STM+: How are your older kid(s) adjusting to new baby?

Rosebud2587 · June 2014

I didn't see a thread like this so I'm starting one because I need somewhere to talk about DD1 and how she is behaving now that DD2 is here. I'm hoping other moms are in the same boat and can offer advice or just say "we're going through the same thing."

DD1 loves her baby sister. She wants to see her first thing when she wakes up and is constantly asking to hold her, giving her kisses etc. I love it. However, DD1's behavior since bringing DD2 home has been anything but angelic. She's throwing tantrums about EVERYTHING! She's throwing, hitting, spitting, and just generally being naughty. I know that she's probably behaving like this for attention but it's driving my crazy and stressing me out. For those who have BTDT, how long does the adjustment period usually last? Any tips or advice?

tbmadeamistake · June 2014

We are dealing with the same thing. C is two. So far I can tell you that positive reinforcement for good behavior is working really well and we try to ignore the poor behavior unless it outs Charlie or herself at risk. When she throws things we remind her not to throw and take away whatever she threw. That has a hit or miss response. Good luck!

SecondTimeinMSU · June 2014

DS is the same, he adores his brother but has been not listening, fighting sleep/naps, and throws a fit and whines a ton. The new baby cries less than him. I am hoping things are getting better, he's had more good days. I just try to focus on doing one on one play time when DH is home, also I think I'd gotten lax on discipline since I was tired so I try to give him a time out to chill out if I feel him getting out of control then try to up the positive attention afterwards so he knows he doesn't have to be crazy to catch my eye. It is rough but time helps. I heap on the praise for good behavior which seems to be getting through to him. Hang in there it has been super rough, it is the only thing that has brought me to tears since the baby was born but we will get through it

purtz · June 2014

Yes, going through this too with our 3year old. I try to tell myself it's a lot of normal toddler behavior and much of it would be happening regardless of new baby. But it is exhausting!!

rainbowdashh · June 2014

This thread terrifies me.

tbmadeamistake · June 2014

Oh! C also started to do much better when we hunkered down for a weekend at home, just us four. The newness wore off and she was able to get used to him a bit. Definitely made a difference.

k318 · June 2014

Ds is having a bit of a rough time. He is warming up to his sister, he even pet her head and gave her a kiss yesterday, but he cried a lot yesterday and throughout the night. We are trying our best to give him extra cuddles and assure him that we love him.

nunzchucks · June 2014

Yup, but I attribute our issues to "grandparent hangover". She got her way for 4 straight days and wasn't corrected to say "please" and "no thank you". We are finally getting back on track after another 5 days, but we are having about one mega tantrum per day. That I'm just thinking is her being two.

JujuB22 · June 2014

My 7 yr old dd goes from being extremely helpless and can't do a thing for herself to being the most caring, helpful child ever. Ex: This morning she was eating her cereal and had a drop of milk hanging from her chin. She freaked and was hollering for a napkin. Well I was elbow deep in a poopy diaper so I holler back " Can't help you, figure it out." She sat paralyzed with her chin over her bowl for 10 minutes. I refused to fetch her a napkin. Morning went downhill from there and she eventually ended up with a spanking, and I can't remember the last time she earned one of those. She straightened up though, and has been an angel and helping me out without me even asking. I think she was testing and realized that mom is not her personal slave and that I'm not going to stop in the middle of caring for her brother for something she can handle herself. Hoping that she continues to be the self sufficient, independent child she has always been, and not the pitiful brat she was this morning.

vv826 · June 2014

JujuB22 said:
My 7 yr old dd goes from being extremely helpless and can't do a thing for herself to being the most caring, helpful child ever. Ex: This morning she was eating her cereal and had a drop of milk hanging from her chin. She freaked and was hollering for a napkin. Well I was elbow deep in a poopy diaper so I holler back " Can't help you, figure it out." She sat paralyzed with her chin over her bowl for 10 minutes. I refused to fetch her a napkin. Morning went downhill from there and she eventually ended up with a spanking, and I can't remember the last time she earned one of those. She straightened up though, and has been an angel and helping me out without me even asking. I think she was testing and realized that mom is not her personal slave and that I'm not going to stop in the middle of caring for her brother for something she can handle herself. Hoping that she continues to be the self sufficient, independent child she has always been, and not the pitiful brat she was this morning.

I'm so glad to read, this not because your going through it, but because DD1 is also 7 years old and there's days that she seems great with the idea of DD2 and at moments it seems like it's the worst thing. She absolutely loves to help with everything so I'm hoping if I can keep her as involved as possible we can have a smooth transition!

Rosebud2587 · June 2014

StrawberryDreams219 said:

This thread terrifies me.
ditto!! please keep doing well with the potty training, please oh please oh please DD!!

Oh yeah, potty training... DD1 has been doing good with peeing on the potty but since DD2 came home has decided pooping on the potty is over rated and would rather poop in her undies. So gross. I hope this phase doesn't last much longer.

chloephoebecali · June 2014

My kids love her (almost too much sometimes) but they constantly do what we ask them not to do. It's almost like a game to them. I think there is a bit of grandparent hangover but also the change of having the baby in the house. I'm dreading when Dh goes back (Monday). I just had her Wednesday and it feels too soon. I also feel so sad, like my kids are not the same as they were before.

Rosebud2587 · June 2014

StrawberryDreams219 said:

Rosebud2587 said:

StrawberryDreams219 said:

This thread terrifies me.
ditto!! please keep doing well with the potty training, please oh please oh please DD!!

Oh yeah, potty training... DD1 has been doing good with peeing on the potty but since DD2 came home has decided pooping on the potty is over rated and would rather poop in her undies. So gross. I hope this phase doesn't last much longer.

Ahh the dreaded undie poop!! There is no way to pull those down without getting poo all down the legs...smh
Good luck!!

Ugh, yes. We told her today that she was going back in pull ups if she pooped in her undies again. I have a feeling she'll be in pull ups tomorrow.

MamaTree17 · June 2014

I agree with @LilNunz1‌. With all the company we've had DD1 has been so spoiled and completely off her schedule. We went back to sending her to daycare even with us home and she is SO much better. She loves DD2 and honestly has impressed me with how she loves on her but keeping a schedule has been key to keeping her attitude in check.

snowpants · June 2014

DD1 loves to give kisses to and talk about DD2, but she's also acting out more and has been really whiny & needy the last couple days. She also has her 2 year molars coming in so that might be part of it, but we're each trying to have plenty of 1-on-1 time with her to help with the transition.

erikaleighh · June 2014

I am worried. We are having our baby tomorrow via c-section in a hospital 2 hrs from home. This is my first child. My 10 year old step daughter lives in the town where the baby will be born. I get out of the hospital Thursday and she wants to come home with us and stay through the weekend. I told my husband no, because this is my first birth experience and I will not only be recovering from childbirth, but from surgery. Having a newborn on the two hour drive home and being home with my first baby will be enough to handle. I said she should wait and come up with my husband's parents the NEXT weekend for the baptism. My husband said he doesn't want to let her down. He said he will take care of me, the baby, and his daughter. But I have my doubts. He does zero housework the way it is (I do housework, he does the outside stuff), and I am the one that takes care of his daughter when she comes. I feel like he will be quickly overwhelmed, and I won't be able to help because of the surgery. Plus his daughter is a huge daddy's girl and I know she will be very demanding of his attention, which makes me very worried about his ability to bond with, and help take care of, our baby. I would feel differently if this wasn't my first child and if I wasn't having a c-section. How can I handle these first 4 days at home? Please help!!!!!

Mom&nurse · June 2014

I have step daughters so this is real fun at times. Only 1 lives full time with us. She is 5 and loves her sister. Can't get enough if her. Really helpful but I over play the big sister card. Call her tye best big sister. Such s big helper. How lucky her sister is. We had a few too much help with baby. Trying to walk around with her. But no regression.

SD10 is annoying me though. It's like she forgot how to listen and tries to mother and boss everyone around. It's hard when they are board. I get "what are we going to do today? " we'll its 10 am and I've been up half night so I'm taking a nap just be happy if u get fed today.

Now i have all of them 14,13,10 & 5 so I'm a FTM and a STM all at the same time. I wish it was just me and baby some days.

erikaleighh · June 2014

Thanks Mom&nurse! I will definitely try to play up the big sister role and keep her involved. I'm a big ball of nerves.

tbmadeamistake · June 2014

C does this thing where she'll be on the couch and lean forward only to throw herself back into the couch cushions. She thinks its hysterical. Tonight she was sitting next to me while I was nursing, did it, and beaned poor Charlie on the back of his head. He cried out once, I had a heart attack, DH took C to time out, it was a mess. Luckily I think my boob took most of the impact, built in airbag! He seems fine now and for the first time she actually sat in time out and listened to us. She also gave him a sweet kiss. Lordy, though two year olds and newborns!

flerlgirl · June 2014

DS is only 15 mos and is at more of a 12 month level. His biggest issue has been jealousy. He screeeeeaaaaams when she gets fed, even if I just fed him two minutes before. And he doesn't want to be put down. So we're trying to praise him a ton for good behavior. He's getting better sloooowly but surely. I recommend drinking.

k318 · June 2014

Ds was such a good sleeper before dd. now he fights sleep so hard and wakes up crying a few times per night. Is this normal?? I am hoping it is just him adjusting. He is 14 months and this is only our third night home with dd. I try to give him as much attention as I can and involve him with dd as much as possible/that he wants to be..

SecondTimeinMSU · June 2014

We are now 4 weeks with the baby and I think we're getting there. A few moments here and there this weekend but more your regular 3 year old testing your limits than crazed child driving me insane. DS goes to daycare Thursday and Friday then there was the weekend so we'll see how things go tomorrow when we are alone. It is good to know I am not alone, no matter how much you prepare and try it isn't enough to mitigate all the transition . I considered changing my name and fleeing the country with DS#2 but thankfully I stuck it out. @lpetrillo‌ our problem was not going to sleep. He'd be up super later fighting sleep but he's been getting better

Mom&nurse · June 2014

@Lilygrace48‌ built in air bags... Lol

rainbowdashh · June 2014

This thread is still scaring me. DD is demanding and high energy. I think I'll stay pregnant forever.

ChristineBaker23 · June 2014

Had a heart to heart with my mom last thursday where she basically told me to get my crap together and stop being on eggshells with my older daughter (she'll be 3 in september) and discipline her. She told me it would suck for about three days and I would feel like a horrible mom but she needs to know the rules have not changed. My mom had three kids herself at about 2 years apart and is a teacher for 3 year olds + so I of course took the advice. So, Friday, the time out chair came back and shit got real, real fast. Now it's Sunday and I have a much better two year old. She is happy and relatively obedient (still serving time outs regularly) and doesn't hate me for being tough with her! My advice to anyone would be don't let the rules bend. Let your kid know things are not going to change with baby's arrival and that the rules still apply. Don't let them run you over!

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STM+: How are your older kid(s) adjusting to new baby?

Re: STM+: How are your older kid(s) adjusting to new baby?

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

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