To doula or not to doula...

firstcomeslove2013 · June 2014

That IS the question!

We went to meet with a potential doula last night. Just wanted to get everyone's thoughts on using a doula.

Did anyone in this group use a doula?

Is anyone planning on using a doula?

Please, discuss!

ATXmommas · June 2014

My short answer... DOULA!

I'll be back later to expand.

firstcomeslove2013 · June 2014

Ha ha ha @ATXmommas‌, can't wait!

Filmfanatic82 · June 2014

Yes! The best thing you can do is hire a doula.

We had one and it made all of the difference. She was absolutely amazing and a wealth of knowledge / support for both me and my wife throughout our entire pregnancy / labor/ delivery.

We did also have an OBYGN who we loved as well, but they are only there for you when you're ready to push... And in my case the OBGYN didn't even make it into the room on time to deliver Charley.

I can honestly say it was the best decision we made and will hire ours again when we're ready to have our second child.

Manada · June 2014

We aren't going for a doula, mostly because now that we are high-risk our Midwives are on-board to provide supportive care and advocacy for us. If we hire a doula it might be a post-partum doula to come a few nights a week after the babies come home to help us settle into a nighttime routine and get a bit more sleep.

That said. If we were having a singleton and a hospital birth I would be all over the doula idea, that support would be super valuable. You just want to make sure your midwife works well with your doula, because there could be some overlap and you want to make sure they are cool working alongside each other so there's no conflict.

JGY · June 2014

I was a Doula, we hired a Doula, I wouldn't want to birth without one.

One of the main things we were looking for in hiring our Doula, was support for S. Our Doula was awesome with her. She suggested and modeled things that S could do to help me, she gave S permission to sleep, and demonstrated that she was there to step right in and support me in whatever I needed, so that S was comfortable laying down (I had an extremely long labor). She really was invaluable.

Also, another nice thing for us, was that our Doula met us at our home and labored with us there for a while. Again, S was able to lay down and get some rest, eat, deal with the dog, etc., while our Doula helped me create a relaxing atmosphere in our tub.

One of the MOST important things for us? When we ended up with a C-section at the end of our long journey, our Doula was able to stay with me, right by my head, while S followed Gabriel. I think many people tend to overlook the great value in having a Doula when things DON'T go exactly as you'd hoped. There tends to be this happy picture of a Doula's role in a non-medicated vaginal birth, but often then provide critical support when that ideal picture doesn't happen.

Good luck in making your choice! You can always PM me with questions if you'd like.

StacyLH24 · June 2014

Though we obviously aren't to the point of really needing to think about this, I have given it some thought. There is a doula who lives right up the road from us and we both love her! If we get to the point of having a take home baby, whether via vaginal birth or c-section, I think that both of us will need to extra support. Mainly because C can get very wound up and stresses out easily. I want someone who will be able to handle her while I am doing my thing. This will help me to focus on what I need to do and also hopefully help keep her more calm. Without someone to help, I can see us not doing well together through the birth. She would be super stressed and I will be in pain and not having the patience to deal with her anxiety. That's the honest truth of it.

2brides · June 2014

We had one. We suspected from 30w (?) that I'd most likely have a c-section, but proceeded with hiring a doula from the hospital program. We met with one, liked her and felt comfortable with her. As we were walking out the door to head to the hospital on my scheduled c-section date, she called and said that she was sick and someone else would meet us at the hospital. She showed up 5 minutes before I was wheeled in to the OR (about 3hrs after we arrived at the hospital) and really the only thing she did was take photos. She hung out in recovery with us for a bit and tried to help me BF and then she was gone. If I was having another c-section, I don't think I'd pay for it. If I was going to labor, I would. But I also think it was her personality (quiet/reserved/a bit standoffish) and the fact I'd never met her. Like JGY said, if things hadn't gone smoothly, it would have been nice to have an extra set of eyes/ears.

trisholio · June 2014

We have hired a Doula and we are very excited about it. I am happy to pass along her information to you.

firstcomeslove2013 · June 2014

@trisholio‌ who are you using?

MamaNumber2 · June 2014

We have a doula ready for when/if we get the BFP. We live abroad (where the majority of pregnancies end in c-section, which we are trying to avoid) So we wanted someone to help us along the process and find some natural birth doctors who will not push for the c-section. Also, since our community in at home, we don't have anyone to help out. We thought it would be a good idea to have someone here who would be around.

redrockmama · June 2014

We've been all over the place with this one.

Our homebirth midwife pretty much required a doula. She included the price of a doula in her fees and then deducted it if you hired a doula. We had planned to hire one from day one. It makes a lot of sense to have a doula there for early labor instead of your midwife. You want your midwife to be awake and alert, not exhausted.

When it looked like we were going to have a for sure cesarean, we thought about hiring a postpartum doula. Then I realized I have lots of friends and family here and would rather spend the money on something else, like more time home with the baby.

Now that we are looking at a possible vaginal birth at the hospital with a high risk OB, I definitely want a doula. I actually just talked with our midwife this morning and asked if she would consider being our "doula" Her last day as a midwife at the hospital is the 30th, so the timing is good. She was pretty on board. She'll be out of town the 10-12 (the 11th is our due date) so as long as I don't start labor then, we are okay. If she is out of town, we'll use a volunteer doula that the hospital provides.

It might depend a lot on where you give birth too. Some hospitals less likely to start a train of interventions. I don't remember, are you planning a hospital birth? I don't think I've ever heard of anyone regretting hiring a doula for a low risk vaginal birth though.

ATXmommas · June 2014

Ok, so I was adamant about having a doula for several reasons. My desire was to have an intervention free experience (if at all possible) and I felt that not only would I need the support, but that Z would as well.

We had about 3 official visits with our doula in the few weeks leading up to delivery to discuss our options, our preferences, concerns, emotions, etc. We discussed my preference to be free from interventions, but we also discussed how she could support us and our preferences should we end up with an epi, c-section, etc. We also met a couple of times more informally to go on a walk, which helped us to get to know each other better and she was always available to talk, text, or email. When I was struggling emotionally at the end of pregnancy, she was supportive, encouraging, and a calming presence.

As for the labor/delivery - we had a plan for her up come to the house when cx were 5 minutes apart (I think). Well, if you recall my birth story, things progressed super quickly. I called my doula after experiencing cx for an hour or so when they were a bit stronger. She came to house after my water broke. By the time she arrived, I'm pretty sure I was ready to start pushing, but she kept us focused and as calm as possible. She stayed with me while Z ran around the house packing last minute things, talked me through cx, helped me with positions, etc. She stayed in the back seat with me on the way to the hospital and was reassuring and focused when I was scared. She helped advocate for me when the doctor who was at the delivery (who I never met before) refused to listen to me when I told her I didn't want up touch my baby's head when he was crowning. Afterwards, she stayed with us and guided/supported us through BF-ing for the first time within half hour after delivering.

Because my labor and delivery were relatively quick and "easy," she was only with us for 1.5-2 hours before he was born and about the same afterwards. Even though my labor was quick and uncomplicated, I still think it was worth every single penny we paid her to have her with us. She did give us some extra special postpartum care since L/D was so quick, but even if she hadn't, it would have been worth it.

I don't want to minimize Z's role during everything - her presence and support were the most important things. But even though she wasn't the one carrying, she too was experiencing a pregnancy, labor, and birth of her child. She couldn't just provide support, she needed support as well. Z used our doula as a resource during pregnancy, L&D, and the postpartum period as an outlet to process her emotions and gather support and encouragement. So, so valuable.

I've been piecing this response together in my phone throughout the day, so I hope it's coherent and that it helps!

firstcomeslove2013 · June 2014

Thanks so much to everyone for the great advice. I think we will go with a doula. We really like her and we feel like she will be well worth the cost. She made us feel comfortable and I really feel she will make our experience better.

I so appreciate everyone's input and everyone's advice...it was so helpful!!!

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