DH jealous of pregnancy?

SweetMandyB12 · June 2014

Anyone else's DH jealous in a sense, of you getting to be the one pregnant? This week I started feeling a TON of movement, finally recognizing the flutters/gas bubbles I've been feeling for weeks to be the baby. I've mentioned to him multiple times that baby is dancing all around inside, and he hasn't given me much of an excited response. Finally I asked today why he isn't happy for me, and he said it sucks that I get everything...I get to grow the baby, feel the baby, have all the attention, get maternity leave...everyone runs past the husband to the mother and child. I think some Men's Health article he was reading has brainwashed him ;-) It says the man's job is to be the "protector." Ha! He says all of this as he is enjoying a beer on the couch....

Reminds me of the Mila Kunis skit on Jimmy Kimmel posted this week.

He gets no weight gain, no pain, no lack of sleep; his body doesn't get completely taken over by another human being. He gets to enjoy whatever alcoholic summer beverages he chooses while I have been drinking water day in and day out....like I don't want a fucking margarita?! ;-)

I just want him to be excited about his baby girl and keep him in the loop...I might be the preggo one, but it's his baby too.

MEN!

Emerald27 · June 2014

Fathers can have a very difficult time feeling connected with the pregnancy, because they're really so far from baby at every moment. Sure, he misses all the negatives about pregnancy and birth, but it's hard to expect him to have quite the same enthusiasm as you do at this time. When baby comes, he'll be head over heels. I would just try to lower your expectations a teeny bit.

I really mean this very nicely. Just thinking of your DH.

pinkshades05 · June 2014

I bet he'll feel less upset when he feels the baby move. The anatomy scan and feeling DD move really helped bring DH around. It sounds like he feels like he is missing out. Luckily it's only temporary!

vrj0522 · June 2014

And if you bf, he also gets to sleep while you don't. I think you should be grateful that he wants to be so involved... and when baby comes and you need a break, just remind him of it.

kikimeemee · June 2014

Hubby doesn't appear to be jealous but I've been including him in all I can bc I know he feels left out. For one thing, he likes hearing the week by week update on this site as to baby's size and growth so i read it to him every week. Also, ultrasound sort of looks like baby might resemble him so I've been mentioning how great it will be that the baby looks like him (it is great!). I tell him pregnancy happenings before anyone else. I allow space for him to text his friends updates instead of me jumping the gun and texting them myself/posting on Facebook. I encourage him to share names he likes and ask him weekly what gender he thinks baby is (won't find out gender). When I feel flutter kicks and he says he can't wait until he can feel them I tell him I can't wait until he can feel them too. Hubby comes to doctors appts and asks questions! I encourage his questions even if I know the answer. Long story short, I think little things will help your hubby feel more involved. And remind him that his awesome sperm did THE most important part -- conception! :-)

Aarg · June 2014

My DH has those jealous moments... I know he's my husband but I hate when anyone touches/rubs my belly (unless it's one of the kids I work with at the school). But I know he likes to touch/rub it and comment on how big baby is getting. And how big my belly is getting...
I snapped at him one day because I just didn't want to be touched and DH said, "well sorry it's my child too!" At that point I realized I need to let him be more hands on. He's right! It takes two to make a baby.
We started taking Bradley Method classes because as a coach, the husband is extremely involved!!

MrsL2B · June 2014

I think we probably would have had a kid a few years earlier if my husband were the one to carry it, but it's more like his attitude is that he'd be happy to do it for me, since it probably would be easier on his body. But then at other times he seems to conveniently forget that I am pregnant and fuses about how I'm no fun or lazy, when in reality I'm exhausted and trying to be cautious about things like my diet and exposure to household chemicals. So I guess what I'm saying is that husbands can be all over the place. It's a weird time for them, too.

MagentaMouse · June 2014

Kirby513's DH's point of view!

staryb · June 2014

It'll probably help when he can feel baby kick. For us even though I was obviously pregnant through the first 18 or so weeks it didn't seem quite real yet. Then after the a/s DH got super wide eyed and gushy over the whole thing. We were lucky enough that we both felt outside kicks right around 20 weeks and that has made it super real! Aside for all of the obvious things that men get to enjoy during pregnancy that we can't, like drinking, I'm a little jealous of DH resting his head on my tummy - I can't do that! He also talks to the baby and gets reactions and I feel like she can hear him better because he can get his face closer to her. She reacts to his hand on my tummy because I think she can feel his warmer body temp. Although it did complain that I get to take the baby to work with me, I assured him that I'll leave her with him once and awhile in a few months

SweetMandyB12 · June 2014

kikimeemee said:

Hubby doesn't appear to be jealous but I've been including him in all I can bc I know he feels left out. For one thing, he likes hearing the week by week update on this site as to baby's size and growth so i read it to him every week. Also, ultrasound sort of looks like baby might resemble him so I've been mentioning how great it will be that the baby looks like him (it is great!). I tell him pregnancy happenings before anyone else. I allow space for him to text his friends updates instead of me jumping the gun and texting them myself/posting on Facebook. I encourage him to share names he likes and ask him weekly what gender he thinks baby is (won't find out gender). When I feel flutter kicks and he says he can't wait until he can feel them I tell him I can't wait until he can feel them too. Hubby comes to doctors appts and asks questions! I encourage his questions even if I know the answer. Long story short, I think little things will help your hubby feel more involved. And remind him that his awesome sperm did THE most important part -- conception! :-)

I do all of this. I have included him on everything. He's excited, of course, I just don't want him to feel jealous or left out in anyway. She's really moving around, but he cant feel it from the outside. I think once he can do that, and talk to my belly, he'll be in love.

Tomorrow for my 21wk chalkboard I'll make it all pink/purple and blast it wish father's day stuff ;-) I bought an "I love daddy" onesie and frame for the "baby to bee" u/s photo for his office....he got me nothing for mother's day...;-)

SweetMandyB12 · June 2014

AND he even chose her name! :-)

DaniGrace89 · June 2014

My husband is away for 3 months. Missing the whole second trimester. He misses me. He missed his baby girl in my belly. I think seeing my belly on FaceTime every day makes him sad. Jealous though...idk, I think he's seen me heave enough times to dare want to venture into this.

lrobi13 · June 2014

I don't think DH is jealous especially after I had a breakdown on Thursday night. I have been blessed to have such am easy pregnancy but it is still so hard. I think seeing me have to change so much about my day to day has helped curb those feelings. I am sure he hates he can't feel the baby yet but I am pretty sure he wouldn't switch places with me n if he could.

I heard the expression a woman becomes a mother at conception and a man becomes a father at birth so maybe that rings true for your DH.

fireflyrebirth · June 2014

I think my husband is a bit jealous that I feel movement every day and he's only felt it a couple times. Even though we talk about the baby all the time he's commented to me often that it doesn't feel real to him. But sometimes it doesn't feel quite real to me either! I think he likes that I look undeniably pregnant now. I don't mind that he comments on how I've grown, or that he rests his hand on my belly when we're sitting together.

I'm honestly so excited to see my husband as a father, it's right up there with the excitement over meeting our son in October, so I at least am making a huge fuss over him. I think our friends and family have been good at distributing the fuss too.

In terms of more serious jealousy (if jealousy is the right word here, it sounds too negative...) I think my husband is sad that I get to be a SAHM once baby is here and he will be away at work every day. He's worried the baby will be more bonded to me and less so to him. I am already thinking of ways we can build in maximum family time and also make sure there's daily daddy/baby time (he can watch the baby while I shower in the morning, can take him for a walk after he gets off work while I make dinner, etc etc).

Anyway, I would just take a step back and remember that your husband is on his own emotional roller coaster through this whole journey too. True, he doesn't have the physiological issues to deal with but he is going through a major life transition. We all feel how we feel.

bumpuser10309732 · June 2014

Jealousy is totally normal. When I first got pregnant I was reading him the for dad's section in the book about jealousy and then after our first real appointment he realized that he kind of felt that way too.He said that they ask me all these questions and my body is carrying her and making her. I have to remind him that he made her too. He likes to rub my belly a lot and talk to it which I just let him do because it makes him feel connected. Ever since the 20 week sonogram when he saw her moving around and all of her anatomy that she's felt more real to him. Then she kicked him and he's pretty much done now. He's in love. He told me he's jealous that I get to feel her all the time though. I've also noticed that since I have zero sex drive that he's worried that I don't find him attractive. Men are so much more sensitive than they let on!

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