Parenting Check In

ATXmommas · June 2014

I'm up early with my sick baby (yes, again!), so I'll get us started. Fill is in on this week's successes, challenges, fun times, bad times, etc.

ETA: Welcome @KH826 to the other side!

QOTD: What is the most memorable vacation you have taken with your children or where are you most looking forward to travel with your children when they are older?

JGY · June 2014

Yay! Welcome, @KH826!

@atxmommas I'm sorry to hear Ash is sick again. Poor little guy. It always seems to go in waves over here too. Hope he's feeling better soon and you get some sleep.

Happy to say that we seem to have settled into a MUCH better sleep pattern (knock on wood, seriously). Gabe is down for the night between 7:30 and 8 and it's FAR less stressful than it used to be. He now alternates between actually sleeping through, and waking up once to nurse and then back down (twice on a rare occasion). Our new problem? His new wake-up time when he's "All done" sleeping (his words), is now 5:30 or earlier. Ugh.

But the continuous sleep has done wonders for us. And S and I are really appreciating the stress-less evening time that we have together now, with no fear of him waking every hour. We even started watching Orange is the New Black this weekend. I know, we're so SO late to that party, but we're pscyhed to be making strides back towards the real world.

QOTD: I think the most memorable trip was when we went to CT last June to be with my family. It's memorable because we had JUST started combo feeding Gabe, and I had just started pumping. Seems like it was just a constant cycle of pump, sterilize, feed, sleep, pump ... I don't think I could have gotten through it without my family.

I think my favorite trip was over Thanksgiving when we met S's family in the WI Dells. It was just so awesome, and that's where we learned how much G likes to swim!

Have a great week everyone!

trisholio · June 2014

I am happy to report that our house is on the mend and everyone is no longer sick! We all had colds last week and it was miserable! I never thought having a cold was a big deal until I had one while being pregnant (not able to take anything) and having two kiddos sick too. I am so thankful that I felt better for our shower yesterday for baby Adalyn.

Speaking of our shower, M and K were awesome yesterday. I designated a person to help keep an eye on each girl so that I didn't spend the whole time keeping track of them, I got to socialize a bit and enjoy myself. M is a lot of fun these days with her new words, crazy imagination and typical girl drama is starting. She talks so much and people tell us all the time how tall and smart she is for her age. My mom and sister kept her all day Saturday to give us a small break and she had a blast being spoiled by Aunt Sissy and Gigi. Baby K is learning new things everyday. She took three steps last week by herself, but hasn't walked much since then. She is still very attached to me and not my wife, but we are trying to break her of that because when the baby comes I don't want it to be super difficult for her.

QOTD: We have not taken a vacation with the girls and do not have one planned in the near future. We have to notify our foster agency if we travel out of the county and get approval ahead of time and in writing if we want to take them out of state. So we are not even thinking of tackling that right now.

2brides · June 2014

KIds had their last day at school on Friday. Poor C was emotional all morning, cried at school, and cried through dinner.

I know we are doing the right thing, but it is hard to see him so sad.

We haven't done a lot of vacations with the kids aside from visiting family. The ones we have done and have rented a condo (vs hotel) have been the best. Lots of space to spread out, not having to go to bed when the kids go to bed, access to laundry right there, and ability to have food and not go out for every meal. We did this in Gatlinburg a few years ago and had a great time. We went with the ILs and it was a great mix of doing things and being busy and relaxing at the pool/lazy river. I am hoping to take them to Disney this winter!

Jazibel · June 2014

Morning Everyone!! :-)

@ATXMommas - I hope Ash feels better soon!

We had a great weekend, we went to the zoo and Kaden looooved it. I had to tear him away from some of the animal exhibits, he just clung to the bars of the fence. We had gone in early Fall of last year and he wasn't very interested, it's amazing what a difference six months makes at this age.

We continue to have toddler meltdowns on occasion. Last night as we were leaving the indoor play center Kaden had a melt down and made himself slack like a noodle, fell to the floor and then ran away and tried to hide. Our approach is to not make a big deal out of his behavior and just talk him through the process, or distract him. Last night I had to pick him and up and carry him to the door. I guess jumpy houses, an indoor jungle gym and kids dance parties are just too much to say "good bye" too.

Kaden just came up to me and asked: "Park?" "Go Go?" "Car"? This is the first time he has tried to ask for something non-immediate. It's exciting to see him begin to express more complex thoughts :-)

Owen woke me up by pooping on my leg. :P He's sleeping upstairs in the bassinet right now, so it's nice and quiet with just one kiddo awake. Owen's been more and more alert. He started cooing and smiling. He has the cutest smile with a dimple and his eyes just light up. I'd say we're getting into more of a rhythm with sleeping, etc. but I don't want to jinx myself ;-)

QOTD: Aside from moving to the island of Roatan last Spring, I'd say our most memorable vacation was going to Hawaii in March 2013 with our friends and their baby (Kaden was 8 months old). We mostly stayed in a time-share which were set up like two bedroom apartment. I loved having another family along, it meant we each got a little time to ourselves as a couple. We watched their daughter when they went on a dolphin tour, and vice versa. It was a much slower pace of course, because just leaving the house with one family of three is hard, with two it was almost comically slow. I think once we ran back to the apartment 3 or 4 times in a row. We took a snorkeling tour together and the boat provided pack 'n plays for the babies to nap on the deck. It was just so nice to have a family to share all of these experiences and responsibilities with.

Filmfanatic82 · June 2014

@atxmommas - So sorry Ash is sick again. I'm actually dreading it with Charley but so far so good.

@JGY - That's awesome about Gabe sleeping better. Sleeping for longer stretches is absolutely amazing, but I feel you on the 5:30am wake up call. Charley lately is wide eyed and ready to party around 5:30 - 5:45 every morning regardless of what time she goes down at night. Thank god I'm a morning person and have learned to set the coffee machine to automatically turn on at 5:15

@stringy813 - Congrats on M walking! And enjoy the new level of baby proofing

We had a pretty good week overall except for the fact that Charley has decided to stop sleeping through the night. Hoping it's just because of her 12 week growth spurt cause getting up every 2hrs around the clock is beyond brutal.

We also took Charley to her first Pride (PIP) in northern NJ since we're going to be away for the big pride celebration at the end of the month. She did great and got her first piece of rainbow gear.

QOTD: We haven't gone on any real trips / vacations yet, but can say that I am already planning our 1st trip to Disney World. Some of my best childhood vacation memories are from my family trips to Disney and I can't wait to share that with Charley.

There's just something so magical and heart warming about seeing a kid light up at the sight of a Disney character

ATXmommas · June 2014

Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I feel like such a hack today. I'm totally winging this parenting thing. And, I too have an early riser - typically 5:30am. I can totally picture him as a toddler jumping into our bed (assuming he's not still sleeping with us) at the crack of dawn. Oh well. I'll sleep in again one day. Fingers crossed!

So, last night Ash felt warm and was cranky. This kid is the happiest baby, so when he's cranky I know he's sick. We took his temp and it was 100.2 - high, but at the top end of normal for a baby. Had a rough night. Then we woke up this morning and his temp had cooled and he was happy. So, I rushed to get ready (because I thought I would be staying home with him) and manage to get him to day care and me to work. Of course, I let the day care know about his night. Received a call around 11:15 letting me that he had a temp of 102. When I arrived at the center, I was thankful to fine one of the teachers rocking him. He looked pitiful. We're home and he's sleeping in my arms. My poor little guy. Going to the dr at 3:30. I'm afraid it's the ear again. And I feel guilty about taking him to day care in the first place when I knew something was off.

In other news, Z came back from Mexico yesterday. Between my Chicaho trip and her Mexico trip, she had not seen our son in almost 2 weeks. It was a happy reunion!

QOTD: I don't know that I have a specific spot in mind, but I hope to travel to many of this country's wondrous and historical sites over the years - Grand Canyon, Rocky Mountains, DC... We did the typical beach and amusement parks as kids, but I love that my parents took us places where we could take in a bit if history and learned to appreciate the beauty of this country. We might take an international trip occasionally, but probably more in the Central America region. Not sure when in life we will he able to afford a European vacation. I guess visiting Chicago med me think about this. Obviously, Ash is too young to take anything in, but I kept thinking how much he would enjoy certain things when he is a bit older. Made me excited for our future vacations.

JGY · June 2014

@mamosey, I second @stringy813's thoughts about NOT looking to us for normal sleep habits.

All kids truly are different when it comes to sleep. And even the same kid can approach sleep really differently at different points in their development. We missed some pretty big opportunities to work with Gabe on sleep because he had so many ear infections, and I was never willing to ask him for change when I wasn't sure if he was in pain or not. So hopefully that gives you some reassurance that you'll be able to take the right steps at the right time with your LO (ie hopefully your kid is normal and not battling constant infection, and you don't have to wonder about what they're trying to tell you).

@ATXmommas, don't feel guilty for taking Ash to daycare. You really can never tell with kids, 1 minute they're fine and the next they're not. But then the NEXT minute they ARE fine again. We have to squeeze in every full work day that we can, so that we can be available when they truly need us.

And "Winging this parenting thing?" Welcome to the club!!

trisholio · June 2014

Here is a picture of myself (in the pink) my mom and sister (she is 38 weeks pregnant)

ATXmommas · June 2014

JGY said:
And "Winging this parenting thing?" Welcome to the club!!

Ha! I know. If only these kiddos came with a handbook and a flow chart.

So, his right ear is infected again. Or I should say infected still. His right ear has had varying degrees of fluid in it at every single doctor's appt over that past 4 months. So, we're on another antibiotic and have a follow-up appt with the ENT in two weeks. I also apparently was under-medicating him with Motrin, so hopefully the increase will help with the pain level. Poor little thing.

KH826 · June 2014

Hello!

This is my first parenting check-in, and in true new parent firm I have been trying to get time to write it for the last 10 hours!

So, Will us currently 5 glorious days old, and he was discharged from the NICU yesterday afternoon, so last night was our first night at home. Truly, it was awesome. I was on such a baby high last night. I found comfortable places to sit for the first time since giving birth... Slept (a little) in my own bed....took a shower in my own shower... Pumped in the privacy of my own family room.... Our dog LOVES Will, so their meeting couldn't have gone any better... We had some visitors, but only my MIL (who insisted on buying us groceries -bless her!) and my BIL and his wife (and she made us three dinners (one for last night that we are still working on and two to freeze). They stayed for just the right amount of time and then my wife and I had our time with our boy. It just felt peaceful and comfy and it was the first time in over a week that I felt relaxed.

Now, life is not all rainbows and butterflies and today I struggled a bit off and on, but I am still super glad to be home.

This AM we had to take Will back to the hospital to the outpatient lab to have his sodium level drawn again. It was up another 3 points and is now in the normal range (yay!). It felt very chaotic this morning trying to get out of the house, but we did it. The rushing and walking dud me in a bit though and I was feeling rough by the time we got home. I honestly wasn't up for visitors, but my wife's cousin wanted to come and I felt I couldn't say no. She brought her 4 yr old, who is a very sweet kid but who was totally worked up and excited and practically swinging from the lights while he was here. And they stayed longer than I had hoped -- about 3 hours. So even though I pumped right before they came I was late to pump again by the time they finally left, which had me feeling in a tizzy...

Speaking of pumping, I am still getting about 1 oz per pumping season, which is frustrating me. Will is still on formula and we are mixing in the breast milk that I pump each time. I am not convinced that we will ever be able to ween completely off of formula. I also think I may end up exclusively pumping. He has no interest in the breast. I kind if resent the way this has panned out and feel like my choices were kind of taken from me in terms of his feeding. But it is what it is... I could go on about this topic longer, but I don't have time...

Tomorrow AM us our first pediatrician appointment (though he was already seen in the hospital by his ped several times).
Then Thursday AM we have a photographer coming to take newborn photos...

Ok I have more to say, but I have to run... Sorry for this being a giant tangent! I will get better at this, I hope!

JGY · June 2014

@KH826 - Hey I just want to encourage you to think positively about breastfeeding. At 5dpp you are very much still establishing the breatfeeding relationship. It will be a work in process for a while!

I don't know if you'd be able to swing it, but one thing that I found incredibly helpful was an in-home visit with a lactation consultant. This wonderful angel of a woman came to me on my first day home alone with Gabe. She met me in my space, saw the places that I would be nursing, and helped me to better understand what Gabe was telling me as well as what my body was doing. It was invaluable, and I gained a lot of confidence that I really needed to push through those first few INCREDIBLY HARD weeks of breastfeeding.

I also REALLY want to validate your feelings of having your choices taken from you. I can relate 100%. In the hospital I was given a nipple shield almost immediately, even though Gabe had latched on without it. For some reason (well, I know the reasons but I won't bore you here) I really leaned on that shield like a crutch and by the time I went home I felt unable to nurse without it. Between that and his undiagnosed lip tie, my supply just never got to where it needed to be despite my best efforts. I was really resentful for a really long time.

All that being said, I think that you are definitely still early enough to recover. Get any help that you can, and try not to feel like supplementing right now is giving up. It's not. If you need to chat, PM me PLEASE!!

I'm sending hugs. I know the frustration well and can feel it like it was yesterday. You're not alone!

JGY · June 2014

Here's a parenting question for y'all, but especially those with older kiddos (looking at you @themommymonster - he where are you anyway, @2brides, @winstan1, @mystjava, @jazibel, @trisholio):

Gabe has developed a wonderful new habit of screaming bloody murder when I try to put him in his carseat - as I mentioned in today's TTT. He arches his back, stands up and flips over quickly so there's just no way to get him buckled in without completely manhandling him. It's awful and I feel really bad doing it (and he's hella strong too, so it' actually really difficult), but I haven't had a chance yet to just wait him out to see how long he's willing to keep going with it before he gives in voluntarily. And he cries REAL, BIG, FAT tears. I just breaks my heart (along with being unbelievably frustrating and embarassing).

I'm sure it's just another phase that we'll get through and then things will be all fine again, but I was wondering if anyone else had any experience with this? What did you do? Of the things you did, did any of them work?

HALP!

Jazibel · June 2014

@JGY - Kaden went through this very same thing. We did a few things, not sure if any are helpful or will work :-)

- We would prepare him by telling him 5 minutes, 1 minute and right before, that we were going to be getting in the car and getting buckled up. Supposedly this lets kids mentally prepare for a transition. I use it for other transitions as well.
- We would start to engage his help, ask him to climb up himself, help try to buckle himself in, etc..
- We gave him a special toy, book or snack once he was all buckled in. Something new and exciting at first - and something he would then look forward to getting to play with (only time he had access to the toy was after getting buckled in).
-We switched from rear to forward facing. Longer story: We had Kaden forward facing in Roatan (Ages 10 months - 13 months, approx.) This was because we had no a/c in the minivan and the only way for him to stay even slightly cool was to face forward and have a little breeze from the front windows. Having a car seat alone made us super car safe on the island - and we drove between 5 and 35mph When we moved back Kaden wasn't very happy with rear facing again so we moved him into a forward facing position permanently around 16-17 months. Some manufacturers recommend rear facing for up to 2 years, but Kaden was so tall it didn't seem comfortable. Anyway forward facing he was much more engaged and could see more which immediately had positive results. Though I don't recommend this until you're ready, deem it safe, etc.
-Finally as with everything he grew out of it. Now regarding toddler tantrums.... Still working on that one.

Good luck !! I'm looking forward to other peoples responses.

I think @atxmommas said it yesterday "I'm totally winging this whole parenting thing too!!"

Jazibel · June 2014

Hi Fellow Parents,

Do we want to create a roster (similar to the pregnancy check-in) of our kids birth date(s) and name (or Bump nickname)?

Let me know your thoughts :-)

ATXmommas · June 2014

Jazibel said:

Hi Fellow Parents,

Do we want to create a roster (similar to the pregnancy check-in) of our kids birth date(s) and name (or Bump nickname)?

Let me know your thoughts :-)

I had this same thought recently! I think it's a good idea.

trisholio · June 2014

JGY Jazibel response about the car seat issue. M throws a fit every once in awhile about getting in the car seat, but we have a routine and I talk the steps out loud with her. Then I count 1 arm, two arms as I put them in the seat belt, then 1 buckle, two buckle as I buckle her in. It has seemed to help. I also have been letting her climb into the seat by herself for two reasons 1. so she can feel in control and 2 I am 7 months pregnant, I am not going to be able to lift her much longer so I am preparing her now for that time when it comes.

I hope he grows out of it quickly!

Mystjava · June 2014

Hi ya.. I'm just going to chime in on the car seat question. It is possible that he feels frustrated because the lack of stimulation while he's rear facing. I've used a mirror so he (my LO) could see what was happening. Also encouraging themselves to get into the seats does help! It will require lots of patience and time.
Giving transition action helps because it does mentally prepares them what to expect.
Since I had strong arms and back, I used to do silly things with my LO before I put him in the seat. His favorite was the monkey swing (swing him 3 times then right into the seat, arms following, etc...). He also used to enjoy the different sounds I made as I buckled him up.
I had my LO buckled in rear facing until a month after he turned 2.. had to turn him because he out grew the height requirement in rear-facing seating. Now that he's 4, he loves to get himself in and buckled up by himself! He still doesn't unbuckled the bottom buckle (complain that it's too hard!) So I count that as a blessing. Like other posts, having a special toy/activity that is for only in the car-seat helps!

JGY · June 2014

@jazibel @Trisholio @mystjava - thanks so much for responding!

I think Gabe's main issue is just that he spends a lot of time buckled into things, and he's a SUPER active kid by nature. So it's just torture for him to be buckled into one more thing. Because he's still in the infant room at daycare, he doesn't get to go outside and play during the day. Instead when they go outside he gets ... buckled in ... to a big stroller with all the other little kids. It's my one frustration with daycare right now. As soon as he transitions, I think that will make things a lot better.

I had already been doing the warnings of transition "We're going to go out to the car now, we need to get buckled in so we can go home and see Duncan ..." etc etc, but I didn't really have any good car toys for him. So I ran to Target on my way to get him yesterday and that REALLY helped both last night and this morning.

The current recommendation from many pros these days is to continue to rear-face until age 4. FOUR!!! Holy mother I don't know if we'll make it that long. My car is difficult, it's tiny and so the only place I feel comfortable having him is in the middle, but then that makes it impossible to install a mirror. It also makes it difficult to get him in and out. It's clear to me that he wants to be able to look out the front, but I just can't turn him around yet, I've read too many horrifying stories. Sigh.

Anyway, thanks to you all for the input! If things stay like they were last night and this morning, we'll survive. If we backslide, I might be back for more ...

KH826 · June 2014

@JGY - thank you so much for all of your BFing advice and experience. I really appreciate everyone's input. This is much more difficult than I thought. It has become apparent now that I have supply issues. Today is day 7 and no improvement. I am going to meet with the LC at my pediatrician's office and go from there. I did meet with the LC at the hospital a couple of times but at that point she was encouraging me to keep pumping and just wait for more milk to come in, but at this point it doesn't seem to be coming... I know it is early to give up, and I am not giving up, but it feel lik I am going to have a formula fed baby and I am feeling guilty and sad about my body not giving him what he needs ... Anyway, to be continued. Thanks all for your support.

JGY · June 2014

@KH826 you're not giving up, in fact you're working you a$$ of trying to do everything that you can for your babe! And I'm proud of you, and I remember (painfully) exactly how hard it all is. And I know others on this board do too.

I have high hopes for you that with the right support and information you will be able to rebound and produce all the milk that Will needs. But in the chance that doesn't happen, just know that there are things you can do to feel like you're still maximizing the benefits of whatever milk you do produce. Because I was so devestated about combo-feeding Gabe (from age 2 months on), I was MILITANT about the contents of his bottles. He never had a bottle that was just formula, it was always a blend. And while the ratio had to change on occasion, it made me feel more in control to know that there was at least SOME breastmilk in every bottle. That helped me a lot.

Also, I want you to know that every lactaction consultant that I met with (2 at the hospital prior to discharge, 1 at my home, 1 through my mw's office, 1 through my peds office, 2 through a breastfeeding mom's group) had differing opinions on what I should do and what everything meant. Sometimes it helps to keep asking/talking until you find the right fit for you.

My only piece of advice to you specific to breastfeeding, is to put Will to the breast as much as you can right now. It really does take practice and sometimes it's difficult to get that practice when he's already hungry. And his calorie intake is cumulative, so anything he gets from your breast will go into his overall daily total intake, so don't feel like you're going to end up with not enough pumped milk for him (if that makes any sense). The skin to skin time is absolutely critical in building your supply.

Good luck, honey!

(And can you remind me where you live? I want to do a little internet checking on some local free resources for you, if you don't mind)

KH826 · June 2014

I am continuing skin-to-skin and pumping every 3ish hours. I try to synch my pumping with Will's feeds as much as possible, so that the whole day doesn't feel like pumping or feeding. My wife is ridiculously awesome and has been doing 80% of feeds round the clock so I can focus on pumping. I get my bonding time with Will after. It is working well for us, now I just need more milk! I know it will work out however it is supposed to, I just need to try to relax and let whatever is going to happen happen. Oh, and I live in Philadelphia. Thanks so much again for all of your support -- it means tons!

Jazibel · June 2014

@KH826 - great job with the pumping. I really dislike pumping and have only done it several times, I need to start pumping regularly both to build a supply of frozen milk and to keep introducing Owen to the bottle (and give EV that bonding time).
I just wanted to share that breastfeeding was hard for me this last time again. I was surprised because I thought it would come back so naturally but it didn't. Our midwife is a LC so she coached us through it. And I ended up getting some additional help from another professional as well. All the feedback was invaluable, and eventually we fell into a comfortable routine and he latched and ate well. I'd say it took about two weeks to feel comfortable and three weeks to feel like a pro, and I just started feeling more confident about nursing in public :-). But initially my nipples were really sore and I was uncomfortable and anxious. Before Kaden was born I was more worried about the breastfeeding relationship than labor, but Kaden and I had an easier time and after a week or so adjusted into a rhythm.
I'm sharing because many women I know have struggled to breastfeed their babies for one reason or another. I'm sure it comes like second nature to some - but not to everyone.
Hang in there - you're doing a great job! I hope your milk comes in soon.

Also I wanted to recommend trying "side lying" nursing. It can be a little challenging at first with a young newborn but having both his neck supported so he can easily tilt his head around to root for the perfect latch and your body so you can relax is great. My midwife/LC explained that he should be lifting his head slightly (as in raising his chin to reach to the breast), this way he has an open throat for swallowing and his mouth will be positioned well to take in the whole nipple. Rebecca also explained that he should have a good portion of the nipple in his mouth, with the tip pointing toward the roof and back of this mouth. This way as he sucks he can massage the milk down. I helped my let down with warm compressed on my breasts, because of my anxiety and pain I would sometimes tense up before attempting to latch him on. The more I adjusted him, the more fussy he became and when he got an incorrect latch it was excruciating. That's why I ended up liking the side lying position because I didn't have to move Owen's head and body around a lot to get a good latch.

Just wanted to commend you on pumping and I hope that your LC has some good advice on things to try. In the meantime I echo what @JGY wrote to keep placing him on the breast and allowing him to attempt to nurse. His suckling should help to bring your milk in :-) Sometimes the body reacts differently to the infant than to the pump.

Please keep the adorable pictures coming too! :-)

ATXmommas · June 2014

@KH826 - I just wanted to respond to your comment about feeling guilty and sad. I completely understand you. I was there. It felt like a personal failing when Ash wasn't gaining weight as rapidly as the doctors wanted in the early days. I cried and beat myself up about it. Having BF-ing issues when it's something you want so strongly is such an intensely emotional experience. I hope you are able to cut yourself some slack. There are certain things that are simply outside of your control and know that you are not alone.

I think JGY and Jazibel offered great advice. One thing you may want to consider looking into to encourage Will to latch is an SNS. I don't have any personal experience with using one, but have read success stories. Perhaps something you can mention to your LC if it's something you want more info about.

Hugs to you! Reach out whenever you need support. You are already such a committed and awesome momma!

JGY · June 2014

@stringy813 thank you so much for posting this! I had just been doing some double checking yesterday to ensure that our installation was correct and I found a few things I could do differently/better!

The toy was a flop this morning. Total hissy fit. Sigh. And we have a Britax Marathon which, unfortunately, has to be on recline setting #3 when rear-facing. Oh well. Gabe needs to learn to listen and follow instructions anyway. We'll just see how much patience I have, I guess.

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