New & Super Overwhelmed (preg mentioned/not mine)

nmason5413 · June 2014

Hi everyone,
We have been TTC for a year now and just went through testing with RE. The results came back today and I am just super overwhelmed. I honestly don't remember 90% of what the doctor said, my mind just shut down in the meeting.

He did say that I am not ovulating well and this is the primary issue. He said I have a form of PCOS without the physical symptoms most get. At my ultrasound test, the tech said my uterine lining was very thin but that wasn't brought up today.

He started talking about IVF and that's about when I shut down... DH asked about taking a less aggressive approach so we are looking at a round of Provera to start my period followed by 5 days of Clomid & ovulation predictor kits. RE didn't seem very confident on that plan... Am I wasting time here? Im terrified of IVF. Also scared of Clomid though so I don't know what to do.

I'm wondering if I am strong enough to deal with all of this. I want kids so badly but am asking at what cost? My mind is playing tricks on me today- do I even want kids? Is this worth it? Do I want this right now? Ughhhh I just don't know where to start.

What's complicating things further- 1. My sister is about to give birth any day now. She doesn't know our struggles
2. I work for a foster care agency. The irony is not lost. I'm having a REALLY hard time getting through each day working with troubled kids who were abandoned by their parents.

Any words of wisdom or guidance greatly appreciated.

~Mrs.Wise~ · June 2014

It is a scary process and not every step is right for everybody. Maybe go away for a weekend with DH and honestly talk it over and find out what feels emotionally and financially ok for the two of you.

BunnyBerry · June 2014

I'm so sorry for your shocking RE appointment. It's hard to respect his push toward IVF if the only issue from test results was PCOS - since Clomid (or similar drugs) + IUI have a reasonable success rate and are way cheaper and less invasive than IVF. However, that does depend greatly on the woman's age and results of other tests. Have you received results on your tubes/uterus, hormone levels, and your husband's semen analysis?

I'm so sorry, too, for the constant reminders in your daily life. It's easy to see how this could all make you very overwhelmed as you said!! At this major transition time as you move into treatment, perhaps that is a good opportunity to pause a moment and consider speaking with a counselor experienced with IF about these conflicting hopes and fears? I imagine one of the worst feelings is feeling like we're being pushed into something that we don't accept or feel comfortable with because then it's like we have lost even more control of this scary situation!

I hope you and your husband are able to have a helpful, supportive conversation or conversations about your impressions about everything.

JericaLH · June 2014

I haven't met with an RE yet so I can imagine the anxiety you were feeling. It's kind of nice to know what the problem is but I agree going straight to IVF is unnerving. I am currently on Clomid and personally I haven't had any of the nasty side effects - during round 1 the worst I got was really sore breasts. But I agree with BunnyBerry - you can try Clomid and IUI as a less expensive and less invasive option before delving into IVF.

As far as wanting kids and the issues in your personal life (sis & work) I really think you need to talk it out with DH. All this red tape may make having kids less appealing - I know my DH and I had to sit down and talk about it before we started Clomid. We discussed our options and how far down this road we were willing to go. We both really want to be parents but agreed that IVF wasn't for us. We would try up to IUI if necessary but for religious and financial reasons will stop short of IVF. I won't go into the details but that's the kind of discussion you need to have. We can give you all the advice in the world and share how much WE want kids, but it's really something you and DH need to hash out. Maybe if you don't have to have kids right now it would be ok to just keep trying naturally until you feel you are ready. It's up to you.

nmason5413 · June 2014

Thanks ladies. I am 28 and am reminded how young I am regularly ("just relax, you are so young and have so much time" comments aplenty). My feeling on that is that if I don't ovulate at 28, I probably still won't ovulate at 30, 40, or 50.

I went off BC last June and my periods were wacky... Only a day or two with 6-8 weeks between. From Dec- April AF never came so I went to my GYN for initial testing, who recommended an RE at the end of April. We have been testing since then. We stopped "trying" in Feb thinking we would wait for my periods to regulate (hard to tell when to test, etc without periods for a guide). That's part of DH's want to take things slow, he feels like we haven't even tried much naturally yet; I feel like what's the point in trying something when you know there's an issue and it won't work.

We are very blessed to have a Massachusetts private insurance that will cover most costs of any route we choose beyond a $1000 deductible and copays. Being in social services I don't make a million bucks so it feels like a lot, but I am aware of how lucky we are.

The RE's stance was really if you have the insurance coverage, you know IVF had a higher success rate, and you want a baby, why not just go for it? Hubs and I are still processing and just freaked out by the whole idea.. Maybe we will be more comfortable with it in a day or two. Who knows?

I am seriously thinkkng about counseling. With the stress of worrying anout the results, and just really processing we may have issues trying to concieve in the past few weeks I don't like who I've become. And I know this is just the beginning really.

masterofallcheese · June 2014

Welcome to the board. This is a great place to go when you feel overwhelmed. I also have PCOS and am in the midst of my first Clomid + trigger cycle. So far I have had a few hot flashes and that is it. I can see why you would want to ease into treatments because just going through a "basic" cycle is a lot for me at this point (financially, emotionally and time wise) and I think it's great you advocated your position with your RE. Remember to keep that attitude because only you know what is best for you. I wish you luck in this cycle especially whilst battling the daily triggers of your sister and the tough job you have.

lebradford · June 2014

Welcome!

I believe ovulatory disorders have the highest success rates on TI/IUI cycles, so I think you could seriously consider starting there instead of jumping in with IVF. I think it really depends what you want to do.

If you would rather ease your way into treatment, maybe start with just Clomid. If you would rather have more stress upfront, but potentially not have to deal with treatment as long and you have good insurance, then maybe jumping into IVF makes sense. If you decide to do that I would check your insurance policy closely. Just because they cover IVF doesn't mean that they cover it as a beginning treatment.

Feel free to take some time to think about it and decide what is right for you and your husband. Good luck!

nswain85 · June 2014

I am very sorry that you are having a rough time and that the appointment was so overwhelming...

I think that it is completely normal to be taken aback by the news of IVF (DH and I were pretty much in shock for a few days because it came from left field). It is a very big thing to try and wrap your head around. Take a few days, weeks, months, whatever you need to decide what you and DH want to do. There really is no rush to make a decision. Making sure you are emotionally on board is half the battle with this as well as the physical part. I wish you lots of luck and peace with whatever you decide is the right path. ::hugs::

ebliss444 · June 2014

Sorry you're in a tough spot. Thinking about IVF as an option is definitely scary and nothing I thought I'd have to consider either!

I finally went in to meet with an RE last month and I'm on my first round of Clomid and just had my IUI earlier this week. If it helps, I've actually tolerated it very well and didn't have any fear or stress about the IUI either -- for me it was pretty easy, all things considered. The hardest part for me is the emotional toll it takes, wondering if any of this is going to work, particularly because they can't seem to find anything "wrong" with either of us. I think I'm going to try counseling too and see if that doesn't help me deal with this a bit better.

Hoping you can make a decision that's best for you and your family, but I know that it's not easy!

Sigh202 · June 2014

Hugs. IVF isn't that bad. The injections are scary at first but you get used to them fairly quickly and it's only for a few days. If you have insurance coverage, I would encourage you to consider going straight to IVF since the success rates are much higher than other treatments.

nmason5413 · June 2014

You guys have made me feel better ready... Truly, thank you. Alaskadee you hit the nail on the head- I struggle with accepting my own stress as valid. That helps a lot.

It's good to hear from people who are going through the same things. Clomid sounds so scary but knowing other people out there can do it makes me feel like I can do it too.

I was up until 4am looking at job postings last night. I feel like work is the one factor I do have control over in my life right now, and foster care may not be the place for me at this point in life. Not trying to make any rash decisions but its good to feel out my options.

Thank you all so much for your kind words of welcome and support! It really is giving me comfort right now

pmpknbride · June 2014

Everyone else pretty much covered it, but I just wanted to welcome you to the board, I hope your stay is short and sweet!

nmason5413 · June 2014

Thanks for the warm welcome!

ktupiak · June 2014

Im so sorry you have to go theough this but our stories are very close to eachother. I am also 28 and just diagnosed with PCOS less than a year ago but it took us forever to be able to start medicated cycles. I just ended my second cycle with clomid and am now in 2ww. I know it is all overwhelming I remebermy appt with the RE...well being there but not everything lol... I hhadn't had my AF in over a year when I finally went and gor checked out and I know the heartache you feel when you find out your not working right it is hard to overcome. I havent gone toa ccounselor but I am very open about our struggles and have found talking to someone helps...for me its my cousin, which is nice because my sis is also preg with her 3rd and I know its hard. Everyone keeps telling me that im happy for her but im not I just cant be ( other factors are at play to why I am not happy for her). But anyway, if you need anyone to talk to I am always here. I hope you come to peace with whatever decision you make, sometimes thats the hardest part.

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