Is Holding My Baby to Sleep Really a Bad Thing?

applem21 · June 2014

My son has always been a good sleeper and continues to be. He typically sleeps 9.5 to 10 hours per night every night. We get him to go to sleep by holding him in our arms and playing him lullaby music. Once he closes his eyes, we hold him for about 5 minutes to make sure he is getting into a deeper sleep then we slip him into his crib. It has always worked out for him.

But today we had his 9-month checkup, and we told the doctor this is how we get him to sleep. She said this is bad because he's not falling to sleep on his own. She suggested that we stick him into the crib and let him cry it out. I do not feel comfortable with doing this and would like to stick to our routine that's working.

Can anyone tell me what kinds of problems we might run into longer term if we keep up with out current sleep routine? I guess I just don't understand why someone would say that's so bad. What issues might we be in for if we keep doing this?? Any advice would be much appreciated. I just can't bring myself listen to my sweet boy cry it out.

jeephappygirl · June 2014

What happens when he wakes up during the night? Do you have to repeat this process? Or can he fall asleep on his own? What about having a babysitter put him to sleep?

If he isn't capable of falling back to sleep on his own, then I would think you might want to change it. My DD is almost 3 and either my DH or myself has put her to sleep every night except when I was in the hospital having our twins. We are ok with that. So it really depends on how much you want him to depend on you.

With DD we did the same as you. But with our twins I needed them to learn to lay down in their cribs & drift off on their own. We are trying a modified Ferber cry it out and have seen a lot of improvement in less than 2 weeks.

Unknown · June 2014

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LC122 · June 2014

I may have to post this on an UO thread but I really think crying it out doesn't teach them to fall asleep on their own, it teaches them you won't always come when they cry.

That said, I think babies often cry in their sleep or as part of their sleep cycles and parents often rush in to comfort them and end up waking them up more in the process. I sometimes wonder if "cry it out" was more intended to keep parents from waking a sleep-crying baby. But that would be more middle of the night than bedtime.

I also suspect that "teaching them to fall asleep on their own so if they wake in the middle of the night, they can get themselves back to sleep" is more a matter of convenience for parents who neither want to wake up in the middle of the night nor want to spend an extended time period putting their children to bed. I just don't think letting a child cry him/herself to sleep is "teaching them to fall asleep on their own".

But maybe that's just me.

HopingforChange · June 2014

I also hold baby to sleep. She is six months. If your LO sleeps through the night and you don't mind holding him to sleep, I see no reason to make changes. I am not a supporter of CIO if it can be avoided (I understand that everyone is different, and it works for some families, it's just NMS).

cagoldi · June 2014

My DS is approaching 8 months and I still hold him and rock him to sleep. We put him in his crib drowsy but if he gets upset we pick him up and continue rocking him until he calms down. If there are nights when he just isn't having it at all and needs us to get him to fall asleep in our arms that's what we do.

I can't do CIO. Like PP, I don't think it teaches them to self-soothe and even if it did, I don't want him to have to devote any emotional or mental energy towards that goal at this age. I also don't feel CIO is a good idea for preverbal infants. Once your baby us a little older you can explain your routine and that you're going to lie them down to sleep, you will hug your bear, I will leave the room, etc.

If you're happy with what you're doing I wouldn't change it. We FF, but I planned on BF and was mentally prepared to have a baby that didn't STTN until he was at least a year old. Most nights he does STTN, but needs our help falling asleep initially. I would love it if I could just plop him in his crib and he would drift off on his own, but DH and I are not willing to do CIO to accomplish that.

applem21 · June 2014

He doesn't really ever wake up in the middle of the night. He is a very sound sleeper. One the off chance that he does, he typically falls back to sleep very quickly in our arms. My mom put him to bed once, and he was able to follow the same routine...fell asleep in her arms then stayed asleep. We haven't had anyone other than that put him to sleep.

applem21 · June 2014

Thanks for all the responses. I think we are going to keep doing what we're doing. I guess I will see if this ends up presenting a problem for us. This helped a lot!!

alduke21 · June 2014

I'm using the cry it out method in my 6month old boy. I usually let him fall asleep in my arms while he is nursing but he wakes up several times a night hence my strategy but I say if your baby sleeps thru the night and doesn't wake up often then continue rocking him to sleep. Babies love cuddles!!! Just reinforces how much you love him. As he gets older he will fall asleep on his own.

Aubs0009 · June 2014

I always nurse DD at night, and most nights we just lay her down drowsy and she falls alseep on her own. If she's not drowsy we often rock her a bit longer. I wouldn't rock the boat if it is working for you.

consuelomarie · June 2014

there is nothing wrong with holding your child to sleep, my LO is almost 9 month and i still hold her and sing to her to sleep. C'mon, he is still a baby hold him as much as you both want.

umma4babes · June 2014

Yeah, I would not go back to a doctor who recommends CIO just because ricking is "bad." It's one thing if your LO is not sleeping well, then I can see how a doctor might "suggest" it. I've always rocked my babies to sleep and they sleep great. My now almost 4 year old DS was a huge fan of rocking and we never had a problem with him not being able to fall back asleep on his own. I'd say "rock on"!

roo1oo · June 2014

I got some advice from a coworker whose children are older than mine when I first had my baby. He said the best advice he could give me was to teach baby to fall asleep on his own. He said this because his oldest child required someone lay down with her to fall asleep until she was 6 years old.

If you're ok with possibly needing to hold or be present for your child to fall asleep until you need or want to break the habit, then I say don't change a thing. I personally prefer to put my baby down awake in the crib and let him do whatever he needs to do to fall asleep.

I'm personally not a fan of CIO, but I have no issue with letting LO fuss it out. I also would not "run away" from a doctor who suggests CIO. Everyone has different approaches that have worked for them or their patients. Some have used CIO, some use other methods, but no matter what a doctor gives advice and some you may like and some you may not. If you like the doctor otherwise I wouldn't let this one thing ruin the relationship.

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