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Preparing myself for being around friends/family for the first time...

mrsjg2013mrsjg2013 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Good afternoon, everyone.  Before I begin, I truly appreciate any support/advice you have.  I wish you didn't understand, but I know you do.  I've been talking to my DH and a close friend about my anxieties about my little sister's college graduation party this afternoon, but although I know they mean well, they just don't know what to say exactly. 

My d&c was on Tuesday... I was supposed to have had my Panorama test results back by today and was so happy to possibly "let the cat out of the bag" today about our pregnancy.  (We would have been 12 1/2 weeks.)  Instead of showing up with pink or blue nail polish (a fun way to see if my immediate family could figure it out), I'm showing up with nasty bruises on the tops of each of my hands and under each of my wrists from the 7 attempts at getting my IV going.  Instead of showing up with a little smirk knowing I was keeping such a precious secret, I'm showing up with a broken heart that I have to hide.  My SIL is 8 months pregnant, my graduating sister is recently engaged... so much to be happy about.  My grief does not make me any less happy for their joy, but I'm afraid it may highlight my grief. 

Although it's the first time I'll see my immediate family (who know about this loss and the two others) since finding out the terrible news, I know they'll not come up to me with a hug and tear-filled eyes.  They know that I'm an emotional mess right now.  So many others do not know, so I'm trying to prepare myself for possible questions about my obvious bruises, questions about "when's it your turn to have a baby?" etc.  Any words of wisdom out there?  Even though I'm on pain medication for my cramping, I'm going to nurse a drink for the duration of the party in order to ward off possible "are you pregnant?" questions.  It's very possible that I'm over-thinking this and that the day will be a joy-filled one with no attention to me (which hurts in it's own way)...  Thanks again for your support in this :)
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Re: Preparing myself for being around friends/family for the first time...

  • stephy1221stephy1221 member
    I think the best thing you can do is come up with escape plans. Mini ones such as a room you can go to to be alone for a minute or more permanent ones like a get away car.

    I think because you do have bruising you may get some questions but hopefully with everything going on and hustle and bustle of the party it will be largely overlooked.

    It will be hard for you to be hurting so much around people celebrating and that is normal.

    I am very sorry for your loss.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

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  • mrsjg2013mrsjg2013 member
    Thank you both :)  I ended up sitting at a table with my immediate family, so it worked out perfectly.  I was able to talk about it a little bit with my SIL and DH, but was also able to enjoy my sister's big day and talk about her future big day- her wedding!  I made my rounds to talk to others, but it would have been hard for them to notice my hands.  Only one person mentioned something about my DH and I making cute babies some day, but it was on our way out so it was okay.  As I was hoping, the anticipation was much worse than the event.  Thanks again for your advice and kind words!
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  • becauseiliveditbecauseilivedit member
    @mrsjg2013 - I am so, so sorry for your loss. And oh my goodness I know exactly what you're going through! My brother graduated from college yesterday and we are having a huge family party for him on July 5th. That was going to be the day I told our extended family the good news; I would have been just around 12 weeks at that time. My brain is going through the same thought process as yours.  I am glad that the day went well for you for the most part, and you were able to find happiness in the exciting things that are happening in your other family member's lives right now. Hang in there <3
    Me: 32, hypothyroidism DH: 28
    TTC since: April 2012
    All other tests normal, unexplained infertility
    BFP #1!! - 5/17/14
    US on 6/6/14 at 6w5d showed heart beating at 116bpm
    MC the very next day on 6/7/14

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  • mrsdormanemrsdormane member
    Glad it worked out ok!  For me, the anxiety is usually worse than the actual event.  Sticking close with DH is usually helpful too. :)
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    BFP #1 (surprise) 10/3/13; MMC 10/30/13; D&C 10/31/13
    BFP #2 4/20/14 EDD 12/31/14; BO diagnosed 5/30/14; natural MC (so i thought); D&C 6/10/14 
    BFP #3 12/11/14; First HCG 198-Second HCG 432; First u/s HR 171 bpm- EDD 8/23/15




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