What's your relationship/thoughts on MIL (POLL)

MrsW062610 · June 2014

So with all of the crazy MIL stories lately, I thought it would be fun to see where the board stands as far as relationships go with the MIL.

pinkyxboo · June 2014

Ss... i love my mil, she's great. ..but I wouldn't really say she's like a 2nd mom to me. I've only got one mommy in my eyes

peanutmuse · June 2014

Mine is kind of a cross between two options. I have a hard time tolerating her all of the time (on the inside), but most of the time we just keep the peace. Every once in a while, I'll set straight, though. And sometimes it's not even necessary. Like when she told me that breastfeeding was selfish. I just looked at her and smiled and blinked. (Do go on, MIL. Please. Explain to me exactly how breastfeeding is selfish.) My simple stare was reaction enough -- she stammered a bit and changed the topic.

Summer889 · June 2014

My MIL is great. My mom is the crazy one. Poor DH.

teacher0708 · June 2014

I get along great with my MIL. Since we had kids there is a few things that get to me but I don't let them outwardly show. She loves her family and is very caring, but I don't think of her as a second mother.

Siblynika · June 2014

I love my MIL. I don't love the drama she has with her family (her own mother and sister) that I'm constantly hearing about every time I go home- example: She called me a traitor for responding to a FB message her sister sent me asking how the clothes fit LO... They fit fine btw.

km_md · June 2014

I pretend all is good for DH. I don't have the energy to fight stupid. She tried to break us up before we got married and I told DH that I will never forget that.

I resent her a lot because DH makes her (and the rest of his family) such a high priority and they all take advantage of him and treat him like crap.

mrsjenni · June 2014

I'm somewhere between the first 2 options. I love my MIL, but not like a second mom. I only have one mama

But MIL is fantastic and I feel really lucky. She's always there for us and the kids and does SO MUCH for everyone. She's great!

precious72381 · June 2014

I love my mil like a mom. I don't have a relationship with my own mom (she has a mental illness and I have not seen her since I was 8). My mil keeps opinions to herself and respects any decisions we make about Abby but I have always got along with her even before that. She has retired from teaching last year so we have a lot in common and lots to talk about.

Lena122 · June 2014

mrsjenni said:
I'm somewhere between the first 2 options. I love my MIL, but not like a second mom. I only have one mama But MIL is fantastic and I feel really lucky. She's always there for us and the kids and does SO MUCH for everyone. She's great!

Yep this is how I feel about my MIL too.

SandFHasse · June 2014

She was fantastic until we had kids. Now I feel that they hate me and there is SO much tension in the room when we get together. BIL's fiance feels the same way.

cnctf · June 2014

SS-we don't see her much even though we live on the same island. She's actually very nice and chill. She doesn't ever bother us or get in our business

Unknown · June 2014

This content has been removed.

RedSaffron · June 2014

She has her days where her opinion on how to a raise a baby annoy the crap out of me, but she's not an evil mil. She makes sure I eat and will never say no in watching DD anytime of the day.

heather52904 · June 2014

My MIL has some annoying traits, but for the most part we get along just fine. I wouldn't say we are close though.

ccip82 · June 2014

I am very good at pretending...

She is a wonderful Grandmother to my children

However

Her ultra conservative, narrow minded, conspiracy believing, bible thumping, gun toting, craziness drives me absolutely fucking crazy.

nolagal79 · June 2014

I'm one of the 11 that voted that I despise my MIL.

List of reasons: she led to my dog's death, she insulted my family and me while I was in the hospital, smokes SO much that she always smells like a bar room and when she held E in the hospital and I took her back she smelled like cigarette smoke, she knows how to do things better than everybody, says really sexually inappropriate things all the time, never responds when we send her pictures or video of E, the list goes on and on. Oh, she also told my mom that she (Mil) never wanted her daughter, that she was a mistake. She told me in the hospital that she didn't know how I was going to take care of this baby bc of my age and did I realize how old I would be when she was in high school.

Ugh, I can not stand the sound of her voice!! I would be perfectly happy if I didn't have to see her again and if E never had to see her again. The only good thing is that they live 13 hours away.

JennaRaek · June 2014

Lena122 said:

I'm somewhere between the first 2 options. I love my MIL, but not like a second mom. I only have one mama But MIL is fantastic and I feel really lucky. She's always there for us and the kids and does SO MUCH for everyone. She's great!
Yep this is how I feel about my MIL too.

Same here.

peanutmuse · June 2014

ccip82 said:

Her ultra conservative, narrow minded, conspiracy believing, bible thumping, gun toting, craziness drives me absolutely fucking crazy.

@ccip82, politics is the ONE area of agreement for me and my MIL. If all else fails in conversation, I try to bring up politics. We agree 100% of the time. (And FTR, she is the opposite of your MIL in that arena.)

last14real · June 2014

I went with "I can stand her most of the time, but she gets on my nerves sometimes" which is probably the closest option to our relationship. She is a very nice person and she is great with the kids, for the most part respects our wishes on how they are handled in her care. We get along very well and talk to each other on a weekly basis. I feel comfortable taking the kids to see her and hanging out when DH is not around. So that part of our relationship is good and I guess I should just try to be happy with that, considering what a lot of you have to deal with. The crap that frustrates me is everytime they have a family event (bday, graduation, school concert, holidays etc...) they want us and the kids to be there even if it is only at a couple days notice. I'm sorry but I'm not coming to something that starts at 7 pm on a weeknight when I have work and kids have daycare the next day. It is just too hard on everyone, especially when DH was stationed out of state for 8 months. Don't get me wrong my family is super close and so is DH's but they do not understand we have to split family time between the two families and still have time for ourselves. They ask us what we want to do, but then pretty much tell us what is going to happen. If I tell his parents we cant make it sometimes they will call DH and guilt trip him, which is juvenile and pisses me off. Then on the opposite end of the spectrum DH's mother and sister plan girl days right in front of me and never invite me. This is upsetting it makes me feel like they want my children and husband but could care less about me. With my family the girls are my mom, sis, SIL and me, it would never occur to me to exclude one of them from an outing. In DH's family the girls are His mom, his sis and me so I'm the only one left out... I could understand if they didn't know me well or something but we have been together 6.5 years and married for 4.5. It hurts my feelings, but I guess I should be happy they treat my kids like family even if they leave me out.

ccip82 · June 2014

peanutmuse said:

ccip82 said:

Her ultra conservative, narrow minded, conspiracy believing, bible thumping, gun toting, craziness drives me absolutely fucking crazy.

@ccip82, politics is the ONE area of agreement for me and my MIL. If all else fails in conversation, I try to bring up politics. We agree 100% of the time. (And FTR, she is the opposite of your MIL in that arena.)

@peanutmuse

Because politics dominates my ILs' lives, it is very hard to talk to them without it turning into something political....Their cat is sick...it's Obama's fault, it rained today...it's Obama's fault.

I cannot fucking take it. Spending extended amount of time with them is like being waterboarded. Can you tell I'm looking forward to spending nine days with them this October?

MissMeegs · June 2014

Mine is definitely pretty great, I love her. She's even more helpful with DS than my own mom, it's actually almost annoying how enthusiastic she is, but I can't hold it against her, it's her first grandchild.

My FIL, on the other hand, bleghhhhh. He's a mega-obnoxious Rush Limbaugh/Fox News conservative who rants and raves constantly about politics and his hatred for the president, and "liberals" in general. I don't think he even knows that I am fairly liberal myself or that I voted for Obama twice, he'd probably disown us if he knew! He's also SUPER racist, like uses the n-word in casual conversation racist (usually about Obama). It's so uncomfortable.

Luckily, he's not as interested in DS as MIL is, so she's come to visit several times without him. Though he is coming for a week this summer to help DH with our basement renovation. I am living in fear of it.

Vanval10 · June 2014

I love my MIL. But sometimes she is just too tough to handle. She's always there if I need her, and helped me through a lot since I've known her, but sometimes she is just too involved with my business.

CeeJC121013 · June 2014

I adore my mil. She is an awesome wife and mother and is do supportive of our family and doesn't get involved in our business.

The few faults she has are that she didn't make DH keep a clean room when he was a teenager and she always did his laundry. So now I have to deal with those habits. She also is too kind and giving and selfless and accommodating to the point where I feel like her younger kids (she has 9!) take advantage of her.

laowaigringa · June 2014

I also don't really fit any of the options. My MIL is great, sweet as can be and she likes me, which always helps. We get along really well but I wouldn't say we're super close. She did start driving me a bit crazy when she came to visit after DD was born, though. It's like she's the opposite of the overbearing MIL; instead of bossing me around about the baby it's like she was asking me for permission to do anything; "Should I pick her up now? Does she want her pacifier?" I kind of felt like saying "Hun, you raised three children of your own, you know how to take care of a baby - make a decision! It's okay!" But I still guess I prefer that to her telling me what to do and judging me for everything, so I'll take it.

CopperT0p · June 2014

I used to be more frustrated with my MIL, but she has redeemed herself a little bit in the last couple years. When DH and and I were pregnant with DS1, she had 2 grandchildren already (her daughter and son each had one, about 18mth and 2 years older than my DS1 would be). She held them up as the gold standard and how to raise children, so when DH and I weren't doing things the same way (BFing, CDing, BLWing, BWing, etc) they would constantly make comments that poked at us.

MIL would comment "but he's starving" if DS1 would start to fuss after I fed him, because she thought he wasn't getting enough milk, but really it was that she was over stimulating him when he was tired. They also kept dropping comments that we should start him on food at 3 months when we were clear that he wasn't going to have anything until 6 months. They attempted to sneak him some chocolate pudding when he was 4 months old when we were at their house. DH gave them hell and we packed up and left their house. She also used to freak out with the food I did give him because it wasn't purees, or it was 'too seasoned'.

Now both FIL and MIL always comment on how great of a personality and what a good eater our DS1 is compared to the other kids. The other grandkids are addicted to sweets and won't eat what we are eating at the table, whereas DS1 will clear off his plate. They have stopped commenting on our parenting and now say that "we have done a great job".

Rebis58 · June 2014

I love MIL. She had H when she was 21, so she's fairly young, energetic and active. She's got a lot going on in her own life and has a really busy social life, so while she loves us and wants to spend time with us, she's got a very full life and we're not the centre of her world. No pressure or guilt! She is also super respectful of our parenting. She's given me advice and shared stories of what worked for her, but never nags or makes me feel like I'm doing anything wrong. When she helps us out, she asks how we want things done or what DD likes.

Beyond all that, I just really like her as a person. I don't know if I feel like she's a second mom (that's the option I chose) because I am super close with my mom, but I definitely feel like she's my family.

ashleywiz · June 2014

She's more like a 2nd mom than any other choice, esp because my own isn't exactly reliable. I adore her and generally think she's an incredible lady/mom/etc. Since having DD, she is skeptical of our "new age parenting" with all this baby wearing, no rice cereal feeding and our opinions on food in general. She's a smoker and naturally thin with zero health issues so the idea that you should "not introduce sweets" or anything like that is just silly (my side of the family is riddled with health problems, mainly cardiac, so yeah). Now that we will be within 20 min in a few weeks, we will see what happens.

growingmybun · June 2014

I'm not saying this to make anyone feel badly... My mother in law is terminally ill. It makes me so sad. And this post made me want to share how much I love her even though you guys don't know her or me. It feels kind of cathartic to just tell someone how much I care about my mother in law.

worleygirl · June 2014

@growingmybun‌ Sorry to hear that. I'm sure it is so hard for you and DD.

worleygirl · June 2014

I love my MIL but she drives me bananas. I do not consider her to be a second Mother or anything like that. I do appreciate her affection for my children. We don't have much in common but she's easy to chat with. She is very emotionally draining though bc she needs a lot of validation. It could be a lot worse.

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