Quick question

Ecat504 · June 2014

I've posted a few times on this board and you ladies were all especially helpful. I've strayed a little as I wasn't quite ready to accept that I am a single parent but now I realize it's not as bad as I was telling myself it would be.

Anyway, I'm asking this for a friend:
So a little background,
In 2011 my friend was deployed to Jordan, he came home for 3 months for a sick family member and returned back to Jordan for the rest of his tour. Well, his girlfriend at the time turned up pregnant she told him the baby was his and he was sooooo excited. He was at the hospital when she was born and took care of her for a few weeks until baby momma dropped the bomb that while he was deployed she slept with another guy. She took the baby, changed her phone number and basically made it impossible to find her and she's continued life with the other guy now claiming the baby is his. Neither one of them signed the birth certificate. My friend has tried since she left to keep contact with his supposed baby. She refuses him a DNA test. I know logically he should go to court and get a court ordered DNA test but he's nervous that he will be heartbroken if she isn't his, and if she is that he will ruin her life (dramatic emphasis. I really just mean disrupt the life she's growing up to know). He genuinely a great guy and just wants to know his daughter and take care of her and baby momma is denying him of that.
My question is what would you suggest he does?

Thank you all!

inthelost · June 2014

my advice for him is to GO TO COURT even if he is "nervous" about it. get a court ordered DNA test so she can't deny him that. Once the results are in, he can fight to have rights to her too.

tig594 · June 2014

Ditto PP

20thirteen · June 2014

Also ditto to PP. He deserves to know the truth, if that is his daughter or not. And if not, the truth is going to hurt but it will at least help with closure and the healing process could begin. I feel awful for this guy, I can't imagine what that must be like to go through. There were times where I would contemplate lying to BD and say that he wasn't the father just to make him angry, to doubt my faithfulness to him because he was not faithful to me. But in the end, I couldn't do it. Whether or not that's the case with this girl, she needs to be hit in the face with reality. Reality is that you can't toy with people, especially when it comes to their children. And doesn't the other guy deserve to know? Did he know that she was with another man when he was pursuing her? What kind of selfish bitch does this to anyone? Especially to a military man? She deserves any trouble a court case would drum up, IMO.

freeatlast2014 · June 2014

Finding out she isn't his can't hurt worse than thinking she is and not knowing where she is, not seeing her, and not having a relationship with her. Poor guy.

Ecat504 · June 2014

Thank you all. I agree, that's the side I've stood on I would rather know and be hurt with the truth than either never knowing my daughter or having to watch someone else raise her. But I didn't know if I had an UO on that so I kept to myself about it though he's asked me many times what I thought.

@Roxalot The other guy is a good guy as far as I know, I don't personally know him but we do have a few mutual friends. They've since had a second child together. But you're right, he does deserve to know because it is to my understanding that he believes she is really his. I don't know what he knew about her relationship, but she is incredibly selfish for what she did and is doing.

Thank you all so much, now that I know my opinion isn't so unpopular I'm going to suggest he go to court. Thank you all again.

20thirteen · June 2014

Good luck to your friend!

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