06/17 Douchebag Tuesday

Skeemer · June 2014

Tuesdays can be kind of dull around The Bump so let's give Douchebag Tuesday a go!

Who's being a DBag in your life? Famous, not famous, family, strangers, in-laws, outlaws, kids, adults...who is ticking you off to full on DBag status?

Acsim · June 2014

One of my two MIL's, DH's mom. She's insane. If I don't respond to her texts, she calls. If I don't answer her calls, she texts DH. If he doesn't reply (which he hates his mom so he likely won't) she calls him. If she can't get him, she leaves me another message stating "I have a key to your house and I WILL use it if you don't let me know you're ok." I'm 9 months pregnant. I like naps and when napping, I DONT ANSWER MY PHONE.

Katieryan13 · June 2014

The drive thru ladies at Mcdonalds. I ordered a diet coke and a southern style chicken biscuit and I got a sausage biscuit and a sweet tea. I noticed the sweet tea was wrong so I said something and they acted like I was the one in the wrong and it was a big deal. Customer service at its finest!!!

jensavicci · June 2014

My aunt has been pissing me off like crazy. I've always hated my aunt (yes, hated.) she's a total judgmental snob. She gives zero shits about anyone but her immediate family (kids, husband, grand kids). Everyone else can just go eff themselves in her eyes. So her daughter in law and I are both pregnant and for me, it's so neat because I want to share everything with her and she feels the same! I really wanted to throw her a baby shower and my aunt just completely snatched it away from me like I wasn't even there. Her DIL doesn't like surprises so she knew I wanted to throw the shower and my aunt just flagged me and says "um no, I'm throwing the shower. It's my grand child and I'll do a better job. Aren't you about to have a baby anyway?"

Oh lawdy I'm so ready to snap necks.

mamatomp · June 2014

A coworker... Yesterday when I stood up from my desk to go to a meeting he said "daaaaayyum"... Then while eating my sandwich at lunch he made a comment about me chowing down. I know he's trying to be funny, but I told him to stay away from my desk until after I'm back from maternity leave.

And I really want a freaking donut but I don't want him to make a comment about me getting/eating one because I'm really at the point where I may cry. Yes, I am in my NINTH month of pregnancy. It's no secret that I'm not exactly dainty right now but geez! Fuck off!!

Soon2BMrsN · June 2014

My mom...see yesterday's MBF post for more detail. Also DH a little...he and his boss still haven't worked out a plan for his leave and we're 16 days from baby's arrival date.

strmbreez · June 2014

One of the managers here at my work. Her comments include. "I really hope all the Starbucks crap you drink is decaf... but then again it's not MY baby" to "Why are you so tired? Wake up. If you can't handle it now, you definitely won't be able to handle a newborn." I had literally been at work for half an hour HALF AN HOUR yesterday when I text my husband and told him that if the county jail called, answer. It's probably because I hauled off and bitch slapped her.

BPer · June 2014

An incompetent guy in my office, who happens to be a Director making 3x as much as me.

He keeps saying he needs my "expertise" for various tasks that include:

Showing him how to create a footer in MS Word
Helping him scan from the copier to his email
Figuring out why "the printer isn't working"...it's out of paper.

...this shit is not in my job description.

Skeemer · June 2014

strmbreez said:

One of the managers here at my work. Her comments include. "I really hope all the Starbucks crap you drink is decaf... but then again it's not MY baby" to "Why are you so tired? Wake up. If you can't handle it now, you definitely won't be able to handle a newborn." I had literally been at work for half an hour HALF AN HOUR yesterday when I text my husband and told him that if the county jail called, answer. It's probably because I hauled off and bitch slapped her.

People like this need to be repeatedly throat punched.

Skeemer · June 2014

BPer said:

An incompetent guy in my office, who happens to be a Director making 3x as much as me.

He keeps saying he needs my "expertise" for various tasks that include:
Showing him how to create a footer in MS Word
Helping him scan from the copier to his email
Figuring out why "the printer isn't working"...it's out of paper.

...this shit is not in my job description

My supervisor asks me for crap like this all the time. It's always a shame that I don't know. 8->

bullybutt · June 2014

My grandmother who is certified BSC lectured my mother this past weekend for mowing my yard for me. My parents won't let me mow my yard on my own (I don't own a lawnmower because I don't want a push mower for this rental house) and they insist on mowing my regular size yard for me. Fine, I'll mow theirs when this baby is out of me. Anyways, my grandMMMAAAWWW said that my parents don't need to be doing that, that I'm taking advantage of them and I should have known what I was doing when I got KTFU (yes...I was drinking VERY heavily). Mowing the lawn was not exactly on my radar when I found out that I was pregnant, in a failed relationship and on the path to raising 2 babies on my own. FU old lady! Where are you grim reaper?

Skeemer · June 2014

bullybutt said:

My grandmother who is certified BSC lectured my mother this past weekend for mowing my yard for me. My parents won't let me mow my yard on my own (I don't own a lawnmower because I don't want a push mower for this rental house) and they insist on mowing my regular size yard for me. Fine, I'll mow theirs when this baby is out of me. Anyways, my grandMMMAAAWWW said that my parents don't need to be doing that, that I'm taking advantage of them and I should have known what I was doing when I got KTFU (yes...I was drinking VERY heavily). Mowing the lawn was not exactly on my radar when I found out that I was pregnant, in a failed relationship and on the path to raising 2 babies on my own. FU old lady! Where are you grim reaper?

@bullybutt

My grandmother is the one most negative person I think I've ever met. I totally feel your pain.

Csltdk · June 2014

My douchebag Tuesday is this giant fucking cloud that has been blocking my sun for the past 20 minutes.

Get it the fuck together weatherman, I'm on day 1 of maternity leave and I like relaxing in my pool!

Hoshikitsune · June 2014

Random guy at the hospital: I was sitting in my car waiting for the parenting class to start...He comes out to his car, opens his front passenger door and hits my driver's side door with it. Does not apologize despite the fact I am looking right at him (sitting in the driver's seat) and saw him do this. Please learn some manners and at least apologize. I don't care you hit my car (old 11 yr old car), but at least have the common courtesy to apologize.

Testing for bump.

JLHV1909 · June 2014

My MIL and FIL are getting on my nerves. They have two girls and their son (my DH). They do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that the girls need. When the older sister went into labor- my MIL was there at the sister's house watching her kids as soon as she went into labor. Whenever either one of the girls needs help then both of them drop everything and are there at their homes in a heartbeat- no questions asked.

We have to take my SD to her house when I go into labor- so now I get to worry about a "go bag" for SD and myself and hubby.

Then to add to my hurt feelings, we go tour the hospital and realize that our plan for our dog isn't going to work. My DH was going to go home and let her out throughout the stay, well we realized that we probably won't be that flexible with leaving depending on all the unknowns. He calls MIL to see if she could be on call to just stop by the house a few times and let the damn dog out- her answer "Why don't you just bring her with SD". Fuck no, I am not going to go into labor- stop by your house for drop off, and have to worry about packing up a kennel, dog stuff, and my SD's stuff like we are going away for a week at the beach. Luckily, I have a very good friend who has stepped up to the plate and offered to let the dog out.

Skeemer · June 2014

Well I just went to Hades & back so I feel @katieryan13 's McDonalds pain.

What is your problem McD's?! I get that your little one lane drive thru that merges into two lanes & back again to one lane is super epic for you but it's going to get someone killed. And no, I did not have two dipped cones. I had medium fries. And no, I didn't have 4 burgers & a sweet tea. I JUST told you face to face that I had medium fries. NO my order IS NOT $25! MEDIUM FRIES FOOL!

Y U NO COMPREHEND?!

Csltdk · June 2014

Now I want McDonalds...

bunkgirl · June 2014

Chick from DH's job... Yesterday they are having a meeting and planning events for July, one event was planned for the 18th and DH said that would be fine, other members of the team side eye him and say "what about the baby?" DH says no it'll be fine (it's fine with me) and chick says "WHAT?!? You're having a baby??"

I was sitting next to her for several hours last week! I get that I'm not thin, but at this point there is no mistaking my bump is baby.. NOT BEER!

strmbreez · June 2014

My salad that I brought doesn't sound half as good a large fry from Micky D's.

Skeemer · June 2014

Another DB fuss -

A guy walks into my office last week & this is how the conversation goes.

Me: Can I help you?
Him: (Holds a business card straight out) I'm Mike with 123 Co.
Me: Okay, how can I help?
Him: (Still holding business card straight out) I work for 123 Co.
Me: Okay.
Him: (Still holding business card straight out in front of him but not to me) We're in the 123 business. Obviously because of our name.
Me: (Silent.)
Him:(STILL holding the danged card straight out) We're in the 123 business. Because our name is 123 Co. Are you following me? Are you with me?
Me: I'm sitting here listening aren't I?
Him: (Finally puts the card away) Well I want blah blah...(proceeds to ramble for at least 2 or 3 minutes). Can you help me with that?
Me: Yes. What you'll need to do first is...(I begin to explain).
Him: (Interupts) Well blah blah...
Me: (Interupts him) Sir...are you following me? Are you with me? Because I'm trying to help you.
Him: (gets all offended & huffy. Finally leaves).

DUDE chill the crap out for 5 seconds & stop being a DBag!!!

jnnfrrose6 · June 2014

sharmon1317 said:

The guy who just parked next to me at my doctors appt.. Got out of his car and put his wet ice coffee container on top of my car so he could get something out of his back seat. Umm are you fucking kidding me. I rolled my window and yelled at him. Seriously is the roof of your car not good enough jack ass!??

And that's when I would have pulled away very quickly with his drink on my roof...

Skeemer · June 2014

jnnfrrose6 said:

sharmon1317 said:

The guy who just parked next to me at my doctors appt.. Got out of his car and put his wet ice coffee container on top of my car so he could get something out of his back seat. Umm are you fucking kidding me. I rolled my window and yelled at him. Seriously is the roof of your car not good enough jack ass!??

And that's when I would have pulled away very quickly with his drink on my roof...

I think I love you!

abunai523 · June 2014

My super awkward coworker wins my Dbag award today... She's the one who used to ask me all the time when I was going to 'breed' and then makes comments about how 'filled in' my face has gotten and so on.

We were in a meeting this morning (with the CMO no less) where we were going over some stuff her team has been building from a design perspective. I am in these meetings because of my expertise in design, marketing, and integrated branding, so I don't make comments just out of my ass. Everyone was giving great constructive criticisms and nothing that I would call harsh in any way. And this woman was getting sooooo defensive! It was horribly uncomfortable. And frankly honey, I don't give a crap that you say you have X years experience, and that sourcing photos is hard. You're not going to tell me something I don't know, and you not wanting to do the work doesn't change the fact that it's not right yet, and arguing and dragging out the meeting to twice its scheduled length is just making me have to pee. Part of this kind of work is accepting feedback and figuring out the puzzle! So calm down and stop staring daggers at me across the table, you're a grown woman, learn to take critique. At least this guarantees that she'll refuse to talk to me for the rest of the day.

TexasGirl81 · June 2014

My DBAG neighbor who never fucking cuts his motherloving grass!!! Why is it so hard?? Our yards are pretty small and I'm sick of looking at your wild ass grass!! Then when and if he decides to cut that grass, oh yay I'm excited BUT he leaves the fucking lawnmower in the front drive for days!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on, you are not disabled. i'll never understand. So many times I have wanted to take my pregnant ass out there and straighten out his shit for him, or better yet, sometimes I feel like doing donuts in his yard and screaming "the lawn is done!!!" After I would be done he would have no grass to cut. ~X(

INmommy871278 · June 2014

The chick who left behind me at the doc office. I was in my vehicle shooting DH a text to let him know how things went before I took off driving because I'm responsible like that, when she hit me hard enough to rock my car then drove off while I laid on the horn. No worries I got her plate number, called the police, then called the doc admin people to see if they could release her name to the police so she can pay for the damage to my vehicle. I also know roughly what she looks like and that who she saw cuz she was in the same office as me and was breathing down my neck while I checked out!

chevronseven · June 2014

Skeemer said:

bullybutt said:

My grandmother who is certified BSC lectured my mother this past weekend for mowing my yard for me. My parents won't let me mow my yard on my own (I don't own a lawnmower because I don't want a push mower for this rental house) and they insist on mowing my regular size yard for me. Fine, I'll mow theirs when this baby is out of me. Anyways, my grandMMMAAAWWW said that my parents don't need to be doing that, that I'm taking advantage of them and I should have known what I was doing when I got KTFU (yes...I was drinking VERY heavily). Mowing the lawn was not exactly on my radar when I found out that I was pregnant, in a failed relationship and on the path to raising 2 babies on my own. FU old lady! Where are you grim reaper?

@bullybutt

My grandmother is the one most negative person I think I've ever met. I totally feel your pain.

My paternal grandmother was always super negative too. It didn't matter what you were doing, she would have something to say about it. Once when I was 4 or 5 we lived with her for a few months and I got sick. My mom was getting me something to eat or drink and Gram starts bitching at her about how she's spoiling me and I'm not THAT sick. I guarantee you if my mom had made me get my own lunch Gram would have bitched about how she wasn't taking care of me.

@bullybutt‌ If I were your mom I would tell grandma "Yes, she knew she has a supportive family that would help her because that's what families do."

Skeemer · June 2014

livelaughlove88 said:
My paternal grandmother was always super negative too. It didn't matter what you were doing, she would have something to say about it. Once when I was 4 or 5 we lived with her for a few months and I got sick. My mom was getting me something to eat or drink and Gram starts bitching at her about how she's spoiling me and I'm not THAT sick. I guarantee you if my mom had made me get my own lunch Gram would have bitched about how she wasn't taking care of me. @bullybutt‌ If I were your mom I would tell grandma "Yes, she knew she has a supportive family that would help her because that's what families do."

OMG no way. I had a bike wreck in my grandma's yard, my knee swelled to the size of a small volleyball. My grandma told my dad, "She's fine. She's just putting on & wants attention."

Yes. I was totally faking. And it was so fun faking a microscopic knee surgery & months of physical therapy just to get everyone's attention.

ETA: I was 12 yrs old.

likeanoldtimemovie · June 2014

My dbag of the day is the FedEx man. When he delivered our crib a few weeks ago, he dropped it off in the carport instead of at the front door. Part of me kind of understood because it was super heavy, but part of me was pissed. DH had to pick it up and carry it all the way around the house and bring it up the front porch and inside. I forgave him for that one though.

HOWEVA. Today, he delivers a swimsuit. A SWIMSUIT. I see the van pull up and then I see the van leave, but no one knocked on the door. I look on the front porch and I don't see anything. I walk out to the carport and I don't see anything. The shipment info says "Delivered to front door and to recipient address - release authorized."

...the fuck? NO YOU DID NOT. THERE IS NO PACKAGE HERE. THERE WAS NO AUTHORIZED RELEASE.

Grrrr.

abrazz · June 2014

My stepmother-in-law keeps spelling my name wrong on FB. I know this is petty and should probably go in the random post but honestly, I have known her for over 14 years and she still doesn't know how to spell my name. It's not a hard name either. I commented on it just to see if she would notice that her spelling is off. I don't think she noticed. Then I had a to go pick my kids up from daycare and saw someone who works in another department and they asked if I was still on bedrest.
Me: "I am supposed to be but there was no one else to pick up the kids."
Them: "Well you don't look sick at all, you are playing the system aren't you."
Me: "Ummm, no because I am using up all of the time I saved to be off with the baby on sitting around the house being useless."

Thanks for making me feel even worse about myself than I already did.

marsalisails · June 2014

PECO (our power company) b/c - after a storm in January that knocked a tree down and ripped the power lines out of our house (we are the last house on the block)...there fore ripping the header board and siding out of our house as well and destroying the pole itself - went ahead and put the brand new pole TOUCHING A REALLY OLD, REALLY TALL TREE.

it only took 5 months for a piece of that tree to fall on the lines and rip them out of our house again. which means that this is the second time this year we have to put a homeowners insurance claim in, pay $1000 deductable in order to get our house fixed...and then try to get PECO to come reinstall the power lines.

and they didn't remove the tree...left it there...

[Deleted User] · June 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

purpleXdandelion · June 2014

TexasGirl81 said:
My DBAG neighbor who never fucking cuts his motherloving grass!!! Why is it so hard?? Our yards are pretty small and I'm sick of looking at your wild ass grass!! Then when and if he decides to cut that grass, oh yay I'm excited BUT he leaves the fucking lawnmower in the front drive for days!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on, you are not disabled. i'll never understand. So many times I have wanted to take my pregnant ass out there and straighten out his shit for him, or better yet, sometimes I feel like doing donuts in his yard and screaming "the lawn is done!!!" After I would be done he would have no grass to cut. ~X(

Are we your neighbors? Haha but seriously, DH rarely cuts the grass. HOWEVER, when he does cut it, he puts the mower away as soon as he's done.

And actually, our neighbors are like OCD about their grass and it's always perfectly short. So of course ours looks scraggly next to theirs. I know, I know, excuses.

Prncesta · June 2014

Oh this award definetly goes to my DBag co worker. On Friday, I left work early to go to L&D because I was having some bad contractions and some watery discharge, which turned out to be normal discharge and BH. Anyway, him and 3 of my co workers take a walk for coffee and he decides to voice his opinion that he "bets I'm further along than I really am" and that I probably "lied about my due date to get my position since no principal would hire a pregnant woman". Really?? Because I got hired in JULY which would mean that I'm about 11 months pregnant right now if I lied....and the scariest thing is, he's the MATH teacher...clearly I let him have it today. People really have no lives!!

Acsim · June 2014

symphony4586 said:

Acsim said:
One of my two MIL's, DH's mom. She's insane. If I don't respond to her texts, she calls. If I don't answer her calls, she texts DH. If he doesn't reply (which he hates his mom so he likely won't) she calls him. If she can't get him, she leaves me another message stating "I have a key to your house and I WILL use it if you don't let me know you're ok." I'm 9 months pregnant. I like naps and when napping, I DONT ANSWER MY PHONE.
If he dislikes her so much WHY in the world does she have a key to YOUR HOME???? I'd be hauling my pregnant butt to the nearest hardware store to buy new locks ASAP.

She's just annoying. She has a key because if we leave town she watches our dog. And those two just don't get along very well, but we have no one else who can help take care of stuff like that. He talks to her when he has to, but doesn't go out of his way to. I shouldn't say hate but... Definitely not her fan.

TexasGirl81 · June 2014

purpleXdandelion said:

TexasGirl81 said:
My DBAG neighbor who never fucking cuts his motherloving grass!!! Why is it so hard?? Our yards are pretty small and I'm sick of looking at your wild ass grass!! Then when and if he decides to cut that grass, oh yay I'm excited BUT he leaves the fucking lawnmower in the front drive for days!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on, you are not disabled. i'll never understand. So many times I have wanted to take my pregnant ass out there and straighten out his shit for him, or better yet, sometimes I feel like doing donuts in his yard and screaming "the lawn is done!!!" After I would be done he would have no grass to cut. ~X(
Are we your neighbors? Haha but seriously, DH rarely cuts the grass. HOWEVER, when he does cut it, he puts the mower away as soon as he's done.

And actually, our neighbors are like OCD about their grass and it's always perfectly short. So of course ours looks scraggly next to theirs. I know, I know, excuses.

@purpleXdandelion‌
That's pretty funny! That would be awesome if we were neighbors. I need a bud around here. The thing with him is he waits literally like 2 to 3 months to cut it. All I can think is a wild fire will break out, it's so damn hot and dry here in Houston. At least the mower gets put away. Next time I'll have to take a pic of his lovely front yard. Blah!!

purpleXdandelion · June 2014

TexasGirl81 said:

purpleXdandelion said:

TexasGirl81 said:
My DBAG neighbor who never fucking cuts his motherloving grass!!! Why is it so hard?? Our yards are pretty small and I'm sick of looking at your wild ass grass!! Then when and if he decides to cut that grass, oh yay I'm excited BUT he leaves the fucking lawnmower in the front drive for days!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on, you are not disabled. i'll never understand. So many times I have wanted to take my pregnant ass out there and straighten out his shit for him, or better yet, sometimes I feel like doing donuts in his yard and screaming "the lawn is done!!!" After I would be done he would have no grass to cut. ~X(
Are we your neighbors? Haha but seriously, DH rarely cuts the grass. HOWEVER, when he does cut it, he puts the mower away as soon as he's done.

And actually, our neighbors are like OCD about their grass and it's always perfectly short. So of course ours looks scraggly next to theirs. I know, I know, excuses.

@purpleXdandelion‌
That's pretty funny! That would be awesome if we were neighbors. I need a bud around here. The thing with him is he waits literally like 2 to 3 months to cut it. All I can think is a wild fire will break out, it's so damn hot and dry here in Houston. At least the mower gets put away. Next time I'll have to take a pic of his lovely front yard. Blah!!

****
We are like every 2-4 weeks (so like 5 times total during the summer haha), while our neighbors are 1-2 times PER WEEK. it makes me think of the movie Disturbia with Shia LeBoeuf how the neighbor mows his grass a lot, and has all these dead bodies in his house.

Acsim · June 2014

MSUDucks said:

Acsim said:

symphony4586 said:

Acsim said:
One of my two MIL's, DH's mom. She's insane. If I don't respond to her texts, she calls. If I don't answer her calls, she texts DH. If he doesn't reply (which he hates his mom so he likely won't) she calls him. If she can't get him, she leaves me another message stating "I have a key to your house and I WILL use it if you don't let me know you're ok." I'm 9 months pregnant. I like naps and when napping, I DONT ANSWER MY PHONE.
If he dislikes her so much WHY in the world does she have a key to YOUR HOME???? I'd be hauling my pregnant butt to the nearest hardware store to buy new locks ASAP.

She's just annoying. She has a key because if we leave town she watches our dog. And those two just don't get along very well, but we have no one else who can help take care of stuff like that. He talks to her when he has to, but doesn't go out of his way to. I shouldn't say hate but... Definitely not her fan.
Girl, doggy boarding! I know they aren't cheap (I've got 2 dogs of my own) but they are worth it if it means you don't have to put up with this nonsense.

My cousin opened a kennel after our last Florida trip so hopefully, we can board him there next time. He's trained in German and it's just easy because MIL knows his commands.

However, I'm on call and text #4 for the day, I barely slept and I might be on the news tonight if she doesn't back off. I can always translate the German for the boarder, right?

(

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