Ug. Can I vent?

MamaAllison · June 2014

So I'm a teacher at a pretty fancy scmancy private school. I received an e-mail earlier this week about one of my students who was interested in pursuing honors math next year. I had already had the discussion with his parents that he was not ready and I thought we were all set, so it was weird that they were starting the process over again. So then I see in the e-mail that my principal forwarded to me that they thought he earned an A for the year. Ahh, no. I look back and sure enough I entered the damn grade wrong. He had a solid B for the year - so no where near the requirements to move up to honors. I fixed the grade and the e-mailed them back, apologizing profusely (and checked all my other grades, they were all fine). Then they e-mailed me and my principal saying that they needed to come in to discuss and they were very upset that his grade had been changed. I e-mailed again indicating that I could come in to discuss if they wished apologized AGAIN and restated that his grade had actually just been changed to reflect his true average. I attached a screen shot of his average as well, so they could see all his grades. I just received another e-mail from them that they are very upset and felt that changing his grade was "rubbing salt in the wounds".

Um - what wounds? Do you want the kid to have a grade on his report card he didn't earn? Can someone help me with some perspective here? What should I do? I'm very upset, it was a simple mistake, and I apologized and fixed it. I feel that they are being whiny and unreasonable, and that they certainly are not setting a good example for their son. But maybe I am only seeing it from my side of things? What does F14 think?

Cookies if you made it this far.

Soap1 · June 2014

I feel your pain. I don't really have any good advice. As long as your principal is backing you up in the grade change, I'd just stand firm and ride it out. I think this will seem like a huge deal to you for a few days and you'll basically forget about it in a month. (ETA: I don't mean this isn't a big deal or you're overreacting - I just mean that I always get super anxiety about situations like this but they always blow over)

That's usually how I deal with student problems. I had a student's mother get a lawyer involved because he failed my class. This is at a university.

southerngal07 · June 2014

Just to clarify...numerically his average was always a B, but you just accidentally typed A instead of B? Could the parents also see the numerically average prior to this? Because if so there really shouldn't be any question.

I always hate situations like this, even when I know I'm right. I agree with PP who said talk to your principal again before you meet with the parents. Make sure you're on the same page and that he/she will back you up. And just remember, you're done with this student. So even if it's the worst parent meeting ever, they are someone else's 'problem' next year. Good luck.

MamaAllison · June 2014

@emgomez13 yes I was a clerical error. His highest grade for the whole trimester was a 90, so clearly his average could have never been an A. @TyrannosaurusLex I also distributed grade sheets very close to the end of the trimester which clearly showed him with a B, so I'm a little upset that he thought that a C on the final somehow brought him UP to an A (clearly I did not teach him enough math

). I guess that is what is really eating at me, I'm not "taking away" anything, I'm correcting the mistake. He NEVER had an A, like ever, the third trimester. I get being excited and then feeling upset, but I think they are being dramatic and they are definitely making me feel like crap.

You guys are right though. This too shall pass.

boogerbearoriginal · June 2014

Sakura0019 said:

Before you communicate with the parents any further, I would discuss the situation with your principal again, and being all communication with you. It's sounds like the parents are prepared to make a stink, and you'll want to be on the same page as your principal, and also know that he/she has your back. I think a face to face discussion about this could be beneficial. I would request that it also be with the principal so that they can't play the whole "she said" game because the principal would be right there, too. It was an honest mistake on your part, just bad timing. Can you show them alllll of the child's tests and homework so that they see you didn't just "make up" a lower grade? I'm sorry you have to deal with this! It's terrible that the teaching profession is falling victim to the whole "customer is always right" culture. We're doing a huuuuge disservice to our children this way.

This.

I think it's going to be very important for you/administration to be a united front when parent meeting takes place, which it sounds like is inevitable. They are clearly not going to accept this at face value.

I can see their point if they saw an A, they are now wondering WTF happened. I would hope they understand that you are fallible, just like all people, and simply made an honest mistake.

Good luck!

dunvilles · June 2014

If I were you, I would also have a list of scores with the grades he would have had to make to get an A average and then his list of scores. If you have copies of his work it might also be nice to show them that this is how your son performed and then show them an A paper and say this is what is expected.

Codypup · June 2014

This is a tricky situation. My response is based solely on my own high school experience -- I don't think you're in the wrong here, but I can see the other side as well.

I went to a ridiculously competitive public high school -- think Rory Gilmore at Chilton, minus the uniforms. We started planning for college in 8th grade; being put in a "regular" math class was practically an embarrassment. (I was always in regular classes, bcs I sucked at math -- but I was stupidly ashamed of that fact.) Unlike a lot of other high schools, it was NOT cool to be dumb/absent/aloof; the popular group were the kids that were in all AP classes and ended up at Ivy League schools. It's ridiculous in hindsight, but that's how it went.

If something like this had happened -- the A grade being retracted -- there would have been an uproar. It wouldn't have mattered that the student actually earned a B. It would have been the teacher's fault, blah blah blah. I would have felt cheated, even though that grade was a fluke.

I completely, 100% agree with what you did (change the grade to reflect the student's correct average) and I also condone you for keeping him in regular level math, instead of honors. But if I were that student, I would have been upset about the grade swap.

I think your best bet is to try and sit down with the parents, student, and principal, if they're willing. Show them the numbers, and stick to your guns about no honors courses. Remind them that you're not doing the kid any favors by bumping him into a course he's guaranteed to fail. In hindsight, I am so glad I wasn't put into a course I wasn't ready for.

inluv4life2 · June 2014

Sakura0019 said:

lala2332 said:

But honestly, how does that benefit the student in any way? He didn't earn the A, and giving it to him because of a mistake just doesn't make sense. I think it's a much better lesson that others make mistakes, and you can't just get something you didn't earn.

It would be a disservice to shield the kid from disappointment and teach him that he doesn't have to work hard for something, all he has to do is make a fuss to get what he wants. The real world won't make those allowances for him, and it also doesn't teach him any personal pride or integrity, which are so much more important than earning an A in math.

This 100%. These parents are setting their child up for a world of hurt later on. Also, it doesn't seem as if the parents can do math, either!

Soap1 · June 2014

lala2332 said:

I think he should be able to keep the A. I know that it was just a typing mistake on your part, but as a parent or a student, I would be pissed that because I asked a question about honors, that you caught your mistake. If they had just kept their head down and moved on, he would still have the A. I know that if we caught a mistake our teacher made in grading that we got the benefit either way. I.e. if they marked something wrong that wasn't, we got the better grade. If they missed something that would lower our grade, we still got to keep the grade that was given.
I don't think he should be able to get into the honors class. As someone who has always struggled with math, it won't do him any good to be behind and struggling all year.

@lala2332 This attitude drives me crazy. If I accidentally type in the wrong grade for a student, why does that mean he/she gets a full GPA point higher than he deserved?? I get it if you accidentally mark a question right on a test, but not on final grades.

If your bank accidentally deposits $10,000 into your bank account, should you get to keep it? Because it was "their mistake?" Hell no!

MamaAllison · June 2014

Thanks for the feedback ladies, it ALL helped me process how the other side is feeling. I talked with my principal and he was adamant that I should not change the grade back to the "mistake" grade as it is a part of his permanent record and must be accurate. He said it's a mistake but the parents ARE being a little ridiculous, which I'm glad to hear because while I thought they were being hurtful I didn't know if I was being too sensitive.

Hopefully this will blow over soon!

RondackHiker · June 2014

lala2332 said:

@sakura0019 that makes sense, but I know I would still push the teacher and the school to let him keep the A if it was my child. I don't think asking questions should be punished and that is what is effectively happening. I know the grade wasn't lowered to punish him, but the outcome is still the same.
If the teacher had caught it 100% on her own in double checking her grade book or something, then I would feel differently. But the fact that the parents brought this to the teacher's attention and are now getting punished for that is the part I don't like.

But how is getting the grade he earned a punishment?

The parents sounded like they were doing okay initially. They had questions about the honor course since the teacher said their son wasn't ready but it looked like he'd earned an A (as a parent I'd probably have questioned this if I knew he had a B all along and got a C on the final, but perhaps they didn't know details). If my kid was doing well and I was told he wasn't ready for honors I'd want to know more as well.

As a result they found out that his grade was an error. He wasn't doing as well as he thought. That stinks and is probably disappointing, but he didn't earn and A and giving him a B isn't punishing him.

Want a personalized experience?

Ug. Can I vent?

Re: Ug. Can I vent?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards