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February 2013 Moms
SummerLove21
member
Hitting a Wall (nbr)
SummerLove21
member
So DH and I decided to start marriage counseling. It's not a life-or-death-of-the-marriage scenario so far. No one is blatantly mistreating the other, no one is cheating, but we've had problems for a while and we've tried to address them ourselves with not-very-successful results. We kind of just lead seperate lives - I feel most of the time like we are roommates more than an actual couple. And DH has unaddressed mental health issues that do very negatively impact me and that I hope get some attention in our counseling. A lot of issues were issues before we had DS, but they became magnified with the stresses and responsibilites of being parents. The thing that shocked me was that DH brought up counseling. He's always been vehemently against it in any capacity. I've been myself a couple of times to learn how to handle being married to someone with unmanaged mental health problems (which he knew about). So while I am grateful he is finally willing to go this route, I'm also afraid of what it will bring. Afraid that all kinds of deep-seated problems that I never even knew about are going to crop up. Afraid that we will just fight all the time (because that is what happens on TV). Afriad that things are even worse than we think. Sad because since I dropped the bomb on DH a few days ago that I wasn't happy, he's been even more distant than usual. I know he is hurt and processing, same as I am. I had just sort of hoped we could go on as usual until things got rolling.
Anyway... I just needed to get that out. I'm just so nervous about the process and the unknown aspect of it, even though I think it is necessary for us at this point. I hope it helps. I'm scared it won't. I guess I'll just have to find out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hitting a Wall (nbr)
I really hope it works out for you guys. We are all here for you!
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
It might be more difficult at first to address the issues you're having, but like @ally2011 said, if you can make it through those lows, you come out the other side stronger for it.
And I definitely know how it feels when it seems like you have a roommate instead of a husband. In our case it's more of a transient thing than a persistent issue, but sometimes our schedules get so crazy that when we're actually home together we're either scrambling to get stuff done around the house before we fall asleep or are too exhausted to bond in any meaningful way, so at best we just zone out on front of the TV together for a little bit. It stinks, and I know we could probably both make more of an effort during those busy times, but I just feel so exhausted that it's hard to prioritize our relationship. :-p
Long story short, everyone has relationship issues. Everyone. What makes a difference is how you handle them, and the fact that you two are addressing them before your marriage is actually falling apart can only work in your favor.