I'm an emotional wreck today

snowgirl427 · June 2014

So you all know DH and I have been TTC #2 since Feb with no luck... which isn't surprising since it took 3 years for us to get pregnant with J. Every month it's disappointment all over again. I went to the Dr. on Monday and am starting Chlomid on Sunday, which has me nervous as it is.

This morning I woke up to AF (hence starting the meds on Sunday, day 3 of my cycle) and now it is real. Add to it that J needs to be completely weaned before Sunday. I've been weaning him and known this day is coming, but now that there is a drop-dead date (before I take that first pill), I'm so emotional. I've enjoyed BFing so much.... and he still enjoys this last feeding right before bed. I'm sad to see it go.

Add to this my guilt - I wouldn't be stopping this last feeding except I want another baby so much. J is so awesome and I love love love being a mom. Our window is small to keep trying... but if it doesn't happen for us, then I would have taken it from J for no reason. They don't know what causes my infertility (or subfertility now since I did get pregnant with J) and that makes these things harder for the Dr's because there really isn't a reason for me not to get pregnant easily... I just don't. (DH is fine btw - no problems on his end).

Just needed an ear to talk to. Thanks in advance. I've really been struggling with this and with tomorrow being the day I have to stop nursing, it all hit me at once.

TrulyBlessed22 · June 2014

Know that trying to get J a sibling is worth it...he's a year now and your milk has been wonderful during that time. Try not to beat yourself up too much and focus on the ultimate goal...the possibility of another baby to love and nurse. Big Hugs!

snowgirl427 · June 2014

Thanks @TrulyBlessed22

smg2302 · June 2014

Hugs! You did amazingly well to keep it up this long. Keep us updated on your TTC journey

caden1206 · June 2014

You are doing the best thing ever by adding to your family. Just take it one day at a time. GL with TTC. I hope this cycle is wonderfully successful.

MamaMD · June 2014

You made it past a year BF, don't forget that huge accomplishment! J will be fine and hopefully have a little sibling to love someday soon. Good luck!

snowgirl427 · June 2014

Thanks ladies. It really means a lot. Today has been one of those days so I really appreciate it.

@missk0411 - Keeping my fingers crossed for your embryo transfer next month!!

kelseyhh · June 2014

We're in the process of weaning, so I understand how hard and emotional it can be. Especially so for you since it isn't fully by choice. You've been BFing for over a year, and that is amazing. You should be proud!
Good luck TTC and you'll be in my prayers!

surpriseaddition · June 2014

I know it is really hard to give up BF, especially when you've done it so long and LO really enjoys it. With my DS, I BF until around 18 months when he got the coxsackie virus, and wouldn't nurse because of blisters in his mouth. I was so sad, especially knowing he was our second....and last (so I thought!) baby. But, the transition was so much easier for him than me. You may be surprised how quickly your LO transitions. We were blessed enough to have this surprise addition, that I've been able to nurse another 13 months. I so hope the same happens for you with your TTC. I guess what I'm trying to say is weaning is going to be hard for all of us who've gone this far. Your reason for weaning is as good as it gets in my book!

jesselayne8 · June 2014

Big Hugs. I weaned my first child at 8 months in order to TTC #2. It's hard not to feel guilty about it but you did a great job making it to a year. GL with #2!!!

TundraGirl · June 2014

I can sort of relate as well. I BF until 6 months and pumped for another 6 months. Then I got some medical test results that led my doctor to want me to go back on medication. The meds aren't compatible with BM, so that was that. I made it to a year, which was my goal, but losing the option to provide more BM hit me harder than I thought it would.

It took me a while (and some tears and anger), but I've come to terms with it now. I hope that you are able to as well. Good luck TTC and if you want to chat, PM me.

Boo0512 · June 2014

Weaning is hard no matter the circumstances. I'm trying to wean my LO and its not going well. It's so tough.

Hoping and praying that weaning is easier than you expect and that you are pregnant with #2 soon

Lolalipsy · June 2014

((Hugs)).

huzzahuzza · June 2014

>:D<

c-elizabethf · June 2014

Praying for you, sending virtual hugs
>:D<

PumpkinAndThePeanut · June 2014

You have done a great job BFing J this long! If you are able to give him a sibling he'll be eternally grateful for that. If you're not, he'll be grateful you tried. Big hugs and best of luck in your upcoming cycle(s).

kcwnc · June 2014

Hugs! We've been contemplating weaning as well, we just nurse in the morning and before bed now. I keep telling myself he's not ready but if I'm honest I don't think I'm ready. As sweet as the time together has been you've done a great job bfing this entire time and have a great reason to wean for you entire family and future family. Thank you for posting this and being open about how difficult it is.

ordinary1 · June 2014

Hugs! Don't beat yourself up. It is ok to feel sad that your nursing relationship is ending. It is a sad thing, but also be proud that you have made it a year! Be proud of any and all struggles you have overcome during your nursing relationship, and be proud that you are doing what is right for you and your family.

snowgirl427 · June 2014

Hey everyone. Sorry for the delay. Three trees came down on our property Friday making the weekend crazy.

Thank you so much for all your kind words and support. Last night was hard. Not going to lie. J was crying a lot and kept pulling at my shirt. I just kept offering milk in his cup (he drank about 5 oz total which was plenty). If I hadn't started the Clomid yesterday, I totally would have caved and nursed. J eventually fell asleep around 9 pm which is later than usual but not too bad.

I don't get to jump on here throughout the day anymore and miss doing so, but really - I can't thank you all enough. The support with you ladies means so much.

And @linegirl313 - :x

snowgirl427 · June 2014

Good luck @schmass. It's so hard but I know we will get through it!

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