Etiquette question: Letting go of nanny when new baby comes..

JulyMomma2U2 · June 2014

We are due with baby #3 the second week of September. Between my leave and my husband's leave and PTO, we will have almost 6 months of coverage after the baby is born. For this reason (and others, but that's OT), we've discussed with our Nanny that she will need to find a new position once our daughter arrives. My question is, she has my "due date" as an estimated end date, but with both my boys I ended up delivering 3w early. I feel like it's not really fair to her if I do go early and then she's left scrambling out of pay for those 3 weeks. I felt like maybe we should just plan to continue paying her up until my due date (or my c/s date), and even if we go early, we'll just pay her for those days even if she isn't working. My husband disagrees and feels like our due date is enough of an "end date" that she should be able to line something else up for once the baby has come. What's the proper etiquette? We did already discuss (and will soon discuss with her) having her watch our 2 boys for ~2 days while I'm in the hospital (just her normal hours, to help keep consistency with my boys), so we'd be paying her a bit anyway after the baby is born, but I still feel like 2 days of pay isn't enough time for her to find and line something else up.

Pips09 · June 2014

I would plan on a specific date and stick to it. It's not really fair to her to say "Your last day will be sometime between Sept 1 and Sept 21, but we won't know which until 3 days prior". How would you feel if she bailed on you with 2 weeks to go before your due date, and you still needed her? Plan to pay her through a certain date, and you might even find that you want to use her.

Virgo17 · June 2014

I would plan to pay her through your due date to be fair. Even if you have the baby early, she could come over and help with the older two kids while you are recovering.

banks81 · June 2014

I haven't been in this situation since we just had our first. But my thought when reading this - do you have any sort of guarantee that she will be there until your due date? What is the benefit to her to stay on rather than find another job now or one that starts before you have your baby? While I don't think you are obligated to pay her for those extra days, I think having a conversation up front about expectations on both sides would be beneficial, especially if you really like her. I think it would be nice to agree on a set bonus amount if she agrees to stay until you've had your baby or your due date, whichever comes first. Then if you go early, you won't have to worry about paying her for the whole gap and you can hopefully incentive her to stay until the end.

JulyMomma2U2 · June 2014

@banks81 that's a really good point, and one my husband keeps saying, too.. there's nothing stopping her from saying "hey, I found something new and I start here". A conversation probably would be beneficial!

I think what we are going to do is agree to pay her until the last week of August.. with both my boys I was pulled out of work by 36w and delivered at 37.. last week of Aug would put me 37-38w. If I haven't delivered by then, my husband and I will work out the coverage.. And, if I do deliver by then, we may still be able to use her for those few days while I'm in the hospital. At least this way it gives her a set end date, and I don't feel guilty!

ETA: We will be finding a new Nanny regardless. We had talked about letting her go sooner, but chose to wait until the new baby came as that gave us a clean break without confrontation. So, using her in the future isn't something we're concerned about.

Curls218 · June 2014

I agree with PP. If you go early you could use her help, I'm sure!

mb314 · June 2014

Like pp said, I would pick a date and stick with it. If you happen to go into labor early, she may be useful to have around as you deal with a newborn. Even if she doesn't watch the older kids all day, she could potentially take them out to the park to give you more alone time with the baby

TheBorg7of9 · June 2014

Personally, I would ask her to stay till the baby is 4-6 weeks old

ricekez · June 2014

We were in a similar situation. We offered to pay our nanny through the end of April no matter what (I was due mid- April). We felt it was only fair to give her a firm date. She opened her own in-home daycare after our nanny share contract ended, so it all worked out pretty well.

DallasLonghorn97 · June 2014

I have been in your shoes EXACTLY. When #3 came, I knew I'd be taking 4 months off and my husband was going to be laid off, so he would be a SAHD for a bit after that. We too had some issues that meant we would not want her back when the time came for childcare again. While others may disagree, I gave a tenative date and it worked for us. Now, our nanny at the time LOVED our kids like she was their grandma (which was part of the problem). Both 1 and 2 came early, so I told her to plan for her last day a bit sooner than my due date. I should also add that we paid unemployment taxes on her, so I knew she would be filing for unemployment. I did position things as I was taking an extended leave and wouldn't require childcare so as to let her down nicely. It wasn't as if she needed to be terminated, but there were things going on that I was very dissatisfied with.

JulyMomma2U2 · June 2014

DallasLonghorn97 said:

I have been in your shoes EXACTLY. When #3 came, I knew I'd be taking 4 months off and my husband was going to be laid off, so he would be a SAHD for a bit after that. We too had some issues that meant we would not want her back when the time came for childcare again. While others may disagree, I gave a tenative date and it worked for us. Now, our nanny at the time LOVED our kids like she was their grandma (which was part of the problem). Both 1 and 2 came early, so I told her to plan for her last day a bit sooner than my due date. I should also add that we paid unemployment taxes on her, so I knew she would be filing for unemployment. I did position things as I was taking an extended leave and wouldn't require childcare so as to let her down nicely. It wasn't as if she needed to be terminated, but there were things going on that I was very dissatisfied with.

This sounds similar to us... Though we are not paying unto unemployment :-(. She truly does genuinely care for my boys, but there have been a lot of issues here and there, and we absolutely know having 3 so young would be too much.. We also spun things as if we weren't sure what we will do for childcare once our leave is up, and she honestly seemed fine with that. I think deep down she knows 3 would be too much for her, too.. I think we will do as I stated above.. Set her last day as 2w before my due date (but bc I'm RCs anyway, probably closer to 1 week before my RCS), and if for some reason I don't go early (I had GD and Pre E with both boys... Already setting up looking the same, so will be quite a surprise if I hold out longer!) we will work something else out with family. The idea of keeping her around for the weeks after baby is born while adjusting in theory sounds good but wouldn't really be beneficial... Plus my husband will be home the first few weeks with us.

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Etiquette question: Letting go of nanny when new baby comes..

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