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Intro & Question for Home Birthers

stellasoostellasoo member
in Natural Birth
Hi everyone! I'm pregnant with my first and am due in Feb.! I know I'm early but I'm a huge planner so I'm trying to figure out as much as I can about birth. I have my heart set on a home birth and hopefully my baby/body will cooperate with me! 

My question for the home birthers is how did you handle close family who weren't supportive of a home birth?  I'll give non-committal answers to friends and other random people but I know that my close family (parents, siblings, aunt, the in-laws) will push for more info about where I'm giving birth. My sister will be supportive but I fully expect everyone else to be unsupportive and make snide comments throughout my pregnancy. Do you have any good responses to get people to back off? There were responses in the post below about unsupportive comments about natural births that I'll use but is there anything you used specifically for a home birth? 

Thanks! I've found so many posts on this board helpful!
Pregnancy Ticker 
Our TTC Journey: Me: 39 (short luteal phase, hypothyroidism) DH: 41 (no problems)
Pre-TTC: worked with a physician nutritionist on health improvement to naturally increase LP and get healthy.
Cycles 1-9: Supplemented with progesterone during LP and acupuncture. All BFN's. 
Cycle 10: switched to a new RE, medicated IUI and continued acupuncture. BFP! EDD: 2/5/15. Beta 1: 49; Beta 2: 151; Beta 3: 1878. 7w4d HB was 153. 
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Re: Intro & Question for Home Birthers

  • AshleyPTAshleyPT member
    Our parents were not supportive initially. They would say otherwise now that I've had two great home births. My mother in law practically thinks it was her idea for us to home birth. 

    We just said we've done our research and this is what is right for our family. We had to explain a lot that hospital birth has changed and in our area the c-section rate is 45%. We had to explain what happens if a complication or issue arose. The more we answered their questions, the better it got. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter if they support it or not as long and you and your partner are comfortable. I found older men to be the absolute worst. 

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  • MandMLeonaMandMLeona member

    I found that most people don't ask questions...they assume you'll do what they would do...at least for the first one.  After they find out you made a different decision, then they tend to start demanding that you'll do it there way next time.

    If you actually have people who are asking questions...I started by talking about all the concerns I had about the hospitals in my area.  Just keep making points about safety concerns.  Then over time I talked about other options.  This approach eased them into the idea and it gave them a chance to see you have been doing your research without you having to take a defensive stance.

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  • stellasoostellasoo member
    Good ideas. I like the idea about easing them into it. That might work particularly well with my mom. 

    I know my parents will ask questions about which hospital we're using. When my SIL was pregnant, they had all sorts of opinions on her OB and hospital choice and wanted to be there the entire time she was in labor. I'm sure they'll be the same with me.

    Pregnancy Ticker 
    Our TTC Journey: Me: 39 (short luteal phase, hypothyroidism) DH: 41 (no problems)
    Pre-TTC: worked with a physician nutritionist on health improvement to naturally increase LP and get healthy.
    Cycles 1-9: Supplemented with progesterone during LP and acupuncture. All BFN's. 
    Cycle 10: switched to a new RE, medicated IUI and continued acupuncture. BFP! EDD: 2/5/15. Beta 1: 49; Beta 2: 151; Beta 3: 1878. 7w4d HB was 153. 
    image 
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  • GPeterson24GPeterson24 member

    I talked about the research showing home birth is safe, if not safer, for normal pregnancies.

    Being at home made me feel comfortable which is all that really mattered to me.  I loved having the conversation with people though, getting them to open their minds a bit. :-)

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    Doula, Placenta Encapsulator, Childbirth/Lactation Educator

    Corin Andrew Dec 24/09

    Ronan Edward Jul 9/12

    Baby #3 EDD Aug 6/14

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  • wintersong139wintersong139 member
    @stellasoo - I'm also due in February and considering home birth. :-) See you around the BMB!
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  • margaritachikitamargaritachikita member
    I think if you just explain that you have done a lot of research and decided this is what's right for you and your family they should understand. If anyone thinks they have a greater stake in the outcome of your baby's birth than you do, it's ridiculous. Obviously you care the most about your own life and your baby's life and would not put either one at risk. Hospitals are not generally safe places to have babies - though it's great that they are available for emergencies. 


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  • margaritachikitamargaritachikita member
    p.s. congratulations!! :)
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  • aboodtobeaboodtobe member
    Congratulations! I am in the same boat as you (FTM, having a home birth, etc.). I've found that you have a few options:
    1. Respond with humor/sarcasm. People's first response is always, "Is that safe?!" To which I say, "Not at all!" And then I laugh and they look confused.
    2. Respond to all of their questions. This one takes a long time but is worth while since most people don't really know what a home birth entails. Plus, it shows you've done your research, which is what most people are really questioning.
    3. Lie or don't bring it up. This one is my least favorite because I don't think there should be any shame in it or that you should have to hide it. However, with some people (you know which ones they are for you), you just don't want to get into it. Plus, they aren't going to be there, so what do I care?
    Most importantly, be sure your husband/birth partner is on board. Mine didn't even know what a midwife was before I got pregnant! To be honest, he is the one who gets the most questions and backlash because people think that if they convince him, then he can influence me. Poor guy gets all kinds of weird comments. Anyway, showing a united front and proving you've done your research has been good enough for me. Just be ready for people's scare tactics though. They will spout off all kinds of worse case scenarios. Just remember, it's not your job to convince them that you've made the right choice. YOU should be convinced (no matter what you choose) that you're doing what's right for YOU. Good luck! You're going to do great!
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  • vintagejjanevintagejjane member
    Luckily my sister had done it before me, so my family thought it was a great idea. DH's family wasn't on board, especially my MIL. I mean I wasn't going to let her feelings effect my birth but I didn't want her thinking I was making an irrational decision, so I just asked if she had any questions, answered them, and kept her as informed as possible. She still probably thinks I'm a little nuts for choosing HB but I love her anyways  ;)
    Mommy to Emery Vera 5.20.12  Blog
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