To find out sex or not?

Lady2010 · June 2014

Hi - I am hoping some of you have already gone through this and can provide some good insight. It is still early but I am very much so struggling with whether or not we should find out the sex of our little peanut.

I have always said that I don't want to know - and I truly mean that. I want to be surprised. And it really doesn't matter to me - as long as s/he is healthy and happy is all I really care. Plus as my best friend and her husband said when they chose not to find out the sex of their first - 'there are so few genuine surprises in life - the sex of your child is truly one of those.'

DH on the other hand wants to know. He says that he feels it will help him bond and feel more connected to the baby.

I know - why not let DH find out and not tell? He simply is not capable of keeping a secret (which he admits) and it is inevitable that he will slip at some point. And what is worse, he will tell his parents - and possibly mine - then everyone will know except me and again, it will slip.

Any thoughts on how to resolve this? Has anyone else been in a similar situation where one of you wanted to know and the other didn't? I can see his point but I also really want to be surprised.

Many thanks in advance!

Mrs.McIrish · June 2014

My DH would wait but I've had enough surprises in the last 4 years trying to get these babies. I want to know especially with twins. This will be my only pregnancy and I want to buy stuff specifically for each baby-- not into yellow/green. I will have zero time to get specific stuff once they are here. DH will do what I want as I was the one who had injected herself 1000000 times and had countless procedures! I'm a planner and also the idea of thinking of 4 names would drive me crazy...

jashikcrib · June 2014

Personally I'm not good w/surprises so I wanted to know ASAP!

CreativeD1 · June 2014

Our decision to find out the sex is purely economic. Inevitably once we find out if we are having a boy or girl we will shop specifically for clothes, etc. I don't want to have a lot of neutral items and then duplicate. Additionally I know that shopping soon after delivery will be difficult and I want to ensure we have items for pictures, announcements, Etc. I am also a planner so my type A probably has a lot to do with this.

Lady2010 · June 2014

Thanks Ladies. It's funny - I am also a planner and completely Type A but somehow with the gender I am not.

I also am completely ok with neutrals (and in fact I feel like it is a good way to keep from a pink overload in the event it is a girl)

I am actually planning the nursery in either grey with yellow or keeping it the current light/sage green.

Mrs.McIrish - it's funny - almost in spite of the IVF treatments I don't want to know... I guess I figured the procedures were so invasive - we hoped that with the odds one would eventually work. Though I will say if we were having 2, then I would likely want to know.

Will keep you ladies posted on what we decide. And if anyone has been in a similar situation would love your thoughts.

Mrs.McIrish · June 2014

There's no wrong answer!!

Samuelismomma · June 2014

Well this time I would probably be surprised but my H is dying to know and my mom and sister! Lol. With ds I wanted to know. I think this time around I might just find out in case it is a girl. If its a boy we would literally need nothing. My family bought to many clothes so I still have new! I see your problem though because like you said it is one of the few suprises left ...

chicsahm · June 2014

Totally lurking but all I can say is that I knew with my first and it was surprise with DD. The surprise was awesome and totally worth it! But so is the birth experience in general. With my first it was special and I am glad I was able to plan. With DD I knew how little you really need in the beginning. I had a few gender neutral items, came with a boy and girl outfit. And while in the hospital family/ friends shopped and set stuff up. I had a list of stuff I wanted in a registry and I ordered it while in the hospital. It actually took a lot of the stress off me towards the end of my pregnancy because I didn't have to wash a ton of clothes!

moroccojade · June 2014

There are pros and cons to both.

DH and I both want to know. It is nice to get the bonding process really moving... And to not to have to call the baby "it" and start using he or she instead. (And the baby's actual name if he or she has one!) And yes - shopping in advance can be great. (Fun... and you can snap up the good deals when you find them.)

As for not finding out? Labours of women who don't know are statistically shorter! And yes - that moment when the baby is born will be extra special when someone announces the sex.

ScubaMomma · June 2014

Before I became pregnant, I was sure I wouldn't find out the sex of my children if I were to have any.
Then the first month of pregnancy I was iffy...Then by my third month I was so anxious to find out!

This time, I can hardly wait! I am quite certain it's a girl, I swear it. My husband just laughs because it's always, "She...her..." I have even purchased some girls clothes. So in my heart, I am waiting for "confirmation" hahaha

I feel for you in your case. Obviously if your husband finds out whether it's a boy or girl you will likely find out or feel left of NOT knowing. If I were in your shoes I would make my husband SWEAR to not tell anyone or I wouldn't let him know! hahah (If that's possible).

Good luck to you whatever you decide!

lcwed · June 2014

I wanted to know but DH wanted to wait, so the compromise was we had a reveal on Christmas Eve when family on both sides were there. Until then, the only one who knew was the baker so he could make the right color cake. I enjoyed the surprise and I liked knowing. We still did neutral for things we could reuse with a second. Knowing made decorating the nursery so much easier. I will say, during one of my appt the midwife used the "she" pronoun so I was pretty sure the cake would be red. Could have been a major spoiler.

OutdoorGirl10 · June 2014

@Lady2010...it's like you're in my mind. My situation was exactly the same. DH wanted to know but can't keep a secret to save his life. I didn't want to know because we've gone through fertility treatments and I really wanted to be surprised. So the compromise I came up with was that the U/S tech told DH, and then DH was to surprise me at some point when he was ready. My only other stipulation was that he could not tell any family or friends before he told me. He was able to wait almost a full 2 weeks, telling co-workers and teammates that I'll never talk to, so he had an outlet

. After those couple weeks he surprised me one morning and then after a few hours of letting it sink in, we started calling family with the news.

SSCmomma · June 2014

Tell him when he carries a baby, he can find out

I don't want to know with ours and I didn't even ask his opinion on the subject. Case closed.

JilliansMoma · June 2014

I was team green with all three pregnancies and I'm the girl who will read the last page of her book first so I know the ending and it won't distract me while I'm reading the story. That being said I agree with alot of the PP. 1) Not knowing really helped me focus while pushing (which was the hardest part of labor for me) 2) When I went into labor there was an extra special excitement running through our family and friends as they were anticipating our child, it always seemed so much more than my brother and his wife had as she went into labor. It was kinda like family said SIL in in labor getting ready to have Josh, because everyone knew his name and sex. (Just my perception) 3) We had no surprises when planning our pregnacies because of all ART we had to use so it was a way for us to have one thing about the PG happen the "old fashioned way" 4) I agree coming up with names is worst when you don't know the sex of the baby. 5) In my case my DH is never ever disappointed that we haven't had a boy while he is holding his gorgeous new baby daughter. I think if he hadn't had the gratification of holding his child he may be a little disappointed (not the right word I want to use but not sure how else to say it) if he had to wait another 20 weeks to hold our 4th DD (if that's the case). I hope it doesn't make my DH sound like a jerk for wanting a boy because he is totally fine with having all girls. Just my reasons for not finding out. Hope this helps and sorry for the formatting I'm on my tablet!

doknow · June 2014

I always like to have more knowledge than less, and DH feels the same, so we found out when we got back Maternit21 test results. It's such a little fact, but I feel like it makes the pregnancy feel more real, which was not something I was expecting to feel. DH is not great at keeping a secret, so I assume at some point our families will find out.

kimb311 · June 2014

First thing family members are asking is " so when do you find out the sex?" And my husband has to know all things early. He is horrible with surprises. LOL

slstine19 · June 2014

We had our first in 2011. I did not want to know and DH wanted to know. We did not find out and I loved being surprised when he arrived.

We are now expecting our second and since DH let me have my way the first time, I compromised this time. However, we did it more this time to help plan if we needed stuff of the opposite gender. Honestly, I so wish I did not know. It was much more exciting when I had him.

NicoleWI · June 2014

We did not find out with any of the previous three, although I kind of wanted to each time. We had the u/s tech write the sex in an envelope in case I couldn't wait, but we ended up holding out until delivery every time and it really was lots of fun. This time, though, I think we ARE going to find out. It's just easier at this point to plan and figure out room sharing and organize clothes and everything if we know. PLus that way we only have to come up with one name. We stressed forever last time over boy names and then DD2 was, luckily, a girl! We STILL didn't have a boy name at delivery.

Lady2010 · June 2014

Thanks for all the replies. I had to fill out the consent form for the Materniti21 test and selected no for learning the sex. At our 18 week u/s we will ask the tech to put it in a sealed envelope and then decide later what we want to do.

It is nice to hear that those who chose to be surprised did so a couple times

Edited for wording

2redtulips · June 2014

I wanted to know, and it was a surprise when we did find out. In fact, we have kept it a secret for just the two of us (except for here), so that's been a fun twist.

For me, it has been really helpful to know in advance, and I do think it has helped me plan and bond with baby a bit.

Everyone is different, though, so you have to do what's right for you.

Bigboneded · June 2014

I havent decided yet this time, but we will probably have the chromosomal testing, so we will probably find out. Twins, not sure how accurate that will be... maybe the anatomy scan.... thats a ways off, I like the envelope idea :-)

EAng · June 2014

We did not find out with our first. I wanted to and my husband did not. We had the tech write it down for us, and my husband hid it in the event that I had to know. We agreed on not decorating room until after baby was born because I didn't want a gender neutral room. I was convinced we were having a boy, so we bought the bedding right before we delivered - and we had a girl.

With this one, I want to find out. Our daughter will be 5 when baby arrives and I just want to know if I am going to have to go out and get boy stuff. If we have another girl, she will be set since she is due the same time of year as my daughter. I have kept all of her clothes.

Mommyinmaine · July 2014

you have a super strong will! when they told me that maternity21 can accurately determine gender, I couldn't wait for the results

Its a boy- the funny thing is that from the moment i found out i was pregnant, I knew deep inside it was a boy- my family said im silly to think i could tell but I was right.I think its so fun to plan and decorate specifically for our little one

leela02 · July 2014

I spoil DH to no end so I'd probably let him find out even if I didn't want to know...If it slips then I'll just get over it, my being surprised doesn't seem as important as his bonding experience really. This is in no way a criticism of anyone who feels otherwise, I just mean that I tend to be very laid back about these things. However in the real non-hypothetical world DH is the one who is just happy that we got pregnant and I'm the one who doesn't care much for surprises (even good ones lol), so we opted to find out the sex (girl)

alexesq33 · August 2014

That's not crazy at all - I knew from the beginning I was having twins w/ my first pregnancy. I even had my mom "chart" it and told her she was wrong when she said you're having a girl. I knew it was twins.

I'm feeling a boy this time with my second pregnancy - but I'm only 4 weeks so who knows if it's only 1 (OMG twins again? there's a 1 in 6 chance!).

Although my mom says she's always having dreams about a little blond boy....could that be my future son??

We found out with the twins - because Twins! - but IDK maybe I'd want to be surprised this time? May be my last pregnancy...

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