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My partners parents are driving me crazy!

AudreyJoAAudreyJoA member
in November 2014 Moms
Okay I know this is a beautiful and happy time, having my first born. But please tell me if you have the same in laws...
I have been raised to work for your keep, my dad is happy to have another grandchild but limits gifts to one major purchase. I have not have everything handed to me in other words. As for my partner he has been VERY fortunate and his parents have given him A LOT of things. SO now whenever I go over there his mom has told me all the things she has looked at, hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Asking me everything I want and I'm not even 20 weeks!! She has even bought me little girl clothes and I don't even know what I'm having. I mean I am so grateful and love them so much for being excited and supportive. But I am completely overwhelmed. Does anyone have this same problem? And what is the nicest way to just say STOP? I mean my family would like to buy me things too.
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Re: My partners parents are driving me crazy!

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    AudreyJoAAudreyJoA member
    It relates for sure. But his family is so close to us and plans of having us move to their granny house once the baby is born.! :/ I just want to scream. And I'm all about researching everything I want and she is all about buying the most expensive things. Thank you so much for your feedback, it does shed light on my situation
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    MrsDLMrsDL member

    My in-laws are very generous with their grandson and have been like this since I was pregnant with him so I sort of had the same thoughts when I was pregnant.  Honestly, I would count your blessings and try and look at from the perspective that they're just trying to spoil you a little right now (nothing wrong with that) and want to do the same for their grandchild. There will always be something the baby needs, so there will be plenty of things for other's to buy.  If there is one big gift your dad wants to buy, just nicely tell in-laws what it is and I'm sure they'll be fine with it.  You'll look back with all the money you have to spend for the rest of your life and be grateful. In-laws gave us a check for 10K right when DS was born for college. I was blown away and completely grateful, but I remember thinking it was too much and that was our responsibility.  With daycare costs and everything else, I couldn't be more appreciative that they were willing and able to so generously give him such a jump-start.

    They always say the role of a grandparent is to spoil their grandchildren and send them home to mom and dad - as long as you and your husband are on the same page in terms of teaching your LOs to be self-sufficient, that they can't and won't get everything they want, and that they have to work for things - you can convey this to grandparents if you feel they're crossing lines or going against your wishes.  I would say my in-laws spoil my son, but they never give him things without asking me, they never go against rules we have (give him things we don't want him to have behind our back) because we set boundaries early on.  Now is just fun for them, do your best to let them have it and focus on those boundaries once they come-up after LO arrives.  You can't really spoil a fetus, you can easily spoil a toddler.

     
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    HappyToBeHereHappyToBeHere member
    edited June 2014
    That does sound frustrating!  My MIL is more concerned with making sure her own house is ready for the baby, so I just let her do whatever.  She has pretty much outfitted her house for the LO.  I just tell her "we haven't even really thought about what we want/need" when she tells me all the things she has purchased, even though she's not telling us what she has purchased for us ;).  It's my subtle hint that if DH and I (as the parents) haven't even really dwelled on it, then she doesn't need to either.  Unfortunately she's off for the summer (and is debating early retirement) so she doesn't have much else going on to consume her right now.

    My FIL is not like that at all, and really doesn't even talk much about the baby (which is more how DH and I are) because we're not even at the half way point yet.  We all just let her do her thing.

    My parents also haven't purchased anything yet.  I figure they'll ask when we decide what we need/how we're setting up a nursery.  

    Edited for spelling :)
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    AudreyJoAAudreyJoA member
    Yes yes, you ladies are totally true. Thank you :) I love your relations. I just don't really know how to take gifts. I just need to remember it is for the LO and one less this to worry about.
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    absolutelymaybeabsolutelymaybe member
    I would honestly try to suck it up and enjoy it. Be grateful they are so excited and buying things for baby.

    As long as they aren't trying to use the gifts as leverage or they have strings attached, they just sound like doting grandparents.

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    hiketheworldhiketheworld member
    I would tell them that you really appreciate their generosity but that you and your partner haven't yet had time to sit down and really discuss what you want or the style of your nursery, that you have limited space so you want to be careful in your selections and you will let her know when you've registered if she is interested in buying non-clothes.

    I'd be annoyed if someone went and bought me a crib or stroller or nursery patterns without consulting me first. If it gets totally out of hand have your partner talk to his parents about it. He can tell them that while you are very thankful for all of the gifts that you don't have room for everything now, that you have so many baby clothes that it would be great if they bought toddler outfits instead, you'd like to purchase items for your own baby, or some other reason.

    If your parents want to get you a large item, leave that off the registry that you give your mil access too. To avoid family drama, don't tell your family all the stuff mil is buying for your LO. Keep it even- if your family buys you a crib, tell them mil bought a stroller or other similarly priced item and leave it at that. They don't have to know about the extreme gifting.
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    aa98aa98 member
    edited June 2014
    My parents are a lot like your In-Laws, embarrassingly generous.  It drives DH nuts as he sort of keeps a balance sheet in his head of what his parents have given in the past year vs. what mine have given.  I HATE IT.  I have sat my parents down and told them how uncomfortable their gifts make DH, and they have eased back a bit but they have THEIR own "balance sheet" of what they have given my brother and SIL.  You can see how complicated it can get trying to keep it "equal and fair."  I personally refuse to keep these sort of accountings because frankly I don't care, other than being grateful to any gift giver.  I give family and friends what I would like factoring in what I can afford financially, my affection for the person, and the occasion calling for the gift.  What they have given me or what I have given other recipients of the same relationship factor very little in my decision.  

    I say ask your DH to talk with his mom about how while you appreciate her generosity, it makes you very uncomfortable.  If she says I don't care, I want to spoil my grandchild, I would just let it go and accept graciously. Otherwise, if she is amenable to compromise, maybe you an agree on one big ticket item and if she wants to give more financially, maybe she can start a college fund for your LO instead?

    Edited: Still can't get my grammar right :)
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    ColtiersMomColtiersMom member
    His parents are very generous and obviously not going to let your baby go without anything. If they want to give so much and she wants to know specifics tell them to buy something's that might be too much for y'all to afford. Custom crib bedding, a nice crib, stroller...I would just look at it like they are very excited and willing to buy whatever you could possibly need. Be appreciative because not everyone is so lucky.
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    Melissa2216Melissa2216 member
    I don't have any advice, but I understand what you mean. My in-laws haven't been been too bad with DS. MIL shops frequently and buys him new outfits every couple months, but it's always in moderation so it doesn't bother me.

    Christmas is another story, though. My parents are pretty conservative and usually get DH and me one gift each. I'd say they spend a combined $100 max. And the gift for DH is usually a gift card to a restaurant or something that we will both use. Basically whatever they used to spend when it was just me, that amount is now divided up between me, DH, and DS. Conservative, but reasonable. I can't complain.

    My in-laws, on the other hand, haven't cut back at all with what they spend on DH for Christmas, and now they spend that much on me also. So DH and I always get several gifts EACH from them, plus they give each of us a card with a check for $200. And then they spend another couple hundred on DS. It's crazy and I always feel a little embarrassed when we have Christmas with my family and DH only gets one or two little things.
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    MaelaraMaelara member
    absolutelymaybe said:
    I would honestly try to suck it up and enjoy it. Be grateful they are so excited and buying things for baby. As long as they aren't trying to use the gifts as leverage or they have strings attached, they just sound like doting grandparents.

    Completely this. I know you are overwhelmed so maybe put the gifts in the babies room until you feel like you can handle it better.
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    MelainemorganMelainemorgan member
    Haha this is so funny because I'm having problems with my mum!! I'm an only child and this is the first grand child and also my two aunties couldn't have kids either so I get the hype but she's already made a cot blanket, clothes, bought a porta cot etc and she's now nagging at me about the sex so she can do more! She even said yesterday she's half way through a Christmas stocking for it lol my partner said not to worry about her and to limit what we tell her and just let her go with all her excitement lol
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    ShonannyShonanny member
    Take it, but make sure you have gift receipts. Diapers, wipes, bath soap, etc. it all adds up. I returned items I did not need with my DS and would use the gift card for other things he needed. Whether it was diapers, clothes in a bigger size, etc. If it is too much for you then you should say something, but otherwise be happy for the support and it is great your little one has such supportive family around too!

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