Sleep training

et170322 · June 2014

My LO is a pretty good night sleeper, we have a bedtime routine and she is almost always goes to sleep between 8:30 and 9. Lately she has been getting up at 4:30, eating, and going back to sleep for another few hours. However, sometimes she wakes up at 2 and wants to eat, then again at 4:30, then up for good around 7:30. I know for sleep training I should let her cry it out at 2, but when I feed her she gulps down 4-5 ounces like she is starving and falls back to sleep immediately, making me think it's not a nighttime wakeful issue but just an extra hungry night. Do any of you have experience on letting your LO cry it out at an unusual wake up time, or do you feed and get on with the night? I just find it easier to feed her since she is hungry rather than let her cry, especially since I never know if it's that I'm feeding her causing more nighttime wakefuls, or if she is wakeful because she is extra hungry. LO is 18 weeks. TIA!

TessyMessy · June 2014

I do not believe in sleep training babies. Babies do not have a regular sleep pattern at this age. I do not let my LO CIO. When he wakes up he needs something: diaper change, hungry, he rolled over and his stuck on his belly. I may try and offer a pacifier to calm him before I take him out of the crib. IMO I think it's cruel to let LO CIO especially at this age. The only way LO can communicate is through crying. It must be scary to need/want mommy and she does not come.

dunvilles · June 2014

Don't get hung up on what baby "should" be doing. Your child is completely unique and will have different patterns and personality. Ds1 didn't sleep through the night until 10.5 months.

Sleep training this young is cruel imo. Like a pp said, that is how your baby communicates.

versed · June 2014

Also, we're all at the "4m wakeful" right now. Nearly all babies' sleep turns to crap at this point. It could just be a phase. Maybe there's so much excitement going on during the day that she's not drinking enough and needs those oz at night.

Like others, I'm not a fan of sleep training and won't use it with my family, but I definitely feel it shouldn't be done for any babies before 6m.

RondackHiker · June 2014

What everyone else said. Don't let your baby cry just because she isn't usually hungry. You never have hungry days or get hungry at an unusual time?

It must be so terribly hard to have your baby sometimes get up TWICE at night. Such a hardship.

Soap1 · June 2014

Agree with others on not CIO yet. But if you want, you can try comforting your LO in other ways besides feeding for a bit before giving her the bottle. If she's hungry, she will definitely let you know. If she's not, a pacifier and some soothing might get her back to sleep.

iwubrory · June 2014

BlueDot818 said:
It seems OP has disappeared....

I'm shocked...

SuzyQq02 · June 2014

Let me start by saying that I'm not anti-sleep training in any way. I actually had the opportunity to hear Dr. Ferber lecture when I was in grad school, and I really do believe that for some babies, it can absolutely be the right choice to help them learn skills to self soothe.

All that said...

4 months is too early, and nearly every reputable source on sleep training will tell you that (the early editions of Ferber's books said 3-5 months, he's since amended that to 6 months). Most legit sleep training methods are also about FAR more than just "let baby cry." OP, if you are really interested in using e legitimate sleep training method, I would suggest looking for some books that outline the whole process. The Ferber "method" in particular is widely misunderstood, and part of that reason is that people just skim how to do it online, or only read the part of the book detailing the gradual extinction method without understanding WHY to take that approach.

BB0214 · June 2014

While I don't believe in crying it out, I think it's ok to let your baby fuss for a few minutes, no more than 5, to see if she will settle and go back to sleep. However, if she's full on crying immediately, absolutely figure out what's going on.

boogerbearoriginal · June 2014

Ditto PPs - if baby is eating a full feed, she is clearly hungry and needs to be fed. And 4m is too young to sleep train. And if you're going to use any sleep training methods, whether CIO or Sleep Lady Shuffle or whatever, read about how to properly employ the method and don't just leave your kid to scream because you heard that's what you're supposed to do.

Missy0483 · June 2014

Good God I hate posts like this, especially when baby is only 4 months old. If she's up and eats 5 ounces, she's obviously hungry and up for a reason and not purposely trying to ruin your life. BE FREAKIN HAPPY THAT YOUR BABY WAKES UP. Ugh. That is all.

Firefly9 · June 2014

Too early for CIO. You've got a baby, it comes with the territory.

sdlaura · June 2014

I'll consider sleep training starting at 6 months, assuming that I'm pretty sure LO is only waking up out of habit and not because he's hungry. I do think sleep training can be a good thing when used in the right way - I think one of my jobs as a parent is to teach my kids good sleep habits, like the ability to transition through sleep cycles on their own, and it's important for everyone in the house to be well rested.

et170322 · June 2014

Whoa whoa. Sorry if this came off as a bragplaint, it was written at 2:00 when tired. I am total happy to get up with her when she wants, I just have all sorts of friends (and grandparents) saying we need to let her fuss a bit before immediately going to her so I was doubting myself. I rarely let her cry more than a minute before she is in my arms and being fed. I have been reading through Baby Wise and it seems like in the book they recommend CIO a bit to see if they will settle again, and I just never do. LO has never liked the paci or other soothers, she pretty much always just wants fed when crying. I was doubting my decision to feed immediately when crying, even the first coo or gurgle from her room and I'm usually up getting in my robe to go to her. Was hoping I wasn't waking her unnecessarily, maybe I was going in too soon and she would settle down. Again, sorry to anger the board, I will keep doing what I'm doing without doubt. I hate to think she is wondering why I won't come when she cries, I'm just sick of well-meaning people telling me that trying to CIO is a better option. And I wasn't ignoring the earlier posts, just got on again now.

et170322 · June 2014

Also, I still have slight PTSD from her first week of life, she couldn't latch well (although we didn't know it at the time) and she lost almost a pound, not to mention was the most unhappy baby ever. I feel like my solution now to her crying is always to feed her (I switched to EPing after that first week so I knew she was eating enough). I don't want to be a food pusher either, but thanks for supporting my thoughts on not letting her CIO (even though I apparently can't phrase things well at that time in the morning and managed to piss people off).

BB0214 · June 2014

@et170322‌ you're the mom. You do what you feel is right for your baby. I followed Baby Wise to a point. But it's not the end all be all.
People will offer advice and criticize all the time and it's so easy to second guess yourself. But you know your baby. They don't.

RondackHiker · June 2014

@et170322‌

If you want you can start waiting a moment when she coos or makes a whimper. Sometimes they'll go back to sleep. Or you'll be like me, sitting there awake and hearing one whine every minute for twenty minutes thinking "should I wake her? No?"

As far as sleep training, start by setting them up for success. I don't like when people say "they're not really hungry; they're just used to waking and eating at 2am". Oh come on. Our bodies regulate and we begin to expect food when we usually eat and so we feel hungry. So does baby. Take some time and try to reduce the amount fed at night rather than jumping to CIO.

You're doing a good job. Listen to your instincts and ignore the rest.

sprashley · June 2014

There is a difference between giving them a few minutes and CIO. What I'm doing now with LO and what I also did with DD1 and DD2 is not going in right away, wait a couple of minutes, then feeding if she is still fussy.

When LO is older, probably 9 months or maybe even older, we may CIO, but we may not. With the older two we did CIO around a year I think, because at that point they had been on solids for awhile and could handle going without food through the night.

Personally, I didn't listen to my mom/grandparents/MIL with my DD1 when it came to much regarding sleep or food. Things have changed so much with what is known about child behavior since they had their own LOs. At first I felt a little disrespectful for blowing off their advice (basically), but I still listened to what they had to say at least and put in my pile of 'oh, that's nice..." information and did what I wanted to do. BTW, DD1 (6) and DD2 (4) have always been excellent sleepers .

tenfour · June 2014

It's totally off putting when they wake up and gulp down a meal sometimes but not every night, right? It makes you wonder if they are really hungry. For the first few months I would feed right away but now we soothe for many of the wake ups (we have anywhere from 1-3) and see if he really needs to eat.its not that I mind feeding him but i learned from my first that she ate so much at night she eventually ate less during the day and we got into a bad pattern. So my point is I try to tank him up during the day in attempts to get him to sleep better at night. However I am all talk because he won't even take a bottle while I'm at work this week.

(and please don't fret about angering the board, you're obviously a good mama and are just trying to get some help!)

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