When Someone Else Shares Your News

marymuffins79 · June 2014

My father in law took it upon himself to announce our pregnancy to everyone he knows, and some he doesn't know...before we were ready to share. Do I share it with everyone else now? Or, do I pretend as if nothing is going on.

TXUltraRunner · June 2014

My DH and I planned this cute surprise for his siblings. They were the only two people in the world we could surprise and whom we felt like would be genuinely excited. I bought something special and mailed it to each of them only to find out that DH's mother had already told them. I'm still so pissed about it. I feel like I can't trust her and she and I have been close. I've confided in her throughout the IVF and everything and now I feel like I can never tell her anything.

You're not obligated to share just because he told people but I do consider it rude of him.

JacieBee · June 2014

I'd probably go ahead and tell anyone I thought might hear about it from him or the people he told. I wouldn't be happy about it, but part of dealing with the situation for me would be taking back control of the information. I'd also have DH tell FIL he was out of line and as a result would no longer be getting advance information on the baby. So, last to know sex, name, etc. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Lanatir · June 2014

My MiL put it on her FB after we told them... So I was getting texts and calls from people saying "Either your MiL has really gone crazy this time or I'm offended you didn't tell me." It was a train wreck. I'm still pissed off when I think about it. Since most of the people who would be friends with my MiL are DH's siblings or people we see like monthly, I did tell them, yes, I was pregnant, but "Everyone" your FiL knows, that's a tough cookie. You either have to lie and make him look bad or you have to uncomfortably reveal before you wanted to.

Either way, RUDE RUDE RUDE. And I HATE when people share news that's not theirs to share.

MrsMCBMar2014 · June 2014

I hate when people do that. FIL told DH's aunt and grandmother when we weren't going to say anything yet. I worry that MIL will spill the beans to SIL because both DH and I don't want SIL knowing yet (my siblings know because they figured it out). I want to do a cute announcement on fb but I hope that no one else does it,before me.

jc51723 · June 2014

This is why we are waiting to tell EVERYONE at the same time. Sometimes I feel bad for not letting our families know early, but I know they cannot keep secrets. So we will tell our families and then immediately tell the rest of our friends and whoever else we want to tell. DH and I actually (with my first pregnancy and this one) picked one friend to tell right away. I needed to at least have someone else besides DH to talk to about it!

Really sad when you can't trust your family to keep quiet!

mellie86041 · June 2014

My MIL has been telling all her friends, but it's people DH and I (and most of our family) don't know anyway, so not the end of the world, I suppose. But definitely still annoying.

My cousin had an awful experience with her mother announcing right away on FB. She went on and said something along the lines of "Just found out I'm going to be a grandma. So excited!!!" My cousin has one younger sibling, but he was still in high school at the time, so it was pretty easy to figure out who she was talking about. My cousin had explicitly told her mother NOT to say anything, and hadn't even told any of her friends yet, and many of them are FB friends with her mother too.

So in response, she basically FB shamed her mother in a really passive aggressive announcement of her own. She said "Since my mother already decided this was her news to share and not ours: [mother's name] is going to be a grandmother. Her grandchild is about 7 weeks along. Her daughter and son-in-law were not ready to announce yet, but she took it upon herself to do so anyway, against their wishes. Her grandchild is about 7 weeks along." Super petty, but my cousin said it felt amazing anyway.

aerotigergirl · June 2014

My own Mom did this to me with this pregnancy, though to a much lesser extent than some of you all have experienced. I waited until I saw my parents at 8 weeks (they live far away, so I never get to deliver news like this in person) to tell them. I thought my MIL was going to be here too, but she bailed at the last minute and didn't make the trip. Still, I was really excited to tell my parents they were going to be grandparents again.

Initially, I don't think they were very excited, which made me feel sad and a little foolish. I think they assumed, due to my AMA, that I wasn't going to have any more kids? Eventually they seemed to warm up to the idea. And then they went back home, where my mom told two of my aunts and an uncle. Luckily, no one has spilled the beans for us on Facebook because so far we've only told a few close friends aside from our parents.

I'm definitely the wrong person to give advice as to what to do, though, since my only response has been ... crickets. I've said nothing to my mom to let her know that spreading our news wasn't ok. She told me that she told those other folks, and I was like "oh, ok." I really should stand up for myself more...

Good luck dealing with your FIL. I hope you have more backbone than I do!

SamanthaLaura16 · June 2014

Blah I am so sorry that happened. With my first pregnancy my parents were telling their friends (they have since learned their lesson) but I still kept it hidden.

dragontears507 · June 2014

It makes me so mad when others share your news. Ugh... I would make sure that those that do know about the pregnancy know to keep it hush hush for now and then have a talk with your MIL about it.

Latham12 · June 2014

My mom was visiting when I had my fertility appt so she found out we were trying bc she was watching DD for appt. I told her not to tell anyone bc we wanted it to be a surprise and didn't even know if we could have another one. When I visited my cousin (mom lives in WA, cousin lives in MO) we told her we were pregnant bc we found out at her house lol well she says, "yeah I knew you were trying". I was pissed! She said my mom announced we were TTC at a family gathering and her mom called and told her. WTH?! I called my mom out on it and she's like "I can tell whoever I want." Honest, that was her response. So we have announced to DH's family but still haven't told my mom's family. We plan to tell them Saturday and announce it on FB Sunday. She clearly can't be trusted to keep her mouth shut.

Cbeanz · June 2014

When people share news that isn't theirs, they move down to the bottom of my list for any future news.

mommy5point0 · June 2014

I guess announce it on your timetable.

I was furious that my own dad took the pic DH sent him and posted it to FB within an hour of her birth about how "grandpa was the first thing she saw and she loved him." Barf. Could you please let the umbilical cord stop pumping before you're sharing info and pictures that are not yours?

I hate that he has FB now. I know that nothing is sacred and everything is an AW moment. I deleted mine and while I miss keeping in touch with people easily, it's comforting to know I can't be outed or tagged anymore.

marymuffins79 · June 2014

I actually expected MY mother to be the one to tell the world. I understand he's excited but it broke my heart to have that moment of sharing it with the world, stolen. DH is supposed to be handling it because, as a hormonal mess, I may hurt someone!

motherboy · June 2014

My MIL did this to us for this pregnancy. She told her parents and of course we found out. When my husband asked her why she did it, she said, well, my mom got mad at me the last time I didn't tell her something like this. Ugh. My MIL can be so childish and her mom is super passive aggressive and petty so that part isn't surprising. I'm still mad whenever I think about it. I used to really like my mil and now I've just been very distant and cold.

bannaners · June 2014

We told my husband's immediate family at 7 weeks after some scares of high risk , we were moved down to low risk. My fil has a twin brother who was also there. I made sure to tell everyone that we were not ready to announce and that if it got on Facebook I would be very upset. I should have specified that we were telling certain people at different times. Dh's entire extended family had contacted us by the end of the day.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

That's awful. Did you tell them not to tell yet? If you want to tell now, go ahead. If not, you can still wait. I'm sorry.

marymuffins79 · June 2014

I did tell him, and every other immediate family member who knows, not to tell anyone. I told them we were waiting until July. It really just sucks. He won't be given any more news, I can tell you that.

pjay214 · June 2014

Mine did that too!

letsgox · June 2014

That REALLY pisses me off for you and others who have also had to deal with a similar issue! I understand they are excited, but just because it's their grandchild does not make it appropriate.

My mom did this to us with DD, after we told her it was a threatened m/c and wasn't sure if it would work out. She basically AWed to her friends that she was going through a tough time. I jumped on her and she was defensive. This time around she will find out when we tell everyone else.

gingerygirl · June 2014

The day after we found out, hubby and I went out with some friends and he decided to tell everyone that was there and every other stranger passing by. Telling strangers isn't a big deal, but telling his friends...well lets just say that gossip in a small town spreads like wildfire. So pretty much everyone in town knew within the week. We still got to do the exciting surprise Facebook announcement though because most of my friends are old collage buddies that live out of state.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

marymuffins79 said:
That's awful. I'm sorry. I think your DH needs to talk to your FIL about this. Just so that he knows it is not okay.
I did tell him, and every other immediate family member who knows, not to tell anyone. I told them we were waiting until July. It really just sucks. He won't be given any more news, I can tell you that.

Jamie02Lee · June 2014

I'd have my dh talk to him n tell him to keep it on the dl going forward.. when I told my mom n the in laws we said please don't post in fb n keep it hush hush until we're ready to come clean.. we did the same with everyone we told cuz we don't want it public knowledge quite yet.. once we hear a heartbeat n c a pic we will b good to go but for now it's our news n we want to tell ppl in our way.. sorry ur FIL did that.. I'd b so upset..

byrne15 · June 2014

FIL blew us in to his coworkers (who happens to be the mother of a good friend). When she called me, I obviously came clean but we said we weren't really saying anything yet. We stuck with it and haven't come completely out yet.

jenshelton22 · June 2014

Just found out today that my MIL has been sharing our news, even after we specifically asked her not to. My husband is a coach and turns out, MIL told the mother of one of his players, who then asked him about it. I am livid. I'm only 8 weeks along (with our first) and wasn't planning to make it 100% public until the end of the first trimester. I haven't said anything to her about it yet since I'm so angry. I don't want to say anything I'll regret. BUT... I'm extremely angry and disappointed.

mmebrucewayne · June 2014

If you want to pretend like he's crazy, just deny it. That's his fault for sharing your news. My fiancé told his only sister and she immediately posted it on Facebook. So that is how his grandmother, step siblings and god knows who else found out. We hadn't told anyone in my family yet so needless to say I was very angry.

JEMondy · June 2014

That is crazy frustrating!! I haven't even told me parents yet because I know my dad posts EVERYTHING on Facebook, and he's such the social butterfly in-person. I've been slowly going through the list of people I want to personally tell before telling my parents (or in-laws) so he won't have a chance to spill the beans! I know he would TRY to honor my "don't tell anyone" requests, but why risk it? I'm even counting on him and my in-laws to tell my extended family. I'll just be very clear on who I want to tell personally and try to tell those people within 24hrs of telling my parents. It sounds like I don't trust them, but seeing as this will be their first grandchild, I know they won't want to keep the news to themselves! Hopefully it will stay off Facebook until July, but I expect everyone my parents know to know as soon as they do. Still trying to decide when to tell them, honestly.

cabbeeby · June 2014

I didn't want to tell my MIL-ish person (technically she is GMIL but she is only a few years older than my parents and raised my DH) but husband thought it was unfair to tell my sisters and not tell her.

Anyway, he told her, asked her to keep it a secret, and she went ahead and told everyone that she knows. Last week I thought I would die from holding it in... she was bitching to me that her sister-in-law had been answering the house phone and updating MIL's friends about her recovery progress after a recent surgery. She kept saying "I'll decide who I want to tell my personal medical information and just because you know doesn't mean you can tell people about it." Oh. My. God.

Hopefully DH will be amenable to not telling her next time, otherwise I may have to wait to tell my sisters.

longcat07 · June 2014

i'm pretty sure we haven't been outed yet. the only person likely to do it is SO's dad, and evidently when SO told him about our loss in april, he immediately turned around and told SO's brother. i guess his dad got read the riot act by both him and his brother for sharing private/personal "news" that wasn't his (which surprises me, because his brother is usually a pretty selfish being, and i can't think this was entirely selfishly motivated because he wouldn't have let SO know their dad spilled the beans if it had been), so hopefully his dad knows better now. hopefully.

mpiemont · June 2014

I can't believe how many people's family members "shared the news". It's your news to share! I'm sorry for everyone who didn't get to share it their own way.

Sunflower9939 · June 2014

Today my mom said, "I almost told someone yesterday but I didn't." Ummm... thanks? My husband's family doesn't even know yet. I told her it's our news to share, when we are ready to and I and DH will be very upset if we find out she tells anyone. Hopefully that worked... ugh

kiarap103 · June 2014

My grandma did this to me but i decided to wait to tell anyone. If they see me and ask i'll just pretend like i dont know what they are talking about. I'll tell them when im ready.

Vanval10 · June 2014

I shared the news with my aunt who I've always told my secrets before and she has never blabbed. But when I returned to town for a cousin's graduation party my whole family knew! Even though it's family it still stinks that I wasn't the one who got to share the news. Now my aunt is on probation and definitely won't be hearing any of my secrets for a very long time.
I guess the upside to this is may be we will be able to share the news publicly/social media wise soon. Since everyone will probably know by next week. (Small town probs).

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