Who gets to be in Delivery Room

TMH2013 · June 2014

I know it might be late for some of us to think about this, but one of my good friends called to ask me if she could be on "the list". Before she brought it up, I hadn't thought about it. And I'm still not sure I'm going to be comfortable with "people" in there! Who are you all putting on your Delivery Room list?

curlylocks3 · June 2014

My list was my husband and a plethora of medical personnel. I didn't get much say since I was delivering in the OR, but it wouldn't have changed my list.

lest12 · June 2014

Just DH, definitely.

rainbowdashh · June 2014

Only my husband. I don't care who feels left out, either.

sjn00 · June 2014

Hubby only!!

drby126 · June 2014

DH and our doula

roadspeckle · June 2014

Hubby and my mom. My sister and my dad and my best friend came in while I was laboring but they left when it got late and my dad and sister came back early the next day and waited in the waiting room until I delivered.

carmanb · June 2014

The same people that were in the bedroom when she was conceived: DH and myself.

ricecakes1216 · June 2014

I had a c section so it was only H. Had I had a vaginal birth it still would have only been H.

Mia081081 · June 2014

Just DH. I wanted nothing to do with anyone last time and got very quiet and internal. Anyone else would have been a distraction.

ElTrain5 · June 2014

rachelnjacob said:
Hubby and my mom. My sister and my dad and my best friend came in while I was laboring but they left when it got late and my dad and sister came back early the next day and waited in the waiting room until I delivered.

This is my ideal. Mom will be out here, but dad and sis will need to fly in so they may or may not make it.

CJnKR2014 · June 2014

I had a csection so only DH was allowed anyway, but if I had gone for vaginal it wold have been just DH. If my mom had come out for the birth I would have had her there too for support but that would have been the absolute limit.

JESNYC · June 2014

I will only have my DH in the delivery room. MIL and FIL will be the only people in the waiting room while I deliver because DH wants them there and they are the only people I think I will be comfortable having visit on day one.

jsnyder79 · June 2014

DH and my teenager. She was there for DD, although I made her come- thought it might be good birth control for her haha. This time she wants to come.

hlp2709 · June 2014

My husband and my mom and if I can then my mother in law. I for get how many people I can have in the room. I told my mom when I found out that I wanted her in the room as this will be her last grandchild.

cspencer85 · June 2014

Originally, I only wanted my boyfriend. My mom was in the room as well when I was laboring, and she was a HUGE help, so I told her she could stay for the delivery, and I'm glad she did.

babyglo350 · June 2014

My husband and my mother are in the birth plan BUT if either one or both annoy me I'm kicking them out lol.

MNOpea · June 2014

My husband and my doula, that is as long as baby doesn't come before 6:30 tonight, then it will just be me

Katieluc106 · June 2014

My DH and mom. Mother in law was in the last time. I'm not sure she will be driving down for this one ( we lived closer to her with DD1).

kbellizio3 · June 2014

Just DH, if you weren't there to make the baby, you don't get to be in there during the birth of the baby. And I don't want people immediately coming in and visiting, it will just be DH and I for a bit with the LO, but my in laws and parents live an hour and a half away so we'll have some time.

tbmadeamistake · June 2014

It was just DH and I. Last time I also had a doula but she ended up being totally useless so we didn't do it this time.

coffee89 · June 2014

Just DH and the medical staff. I'll allow visitors during early labor if they want but I'm kicking them out the minute they frustrate me or I start feeling pretty bad.

flerlgirl · June 2014

Just DH. I didn't mind the rest of our family visiting afterwards but this time we said no one besides family allowed at all.

emandjp · June 2014

With DD1, my husband and best friend were in the room. My mom passed away almost 9 years ago so having my best friend in the room was perfect. She was amazing! This time around it will be my hubs and hopefully my other best friend (depending on when I go into labor). If she can't make it, just my husband. We'll see.

lifeisbetteronthered · June 2014

DH only. And we won't be taking any visitors before or after birth, while we are in the hospital (except DD, of course).

If my mom was still alive she MiGHT have been invited for labour +/- birth, but I'm not super sure about that.

kd&cd · June 2014

DH only. Plus no one else before or for a few hours after (hospital rules)

PressLove · June 2014

DH only. MIL has said that she wants to come, so I told DH she could be in the waiting room. I don't want to put on any filters during the labor process.

k2k2tog · June 2014

DH only. And no one waiting in the waiting room while I'm labouring. We'll be calling our parents after the baby has arrived and I've been moved to a recovery room to let them know they're allowed to come visit.

MollySm · June 2014

I'm abnormal, I know, but I loved having visitors during my labor with my daughter. For pushing I had H, my sister, and a couple of close friends (one of whom is Gramma to my daughter). I love that so many people that love her were able to experience her birth, and they still talk to her about it today. And through 30 hours of labor H and I were glad to have some distractions of visitors popping in and out. We'll see how this time goes!

brooklyngirl46 · June 2014

I'm hoping only for DH. I love my family, but I feel like they will totally, unintentionally, stress me out. Maybe it's because DH and I have never gone through this, so he's not going to ask me "are you feeling x?" I dont want to hear my mom or mil saying "i felt y with you," etc.

I'm also (posting aside), a very private person. I don't like anyone seeing me in pain. I just like to deal in quiet.

vv826 · June 2014

@jmar2011‌ I'm sorry things went down like that. I hope things get better soon.

I want DH, my mom and sister (aka best friend) in there but I felt bad one day and told MIL she could be there too and I'm regretting it she's totally to tell me or hint that I'm doing something wrong . I'm hoping she won't go DH works for them at their grocery store so hopefully she'll stay and help them and we can just let them know when she's born. I totally don't mind them coming after, as long as they respect when I have to feed her.

MrsBHM · June 2014

My husband and my mom were the only ones that I had planned. About an hour before I started pushing my best friend walked into my labor room by complete surprise. She drove 11 hours the day of my induction in order to be there! It was such a happy surprise. She stayed for the delivery and took all the wonderful pictures for us. I also work in L&D so I think there were 4 or 5 additional nurses there for my delivery. It was a huge, wonderful party! I think because I've been a part of so many deliveries as a nurse I wanted a bunch of nurses there in case something went wrong. It really was an amazing experience to have a bunch of people cheering me on at the end and crying and cheering when he was born

Although I realize that that's not for everyone...I think you should do what you're comfortable with. You and your husband's opinions are the only ones that matter. My best friend that surprised me wasn't planning on staying in the room but I begged her to. It was nice to have three of the most important people in my life there for support for my husband and I.

TMH2013 · June 2014

Lilygrace48 said:
It was just DH and I. Last time I also had a doula but she ended up being totally useless so we didn't do it this time.

@lilygrace48 haha how so? What'd she do (or not do?)

TMH2013 · June 2014

MollySm said:
I'm abnormal, I know, but I loved having visitors during my labor with my daughter. For pushing I had H, my sister, and a couple of close friends (one of whom is Gramma to my daughter). I love that so many people that love her were able to experience her birth, and they still talk to her about it today. And through 30 hours of labor H and I were glad to have some distractions of visitors popping in and out. We'll see how this time goes!

@mollysm I'm so conflicted! On one hand I feel this way- I have a ton of good friends that have been Sooo actively supporting me through the pregnancy and I feel like it would be great to have them around for at least some parts of the laboring process (maybe not delivery, but labor) but then again I feel that it's a special time that would be amazing for DH and I to share together. #decisions decisions!

tbmadeamistake · June 2014

@TMH2013‌ we had talked before hand about how I like firm pressure, massage, etc. She spent the entire time stroking me like I was a cat or something, asking if I was OK instead of looking at the obvious fact that I was not, and once I got the epidural just sat and played with the camera I told her not to use, then used it and took a bunch of birth photos that I had expressly said I didn't want.

TMH2013 · June 2014

brooklyngirl46 said:
I'm hoping only for DH. I love my family, but I feel like they will totally, unintentionally, stress me out. Maybe it's because DH and I have never gone through this, so he's not going to ask me "are you feeling x?" I dont want to hear my mom or mil saying "i felt y with you," etc.

I'm also (posting aside), a very private person. I don't like anyone seeing me in pain. I just like to deal in quiet.

@brooklyngirl46‌ yes! This sounds exactly like me. I'm not sure if I want everyone (although I know there'll be nurses and docs) staring at my whoo ha. Lol I'm close with my friends but it just seems so personal! I want them to be there for me, but I'm not sure I would be ok with them seeing EVERYTHING!

TMH2013 · June 2014

jmar2011 said:
I wanted just dh and my doula, I was vwry adamant about it and told EVERYONE. When it came down to it, my mil refused to leave the room. When she did leave w dh to get a drink I asked the nurse to make sure only dh would be the one to return. So she put a note on the door asking for people to see the nurse before entering. She felt she was exempt and came in anyway. And would not leave. Once labor got intense, and they called the drs in, she started to get upset. She did not expect 4 doctors and all of their teams with them. I expected it. That's one reason I didn't want anyone in there. I knew it wpuld be stressful. She was shocked and was having a hard time dealing with it. Then when Preston was born and the doctor told Tyler he shouldn't be alive bc of the cord, and then the nicu team couldn't get the suction tube down his throat and they had to get him out to see if there was an obstruction or something (turned out esophageal atresia) then she was in the bathroom breaking down and calling her mom... then when we went back to the pp room and I got my pump she still wouldn't leave, and wouldn't give me privacy to pump alone.
I have been so angry with her. I have never had a problem with her before in my life. I have always loved her and thought the workd of her, but I knew what was going to happen, I knew there were complications, I did NOT want anyone in there, and she did it anyway and got upset. I do not feel bad for her. I feel anger.
If you do not want someone in there, tell them, otherwise you may have a hard time dealing with it later. I know I am. Idk how to even be civil to her right now.
And then after Preston's surgery, it was a success, we were incredibly happy! Even seeing him hooked up and sedated, we knew this was a major step and we saw the amazingness of it! She got all upset again and only saw wires and a sedated baby. We don't need her to bring us down, and we don't need to worry about how this makes HER feel, and I don't sugar coat shit. Not even for her.
Like I said- stick to your guns. I wish I would have told her myself to leave instead of asking dh to donit 500x and him not doing it. I'm sure she would have been mad for a little while, but I'm sure there wouldn't have been this bad air between us as long as there will be now. Idk how I can ever forgive her.

Wow @jmar2011‌ this sounds terrible. Idk what it is about major events that make even the sweetest and most easy to get along with people go berserk. I'm sorry you had to experience this :-( seems your mil would've been more conscious about how YOU might've been feeling instead of herself. You ever thought about talking to her about how she made you feel? It might help you to not feel so angry toward her. Idk. I kind of want to limit ppl from being in the room for that reason. I won't want to stress myself out from everyone giving their "expert" opinions (esp mil and one of my BFF's) and I don't want to have it so loud that it startles baby. I know I can't control everything but I would like to try to create a calm environment. But I'm torn between everyone automatically expecting to be in. I'm fine with them being there, I'm just not sure about them being actually in the delivery room during the delivery process.

MollySm · June 2014

TMH2013 said:

I'm abnormal, I know, but I loved having visitors during my labor with my daughter. For pushing I had H, my sister, and a couple of close friends (one of whom is Gramma to my daughter). I love that so many people that love her were able to experience her birth, and they still talk to her about it today. And through 30 hours of labor H and I were glad to have some distractions of visitors popping in and out. We'll see how this time goes!
@mollysm I'm so conflicted! On one hand I feel this way- I have a ton of good friends that have been Sooo actively supporting me through the pregnancy and I feel like it would be great to have them around for at least some parts of the laboring process (maybe not delivery, but labor) but then again I feel that it's a special time that would be amazing for DH and I to share together. #decisions decisions!

@TMH2013 - For me, I knew these people well enough that if I had wanted them out in the moment, they would have happily been out of the room. When pushing was finally happening, I could have cared less who was there. Because of that I got some great photos (with 3 people taking pictures) and they had this wonderful experience that they share with my daughter. But if they had left and gone to the waiting room, that would have been totally fine too.

I didn't feel at all like it took away from the bond that H and I built at that time, seeing our daughter being born. She was ours, and we were amazed. I think it can be whatever you are comfortable with, but I think most people on here only want it to be the two of them, and that's totally fine, it's just not the only way. And as long as they are people who love you, there should be no pressure to have to make a final decision before you are in the moment. Tell them you'll text them when you're ready and let them know how you are feeling.

RedMar · June 2014

Just DH. Trust me, your cervix will thank you.

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Who gets to be in Delivery Room

Re: Who gets to be in Delivery Room

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

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