Would You Have Agreed To This?

sschwege · June 2014

DD had her first dance recital this weekend and both Grandparents came into town to see it. The afternoon before they left my MIL approached me and in sort of a round-about way asked if they could bring DD back home with them. We are going to visit them in 2 weeks, so she was hoping we would let DD go back home with them and then bring her home with us when we came to visit. I told her that I promised some day, when she was older we would let her go and stay with them by herself, but not now. She said something like, "She's independent enough, she could do it now."

Now I will admit a big part of it is, I'm just not ready, especially for 2 weeks! My heart just aches thinking about it. Plus I really don't want anyone taking our children on a road trip without us at this age, when they get a little older I wouldn't mind if it was by plane or train, but it just makes me nervous to think of someone...anyone, driving with my child 2 states away.

They are coming to watch both kids over Labor Day, so DH and I can go to an out of state wedding. So they will have alone time with them then, but it's only 2 nights and in our home, which I think makes a big difference.

Give it to me straight, was I just being totally selfish? Would you have agreed?

bhuffman · June 2014

I'm on mobile, so I'm not sure if your daughter's age is on there. However, I think 2 weeks is a LONG time for any age. Maybe when my kids are in middle school? A week would be okay for my 6 year old and stretching it a bit for my 3.5 year old.

sschwege · June 2014

bhuffman said:

I'm on mobile, so I'm not sure if your daughter's age is on there. However, I think 2 weeks is a LONG time for any age. Maybe when my kids are in middle school? A week would be okay for my 6 year old and stretching it a bit for my 3.5 year old.

DD will be 4 in September. She has been away from us twice, but only for 2 nights and always in our home.

dizzycooks · June 2014

Uh no. Two weeks is too long in my opinion especially when you've done nothing to prep her for it. I probably wouldn't consider that until she's closet to 5 and I would have some awesome trip planned for myself while she's gone

bhuffman · June 2014

sschwege said:

bhuffman said:

I'm on mobile, so I'm not sure if your daughter's age is on there. However, I think 2 weeks is a LONG time for any age. Maybe when my kids are in middle school? A week would be okay for my 6 year old and stretching it a bit for my 3.5 year old.

DD will be 4 in September. She has been away from us twice, but only for 2 nights and always in our home.

I think 2 weeks for a 4 year old who hasn't been away from you for many extended times is too much. I think you made the right call.

sschwege · June 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

It depends completely on how easily I could pick DD up if she was homesick. If it is a couple hours drive I would have said yes, but if she wants to come home early let me know so I can pick her up. I'm biased since I'm dying to send DD to anyone for a few days right now

If we were able to drive straight through, so that would mean DS wasn't with us and we hit no traffic it would probably be 4.5 hours. With DS and/or traffic (we live in Chicago so traffic can be bad) might be more like 6ish hours.

JeffandLeslie · June 2014

That would be a big no for me. I don't even like being away from home that long though. ..

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

I would never agree to that.

jillyjill1026sr · June 2014

No, I wouldn't have agreed to it. I think you made the right call. I think that's a bit presumptuous to think you'd be okay with that.

MomIn2013 · June 2014

Nope, two weeks would be way too long for me, too!

Disneygeek77 · June 2014

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable being away from my young child at that age, but I also wouldn't judge someone if they did. I mean I would probably make an exception for a big trip with just DH and me.

I suppose you can just be honest with MIL and tell her that YOU are not comfortable being away from you guys for that long.

sunnydays99 · June 2014

Nope, 2 weeks would be way too long. I wouldn't be comfortable with it and I know my kids would be homesick and miss us.

meglew · June 2014

No, I would not be comfortable with that and DD1 is 6.5. Plus, I don't think DD would be comfortable with it either. She has stayed a week at my IL's while we were out of town, but their house is a mile from ours and she spends a lot of time with them and their house is like a second home to her.

I would also not be pleased having a question like that sprung on me on short notice, but that is probably just me.

penguingrrl · June 2014

I think that was a sweet thought. She probably was thinking it would be good to get a nice long stretch of bonding time since she lives far enough away that she doesn't get that much time with her. But I wouldn't be ready to be away from my child for 2 weeks yet. Even at almost 7 I can't imagine having my oldest gone for that long. I would keep the idea in mind for the future, though. It could be really fun once she's old enough and would be a great way for her to bond with her grandparents since they aren't close enough for frequent trips back and forth!

sschwege · June 2014

penguingrrl said:

I think that was a sweet thought. She probably was thinking it would be good to get a nice long stretch of bonding time since she lives far enough away that she doesn't get that much time with her. But I wouldn't be ready to be away from my child for 2 weeks yet. Even at almost 7 I can't imagine having my oldest gone for that long. I would keep the idea in mind for the future, though. It could be really fun once she's old enough and would be a great way for her to bond with her grandparents since they aren't close enough for frequent trips back and forth!

Agreed! Some of my fondest members were of flying to stay with my Aunt and Uncle for 2 weeks in the summer without our parents. So much fun! But I was 12. I am definitely not saying, 'no' just 'not right now'.

dmartin726 · June 2014

No. It would have seriously had to be planned out well in advance. And 2 weeks is super long. I've had DD stay with my mom for 4 days when I was super pregnant, just so I could rest, but 2 weeks? Nope.

raraavis28 · June 2014

Nope nope nope.

sschwege · June 2014

Kimbus22 said:

Newp. 2 weeks is a loooooong time. It was a long time for me when I went to camp for two weeks at 10.

And I'd put money on Grandma wishing she'd never opened her mouth after the first few days. All that time with a cute little kid SOUNDS fun and then reality hits...

I know I was thinking that as well. My parents took care of DD the two nights we were in the hospital after DS was born. My mom said they enjoyed their time and DD did well, but they both agreed they had forgotten how much work it is. And my parents are in good physical shape, my mom rollerblades and my dad runs, but still it was a lot!

HBirdie · June 2014

Noooooo way. And it's not up to her to say what your kid is ready for.

ordinary1 · June 2014

I wouldn't, either. Two weeks is too long IMO.

jnksmom · June 2014

I would not have been comfortable with that at that young age. When we lived 4 hours from my parents, my kids both stayed with my parents alone but never for more than 3-4 nights. 2 weeks is a long time. Even at 7, I don't think DS would be okay with that. He would be homesick after a week.

Andrewsgal · June 2014

No not at that age. DD just got back from a week long camp and that is the longest she has been away from home, she will go two weeks next year at 8

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

My parents traveled without me every year when I was a kid but never for two weeks. Too long IMO especially at that age.

Arnegard · June 2014

Nope, wouldn't do it.

When DD1 was 13-14 months, we met MIL/SIL in MSP for a FB game. MIL asked us THEN if she could take DD home with her (8 hour drive) and keep for her for the next 4 days until we flew back up. Um, no.

She had also arranged that DD would go to daycare with SIL's kids. Um, no. (I did work then, but she had her daycare she loved at our house).

rosesandpetals · June 2014

Nope. I would have said yes if you have a good relationship and trust they will take care of her, you had time to prep DD and yourself, they lived closer (close enough to realistically drive round trip in one day). I don't think 2 weeks is too long if you had something to do. If you were going on vacation or getting to do something you couldn't do with her. But just randomly, 2 weeks is a long time.

Aussie45 · June 2014

Your DD is young to begin with. Add in the fact that she's only been away from you guys two times (albeit at your house), I would definitely not do it. Whether or not your ILs want her to come, it's ultimately your decision. It didn't sound like you were comfortable with it and possibly 6 hours to go pick her up is too long to drive for it to be worth it IMO.

notkateanymore · June 2014

I went for that long at Christmas and during the summer but it was more out of necessity to begin with. My mom was a single working mother. We moved 12 hours away from family when I was 3 so every holiday I was out of school/daycare I went to stay with my grandparents.

jag101 · June 2014

Not a chance. Not for 2 weeks. Bad timing on the MIL's behalf. She shouldn't have put you on the spot like that. When it comes to your kids, always follow your motherly instinct, don't let anyone talk you out of it.

SallyAnneS · June 2014

I would have said no because you hadn't prepared your dd for the trip and it was so late minute. Crazy that your mil would ask last minute like that. But...

When i was a kid my brother and i went to the grandparents for 2 weeks every summer. All my family lives 4 hours away so my parents would drive us up there and drop us off. Then we spent 1 week with one side of the family and then they drove us to the other grandparents who kept us for another week. They then drove us half way home where our parent would meet us and drive us the other half of the way home. This probably started at age 3 and i kept going until i got a job at 16. It was the highlight of our summer and i had a blast!

I only see my family 4 times a year on holiday weekends so this was a great bonding time for us. I don't remember being very homesick or anything.

Imo, going to camp is completely different. I hated camp because i would be so homesick. I wasn't with anyone i knew at camp unlike being with family.

rachie1019 · June 2014

Your DD is age 3.5 + MIL + Long car ride + 2 states away + 2 WEEKS = No Way

AKB090609 · June 2014

Nope, especially not a spur of the moment thing.

sschwege · June 2014

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate the feed-back. I think I just needed to know that I wasn't just looking after my own wants, as I felt after my MIL said 'she's old enough now'.

Would You Have Agreed To This?

Re: Would You Have Agreed To This?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards