Fear of Labor

Acedit · June 2014

Of course I know there is no turning back, even if there was that option I NEVER would. I know our little one will be worth all of the pain and agony of labor, but I am terrified. Seeing I have made it to the halfway point, the reality that in the next 20 weeks this baby is coming scares the crap out of me, not it's arrival into the world, but the process of welcoming the little guy. Heck, I don't know if my pain tolerance is good enough to get me through labor, or am I mentally and physically strong enough to birth a child?!?!? STMs is there something you are going to do differently this time around to hope make labor easier/smoother? I figure I have the next 19 weeks to wrap my brain around the birthing process and prepare myself. Anyone else scared of labor? Or am I the only one?

ShelleyElla22 · June 2014

This is my third pregnancy and I would have to say that your fears are completely normal. Just like every pregnancy is different, so is every labor and delivery. The only thing that changes with each birth is that you KNOW that you can do it no matter what is thrown at you. I have had one with an epidural and one without. Both times there were challenges but you are in a situation where there is no stop button or no turning back so that gave me the sort of peace I needed to roll with whatever was thrown at me to get through it and get my little peanut in my arms.

Try not to stress about it too much (I know, easier said than done) and do some research on different things that can help you with pain management (Bradley method, hypnobirthing, massage, etc ) That might make you feel a little more prepared and in control.

You can do it!

Lilwatz · June 2014

I'm terrified. Like, actively have to try not to think about it scared. I keep telling myself that I know so many women who have kids and I have to be tougher than at least some of them...

But yeah, I don't want to do it. I'm holding out hope for a scientific breakthrough to get the baby out without pain...by November.

Sarahbeth612 · June 2014

With DD, I was terrified because the only birth I witnessed was my sister with my niece, and she had a very hard time. I convinced myself that was the way it was for everyone, when in fact, it's quite different for everyone even from one baby to the next. The thing that I had to remember prior to labor was that this happens every day, to all kinds of women, and the people helping deliver your baby have helped so many other moms and babies.
It's normal to be freaked out; there is no way to really be prepared for what your experience will be like. My advice is to make yourself as informed as possible (classes, books, etc. from professionals; don't just bring up the topic or you will hear all kinds of horror stories). Stay calm and let your body progress. Know the stages of labor and when to go to the hospital. Your body was made to do this and it really is a miracle...it happens more easily than you would think. Your body does a lot of the work, your main job is to push when it's time, and to me, that was the best feeling through all of it. You are strong enough and you will be fine!

carcrashheart · June 2014

I was terrified with DS. I didn't want to educate myself because the more I knew the more I freaked out. About a week before I had DS I read some papers my sister (doula) gave me but that was it. The birth classes had fucked me up enough.

That said, I will say that labor comes in stages and is a progression. So you slowly get used to handling it one step at a time. The epi didn't take away the pressure feeling, only the pain, so it wasn't total relief for me but allowed me to labor down for a few hours. You get to a point where it sucks but you can't do anything about it. You can't stop. Your body physically won't allow you to since it keeps going. I was begging for someone to just rip the baby out of me after two hours of pushing and was so glad when it was over. I'm kind of hoping the epi covers the pressure this time, even though I know it's not what the staff wants. You get through it though. Try not to worry.

mander82 · June 2014

I wish they could sedate me and wake me up when the baby is out. I damn near pass out when someone takes my blood. Not sure how I am going to survive childbirth.

AnnieRoo13 · June 2014

I don't have anything more insightful than PPs as they have given you fantastic advice, but I wanted to tell you something that makes me feel better. Every time I'm afraid or nervous to do something I try to remember how many other people have done it successfully before me. If you do as much as you can beforehand to prepare and inform yourself, you can at least go in with the knowledge of what is going to happen.

jac409 · June 2014

I am a STM and I was terrified the first time around. I do not have a high pain tolerance and was very afraid of how I would handle labor. As PP said, when the time comes, your body will know what to do. Those hormones and natural instincts will kick in. My advice would be not to be too rigid on your birth plan. It's great to have one, but realize that things may or may not go the way you plan. Better to be prepared to just roll with it, whatever happens. Take a birth class and know all of your options. Also, I will tell you that by the last few weeks, you will probably be so ready to get that baby out, your fears will dissipate. I remember my last few weeks, I developed more of a bring it on attitude than one of being fear. You CAN do this, I promise : )

ccam · June 2014

I think your fears are normal. But once that time comes, you'll be amazed at what you can handle. And by that point - you'll be ready to get that baby out!!

Acedit · June 2014

Glad I didn't sound like a crazy and there are others out there that share in my fear. To date I have not started reading anything about labor, but to plan too. Also I intend to do a birthing class with my husband to help mentally prepare us a little more. Thank you for all of the great insight... I have thought to myself "so many people birth children every single day, and I have to be togher than atleast one" which makes me feel empowered, but doesn't take that fear away.

We can do this girls--- I know it!!! (We really don't have a choice, lol!)

TC0514 · June 2014

I promise you.. Your instincts kick in and it just happens! Your body was made to birth a child and when the time comes it will come natural to you. Don't get me wrong I'm a STM and still nervous about it but I keep reminding my self how natural it really is.. And if your not against it- get the epidural lol it was a God send when I had DS.

Lilwatz · June 2014

Ok. So I know I will be ABLE to do it, but let's talk recovery. Is it as awful as it sounds? Hurting when you pee from tearing or cutting? General soreness? Or a C-Section--that stomach wound?!?! I had an abdominoplasty years ago and the recovery was not terrible, but I also had no one but myself to take care of. I fear it with a sweet little baby to care for.

mb314 · June 2014

Your fears are normal, but it is good to do what you can to calm the fears in the next 20 weeks. Fear during labor can slow it down/stall progression, and you don't want that to happen.

My advice is to research, read and prepare as much as possible so that you are aware of the different things that can happen in labor and are prepared for all the different scenarios. Take childbirth classes, read as many birth stories as you can, read up on labor, etc. Birth stories are a great way to hear from real-world woman of what happened in the labor (and see that they survived

Read up on epidurals and/or ways to manage pain during labor without pain medication. The more you know, the less you will be afraid. I promise. You could also consider hiring a doula to help you during labor and help suggest positions, activities, etc to manage the pain.

I was at first scared of childbirth, and scared of tearing in particular. DH and I did the Bradley classes (which are 12 week long classes focusing on natural birth). After the classes, I felt I understood better the stages of labor and the complications that can arise. I understood techniquies to manage pain and move the labor along. I did have a med-free birth. I won't lie - it wasn't fun and it wasn't joyous and it was painful (I think my first words to DH after DS was born was "for the record, that f@#$ing hurt.") However, because I was informed, I was able to make it through.

And I did tear (which was my primary fear). I had no pain medication, and never felt the tear - had no idea it had happened. It wasn't a big deal!

In terms of recovery, because I didn't have an epidural, I was up and walking after the golden hour of bonding with DS. Yes, I was sore down there and I did need some stitches, but it wasn't that bad. I didn't need more than advil for the pain, and even then, I stopped taking it after a day.

PSA: Do sitz baths after birth! Because I didn't have much pain from my tearing, I didn't think I needed to do sitz baths. Even though I felt okay, my tears healed with scar tissue, and that was a problem. I had to have several silver nitrate treatments on my lady parts - they basically burn the skin back together. Those were worse than my med-free birth! I had to do sitz baths at like 8 weeks to 15 weeks postpartum, whereas if I had just done them initially, I don't think I would have had any of these issues.

mussalynn · June 2014

I'm in full agreement with pretty much everyone - the only way to calm your fears is to go in with knowledge. Inform yourself, inform yourself, inform yourself. Read books, read birth stories, read Ina May, go to birth classes, do prenatal yoga, etc. For me, the more I know about something, the more confident I am that I can deal with it.

I can't speak to the burning vag part since I had to have a c-section, but I can address the c-section incision question. Keeping in mind that I had a very routine c-section (only reason I had to have it was because DS was breech), no complications etc., I really didn't have to worry about my incision at all. They gave me dissolving stitches, so I didn't have to go have staples removed, and really all I had to do while it was healing was wear really high granny panties (only once I ran out of the awesome stretchy hospital undies), and not rub it in the shower (just let the soap run over it).

AnnieRoo13 · June 2014

AeandJb said:

mander82 said:

I wish they could sedate me and wake me up when the baby is out. I damn near pass out when someone takes my blood. Not sure how I am going to survive childbirth.

My MW said no

So did everyone in my family, jerks.
She said they are trying to get laughing gas approved for labor to calm moms down and it doesn't hurt the babies, but she doubted we would have it by November.

To @Acedit I am full of fears. I had a breakdown around week 8 or something, it wasn't the best. I feel better now, but I know when I hit 20 weeks I'll start freaking out again. Luckily my H can hold me while I cry.

Regarding the laughing gas- that's what they use in the UK hospital where they film "One Born Every Minute" and there's actually a hospital nearby that uses it too (not the hospital that I am delivering at unfortunately). It's definitely an interesting option since it's something that the woman delivering controls and it doesn't inhibit your movement or anything like an epidural. I was actually disappointed when I found out my hospital doesn't offer it.

Lilwatz · June 2014

lissydee said:

Lilwatz said:

Ok. So I know I will be ABLE to do it, but let's talk recovery. Is it as awful as it sounds? Hurting when you pee from tearing or cutting? General soreness? Or a C-Section--that stomach wound?!?! I had an abdominoplasty years ago and the recovery was not terrible, but I also had no one but myself to take care of. I fear it with a sweet little baby to care for.

I was sore, but not terribly so. It was the type of soreness you get after a hard workout...you use muscles you havent used in a long time...especially when pushing. I had minor tears (1st degree) with both. After my first, it stung when going to the bathroom, with my second, it did not. It really depends on the direction/placement of the tear. After delivery your nurse or midwife or other provider will show you how to care for the area down there. I highly suggest keep using the peri bottle for days after birth and place tucks pads on top of your maxi.

Thanks for the tips!

lizgrace03 · June 2014

I had such a wonderful dream last night, that my labor was super easy and he was a perfect child that I took around with me to work and meetings, and that I immediately could pee without pain, haha. It's like the opposite of most FTMs. In reality, I'm pretty nervous about the labor too. But like you said, there's really no other option! I'm sure we'll all get through one way or the other. I'm very interested in the epidural. I'm a wimp.

Allisonville · June 2014

I was terrified. Terrified. I knew it had to happen and it would happen but it's scary! I would read birth stories and cry. haha Like you, OP, I was also worried about being strong enough to push the baby out and the pain too of course. When the nurse said it was time to start pushing I started shaking all over, straight up trembling.

I don't know if I can say anything to reassure you, I'm not sure anyone could have reassured me. But in the end everything worked out and I had a baby. I learned that I have a high pain tolerance but I got an epidural and that was glorious. I only pushed for 20 minutes. The nurses were amazing. And then when it's over you get to figure out how to take care of a tiny little person.

manders9479 · June 2014

I am a FTM so I don't know what to expect yet, but I'm finding myself more excited then scared. I know things will definitely be intense, but I'm focusing on positive birth stories and practicing hypnobirthing strategies, so I'll be more prepared. I think the thing to remember is that women have been giving birth forever, it's a natural process not a medical procedure. Also, every contraction and push is bringing you closer to the happiest day of your life.

rox825 · June 2014

FTM and I'm definitely anxious... don't know if I'm scared yet, but anxious. Mostly about the epidural. I have such a needle phobia, which has gotten considerably better over the past couple of years with all of the needles I've had, but the idea of one in my spine? I almost think I'd rather try to do it naturally, which brings its own anxiety! I think that I definitely need to start doing some research soon.

MrsLillyG · June 2014

I haven't read the comments. FTM here.

There are a lot of people that have babies. There are a lot of people that have more that one baby. Therefore, for most people, it cant be as bad as you think.

jlove253 · June 2014

rox825 said:
FTM and I'm definitely anxious... don't know if I'm scared yet, but anxious. Mostly about the epidural. I have such a needle phobia, which has gotten considerably better over the past couple of years with all of the needles I've had, but the idea of one in my spine? I almost think I'd rather try to do it naturally, which brings its own anxiety! I think that I definitely need to start doing some research soon.

When you're in that much pain, you won't care about the needle. And you don't have to see it so that helps! My epidural was awesome! Didn't feel it, the dr joked with DH and I in an appropriately distracting way. Don't fear the needle

jlove253 · June 2014

Also, I second what so many women have said: read and research. And I will say I even though I had a kinda lame labor experience that I won't get into now, I am REALLY looking forward to this labor because I'm confident it'll go better! I had prepared for the labor I wanted, but not the one I didn't want. If I had prepared better I think it would have been better last time. ALSO, and this is a good thing, you will forget your labor pain! You'll remember it was painful, but you won't be able to remember how the pain felt. It's a gift.

phdprocrastinator · June 2014

j3nnyb said:

I'm a STM. I was really scared of labor and delivery with DD too. I think it's normal to feel apprehensive to anything that you haven't already experienced, especially when pain is expected. I think the best thing that helped me prepare for labor and delivery were the birthing classes I took with DH. The classes were held at the birthing center in the hospital I was planning to deliver at, so I got a chance to take a thorough tour of the triage, L&D, and recovery rooms and familiarize myself.

I'll be honest though, once I got into the last few weeks of 3rd trimester, I was so uncomfortable and done being pregnant that I didn't care what I needed to do to deliver the baby. Once I went into active labor, I kept telling myself internally that women have been doing this for centuries all over the world to give myself courage. Your body and hormones will do the majority of the work. I felt like I just needed to trust my body and ability to deliver and also trust my labor support team (OB, nurse, and DH).

This is what I was coming in here to say. Someone told me that they make the last few weeks of pregnancy so miserable so moms can get over the fear of labor. The only thing worse than going through labor is staying pregnant.

DD was sunny-side up, so I ended up needing a vacuum + episiotomy to get her out (I'm still annoyed no one figured this out for the first 3 hours of pushing). Still, even though I think my delivery could have been better, it quickly became a distant memory.

And recovery was less than fun but not terrible. I honestly don't know how home birth mommas do it, as I stayed in bed almost the entire time I was in the hospital as my vagina was just too sore to sit up on. I also slept a lot, mostly just waking to feed for the first day. But that passed quickly, too. The first poop was not nearly as bad as I had feared... just remember to take the stool softeners!

PineApple85 · June 2014

mb314 said:

My advice is to research, read and prepare as much as possible so that you are aware of the different things that can happen in labor and are prepared for all the different scenarios. Take childbirth classes, read as many birth stories as you can, read up on labor, etc. Birth stories are a great way to hear from real-world women of what happened in labor (and see that they survived Read up on epidurals and/or ways to manage pain during labor without pain medication. You could also consider hiring a doula.

I was at first scared of childbirth, and scared of tearing in particular. DH and I did the Bradley classes. After the classes, I felt I understood better the stages of labor and the complications that can arise. I understood techniques to manage pain and move the labor along. I did have a med-free birth. I won't lie - it wasn't fun and it wasn't joyous and it was painful; however, because I was informed, I was able to make it through.

And I did tear (which was my primary fear). I had no pain medication, and never felt the tear - had no idea it had happened. It wasn't a big deal!

In terms of recovery, because I didn't have an epidural, I was up and walking after the golden hour of bonding with DS. Yes, I was sore down there and I did need some stitches, but it wasn't that bad. I didn't need more than advil for the pain, and even then, I stopped taking it after a day.

This. I did the Bradley classes which are great for preparing you for what to expect from labor. I am going to buy the Hypnobabies homestudy for this one since I would like a class that focuses more on pain management now that I feel that I know what to expect from the labor itself and I don't feel like I managed any pain last time - I survived it. Which is a crappy way to put it, but it's how I feel, looking back.

My recovery was similar to mb314's: I had a 2nd degree tear but I don't remember it or getting the stitches. I took one tylenol about an hour or so after delivery and that was all. I actually remember the uterine cramping more than anything else postpartum - but most FTMs, I understand, don't experience them as strongly as I did. I ate a lot of fruit and didn't take any pain meds (after the first dose) so I didn't experience the constipation that many mothers complain of that can cause postpartum discomfort and the peri bottle will be your best friend when you go to the bathroom to avoid burning while you pee (if you tear).

Acedit · June 2014

Thank you all....I will def start my research and read, read, read!! Any book suggestions or sites that I should use as a positive resource of information?

Jack&Jill86 · June 2014

I also vote for Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - it's the only book I've read so far and I found it extremely comforting and felt like it really made me less fearful of labour

momtojad · June 2014

Labor and Birth were really enjoyable for me. There was no rush or panic. My water broke at 4:30am and I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I cleaned my house for two more hours and then I ordered chinese food. We left for the brith center 12 hours later for no other reason but that we were bored. I laid in a tub and had my husband and bff tell jokes and pour water over my stomach while I contracted. Baby was born 4 hours after we arrived. From my hubs prospective it was painful for me, but for me it was empowering.

NLJ82 · June 2014

Everytime I picture myself giving birth I have a flashback of the million lifetime movies I've seen where the birthing process was just too much for the mother and "She died, but the baby is fine". Then from there the process goes from crying, to debating in my head the risks/benefits of an epidural, to eating chocolate and then I sleep to forget my troubles.

I would assume that dying is not a normal/common thing but I'm to terrified to look up the statistics lol.

wildflower75 · June 2014

Your fears are totally normal. I watched a lot of birthing videos and also taking a birthing/ lamaze class helped (they went through all the possibilities and scenarios of labor and delivery). Also thinking about what would help me through the process... relaxing music ( I made playlists - one upbeat and one slow and soothing), funny movies on DVD to take to the hospital and watch on the lap top. If you're worried about the pain, rest assured that the epidural takes the pain away!! And lastly I wrote out a bunch of mantras that I had my husband read to me during the contractions ( I wanted an all natural birth but ended up with a CS due to failure to progress)... they were sayings like "my body was made for this" "I open myself to my new child" etc etc...
All in all your instinct does kick in and you just ultimately want a healthy baby so you do what you have to do in that moment. It will all be fine and you will be GREAT!!

mommymeg143 · June 2014

I'm actually excited about the labor. I know, total weirdo. I'm a FTM so I do not have any clue how it will be. The only thing I can focus on is how my sweet little girl will be here with us after everything.. I also ALWAYS tell myself, like PPs stated, that millions of women have been through labor and delivery. Maybe billions... Your body was made to do this. I agree that it is a very, very scary thing but you will have doctors and nurses by your side in case anything goes wrong. Unless you're that girl who wanted to give birth at home with NO assistance...things might suck for her.

I'm a big believer in mind over matter. Do alot of research so you know what is happening to your body. Try not to focus too much on the scary parts of labor. Focus on the positive things like holding your baby!!

mamatohne · June 2014

I'm jealous of you all. I had to and will have to have c-sections. I'm sad I don't get to experience vaginal birth. I know op asked about c section, for me it was so easy. I had virtually no pain almost at all. But still sad I didn't get to go the other way.

Lilwatz · June 2014

tarynleann said:

I'm jealous of you all. I had to and will have to have c-sections. I'm sad I don't get to experience vaginal birth. I know op asked about c section, for me it was so easy. I had virtually no pain almost at all. But still sad I didn't get to go the other way.

Interestingly enough, I am the opposite. I want an elective c-section (I am high risk and have severe blood clotting risks and the idea of getting off of thinners and waiting for the baby to come out terrifies me). My doctor in VA was on board with this plan. Since I moved to FL, my doctor here is not...

moroccojade · June 2014

lissydee said:

Acedit said:

Thank you all....I will def start my research and read, read, read!! Any book suggestions or sites that I should use as a positive resource of information?

Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Thinking Women's Guide to a Better Birth-Henci Goer

Birthing From Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation-Pam England

Birth Partner-Penny Simkin (for SO/DH)

ITA with these...

Also, it is worth it to read Marie Mongan's book on Hypnobirthing. (Even if you have no interest in hypnobirthing!) It talks about fear-tension-pain cycle... (As soon as you are scared, you tense up. As soon as you tense up, it hurts. Once it starts really hurting, you become terrified, and on and on....) Starting your birth with no fear will relax you and will get you on the road to a better birth. (Hopefully one of those orgasmic ones you hear about once in a blue moon. lol.)

mussalynn · June 2014

tarynleann said:

I'm jealous of you all. I had to and will have to have c-sections. I'm sad I don't get to experience vaginal birth. I know op asked about c section, for me it was so easy. I had virtually no pain almost at all. But still sad I didn't get to go the other way.

@tarynleann - I'm curious, why did you have to have and will have to have another c-section? Just curious, absolutely no judgment - you do what you gotta do!

mamatohne · June 2014

I had gd, my son was huge and my body didn't progress. This time because I didn't wait long enough to get pregnant again, and u had abdominal surgery in November. They are worried my body is not healed enough to push if I did progress this time.

I will add my son's head was 34 cm around when he was born and my niece who was 18 months at the time head was 35 cm around. I'm glad I didn't have to push that out!

mamatohne · June 2014

I also fought my doctor about having a c section and felt really really guilty about it once I held my baby. Which is why I am OK agreeing to it early this time.

mussalynn · June 2014

tarynleann said:I had gd, my son was huge and my body didn't progress. This time because I didn't wait long enough to get pregnant again, and u had abdominal surgery in November. They are worried my body is not healed enough to push if I did progress this time. I will add my son's head was 34 cm around when he was born and my niece who was 18 months at the time head was 35 cm around. I'm glad I didn't have to push that out!

I had to have my CS because DS was breech, and when he came out his head measured 39cm!!! He doesn't have a huge head though, it's because his head was squished against my ribs for so long it was shaped sort of like a bike helmet. Glad I didn't have to push that out either!

brooklyngirl18 · June 2014

i'm right there with you! i am really scared and anxious about the actual birthing process. I'm afraid of reading too much into it and working myself up even more. i know that's ridiculous but i can't help it. we signed for birthing classes so hopefully that will make me feel better and doing some research.

alysonmh · June 2014

Your body is made for this and you will be able to handle it. And if not that's what epidurals are for. I had an epidural 24 hours into labor the first time around and the prick of the needle was nothing compared to the contractions so don't worry about the pain of the epidural, it's minimal. Labor hurts but is not as bad as women make it out to be and before you know it, it's over. As a STM I recommend taking a birthing class to teach you breathing techniques and positions to help you through labor, they really do make a difference. I know it will hurt but I don't worry about it because it won't make a difference. You'll be fine, really.

silverwings72 · June 2014

I am scared to death as well. I try to stay away from the horrific birth stories where the mother goes into great detail about how much she hated and almost died in child birth. I've had to set some pretty clear boundaries with a couple women because they have felt like scaring the crap out of me with their depressing and nightmarish stories. Now I just interrupt someone if they don't have anything encouraging and uplifting to share. I realize it's not all rainbows and butterflies but I do not need to hear the horror stories.

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