About to go on leave...

jashikcrib · June 2014

I'm in my 3rd trimester and have a meeting scheduled w/my manager coming up. So far I've been adamant about returning to work after leave but in the back of my mind I still go back and forth. I know this is probably a discussion that gets rehashed over and over but if you could please endulge me, how did you make the decision to go back to work and any regrets?

TheBorg7of9 · June 2014

If you go back and don't like it, you can always quit. But if you don't go back, getting another job might be difficult. Regardless, your manager should just assume you are coming back. You shouldn't have to make any promises or feel guilty about changing your mind. You have already earned your maternity leave. Although it's rare here in the US, it's a benefit that all mothers deserve whether or not they know if they are coming back.

Personally, if you are on the fence I would go back to work for a couple months before you make this decision. You never know how it's going to go for you. I could not stay home and I think my kids get a lot of benefit from exposure to other people. When I get home at night I am totally focused in them and loving them. When I was on maternity leave, it was so exhausting I just wanted them out of my hair. But if you go back to work already thinking about how you will hate it and can't do it, then that's a self fulfilling prophesy.

mb314 · June 2014

The decision about going back to work is so personal, that's hard to really give advice. I for one have no regrets about going back to work. I won't lie, when DS was just 3.5 months and I was bringing him to daycare for the first time, it was heart-wrenching and really hard. But at the same time, I liked having 8 hours a day when I am using my brain and my degrees and I feel like my old self. I like my job and my field, so I think that helps a lot. And some days, I think that my job is a lot easier than taking care of a toddler full time.

Now that DS is getting close to 2, I see that he is really thriving in his daycare. The socialization for him is great.

Some of the other pros for working for me are:
1) I carry our health insurance bc DH's job is less secure than mine;
2) I get a pension at my job and I'm not yet vested in my pension. For our long term financial security, it makes sense for me to stay at my job and eventually have a pension;
3) my field is really really small. If I were to leave my job, I would not be able to easily find a new job when I decide to go back to work. Quitting my job would likely mean being out of work longer than I would want to be.

For me, the hardest parts of being a working mom are:
1). The weekends are hectic because we are trying to stuff a week's worth of chores and cleaning and projects into the weekend, while also having fun with and spending time with DS. My house is always a mess, and we still haven't fully unpacked from our move a year ago. I'm okay with that.
2). It is hard to find time to do stuff for myself, mainly going to the gym. I used to be really active and in shape, and now I have a hard time ever working out.

I don't have any regrets about going back to work. It was hard for the first few months to learn how to balance it all, but I made it through, and I will be going back to work again after having my second baby in the fall.

skibunny59 · June 2014

For me, I had to go back as we really depend on my salary and benefits. I would love to SAH but it just isn't possible for us. I went back when DD was 6 months old and it was hard. I really believe it's hard no matter when you go back to work. Working while you have a baby/toddler is really freakin' hard.

I really don't like working that much but I am a teacher so I consider myself really lucky in that I have way more time off than most working moms. I try to focus on this and it helps me remain positive.

If you're not sure I would definitely tell your manager that you plan on coming back. You could always change your mind later.

ss265 · June 2014

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you go back and don't like it, you can always quit. But if you don't go back, getting another job might be difficult. Regardless, your manager should just assume you are coming back. You shouldn't have to make any promises or feel guilty about changing your mind. You have already earned your maternity leave. Although it's rare here in the US, it's a benefit that all mothers deserve whether or not they know if they are coming back. Personally, if you are on the fence I would go back to work for a couple months before you make this decision. You never know how it's going to go for you. I could not stay home and I think my kids get a lot of benefit from exposure to other people. When I get home at night I am totally focused in them and loving them. When I was on maternity leave, it was so exhausting I just wanted them out of my hair. But if you go back to work already thinking about how you will hate it and can't do it, then that's a self fulfilling prophesy.

I don't agree with the bolded. If you paid for STD or if your maternity leave is unpaid then yes this is true. But if your employer will pay you your full salary for the entire period you are on ML and you automatically get that benefit without paying anything out of pocket then I wouldn't take the ML if you know for sure that you are not coming back to work. That just causes your employer to incur an unnecessary cost and if enough people do this, it could cause them to change the benefit.

OP, regarding going back to work, that is a very personal decision. I would make sure that you take a hard look at your finances (if you haven't already) and decide if you can afford the financial hit if you chose to stay home. Don't just consider salary, think about benefits, 401K etc. Also consider the long term repercussions if you chose to stay home - could you re-enter the workforce in a few years, if you choose to do so?

For me personally it was an easy decision to go back to work. Having a career was too important to me and I was also much happier once I returned to work after maternity leave. I also move in social circles where it is the norm for women to be working moms so no one was surprised that I chose to continue working after having my son.

jf198400 · June 2014

I always wanted to SAH but it was not a financial possibility when I had my first 2 kids. It wasn't even a question of IF I could stay home. I brought in half the income and there was no way we could get by without that.

Now I am pregnant with baby3 and DHs salary has increased, so it was an option for me to choose. I was planning to SAH b/c DH works long hours and it's a great stress on me to work FT and run everything at home by myself too. I knew it would only get harder with a baby. I also didn't like my job so there was no real motivation to stay. Recently I was laid off, so I will be Staying home even before LO arrives.

If you have looked at your finances and staying home is a real and practical possibility, I would still consider going back to work first and see how you like it. For me I have always known I wanted to be home. If you're not sure, there's nothing wrong with giving both a try. I'll admit, it gets kinda boring and lonely at home with just an infant. It's much more fun when they get a little older and develop more personality and you can take them out to more activities.

TheBorg7of9 · June 2014

ss265 said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you go back and don't like it, you can always quit. But if you don't go back, getting another job might be difficult. Regardless, your manager should just assume you are coming back. You shouldn't have to make any promises or feel guilty about changing your mind. You have already earned your maternity leave. Although it's rare here in the US, it's a benefit that all mothers deserve whether or not they know if they are coming back. Personally, if you are on the fence I would go back to work for a couple months before you make this decision. You never know how it's going to go for you. I could not stay home and I think my kids get a lot of benefit from exposure to other people. When I get home at night I am totally focused in them and loving them. When I was on maternity leave, it was so exhausting I just wanted them out of my hair. But if you go back to work already thinking about how you will hate it and can't do it, then that's a self fulfilling prophesy.

I don't agree with the bolded. If you paid for STD or if your maternity leave is unpaid then yes this is true. But if your employer will pay you your full salary for the entire period you are on ML and you automatically get that benefit without paying anything out of pocket then I wouldn't take the ML if you know for sure that you are not coming back to work. That just causes your employer to incur an unnecessary cost and if enough people do this, it could cause them to change the benefit.

OP, regarding going back to work, that is a very personal decision. I would make sure that you take a hard look at your finances (if you haven't already) and decide if you can afford the financial hit if you chose to stay home. Don't just consider salary, think about benefits, 401K etc. Also consider the long term repercussions if you chose to stay home - could you re-enter the workforce in a few years, if you choose to do so?

For me personally it was an easy decision to go back to work. Having a career was too important to me and I was also much happier once I returned to work after maternity leave. I also move in social circles where it is the norm for women to be working moms so no one was surprised that I chose to continue working after having my son.

I totally disagree. The US is one of only THREE countries in the world where some paid maternity leave is not guaranteed. You do not owe your employer anything in exchange for taking maternity leave. I personally left my former job at the end of my maternity leave because I was offered another job (that paid twice as much). I made the decision that was best for me and I do not feel I owed my employer anything for providing me a benefit that should be a right for every mother. My former employer bore me no ill will and took me out to lunch to wish me well. If an employer decides to shirk their humanitarian duty to provide maternity leave because of me, that is their problem, not mine. We should not act ashamed for taking maternity leave. We should not be begging for maternity leave. It should be an entitlement. If women are to be equal in the workforce, it is a necessity.

TheBorg7of9 · June 2014

K3am said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you go back and don't like it, you can always quit. But if you don't go back, getting another job might be difficult. Regardless, your manager should just assume you are coming back. You shouldn't have to make any promises or feel guilty about changing your mind. You have already earned your maternity leave. Although it's rare here in the US, it's a benefit that all mothers deserve whether or not they know if they are coming back.

If you go this route, do take the time to read through your HR policy. I know that at my company, while maternity leave isn't paid, they do continue to pay for your benefits. Our policy specifically states that if you don't come back to work, you're obligated to reimburse the company for any cash outlays they made on your behalf for any and all benefits.

Definitely do this! I was thinking she would stay a few months (long enough to reimburse if necessary). But again, I think this is so ridiculous.

skibunny59 · June 2014

TheBorg7of9 said:

ss265 said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you go back and don't like it, you can always quit. But if you don't go back, getting another job might be difficult. Regardless, your manager should just assume you are coming back. You shouldn't have to make any promises or feel guilty about changing your mind. You have already earned your maternity leave. Although it's rare here in the US, it's a benefit that all mothers deserve whether or not they know if they are coming back. Personally, if you are on the fence I would go back to work for a couple months before you make this decision. You never know how it's going to go for you. I could not stay home and I think my kids get a lot of benefit from exposure to other people. When I get home at night I am totally focused in them and loving them. When I was on maternity leave, it was so exhausting I just wanted them out of my hair. But if you go back to work already thinking about how you will hate it and can't do it, then that's a self fulfilling prophesy.

I don't agree with the bolded. If you paid for STD or if your maternity leave is unpaid then yes this is true. But if your employer will pay you your full salary for the entire period you are on ML and you automatically get that benefit without paying anything out of pocket then I wouldn't take the ML if you know for sure that you are not coming back to work. That just causes your employer to incur an unnecessary cost and if enough people do this, it could cause them to change the benefit.

OP, regarding going back to work, that is a very personal decision. I would make sure that you take a hard look at your finances (if you haven't already) and decide if you can afford the financial hit if you chose to stay home. Don't just consider salary, think about benefits, 401K etc. Also consider the long term repercussions if you chose to stay home - could you re-enter the workforce in a few years, if you choose to do so?

For me personally it was an easy decision to go back to work. Having a career was too important to me and I was also much happier once I returned to work after maternity leave. I also move in social circles where it is the norm for women to be working moms so no one was surprised that I chose to continue working after having my son.

I totally disagree. The US is one of only THREE countries in the world where some paid maternity leave is not guaranteed. You do not owe your employer anything in exchange for taking maternity leave. I personally left my former job at the end of my maternity leave because I was offered another job (that paid twice as much). I made the decision that was best for me and I do not feel I owed my employer anything for providing me a benefit that should be a right for every mother. My former employer bore me no ill will and took me out to lunch to wish me well. If an employer decides to shirk their humanitarian duty to provide maternity leave because of me, that is their problem, not mine. We should not act ashamed for taking maternity leave. We should not be begging for maternity leave. It should be an entitlement. If women are to be equal in the workforce, it is a necessity.

Amen!

ss265 · June 2014

TheBorg7of9 said:

ss265 said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you go back and don't like it, you can always quit. But if you don't go back, getting another job might be difficult. Regardless, your manager should just assume you are coming back. You shouldn't have to make any promises or feel guilty about changing your mind. You have already earned your maternity leave. Although it's rare here in the US, it's a benefit that all mothers deserve whether or not they know if they are coming back. Personally, if you are on the fence I would go back to work for a couple months before you make this decision. You never know how it's going to go for you. I could not stay home and I think my kids get a lot of benefit from exposure to other people. When I get home at night I am totally focused in them and loving them. When I was on maternity leave, it was so exhausting I just wanted them out of my hair. But if you go back to work already thinking about how you will hate it and can't do it, then that's a self fulfilling prophesy.

I don't agree with the bolded. If you paid for STD or if your maternity leave is unpaid then yes this is true. But if your employer will pay you your full salary for the entire period you are on ML and you automatically get that benefit without paying anything out of pocket then I wouldn't take the ML if you know for sure that you are not coming back to work. That just causes your employer to incur an unnecessary cost and if enough people do this, it could cause them to change the benefit.

OP, regarding going back to work, that is a very personal decision. I would make sure that you take a hard look at your finances (if you haven't already) and decide if you can afford the financial hit if you chose to stay home. Don't just consider salary, think about benefits, 401K etc. Also consider the long term repercussions if you chose to stay home - could you re-enter the workforce in a few years, if you choose to do so?

For me personally it was an easy decision to go back to work. Having a career was too important to me and I was also much happier once I returned to work after maternity leave. I also move in social circles where it is the norm for women to be working moms so no one was surprised that I chose to continue working after having my son.
I totally disagree. The US is one of only THREE countries in the world where some paid maternity leave is not guaranteed. You do not owe your employer anything in exchange for taking maternity leave. I personally left my former job at the end of my maternity leave because I was offered another job (that paid twice as much). I made the decision that was best for me and I do not feel I owed my employer anything for providing me a benefit that should be a right for every mother. My former employer bore me no ill will and took me out to lunch to wish me well. If an employer decides to shirk their humanitarian duty to provide maternity leave because of me, that is their problem, not mine. We should not act ashamed for taking maternity leave. We should not be begging for maternity leave. It should be an entitlement. If women are to be equal in the workforce, it is a necessity.

I didn't grow up in the U.S. and where I grew up, women are guaranteed at least 4 months of paid maternity leave. And guess what? Employers are allowed to ask you about your child-bearing plans when they interview you and make hiring decisions based on what you disclose. Women are also openly paid less than men with the justification that men lose two years of working due to mandatory military service. Just pointing out that making maternity leave mandatory doesn't mean that women would be treated equally and could actually hurt them in the work force.

I am all for treating women equally in the workforce and I agree that the U.S. maternity leave policies are appalling. But every change has consequences. And precisely because the U.S. doesn't mandate paid maternity leave is why my personal opinion is that we shouldn't take advantage of employers with women friendly practices who offer a fully paid maternity leave at no cost to the employee.

FWIW, I ended up leaving my previous company (which paid me fully for 8 weeks of ML without me having to do anything) 5 months after returning from ML for another position that paid a lot more. But at the time I went out on ML, I had no intention of leaving. Things happen but I think it's very different if you take a fully paid maternity leave at no cost to you knowing that you don't plan to return to work afterwards.

jashikcrib · June 2014

The consideration regarding the commute is definitely playing a huge factor for me...2 hours each way ugh but yes, I hear everyone thats speaks of finances b/c they will be tough!

jlaOK · June 2014

I work because:

1) my salary gives us flexibility in our lifestyle (vacations, college savings, etc.)
2) I work part-time which is a huge perk
3) I WFH and have flexibility in my job
4) DH also has flexibility in his job which means we are able to pitch in 50/50 at home
5) I really enjoy what I do
6) I don't think my family would be as happy if I were a SAHM

I agree with PP's that you should plan on coming back and give it a few months to really see how it is working for you. You also have to keep in mind that the baby will have adjustment periods and that STTN is a huge game changer. I personally would give it at least 6 months back at work before making a final decision.

dashofreality · June 2014

I negotiated PT during my maternity leave and I have loved it. I took a corporate job where the expectation is to work 40-50 hours a week and made it PT. I have been able to make it work for 3.5 years and it is great.

Definitely consider out 6-12 months. It was very hard at first to leave my DD, but SAHM isn't for me, so I was glad that I still had a job after a few months of being back.

MrsKAT11 · June 2014

My working is a financial necessity for us. I make more money and carry our benefits. Beyond that, I always knew being a SAH mom wasn't for me. I love my career and had a hard time letting go of control during my maternity leave!! I missed the people and kids I work with and even though I enjoyed the time home with my DS, I was ready to go back to work after my leave. I'm due with DS2 in September and feel the same way. Looking forward to being home and spending some time with both kids, but already having reservations about turning over control of my case load to someone else.

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