How to get Daddy-To-Be more into what we need to be doing?

Re: How to get Daddy-To-Be more into what we need to be doing?

• WashingtonQueen member

  June 2014

  I'm so confused. What's the problem exactly? You can't go to the store and look for yourself?

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• Arwen78 member

  June 2014

  Ah, yeah sorry guess I should have added that I don't drive. I also live near a downtown and all the shops like Babies-R-Us are harder for me to just get a bus and goto for not much of a reason.

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• ADC1979 member

  June 2014

  I have a car and live pretty close to a BRU, but I still did all my research online.  I didn't step into a brick and mortar store for a single baby thing so far.  (That's going to change, I'm sure, but for now it's true.)  My hubby doesn't mind some of the research, but most of the stuff he's left me to decide on and that's fine.  Maybe put your boyfriend in charge of things that appeal to him?  My hubby is having a ball setting up and playing with the baby monitor camera we're going to use, for example.  He did all the research for it, too, which is good because that's right up his alley and not mine.

  
  

  
  

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• greeneyed_bride member

  June 2014

  Looking at diapers (or a lot of other baby products) really isn't going to tell you how well they work. Talking to real moms online (in the cloth diapering or nurseries and baby gear forums on The Bump, for example) is a much better way of figuring out which products are good and which aren't. And honestly, I know a LOT of good dads (my own dad and my husband included,) and I don't know of a single one who liked shopping for baby things. "Getting on his case" definitely isn't going to make him want to shop for baby items. If you have a female friend or relative with young children, I'd recommend taking them to BRU to window shop instead. 

  
  

  My husband is an excellent, hands-on father who is great with our son. But for both of my pregnancies, he really has not been terribly interested in any of the baby preparation. He's happy to assemble the baby furniture and stuff as needed, but I'd show him different nursery decorations or baby products, and his eyes would kind of glaze over and he'd just say "whatever you want" or "I'm fine with anything you pick." When I was pregnant with our son, I occasionally got a little concerned that it was an indication that he wasn't excited about the baby. Then I had our son and saw how in love with him my husband was from day one, and I realized that it's just that he cannot get excited about diapers or baby blankets or a crib mobile with monkeys on it. This time around, I just tell him "we're going to need xyz for the new baby, do you care which kind I get?" and when he inevitably says no, I get to pick out whatever I want.

   
  

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• JSS1002 member

  June 2014

  My husband is a wonderful father and partner -- but when it comes to this sort of stuff, I run the show.  He doens't care what kind of diapers we use or what the nursery looks like or what boppy I buy.  We discuss how much we will spend on things, I do the research and usually the purchasing, and he shows up for the manpower (ie, assembling the crib, moving furniture).  You gotta find what works for you, but I think you'll be hard pressed to find a dude that is psyched about comparing cloth diapers and onesies.

     

  
  

  
  

  

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• Wonderland438 member

  June 2014

  My husband is like this about shopping in general.  I try to "pre-shop" as I call it, so that I have things down to 2 or 3 options, and then I make him commit to a day and we go and choose.  I think that if you came to him with "We need a crib and a stroller.  I have 3 of each narrowed down.  Let's set a date and time to knock these things of the to do list" he might be more receptive.  Guys tend to be more on board with a defined start & stop time, and list to accomplish rather than feeling like they may be stuck in BRU (or any other store) all day.
  

  

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• bewilderingstar member

  June 2014

  BRU will not help you decide if you want to do cloth diapering vs disposables. That's something you will have to do on your own or take a cloth diaper class to see if it's the right fit for you.

  
  

  That being said, I totally understand wanting to go to a brick & mortar store to see everything rather than trying to figure out what you want online. Strollers, swings, slings, bottles - these are all things you would want to touch and see and figure out what fits best for you and baby. I totally get that. 

  
  

  I booked a "baby day" into our schedule several months ago so we could go to a couple of baby stores to see exactly what we wanted. DH knew ahead of time that this was happening and knew he couldn't schedule anything during that time. I put it in both of our phone calendars so we wouldn't forget and it worked out great! I made sure to get him lunch (with two margaritas) half way through the day and we continued on. He was a trooper. 

  
  

  Wishing you luck and make sure to tell your SO that this is something you really want to have happen. I'm sure he'll come along for the ride

  

  
  

  BFP#1: 08/30/12 EDD 04/30/12 m/c 09/04/12 6wks
  BFP#2: 01/27/13 EDD 10/06/13 missed m/c 02/25/13 9wks
  BFP#3: 10/30/13 EDD 07/05/14 Our little dude was born on 07/10/14 @ 2:19p

  
  

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• Arwen78 member

  June 2014

  Thanks for all the wonderful tips. I think I might put some into action. It's not really that I get on him for not doing things, I actually don't and feeling like we are a bit be hind on this. A lot as we haven't even really started on moving our bed as we have to switch a few rooms around. It's somewhat my fault as I'm not able to clean up the rooms as I'm just so tired and the heat gets to me. You know! Plus, it's just harder for me to get around in all. With not driving, which when I need to go on a shopping trip he'll use find a place to wait with a book. Which is what I'm okay with.

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