Update — The Bump


Well, I heard from A's AMom last week out of nowhere. She acted like nothing had happened and we scheduled a visit for Saturday. I was kind but very standoffish because I now feel like I have to really guard my heart. She was super nice but never apologized, so I'm afraid this will be a recurring thing when times get really tough. I'm sad that I feel like we can't have that really close relationship anymore because I just can't let myself be in that place again, but I'm so happy that I don't get cut out of A's life. At the end of the day, it's all about her and knowing how loved and wanted she is. And she definitely knew that while we played at our short visit Saturday. She smiled at me, "talked" to me, held my face, and didn't want me to stop singing to her. At the end of the day, I'd say this is a successful arrangement for our little girl.

A little note I'd like to share- always get lots and lots of pictures of your kids by themselves for their birth families.  I love the pics of just her because sometimes I want to stare at her face without the painful reminder of seeing her with her Mom being what I couldn't. Family pics are great for the reminder of why I chose adoption as well.

Also, if you're feeling thankful thank them. I try to thank A's parents for what they've done for her and for allowing me to be such a part of her life, but sometimes I miss feeling appreciated and wanted. It's easy as a birthmom to feel like you're on the outside and more of a nuisance than anything.

Thank you all for your support- don't know what I'd do without you!
Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu

CaptainSerious[Deleted User][Deleted User]IRR

Re: Update

  • Happy to hear you were able to see A over the weekend.  Not that your relationship will ever be quite the same with her adoptive parents, but hopefully there will be rebuilding and it will continue to be good for A.  You comment about gratitude and thanks is so spot on...I regularly attribute it as to why my adoptive family gets along so well with my birth family!


  • I'm glad you got to see her. I hope you can rebuild that closeness with her AP's as you strengthen your bond with her
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  • Glad you were able to see her. Much love to you!
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm glad you had a nice visit.

    Do you think you can discuss this with the APs?  I get the feeling that you are willing to just leave it alone, but that doing so might make you pull back.  I'm afraid that if they sense you putting some distance between you that they will follow suit and the relationship might change forever.

    I wonder if you could share how their just putting you on hold with no explanation of when you might see your daughter again, if ever, made you scared and worried, in addition to being hurt.  Not to guilt her, but to try to them her know that you are petrified of losing your connection to her, and while you want to be supportive of them and give them time to rally as a family when they need it, it's frightening to you and you could benefit from some more feedback during those times.  If you could have an honest conversation about this, I wonder if it would bring you closer together, rather than the opposite happening.

    That being said, I usually err on the side of talking too much about things and not being the best judge of when talking through a subject may actually irritate the other person and make matters worse.  Only you know the APs, only you can make the judgement call of whether or not you think they'd be receptive to this kind of conversation.  Either way, I hope your relationship can be restored and you don't ever end up feeling like you did when this started.

    Dr.Loretta[Deleted User][Deleted User]
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