MIL's!

MissDemeanor · June 2014

We're in the middle of a 4 day visit in this house. T&P's are needed!

Let's hear your vents, petty complaints and even praises

MissDemeanor · June 2014

MIL wanted to throw FIL a surprise party for Father's Day. Fine. Nice.

It's at our house. She is at a wedding today. I get to clean the whole house, do all the food and decorating, and create the stupid special memories scrapbook type gift, and create a photo slide show (she even forgot to bring her photos to contribute). And we just got back from Costco, where we spent $300 on food. Isn't it thoughtful of her to be giving FIL a party?

Rosie137 · June 2014

I'm currently holding a grudge towards mine. I asked her to watch the kids so we could go out for DH's bday last Wednesday. At first she said no since SIL was sick so she couldn't bring her to help with the kids (sil is 24 and good with the kids). She finally agreed to do it after I told her I would leave her detailed instructions and have dinner ready for the older two. A few hours before she's supposed to come, she calls me and bails. Her "nerves are shot" she's stressed herself out about it and said she "just can't do it". This was the first time I've even asked her to watch them for me, the baby is already gonna be 4 months old. She only has 3 grandkids (ours), she lives <5 minutes away, doesn't work, you'd think she would be just slightly more helpful and involved. My mom lives 5 hours away, has 10 grandkids and still spends more time with them. So that's the last time I ask for her help.

MissDemeanor · June 2014

My little guy isn't feeling well and my MIL keeps insisting he "just wants grandma" and being a baby hog, and doing shit that annoys me. No, he doesn't want a woman he doesn't know, he wants mom or dad. She hasn't seen him since March!

Codypup · June 2014

TyrannosaurusLex said:

I'm currently holding a grudge towards mine. I asked her to watch the kids so we could go out for DH's bday last Wednesday. At first she said no since SIL was sick so she couldn't bring her to help with the kids (sil is 24 and good with the kids). She finally agreed to do it after I told her I would leave her detailed instructions and have dinner ready for the older two. A few hours before she's supposed to come, she calls me and bails. Her "nerves are shot" she's stressed herself out about it and said she "just can't do it". This was the first time I've even asked her to watch them for me, the baby is already gonna be 4 months old. She only has 3 grandkids (ours), she lives <5 minutes away, doesn't work, you'd think she would be just slightly more helpful and involved. My mom lives 5 hours away, has 10 grandkids and still spends more time with them. So that's the last time I ask for her help.
Again this sounds unfair to me. She said no and bravely told you she wasn't comfortable and you pushed her into it. Sounds like she had some major anxiety over this.

Cosign.

versed · June 2014

MIL thinks I'm starving my son.

I used to make him 3oz bottles of BM with the babysitters (nanny 3 days, my mom 1 day, MIL 1 day). Nanny and I noticed he wasn't finishing his bottles, so I started to leave three 2oz instead of 2 3oz bottles. It's been working great with nanny.

So, I've repeatedly told MIL he doesn't need a bottle every time he fusses. DH stayed with them this week - he explained we check these things before bottle: 1) is he tired? 2)does he just want to be held? 3) is diaper dirty? 4) does he want paci? He also explained when he pulls away from bottle, he may be done eating - give him a paci and see if he just wants to suck.

Anyways, she thinks I should be giving him 6-8oz of BM by now. He needs more. Does she think I'm carrying around 8oz of milk in each breast for each feeding? She BF her boys - thought she would get it.

Anyways, sorry so long.

We're moving in with her this summer. It's going to be a long 3/4 months.

versed · June 2014

And grammar police: it's MsIL

shellbell3845 · June 2014

My mil is here. She hasn't been too terrible...but she also hasn't held LO at all. DH will get upset about this so I'll be dealing with man pout.

southerngal07 · June 2014

I knew this was coming, so I don't know why I'm so annoyed by it. My MIL hardly ever gives us more than 24 hrs notice for things. On Mother's Day she waited until lunch time to invite us over for dinner. We already had dinner plans, but DH felt guilty, so of course we went see her before dinner. I wanted to just spend time with my little family that afternoon, but oh well.

She just texted DH and invited us over for a BBQ tomorrow afternoon. Only problem is I made plans to surprise DH with a trip to a museum tomorrow afternoon to see an exhibit on cars (big car nerd). So I just told DH we had plans and sorry.

I just hate that she's so disorganized and spacey that she waits until the last minute to invite us to stuff and we usually have to say no, because baby and busy life. Of course then she makes us feel guilty about it. Last September we were at dinner and she actually said "hopefully I'll see you again before the baby is born." All because we hadn't seen her in like a month. 8-}

iwubrory · June 2014

How about a SIL problem? H's brother's wife has literally not acknowledged DD's existence. She never congratulated us or responded to our mass text we sent to family once she was here safe and sound, never liked a pic on fb. We were at a family event when DD was 5ish days old and she didn't say a word to us or about her other than refusing to hold her when my other SIL asked if she wanted to.

Honestly, she has always been a b!tch and I've always tried my best to get her to come around but I've never had much luck. Except for when there is some sort of family drama then she texts me trying to find out information. She holds grudges so I'm assuming she's pissed at me or H for something and this is why she hasn't acknowledged DD. For example, before H and I were married I texted her about dates she'd be available for my bridal shower (the hosts asked me to) I forgot to first ask how her ultrasound went that day (they paid for a ton of optional fun ultrasounds) so she didn't speak to me well past my niece being born.

They have always said they are one and done and I've seen pictures recently on fb of her holding a couple different infants, so I'm pretty confident there isn't some fertility type issue going on that makes her want to avoid DD.

So basically, I'm done with her but it's going to make family events more awkward with her than usual.

brookeparker3 · June 2014

I'm so Sorry you all have so many issues with your MIL.
I am extremely fortunate I guess to have a wonderful MIL. No complaints. She snuggles him, changes his diaper, brings me water when he's nursing, and takes awesome pictures of him for us. We're very lucky.

Jules5611 · June 2014

I am not very fond of my MIL, she has come right out and said she would not have picked me for her son. She has been down right nasty and rude to me on several different occasions. She has begging to watch LO since he was 2 days old.
We told her from the beginning that it had nothing to do with her but we weren't ready to leave him at such a young age. She confronted me on it when the baby was three weeks old. I told her it was nothing personal that I would not feel comfortable leaving him as we were trying to establish a bond and get nursing down pat. She took it very personal as an attack almost and said she felt it would be different if she was my mother instead of MIL. I tried to tell her that I wouldn't leave him with anybody except his father for short trips out for groceries.
I was not trying to be mean to her but who in there right mind would feel comfortable leaving a newborn with a relative (or anyone for that matter) that has been out of the loop with babies for about 35 years?

Last night MIL got her wish and she was overjoyed. DH and I left LO with her for 7 hours while we went to see Steve Miller and Journey concert with a couple of friends. I was a nervous wreck at first but things went really well. Thank god. I was nervous because she has a tendency to do what she thinks is best without asking till after the fact. I just envisioned him going there and coming home with a haircut and eating solids. We left very specific detailed instructions for him, such as breast milk only. She has a problem with me BF and has asked on several different occasions when I will be stopping, apparently right before prom was unacceptable.lol That was my main concern was that she would start feeding him soilids because she has been asking why I haven't given him any yet. I am glad he was really good for her and that she got to finally watch him but I don't want her to think we are going to make this a habit now.
I wish my relationship wasn't so strained with her and we got along well. I have tried to spend one on one time with her before the baby by asking her out for lunch, go for pedicures but she has always declined. My DH asked her awhile back why she doesn't try to form some type of relationship with me and she told him she has a hard time relating to me. I personally think she has a hard time letting go of her son as she has boundary issues big time. Hopefully it gets better, this is not what I envisioned when gaining a MIL.

JackieP1023 · June 2014

@JoyBaby5‌ & @TyrannosaurusLex‌ Having cousins close in age can be fun, but it can also be tough. My cousin and I were born on the same day. We grew up in a small town, but she went to Catholic school (1-6), and I attended Public school. I was a much better student than she, and yet everytime the family was together, it was a constant 'well, our daughter does xyz, does yours?' kinda thing. Once we were old enough (jr high/high school), we chose our own cliques of friends and weren't very close at all.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

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1linedrawing · June 2014

I will gladly share my MIL with you guise that have... "unfornate" ones. She will snuggle and make things for all the babies!

JordyInIndy · June 2014

Since praises are allowed, I fucking love my MIL. She is an amazing woman to talk to about anything. Her and FIL are two of the most genuine and non judgemental people I have ever met. They are there to listen to the good and the bad in mine and DH's relationship/lives and they give great advice and continue to love us both unconditionally. MIL is great to sit around and drink wine and chat with. After our 3rd loss MIL and FIL offered to take DH and I on a 7 day cruise, all expenses paid. Once we found out we were pregnant again (and this LO seemed to be sticking around to the end), they gave us what our cruise tickets would have cost plus a little extra in cash since I'd be too far along in my pregnancy to go on the cruise. I could go on and on but I'll just end it by saying, I hit the MIL jackpot.

ETA: they live a street over from us and she has never once just shown up without asking first. Even after LO was born. Plus, on top of being a wonderful MIL, she's an amazing Mimi who spoils my kids with love and affection.

Ok, now I'll stop.

futuremrswinfree · June 2014

After having one of those "unfortunate" mother-in-laws (monster-in- law was more like it) in my doomed first marriage, I feel so fortunate to have an amazing MIL now! She loves and accepts me for who I am and even calls me daughter! She counts my son from my 1st marriage as one of her grandkids and lavishes him with the same amount of love and attention as all the kiddos. I love that I can call her and talk to her about whatever. She is such a great lady!

Jules5611 · June 2014

@ DisneyPeanut
So at 2 days old you were willing to leave your newborn baby? My point was I didn't feel comfortable in leaving him that young and then she took it personal and confronted me again when he was 3 weeks old. No I didn't feel comfortable leaving him with her that young and figured since she had been in my shoes before she would get it. I asked her how old her boys were when she would leave them with anyone other than there father. Guess what her response was??? 7 and 10 years old. My point was my how she forgets but expects me to feel comfortable. She questions and disagrees with everything. Why do we put baby on his back for sleep? Why haven't we started him on solids yet (he wasn't even 2 months old)?, why don't we give him sugar water for his hiccups? Why don't we try whiskey on his gums? He needs to be on a schedule. Why don't we let him CIO? That is why I did not feel comfortable. We had to bring the baby to her because she can't be trusted not to go through our personal belongings. She has gone through drawers and has refolded laundry because she didn't like the way it was done. Special is a nice way of describing her. I wasn't saying anyone else who trusted relatives or others to care for their babies are not in their right mind.

hopefuldog · June 2014

Let's just say I'm on my third beer bc mine is spending the afternoon with us.

...oh, and apparently she knows my kid and her needs better than I do :-?

Jules5611 · June 2014

@DisneyPeanut I think you are taking this personally. You are obviously in a diffrent place with your ILs where you felt comfortable leaving you LO's. I have many reasons why I personally didn't feel comfortable, I wasn't about to be railroaded into leaving him just because she wanted me to. I wasn't inferring that you or anyone else on these boards where crazy, in fact crazy was never mentioned at all.

Let me ask you something...under my above described scenario would you have felt comfortable leaving your LOs with my MIL if she was your MIL?

hopefuldog · June 2014

@Jules5611‌ , you did say " I was not trying to be mean to her but who in there right mind would feel comfortable leaving a newborn with a relative (or anyone for that matter) that has been out of the loop with babies for about 35 years?"

I can see how this comes across as offensive ("who in their right mind"). I left LO with both sets of grandparents already. While MIL drives me batty, she is fully capable of taking care of LO even though she hasn't had a baby in over 30 years. Your statement is insinuating I'm not in my right mind for doing so. I don't think that's how you meant it, just saying I can see where @DisneyPeanut‌ is coming from.

Jules5611 · June 2014

@hopeful0328 I definitely did not mean that statement to be inferring, insinuating or insulting to anyone else's situation. I meant it pertaining to my own situation and the circumstances around it. I also listed reasons why I was not comfortable with her watching LO, in fact her own son was not comfortable with his mother watching him. I wasn't comfortable with the fact that she was trying to force me into something I wasn't ready to do. I am sorry if it came off as insinuating or insulting in any way. It wasn't my intentions at all. I must say I am jealous of all you lucky ladies who have great MILs.

Jules5611 · June 2014

@DisneyPeanut I would like to personally extend my sincerest apology to you. In hindsight I can definitely can see why you would think I was being judgey. Sorry that was not my intention.

1linedrawing · June 2014

@BlueDot818‌ that woman is bat shit cray

littlepig2 · June 2014

@BlueDot818‌ you have all of my sorries!!

soapbox: a sentence can imply but it cannot infer. only people can infer. thank you for your time. ::curtsey::

versed · June 2014

BlueDot818 said:

I don't know... I put up with it bc we all know she is crazy I guess. DH knows she is crazy, but no one says anything to her. One of these days though, it's all going to come flying out. I did let her know in a pissed off voice that T can not have a sip of water. She kept telling him he looked thristy and he needed to take sips of water. No you dumbass her can't have water. When I told her that she got snippy and said she knew that. No. I don't think you did. She also kept trying to get my 2yr old.nephew too share with T. Yea sharing is great, but I don't want LO, who puts everythimg.in his mouth holding the dirty golf balls his cousin is playing with...

In her defense, when we were babies, Drs had our parents give us water. It's one of those things we need to inform our parents they don't recommend anymore. They're generation can't learn all the new recommendations without someone telling them. One of the phrases I use most with both grandmothers is, "actually, the pediatrician told us ..."

(Not defending anything else your MIL does though

)

hammysmommy · June 2014

My MIL is our 'nanny' for the summer - she arrived at 730 this morning and will be with us until 5p Friday...

All I want when I get home from work is to snuggle LO and relax with him and DH - not listen to her incessant prattle!

(My summer mantra: "It's free daycare.... It's free daycare....")

karich · June 2014

I'm going to need to join in on this thread.
So,
DH is traveling this week, and I started a new job so it's created some childcare issues for us.
MIL came over this am to watch the kids while I slept after an overnight shift. She was also supposed to come over Wednedsay afternoon for a few hours.

Well, she just called DH (who is in Florida) to tell him today was just too much for her. Then she bailed on Wednesday. Well....thanks so much for that!
Now I'm scrambling to find someone for Wednesday. It's only my 2nd shift at this new job so I can't really call out already.
I'm fuming.

MissDemeanor · June 2014

@BlueDot818‌ I win the BSC MIL award this week. I was going to list point by point as the weekend progressed, but I was too busy cleaning up after her. I'll explain all crazy after I have seen a licensed therapist.

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