Community› The Bump Message Boards› Single Parents
Single Parents
New Discussion

Overnights

EmeraldCity84EmeraldCity84 member
in Single Parents
Hi everyone, it's been a while...LO is 4.5 months old now. CS was officially approved 2 weeks ago and will start being garnished from BD's paychecks on 7/1/14, such a relief. Anyway, since the CS, he now wants overnights. I'm sure he feels like he's "paying" for them. I know one has nothing to do with the other. So far, I have been able to put this off (I'm BF'ing, etc, and its not the right time for her to be away from me overnight.) He is incredibly irresponsible, a raging alcoholic, has never spent more than 1 hour at a time with her, has changed 2 diapers ever, has never put her to bed, never bathed her, etc, plus the issue of him not having any baby equipment so my fear is he would try to have her sleep in his bed which my paranoid brain says is NOT SAFE.  Panic attack ensues at the thought of him watching her for 24 hours alone. But I know I will have to start doing this at some point in the next 12 months. For other whose BD's have overnight visitation, how do you deal with it???? What age did they start staying away overnight???
Report Reply to Post

Re: Overnights

  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    Do you have an order that he is allowed overnights?
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • EmeraldCity84EmeraldCity84 member

    No, we have no visitation through the courts, just whatever we work out between ourselves at the moment. I have heard it is best to avoid going through the courts if possible though because they tend to "give Dad a shot at being a parent" and he could end up getting way more visitation than I think is "right." That really scares me, that if I don't comply to these early requests he will take me to court and I will end up only having her 50% of the time. :(

    Report Reply
  • tig594tig594 member
    First off, no court case is the same.  You don't know what will happen and really can't go off what you hear from other people as circumstances are different for everyone.  People also tend to stretch the truth a bit and custody/support/visitation issues are usually filled with lots of emotion.

    Second, get a good lawyer and DO NOT try working this out on your own.  Seriously.  My daughter is 15 months old. Her dad is also a serious alcoholic who just got out of jail for his 3rd DUI in 10 years.  The night he was arrested he was out with his buddy stalking me, running around my house looking in my windows, etc.  He and his friend admitted this to the cops and it went in the arrest report.  I asked my lawyer yesterday about the whole visitation thing because that hasn't been perused yet.  At this point I legally don't have to let BD see DD (I have a no contact order) so he'll have to take me to court to get visitation.  My lawyer said, given BD's criminal history/arrest record, the odds are pretty awesome we'd be granted court supervised visitation for 6 months minimum.  IF BD can manage to stay out of trouble the judge MIGHT let him have unsupervised visits and it would progress from there.  Overnights are NOT in the foreseeable future.  I have a feeling that once BD gets off his alcohol tether it won't be long before he's drinking again.  Especially because he won't be happy with what the court awards him no matter what.

    Please please don't let this man take your child without being supervised by a responsible adult.  
    Report Reply
  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    This is definitely something subjective (I have no qualms about XH having DD overnight once we have a custody order in place), but in your case I would fight to the death for no unsupervised visitation. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Throwing leaves <3
    Report Reply
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    Lawyer up, dude. Don't let this guy bully you.  He's not paying for overnights with his kid, he's paying to help you support the child.  And just because that money is coming to you doesn't mean he's owed anything.  That money is for HIS KID, for food, shelter, daycare, etc. and not in exchange for his kid to sleep over at his house.

    I would, personally, go out of my way to seek an order through court for supervised visits only *if you fear for your child's safety* when she's with him unsupervised.  But you also have to prove that to a judge, so make sure you have all necessary documentation.

    There are lawyers who will give a consult for no charge, but you'd have to really look for one that would do that. But you really need to speak to someone about your concerns and, seriously, get in front of a judge.

    Good luck!
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    I was married almost 5 years. When things went south I refused to let my kids go with their dad without a court order. My fear was that he would not return them. Just a thought.
    As for overnights, I had a friend who BF and I think wasn't required to give an overnight until at least 6 months but I think they waited a bit longer. My youngest was 1 1/2 when he slept away for the first time. I think gradual proof that BD can handle LO with longer stretches of time would work best than having him go all in. You will NEVER know how it goes and LO won't be able to tell you for a very long time. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. Don't do anything without a court order and get a lawyer who can help you work it out!
    Report Reply
  • EmeraldCity84EmeraldCity84 member

    MrsLynnyD, I agree with the thought that this needs to be eased into, such as starting with maybe 4 hour visits instead of jumping right into overnights.

    beccaga16 He has had 3 DUIs but talked them all down to wreckless so I don't know that I could argue that with validity. He is the kind of person who thinks driving after 4 beers is sober, which is why I haven't let him transport her anywhere yet, he has very poor judgment when it comes to things like that. He is also the kind of person who gets so drunk on, say, a Tuesday evening that he has been known to pass out in the hallway outside his apartment because he did not have the motor skills to get inside. Not sure how I would prove any of this in court.

    Report Reply
  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    EmeraldCity84 said:

     He is also the kind of person who gets so drunk on, say, a Tuesday evening that he has been known to pass out in the hallway outside his apartment because he did not have the motor skills to get inside. Not sure how I would prove any of this in court.

    Could you go to his apartment building and talk to neighbors?  You could get witness affidavits or talk to the landlord to see if (s)he has any complaints on file
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • tig594tig594 member
    You can go to the police department and pull his whole criminal record, including the DUIs or whatever he was charged with.  Some states have their own websites.  Like Michigan has https://mdocweb.state.mi.us/otis2/otis2.html which includes anyone that's been found guilty of a felony. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"