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This sucks (loss mentioned)

southernbelle82southernbelle82 member
in Secondary IF
I miss my baby. I can't believe it's been 5 weeks today since we lost our third baby. I'm still having a hard time adjusting to the fact that we can never have more unless we do IVF. This HAS to get better at some point, right?!? Is it normal to cry at the drop of a hat all the time?

EVERYONE I know is pregnant. EVERYONE. And instead of being happy and excited for them, I feel nothing but pain and sorrow over my little one(s) I should have (I was due feb 3rd with our first loss, April 19th with our second loss) or be pregnant with right now. I can't stand to be in the same room as my friends right now and I hate that because I miss them. The thought of being around them stirs all my emotions and hurt up and sends me into a crying mess. And I don't feel like I can talk to anyone...I just feel very lonely right now.

It's been a rough day dealing with the loses and the icing on the cake tonight was my MIL on Facebook selling a lot of baby gear and toys they had at their house. Seeing her use the words "selling because we don't need it anymore" is like someone just ripped my heart out. (She's not doing it to hurt me...it's just a Facebook selling site we're both members of and I think she forgot I can see what she's selling) I'm not upset with her...just hurts seeing those words.

This just sucks. I hate anyone has to go through any of this pain. Thank you for letting me vent. Sorry this is such a down post..especially since I'm still a newbie.
DD 6/17/08, DD 6/9/10, DD 12/15/11
BFP 5/24/13 - Natural MC 6/7/13
BFP 8/13/13 - Natural MC 8/27/13
Ovarian Mass = removal of left ovary & tube 9/13
BFP 4/24/14 - Tubal Pregnancy 5/7/14
Removal of  ruptured right tube 5/8/14
IVF or adoption??
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Re: This sucks (loss mentioned)

  • Momarazzi007Momarazzi007 member
    First, I am truly sorry about your losses. It gets easier but will always hurt. But one day it will work, and you will have that beautiful baby. We have only ever had option of IVF w ICSI, and I do remember mourning and devastation knowing there was zero chance to ever naturally or assited IUI to get pregnant- my babies (God willing we have more) were all going to be Petri dish babies and frozen babies. But, I can say, bc dd was a frozen baby- she makes it all worth it. I'm to the point where April 1st, I can actually go out and I'm not crying. And her birthday I see her more and more and not the twin running around with her as much. But I am tearing up thinking about it now- so it gets easier, but again, you never forget or truly get over it.
    It's ok to vent, even as a newbie. Sometimes just opening up can help. I don't push yourself- if it hurts to be around certain people, don't be around them, choose people that it is easier, but please don't be alone.
    January 2007- Stop BCP! Let's DO this!
    June 2010- MFI. BS. IVF! Ectopic. BS. image

    November 2010- FAILED FET! BS!
    January 2011- BFP FET! TWINS!     February 2011- lost twin. BS. image

    SEPTEMBER 2011- DD Born! Most awesome girl in the world!
    November 2013- FAILED FET! BS! (screw you November FETs)
    April Fresh Cycle, FAILED. Frozen embryos frozen for future FETs.
    FROZEN CYCLE JUNE! BFP
    BABY BOY VINCENT!
    image

    We can't wait to meet you!
    Conception:image    imageimage Potato Love!

    BabyFruit Ticker


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  • annibesannibes member
    I am sorry for your losses. Each due date that passes must be so hard. It is so frustrating to feel so alone- we're here with you!
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  • MrsAtchMrsAtch member
    I am so sorry. I miss my babies too and I think it is normal. Your losses are still so fresh that it will probably feel really raw for awhile. I hate that you feel like you can't be around your friends, but I totally get it. With our most recent loss our friendships changed completely because people couldn't understand. Sending you love and healing. 
    After two losses, a rainbow arrived! DD born 11.5.11
    Dx with severe Asherman's syndrome after a botched PP D&C (pursuing med mal)
    Hysteroscopy Oct '13, not enough progress 
    Hysteroscopy Jan '14, given an end-of-the-road diagnosis
    Joined International Asherman's Association April '14 
    Not ready to give up yet.
    Hysteroscopy with Dr. Isaacson (an expert in the USA) 6.2.14: Good prognosis, at least 50% of cavity open.
    Repeat hysteroscopy scheduled with Dr. I on 6.16.14. Great progress. Unbenched!!!!
    Discussing actively TTC with DH after the heartache of the last year. We're both reeling.
     
    Please, please, please. 
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  • Bananappeal145Bananappeal145 member
    Big hugs to you. Do what you need to to take care of yourself. We are here for you.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    TTC #2 since 1/1/13

    image    imageimage
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  • mbo109mbo109 member
    Sending positive thoughts your way. Some days will be worse than others. It is such a horrible experience to have lost a precious little one. I wish there was a way to take the heartache away, but know that you are not alone *Hugs* 

    TTC#1 since 2/2011

    m/c 8wks 5/2011

    9/2011-12/2012 Clomid (50, 100, and 150) with no response, Sent to RE Dx: Chronic anovulation

    BFP 2/2012; Sweet Baby Boy 10/25/2012

    BFP 7/22/2013… (Shock!)... m/c 9wks, D&C 8/13/2013

    TTC #2

    Cycle #1: 10/28/2013 100 mg Clomid (day 5-9) …poor response (sono day 10=12mm follicle, day 13=13 mm, day 17=18mm); Ovidrel day 20

    Cycle #2: 12/2/2013 5mg Letrozole (day 3-7) ... poor response (sono day 12=14mm follicle, day 15=15mm, day 17=16mm); Ovidrel day 19

    Cycle #3: 1/5/2014 10mg Letrozole (day 4-8) good response!!! (sono day 13=25mm and 20mm); Ovidrel day 13

    Cycle #4: 2/3/2014 Birth Control 

    Cycle #5 3/3/2014 Birth Control

    Cycle #6 4/3/2014 Natural

    Cycle # 7 5/11/2014 10mg Letrozole (day 3-7) good response (sono day 13=22mg and 2x 16mg); Ovidrel day 13 

    Cycle # 8

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  • MrsLaurenandDanMrsLaurenandDan member
    Big hugs. It is so hard to be dealing with loss and IF while others are pregnant. And being around special dates is the worst. I am less than a week from the anniversary of conceiving my son who was stillborn. I wish I could say something to make it better.
    TTC #1 June 2010
    1/3/11 S/A - Count 45; Motility 32; Morph 4.3 - 2/10/11 - S/A Count 17mil; Motility 39; Morph 7.9
    1/5/11 Femara Cycle #1 = BFN  2/4/11 Femara Cycle #2 = BFP: 3/4/11 - Starting Progesterone suppositories 
    Beta#1 15DPO = 108; Beta#2 17DPO = 179; Beta#3 18DPO = 259; Beta 4# 20DPO =659!!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    TTC#2 Pulled goalie 5/12, PPAF 3/13, BFP 6/27 Beta 15DPO=248! 
    Dx Severe Hydrocephalus and severe Dandy Walker Cyst.   Stillborn 10/19/13
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    TTC#3 - (No preventing, TTC+progesterone starting 12/13)
    4/7/14 CD3 BW - FSH 5.6; AMH 0.469 - 4/11/14 S/A Count 35, Motility 47, Morph 1.5
    4/16/14 - Cycle 6 - Natural IUI - Beta 12DPIUI = 3; Beta 13DPIUI=4.  15DPIUI=6. 17DPIU=4. Chemical Pregnancy  
    TTC #4
    5/5/14 Dx MTHFR homozygous A1298C, Benched 1 cycle HSG 5/14 both tubes open w/scarring on the left   
    5/28/14 Starting clomid 6/8/14 IUI #2 1 dominant follicle 31mm Beta 11DPIUI =4, 15DPIUI = 74, 17DPIUI = 165 
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Maternity tickers
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  • FrenchteachermamaFrenchteachermama member
    I am so sorry for your losses and your pain.  I miss my babies too.  ((hugs))



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


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  • AprilDrew04AprilDrew04 member
    image

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 

    DD conceived after 3 years of ttc.
    MFI - DH had varicocele repair and took Clomid to get DD b. 02/2010

    TTC #2 since 6/2010
    10/2012 DH diagnosed with Epilepsy
    A few failed IUIs summer 2012 and 2013. 
    DH taking clomid and waiting to see if he needs another vericocele repair. 
    Hoping for a 2015 baby or babies. 
    Wishing, hoping, waiting.


    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickersLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
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