UO/FFC: Just let it all hang out

PSU_Texan · June 2014

I hope no one minds that I combine these two posts. Sometimes UOs and Confessions have built up over the week.

This in no way is directed at anyone on this board but more to people IRL... if your kids doesn't sleep well, I judge you as the parent. I don't think I got "easy" kids. I just worked at getting them to understand what happens at bed time and that when it's light out, it's lights out.

MommyAtty · June 2014

I'm about 80% glad my maternity leave is over and I'm getting back to real life. When people ask if it was hard coming back, I don't know what to say. The truth? Hell, no, it wasn't hard, but that makes me sound like a cold-hearted bitch who doesn't love her kids. I love my kids and am totally in love with them, but I'm not cut out to stay at home. I'm just not wired that way. I need to have a job beyond being a mom or I feel like I'm losing my identity and my mind.

shannm · June 2014

I think perfume and cologne should be banned in the workplace.

mae0111 · June 2014

PSU_Texan said:

I hope no one minds that I combine these two posts. Sometimes UOs and Confessions have built up over the week.
This in no way is directed at anyone on this board but more to people IRL... if your kids doesn't sleep well, I judge you as the parent. I don't think I got "easy" kids. I just worked at getting them to understand what happens at bed time and that when it's light out, it's lights out.

I hear you. I agree with @PrivacyWanted in that some kids just aren't good sleepers, but we are extremely consistent with nap/bedtimes and routines with our kids. We miss events and leave things early to keep our kids on good schedules. DD1 is old enough that she can deviate a bit, but we save the deviations for special occasions.

I think that our kids are naturally good sleepers, but we also gave them the opportunity to learn how to go to bed and what to expect at bed time.

I have friends that complain that their kids don't sleep, but brag that routines aren't at all necessary. They routinely take their 4.5 and 3 y.o.s to evening events, keeping them out until 9 or 10 at night. The kids fall asleep at, say, a baseball game, and then are probably up all night. They've always done that. That's a case where, really, who knows if the kids are just naturally bad sleepers, or if they just don't know how to go to bed.

ss265 · June 2014

MommyAtty said:

I'm about 80% glad my maternity leave is over and I'm getting back to real life. When people ask if it was hard coming back, I don't know what to say. The truth? Hell, no, it wasn't hard, but that makes me sound like a cold-hearted bitch who doesn't love her kids. I love my kids and am totally in love with them, but I'm not cut out to stay at home. I'm just not wired that way. I need to have a job beyond being a mom or I feel like I'm losing my identity and my mind.

This is me exactly. I have similar reactions when I see posts on here about Moms not wanting to leave their kids to go on business trips. My first thought whenever work suggests that I go on a business trip is "yay! two days to myself without cooking or cleaning or taking care of LO"

PSU_Texan · June 2014

mae0111 said:

PSU_Texan said:

I hope no one minds that I combine these two posts. Sometimes UOs and Confessions have built up over the week.
This in no way is directed at anyone on this board but more to people IRL... if your kids doesn't sleep well, I judge you as the parent. I don't think I got "easy" kids. I just worked at getting them to understand what happens at bed time and that when it's light out, it's lights out.

I hear you. I agree with @PrivacyWanted in that some kids just aren't good sleepers, but we are extremely consistent with nap/bedtimes and routines with our kids. We miss events and leave things early to keep our kids on good schedules. DD1 is old enough that she can deviate a bit, but we save the deviations for special occasions.

I think that our kids are naturally good sleepers, but we also gave them the opportunity to learn how to go to bed and what to expect at bed time.

I have friends that complain that their kids don't sleep, but brag that routines aren't at all necessary. They routinely take their 4.5 and 3 y.o.s to evening events, keeping them out until 9 or 10 at night. The kids fall asleep at, say, a baseball game, and then are probably up all night. They've always done that. That's a case where, really, who knows if the kids are just naturally bad sleepers, or if they just don't know how to go to bed.

Yes, I judge the parents that don't use routine or who give in when junior wants to sleep in their bed. Not those that are consistent and have crap sleepers.

skibunny59 · June 2014

PSU_Texan said:

mae0111 said:

PSU_Texan said:

I hope no one minds that I combine these two posts. Sometimes UOs and Confessions have built up over the week.
This in no way is directed at anyone on this board but more to people IRL... if your kids doesn't sleep well, I judge you as the parent. I don't think I got "easy" kids. I just worked at getting them to understand what happens at bed time and that when it's light out, it's lights out.

I hear you. I agree with @PrivacyWanted in that some kids just aren't good sleepers, but we are extremely consistent with nap/bedtimes and routines with our kids. We miss events and leave things early to keep our kids on good schedules. DD1 is old enough that she can deviate a bit, but we save the deviations for special occasions.

I think that our kids are naturally good sleepers, but we also gave them the opportunity to learn how to go to bed and what to expect at bed time.

I have friends that complain that their kids don't sleep, but brag that routines aren't at all necessary. They routinely take their 4.5 and 3 y.o.s to evening events, keeping them out until 9 or 10 at night. The kids fall asleep at, say, a baseball game, and then are probably up all night. They've always done that. That's a case where, really, who knows if the kids are just naturally bad sleepers, or if they just don't know how to go to bed.

Yes, I judge the parents that don't use routine or who give in when junior wants to sleep in their bed. Not those that are consistent and have crap sleepers.

I've never really posted on these judgement threads because that's just not my thing but I'll chime in here.

There are times I wished DD still slept in our bed as I got WAY more sleep that way. Now at age 2 I am trying to be more consistent and keep her in her bed. Most nights she does ok but on bad nights I am so exhausted and I am so tempted to bring her into our bed.

Yes, I have a bad sleeper but as far as parenting goes I don't think that's the most terrible thing in the world. Also, I feel a little sad for moms who have never experienced bed sharing because it really is such an amazing bonding experience.

emberlee3 · June 2014

I have worked my a** off trying to get DS to sleep, and he is still a crappy sleeper. I have also worked my a** off trying to cure his picky eating, and he is still a crappy eater. My daughter is a good sleeper and a good eater.

You can't force someone to sleep or to eat. Not even a young child.

welly01 · June 2014

K3am said:

mae0111 said:
I hear you. I agree with @PrivacyWanted in that some kids just aren't good sleepers, but we are extremely consistent with nap/bedtimes and routines with our kids. We miss events and leave things early to keep our kids on good schedules. DD1 is old enough that she can deviate a bit, but we save the deviations for special occasions.

I think that our kids are naturally good sleepers, but we also gave them the opportunity to learn how to go to bed and what to expect at bed time.

I have friends that complain that their kids don't sleep, but brag that routines aren't at all necessary. They routinely take their 4.5 and 3 y.o.s to evening events, keeping them out until 9 or 10 at night. The kids fall asleep at, say, a baseball game, and then are probably up all night. They've always done that. That's a case where, really, who knows if the kids are just naturally bad sleepers, or if they just don't know how to go to bed.

My SIL has never put her now 3 y/o to bed before 10 pm. I kid you not, I'm pretty sure by 8pm, she'd had at least 3 meltdowns, and at 9pm, the kid was up screaming for ice cream, and they drove to the store to get her some. The next day, we also found out that they don't have a specified nap time, they just play until she falls asleep.

I wanted to rip my hair out. I'm pretty sure I still have a callous on my tongue from all the tongue biting we did.

I have a similar SIL. She's a terrible mother.

PSU_Texan · June 2014

Speaking of SILs and judgment (I'm full of judging today)... I judge my SIL for letting my nieces get up from family dinners after less than 5 minutes of sitting. It makes it really hard for me to enforce eating and sitting properly with my girls. And these are not toddlers. These are elementary age kids. Half the time they aren't hungry b/c she let them snack before dinner. But I honestly think kids need to learn to sit at the table and participate in conversation even if they don't want to eat. Maybe I'm old fashioned...

welly01 · June 2014

I think North West is ugly and her parents are just such idiots.

mlee116 · June 2014

welly01 said:

I think North West is ugly and her parents are just such idiots.

I think that's really mean to say about a child, unless you're talking about her name.

Totally agree about the parents though. They repulse me and maybe my UO is that I wish someone would punch Kanye in his big ol' mouth.

ss265 · June 2014

mlee116 said:

welly01 said:

I think North West is ugly and her parents are just such idiots.
I think that's really mean to say about a child, unless you're talking about her name.

Totally agree about the parents though. They repulse me and maybe my UO is that I wish someone would punch Kanye in his big ol' mouth.

I just want to add that I am really annoyed about all the coverage their wedding is getting in the press - didn't she just do this a couple of years ago?

mlee116 · June 2014

ss265 said:

mlee116 said:

welly01 said:

I think North West is ugly and her parents are just such idiots.
I think that's really mean to say about a child, unless you're talking about her name.

Totally agree about the parents though. They repulse me and maybe my UO is that I wish someone would punch Kanye in his big ol' mouth.
I just want to add that I am really annoyed about all the coverage their wedding is getting in the press - didn't she just do this a couple of years ago?

Yes! My biggest thing is that they have these huge weddings that are so extravagant and wasteful. I mean, logically I know its their money to do with what they wish, but at the same time when there are people who aren't eating or don't have basic necessities, it just makes me so mad that they spend millions of dollars on weddings every few years just for show.

welly01 · June 2014

mlee116 said:

welly01 said:

I think North West is ugly and her parents are just such idiots.

I think that's really mean to say about a child, unless you're talking about her name.

Totally agree about the parents though. They repulse me and maybe my UO is that I wish someone would punch Kanye in his big ol' mouth.

I know. But I hate them so much. So much. I just can't help it. (If we're being honest, not every kid is cute).

welly01 · June 2014

Also, I think her wedding dress, all of them, are hideous!! Since when did long sleeves become fashionable?!! I know Kate wore long sleeves, but I assumed that was because she was basically obligated to.

shannm · June 2014

CourtandNate said:

shannm said:

I think perfume and cologne should be banned in the workplace.

I wish some people that come into the office would be REQUIRED to wear some!

I have never had an experience where it was clear that cologne removed someone's body odor. I hosted a foreign student while in grad school and to this day I can smell his BO and taste his cologne. Blech.
A squished skunk with perfume would smell like squished skunk with perfume.

Unknown · June 2014

This content has been removed.

skibunny59 · June 2014

welly01 said:

K3am said:

mae0111 said:
I hear you. I agree with @PrivacyWanted in that some kids just aren't good sleepers, but we are extremely consistent with nap/bedtimes and routines with our kids. We miss events and leave things early to keep our kids on good schedules. DD1 is old enough that she can deviate a bit, but we save the deviations for special occasions.

I think that our kids are naturally good sleepers, but we also gave them the opportunity to learn how to go to bed and what to expect at bed time.

I have friends that complain that their kids don't sleep, but brag that routines aren't at all necessary. They routinely take their 4.5 and 3 y.o.s to evening events, keeping them out until 9 or 10 at night. The kids fall asleep at, say, a baseball game, and then are probably up all night. They've always done that. That's a case where, really, who knows if the kids are just naturally bad sleepers, or if they just don't know how to go to bed.

My SIL has never put her now 3 y/o to bed before 10 pm. I kid you not, I'm pretty sure by 8pm, she'd had at least 3 meltdowns, and at 9pm, the kid was up screaming for ice cream, and they drove to the store to get her some. The next day, we also found out that they don't have a specified nap time, they just play until she falls asleep.

I wanted to rip my hair out. I'm pretty sure I still have a callous on my tongue from all the tongue biting we did.

I have a similar SIL. She's a terrible mother

Wow! That's a pretty bold statement to make. Really?! A terrible mother just because she puts her kid to bed late. I think a terrible mother is someone who beats their kid or doesn't feed them.

mlee116 · June 2014

I judge parents who refuse to break routine or schedules occasionally. Yes, routines and schedules make life easier and they're important, but FFS, life is short. I'm not going to miss an important event because it might interfere with DS's nap schedule. He'll survive and so will I. I doubt I'm going to look back in 5 years and wish I would've missed Father's Day with my family so he could have his nap at 12:45. The same goes for bedsharing. Yes, I like it when he sleeps in his bed. But sickness and bad thunderstorms happen and at 2 am that is not going to be my hill to die on. And just because you bedshare at one point doesn't mean its like that every night or all night. I have plenty of time to snuggle and more with my husband.

And I do think that some kids are just bad sleepers. DS was awful until he turned one, then he was awesome. My BFF has two kids, one was an awesome sleeper, the other was awful. She did the same things with both kids. They are just different.

skibunny59 · June 2014

I feel really bad saying this because I really don't like to judge other parents. I think parenting is really hard and I think all parents just try to do the best they can but I do judge my SIL. I think she's a great mom but it's very annoying when we are having an event or it's a holiday and you are hosting the event and she tells you "Oh, that's when LO usually naps." and suggest another time. Sorry, my house I get to choose the time. Or there was one time when my other SIL who was pregnant wanted to invite everyone out to breakfast the morning after her baby shower and SIL with kids asked to make it earlier because her kids eat at 7:30. I thought this was ridiculous. I mean, she can't give her kids a snack in the morning and go out to breakfast a littler later for one day?

Sorry, but I just don't agree with this. I have a kid and if I'm invited somewhere I either go and accept the fact that DD's schedule will be a little off or I don't go. I think it's so rude to ask people (even family members) to change the time or complain about it.

mae0111 · June 2014

mlee116 said:

I judge parents who refuse to break routine or schedules occasionally. Yes, routines and schedules make life easier and they're important, but FFS, life is short. I'm not going to miss an important event because it might interfere with DS's nap schedule. He'll survive and so will I. I doubt I'm going to look back in 5 years and wish I would've missed Father's Day with my family so he could have his nap at 12:45. The same goes for bedsharing. Yes, I like it when he sleeps in his bed. But sickness and bad thunderstorms happen and at 2 am that is not going to be my hill to die on. And just because you bedshare at one point doesn't mean its like that every night or all night. I have plenty of time to snuggle and more with my husband.

And I do think that some kids are just bad sleepers. DS was awful until he turned one, then he was awesome. My BFF has two kids, one was an awesome sleeper, the other was awful. She did the same things with both kids. They are just different.

I totally agree with this. I'm all about schedules, but of course we break routines, especially now that DD1 is older. DD2 is still young, and if she doesn't nap, she's miserable. And that makes everyone else miserable. So why are we going to sacrifice her nap so we can listen to her cry? We actually left Father's Day a bit early to get her home for her nap, because she was laying on the floor and crying.

But it makes me crazy to hear people talking about their crappy sleepers when they just refuse to put them on a schedule. It's not always the case - like I said, some kids just aren't good sleepers. But for God's sake, if you're going to complain constantly about how your kid doesn't sleep, give a schedule a try. I'm not saying everyone has to put their kids to bed at 7:30 like I do, but some sense or normalcy and routine does help sometimes.

And my kids go to bed at 7:30 because no matter what time they go to bed, they're up at 6-6:30am on a good day. Today DD2 was up at 5. We've tried shifting bed time - it doesn't work. They're up with the sun...

ss265 · June 2014

I think it's rude when people ask for you to change times to accommodate their schedules. I have a friend who does that and it drives everyone in our mutual group of friends nuts.

Regarding kid's schedules though, we are flexible about DS's nap and eating schedules but we will not budge on his sleep time of between 7-7:30pm. If we are invited somewhere, usually one of us stays home with him while the other goes out. If family gets together for dinner, they usually eat at 5:30pm which works with DS's schedule. We have plans on 4th of July but will leave before the fireworks because DS is too young to enjoy them anyway and we would prefer to go home early (DH and I have become sorta homebodies since we had DS anyway).

Flame away all you want, having a rigid bedtime ensures that my baby STTN and I will not mess around with that for anything. Plus on the few occasions that we have kept him out past his bedtime, we have had to deal with a tantrum throwing toddler which just isn't worth it to us.

litzo27 · June 2014

My FFFC is that I judge women

K3am said:

cjcouple said:

cjcouple said:

my UO - I love jeans and sneakers. lol

This is an UO how? In my world, that's kinda like saying yoga pants are comfy..
oh it's a big fashion faux pas. idc. I love it

I never would have thought it a fashion faux pas... And I've seen plenty of trendy hipsters sporting them, not really real housewife fashionable, but still on trend. Unless your talking like.. dirty running shoes as sneakers? I guess I'm glad I'm not too worried about being fashionable.

R u kidding? Jeans and sneakers are the it thing!

Just avoid this look:

dglvrk2 · June 2014

ss265 said:
I think it's rude when people ask for you to change times to accommodate their schedules. I have a friend who does that and it drives everyone in our mutual group of friends nuts.

Regarding kid's schedules though, we are flexible about DS's nap and eating schedules but we will not budge on his sleep time of between 7-7:30pm. If we are invited somewhere, usually one of us stays home with him while the other goes out. If family gets together for dinner, they usually eat at 5:30pm which works with DS's schedule. We have plans on 4th of July but will leave before the fireworks because DS is too young to enjoy them anyway and we would prefer to go home early (DH and I have become sorta homebodies since we had DS anyway).

Flame away all you want, having a rigid bedtime ensures that my baby STTN and I will not mess around with that for anything. Plus on the few occasions that we have kept him out past his bedtime, we have had to deal with a tantrum throwing toddler which just isn't worth it to us.

Thanks!! I needed to see I wasn't the only one who sometimes gets annoyed when people ask me to change my plans to accommodate them. It's one thing to decide on a time together that works well for both of you. Revising a day or a weekend to satisfy the wants of someone else is a lot to ask sometimes, however. I'm going through this at work right now. I hate saying no to the person who really wants me to change some major plans for her, but I cannot accommodate her easily.

MommyAtty · June 2014

I have a confession. I turned my 23 month old's car seat to forward facing last week. She was miserable backwards, we were miserable getting her buckled in backwards, and we are all so much happier now. I feel like a terrible, horrible, very bad mother since extended rear-facing is such a big deal now. But sheesh! We really are all so relieved to have her facing forward.

ss265 · June 2014

MommyAtty said:

I have a confession. I turned my 23 month old's car seat to forward facing last week. She was miserable backwards, we were miserable getting her buckled in backwards, and we are all so much happier now. I feel like a terrible, horrible, very bad mother since extended rear-facing is such a big deal now. But sheesh! We really are all so relieved to have her facing forward.

We are considering turning DS1's car seat forward facing when he is 23 months too but only because that is the only way we can fit two car seats in my husband's tiny backseat. Between getting a new car and turning him around, we will probably turn him around. The recommendation is minimum of 2 years so you are only a month shy of that.

mlee116 · June 2014

MommyAtty said:

I have a confession. I turned my 23 month old's car seat to forward facing last week. She was miserable backwards, we were miserable getting her buckled in backwards, and we are all so much happier now. I feel like a terrible, horrible, very bad mother since extended rear-facing is such a big deal now. But sheesh! We really are all so relieved to have her facing forward.

I turned DS at 2. My car is a small two door and it was only way to make it work. It is so much better for both of us! We don't ride in my car that much anyways. Honestly, TB is the only place I've heard of people doing ERF. No one I know IRL has done it as long as I have and actually turn them long before they are 2.

skibunny59 · June 2014

MommyAtty said:

I have a confession. I turned my 23 month old's car seat to forward facing last week. She was miserable backwards, we were miserable getting her buckled in backwards, and we are all so much happier now. I feel like a terrible, horrible, very bad mother since extended rear-facing is such a big deal now. But sheesh! We really are all so relieved to have her facing forward.

We turned DD the day she turned 2. We just couldn't take it anymore. For short rides around town she was fine but if we drove anywhere farther than a half hour away she would cry and carry on the entire time. We are all much happier now. I don't think it's so terrible based on how many people still don't know or don't care about the new recommendation and forward face at age 1.

2goingon3 · June 2014

<</p>

I've never really posted on these judgement threads because that's just not my thing but I'll chime in here.

There are times I wished DD still slept in our bed as I got WAY more sleep that way. Now at age 2 I am trying to be more consistent and keep her in her bed. Most nights she does ok but on bad nights I am so exhausted and I am so tempted to bring her into our bed.

Yes, I have a bad sleeper but as far as parenting goes I don't think that's the most terrible thing in the world. Also, I feel a little sad for moms who have never experienced bed sharing because it really is such an amazing bonding experience.

-----END QUOTE-----

I am not a bed sharer at all, I do not sleep well when my kids are in my bed, so I can count on one hand the number of times they've fallen asleep with me, and it was usually when they were sick. We all sleep much better on our own.

I do, however, absolutely love it when they come snuggle in to watch morning cartoons! Then I get to wake up slowly with a little cuddle monster all snuggled in.

Edited because quote fail

jellybean529 · June 2014

K3am said:

cjcouple said:

cjcouple said:

my UO - I love jeans and sneakers. lol

This is an UO how? In my world, that's kinda like saying yoga pants are comfy..
oh it's a big fashion faux pas. idc. I love it

I never would have thought it a fashion faux pas... And I've seen plenty of trendy hipsters sporting them, not really real housewife fashionable, but still on trend. Unless your talking like.. dirty running shoes as sneakers? I guess I'm glad I'm not too worried about being fashionable.

**STUCK IN THE BOX**
Jeans and sneakers are a fashion faux pas? I've been wearing jeans and sneakers for like...25 years. Man am I clueless!

jellybean529 · June 2014

I guess my UO/FFC is that my DD usually goes to bed late. Not by any fault of mine...I start her bath right around 8 PM and I'm lucky if she's asleep by 10:30. She fights it like mad. We've had the same routine since she was a year old. She just hates sleep. I hope that doesn't make me a terrible mother

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