and use up the stash I've made. If I stop pumping I know that's a big stress that would be gone. But I love knowing I'm providing for her even if she doesn't want to breast feed directly. Hmm... Decisions. And financially it helps us out (though we do supplement with formula at night since I have supply issues). Ugh.

Eta cause mobile bumping while pumping...

sheriot · June 2014

Thank you for posting and keeping up with this thread. I just went for my six week appt and the DX was borderline PPD. I am encouraged by you all.

equestrianmom · June 2014

I'm also going to be talking to my doctor about it. I'm having life issues that are causing a ripple effect between DH and I and I'm tired of feeling awful about myself. I really need to get back on track so my kids can have a mother who isn't falling apart at the smallest of things.
And sleep. sleep is good.

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