Am I the only one who won't be breastfeeding?

Saintelizabeth · June 2014

I had a much needed breast reduction 11 years where my nipples were removed for breast reconstruction and then reattached. I was told the chances of me being able to breast feed are low because the nerves and milk ducts were severed. I won’t know if I’ll be able to until after the baby is born. I HATE it when family or close friends ask if we are going to breastfeed and I know that once we get into the second trimester and more people know I’m expecting I will get that question more. I hate that wtf look I get when I say no I will not be breastfeeding, like I have to explain why. Would I breastfeed if I could? Yes. Do I regret my breast reduction? Absolutely not. It’s just another one of those personal choices that people feel the need to give unwanted input.

Is anyone else not planning on breastfeeding?

Annya26 · June 2014

I like gradschoolmom1234's response - and it really isn't anyone's business. I think people ask just to make conversation, share in the excitement of the new baby, etc., but at the end of the day it is a personal decision.

roxpink · June 2014

I don't think you owe anyone an answer to your personl choice whether it's a medical reason or not. Maybe just answer with a simple, "I am planning to breastfeed" and let that be that.

allonsyalonso · June 2014

I hope to breastfeed, but I ended up not being able to despite my best efforts with DS so my philosophy became "my kid is fed and thriving."

AngelSong76 · June 2014

My answer to this is always, "I plan to try, but if it doesn't work out, that's okay." I was only able to breastfeed for two months with my son and he's completely fine. I beat myself up over it for months and months, but in the end I realized as long as he was being fed and staying healthy, I didn't care what other people thought.

nesenotes · June 2014

I personally am already having anxiety over it. I hated it with DD for a number of reasons. But people really inadvertently give you a huge guilt trip. So secretly I'll probably breastfeed for the time we are in the hospital because I'm a coward and can't handle the nurse side eye and then I will move to formula once we get home.

leenieb123 · June 2014

You owe no one--not family, friends or strangers--an explanation. My honest truth is I'd like to breastfeed but I won't know if I can until I have the baby.

I had a friend who went in with best intentions and tried and tried. But she couldn't produce and her son was suffering by not having anything to eat! Finally after 2 months of trying all the tricks, doctors and lactation consultants, she switched for formula and he completely perked up. The different between his 2 month and one month photos are amazing--completely different baby because he was healthy and getting what he needed.

TL;DR--it might work, it might not. And you won't know until you try.

beachy6 · June 2014

I like the medical reason answer, but in the end, you don't owe anyone a reason.

With DS, I planned on breastfeeding, however with my DH in Iraq, breastfeeding was just one stress that I couldn't even undertake when it came time to feed him. I never even tried. When my milk started drying up, I regretted it for 3 seconds, but I realized that it was just something I couldn't do for emotional reasons.

That being said, I'm not sure what I'll do this time. At this point, I'm not planning on it. However, if anyone asks me, it's really none of their business. It took me until I was well into my 30's to be confident in myself and my decisions. This is one of those things. When I make the decision, it will be for me and my baby, not for nurses, doctors, family, etc. My son is thriving and was only formula fed. He was never sick (still isn't), doesn't have allergy issues, weight issues or any of the other things that are often tied to formula fed babies. So, those arguments that people will throw out won't work to convince me.

It is a personal decision. Only share information that you are comfortable sharing with other people. It's really none of their business, even though everyone will make it seem like it is their business!

Eora3 · June 2014

Please feel free to tell people that it is rude to ask personal questions and it is not their business what you do with your breasts! Or you can always go with my old favorite: "Why do you ask?" It tends to throw people and make them realize they are being nosey.

I started out bfing both of my boys but it just didn't work out for us after a few weeks. With my older son, I was devastated when I had to give him formula in the hospital. I just wasn't producing and he needed it. I ended up pumping for a few weeks and it was a nightmare for me.

With my younger son, I thought we had it all figured out. He was gaining weight and I was fighting through the pain (he had a terrible latch). But my supply tanked and he was having allergy issues so we ended up having to use special formula anyway.

However the baby gets fed, the important part is that he/she is getting fed. Formula isn't the devil.

MissMeegs · June 2014

With DS, my milk literally never came in. It was heartbreaking, stressful, emotionally exhausting, and worst of all, hard on DS, who lost a ton of weight in his first two weeks of life as I did everything I could think of to get the milk to come. I eventually gave up and went to formula, and he thrived and is healthy and happy.

So, while I intend to try again, if I experience the same thing I am going to go to formula much sooner and save myself the agony. And if anyone asks, I'll simply reply "we're formula feeding, it works best for us" with a smile. Anyone who has anything to say beyond that can kindly suck it. No pun intended.

Belle3184 · June 2014

This LO will be formula feed from day one and I would dare someone to say something to be about it. I killed myself trying to breast feed DD and it was a nightmare. She was already low birth weight and we had a terrible time trying to breast feed and she just wasn't getting enough food. Formula was the best decision for us and I stand by it.

This LO will be formula feed as well. I am not putting myself through the torture again.

Manateearmz · June 2014

DD never latched very well and it was a difficult process for us. I ended up exclusively pumping which meant at the end of the day I spent probably 7 hours of my day pumping, feeding, and cleaning bottles. If I have to do that again I'm going to FF.

If people ask I'm going to be very blunt and tell them exactly what my reasons are. I'm hoping that it enlightens people that not every can or even wants to breastfeed.

AZMagnini14 · June 2014

I had a breast reduction about 10 years ago. I was able to breastfeed my son, and actually had an over supply. I was told the same thing as you about not knowing if I would be able to. There is definitely hope that you can. I was very pessimistic and had a positive outcome. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! Although if you still decide you don't want to, that is a separate issue and your decision. Just wanted to give you hope that you may still be able to!

Manateearmz · June 2014

Just wanted to add that if you do or don't, try or don't try, succeed or fail it doesn't matter. Nobody should judge you.

Personally not being able to physically attach her to my breast came with tremendous guilt as well as making the decision to stop pumping at 6 months. It was guilt brought on by what I felt I HAD to do based on the judgements of those around me. Do not put yourself through that.

MaggieN2028 · June 2014

I'm sorry you're getting those questions. It isn't any of their business and coming from someone who is anxious for when I can get a breast reduction, I totally understand why you got it done.

I like the medical response...I'm always for making them feel guilty...does that make me a bad person? haha.

I also like the "I'm going to try" answer. That way if you can, you can, if you can't, you tried.

FTM and I'm already annoyed with the comments or questions making me feel guilty about the things I want to do. (ie. will have to work after 6-8 weeks, will not co-sleep, will have a drink after i give birth...blah, blah, blah..UGH)

JunkieBrewster · June 2014

Almost all of my friends are the crunchy, baby wearing, cloth diapering, boob feeding type. And I am, too EXCEPT I had so much trouble breastfeeding my son. I spent countless hours with ibclc's and SNS's and pumping every 2 hours.

I am also on a medication that I should not breastfeed on, but I am going to still try. this time, however, if I have major issues like before (1/8th of an ounces in 30 minute nursing session) I will not go through the other shit to keep it going and I will not feel bad about it. My bf'ing problems made our first 6 months fucking miserable and I won't go through that again.

PacoCat33 · June 2014

I plan to, but if I can't I'm not going to stress about it. My sister tried, but never produced anything. If I can produce, then I hope to primarily pump, so I'm not the solely responsible for feeding.

To be honest, if it wasn't for burning all the calories, I'd probably go right to FF.

klbyrnes · June 2014

At this point I plan to try breastfeeding, but that is besides the point. When people ask me questions that make me feel uncomfortable and awkward, I like to turn the question back around on them. It tends to catch them off guard and help them realize they are being a little too personal and too nosey and they should just butt out! They only recognize this when they are put on the spot to answer the same question. So when folks ask if you are planning to breastfeed - ask them if they breastfed their children, for how long, did they encounter any issues, etc? the more you pry, the more they will get the hint ;;)

krystrist2014 · June 2014

HI FRIEND! I can 100% relate, since I had a breast reduction about 5 years ago too! I was also told the chances were slim that I would ever breastfeed and I was fine with it... Primarily because my Mom did not breast feed me or my sister. Both of us are very healthy people, both physically and emotionally, and both of us are pretty smart (not bragging just that we both have Masters degrees so we obviously not stupid haha). I understand that there are benefits to breastfeeding, but I also know that I will not be harming or hindering my child in any way by not breastfeeding. SO whenever I hear people making a big freaking deal about it as if someone who doesn't BF will be doing their child a disservice, I cant help but get involved in the debate and let them know that their "wtf look" is neither warranted nor necessary!

krystrist2014 · June 2014

nesenotes said:

I personally am already having anxiety over it. I hated it with DD for a number of reasons. But people really inadvertently give you a huge guilt trip. So secretly I'll probably breastfeed for the time we are in the hospital because I'm a coward and can't handle the nurse side eye and then I will move to formula once we get home.

Where do you live?! I am more than willing to visit you in the hospital and give the side-eyed-nurse a piece of my mind! LOL! :P

freakyfast · June 2014

Wow I know people ask these questions but it never ceases to amaze me how rude it really is. I would come up with a clever come back like previously requested. It is nobody's business, as long as your baby is fed.

VyD81 · June 2014

leenieb123 said:

You owe no one--not family, friends or strangers--an explanation. My honest truth is I'd like to breastfeed but I won't know if I can until I have the baby.

I had a friend who went in with best intentions and tried and tried. But she couldn't produce and her son was suffering by not having anything to eat! Finally after 2 months of trying all the tricks, doctors and lactation consultants, she switched for formula and he completely perked up. The different between his 2 month and one month photos are amazing--completely different baby because he was healthy and getting what he needed.

TL;DR--it might work, it might not. And you won't know until you try.

I agree, people are just so rude sometimes. You don't owe anyone an explanation. My sister also tried and tried to breastfeed with no success, not everyone can, and it's also a personal choice. Formula has great nutrients for babies.

ColeyCannoli · June 2014

I'm gonna try but as a FTM, I am not going to parade around like I know a damn thing :P

These past 15 weeks have proven to me that this whole "having a baby" thing is totally different than I was expecting. I already failed my brilliant plan to work out every single day and eat only the most healthy foods ::munches fries from lunch::

I'm hoping to breastfeed 'cause I know it has all those health benefits but I won't cry myself to sleep if I have to give up for some reason. And I certainly am not gonna judge anyone who doesn't. Keeping a tiny human alive sounds hard. Do what you gotta do.

Edit: Just to add, I have a friend who didn't breastfeed because after a difficult pregnancy that included terrible morning sickness and 7weeks of bed rest - she just wanted to her body back. I thought it was a very honest reason and would be valid even if she hadn't had a terrible time with pregnancy. Your job is to keep your baby happy and healthy and that's best when mom is happy and healthy too. Good luck!

jessinaround · June 2014

I agree that it is no one's business but yours and your SO's. I breastfed for 6 months and loved it. But I hated it for the first few weeks. I only stopped because my supply was depleting and I couldn't take supplements anymore because I was Pregnant with this baby.
I know breast feeding isn't for everyone, but I encourage those of you on the fence to try. If it's not for you, that's okay. But it may be better/easier than you think. And, I noticed with my supply, that stress was a huge factor. My milk wouldn't let down if I was super stressed out. My husband would tell me that I was psyching myself out. So if it has you really anxious, it may cause more problems.

And OP, if this is something you want, I truly hope it works out for you. But if it doesn't, don't stress

Your baby will be healthy and happy no matter what you feed him/her (with in reason, don't try to give it Cheetos or something

)

abcmom12 · June 2014

be prepared to be asked why you aren't though, I mean really, prepare yourself. my DD had issues latching then latching/sucking so my milk never really came in. as such, we had to supplement although I nursed with what I had for an additional 5 months before the boobies gave out.

still, I used to get asked all the time and given nasty looks when I whipped out the bottle. I ended up saying, I couldn't make enough milk which then got me the "I'm sorry I looked nasty at you" make up face.

sigh. if I have that problem again, I'm going to get a shirt made saying "can't feed for medical purposes"

kimba1976 · June 2014

A friend of mine sent me this last year and I thought it was great. Whatever you decide, whether it's because you have choice or not, it's the right decision and IT IS YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. You should be supported either way. This issue irritates me to no end. Being a mom is hard enough.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/01/i-support-you-breastfeeding-_n_3685881.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

amedbery · June 2014

I am one of the last of my friends to have a baby. They all planned to breastfeed, but many didn't, for various reasons. Like a lot of decisions you'll make for your pregnancy and baby, what works for one person just won't work for another.

At the end of the day, every woman on this blog is going to make decisions regarding their child that other people are going to strongly disagree with. I think the best we can do is try not to let the Judgy McJudgersons get us down - and to try to be understanding when other moms make decisions we disagree with (so long as that decision doesn't put anyone in danger).

AbsolutelyAyrianna · June 2014

kimba1976 said:
A friend of mine sent me this last year and I thought it was great. Whatever you decide, whether it's because you have choice or not, it's the right decision and IT IS YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. You should be supported either way. This issue irritates me to no end. Being a mom is hard enough.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/01/i-support-you-breastfeeding-_n_3685881.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

this is beautiful!

moroccojade · June 2014

I'm due Nov 30 and don't hang out here (although I guess I'm borderline for N14 and D14....)

But I thought I would throw in my two cents anyway.

I had a reduction 19 years ago... and I nursed my daughter for 18 months. I never had a full supply, but I supplemented with a Medela Supplemental Nursing System. Not easy, but so worth it for many reasons. (A big one being that she choked on bottles like crazy, but was fine with the nursing and SNS.)

So if it is something other reduction moms want to try, it is not impossible. A few women I know had a full supply and were able to nurse successfully with no supplementing.

(Obviously, this info is just for women who had reductions who are actually interested in giving BFing a shot.)

Sarah1253 · June 2014

I am not planning on Breastfeeding and it gives me anxiety when people ask me too. Its just not something I am personally comfortable with.

trizzie · June 2014

I formula fed my first two and this one will be formula fed as well.

ETA: I have no (and have never had) any anxiety telling people this. It is no one's business at all.

SoyMissK8 · June 2014

Because of some of the medications I take I will not be breastfeeding. I always thought I would breastfeeding, but it's just not an option. Luckily I hav et gotten a lot of questions about it yet, but it's really between my husband and I to determine. You do what you need to do!

LaxMOM44 · June 2014

With DD I had a terrible time breastfeeding. Couple that with PPD and I would literally sob every time I fed her. We lasted 9 months and I hated every single minute of feeding. The day I switched to FF, and by that I mean DD refused to latch for no reason all of a sudden, it was the best day of our life together. We are both happier now and I was able to leave her and have some time to myself.

I am all for breatfeeding, I will likely try again. I AM NOT FOR THE PRESURE TO BREASTFEED. IT IS NOT ALWAY THE BEST CHOICE WHEN MOM IS SO UPSET, EXHAUSTED OR DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF BF'ING. Sometimes a happy mom goes a lot further than some antibodies to help the growth of a child. So please dot feel pressured or put yourself through hell trying to make it work. Your job is to feed the child, however that happens you are doing a great job.

shelly771 · June 2014

I FF both DD and DS from the start. No one ever said anything or made me feel bad about it. At the hospital or doctors they just asked if I was BF or FF and when I said FF they gave me lots of free samples. Hopefully you have a similar experience.

MmsHughes4 · June 2014

Belle3184 said:

This LO will be formula feed from day one and I would dare someone to say something to be about it. I killed myself trying to breast feed DD and it was a nightmare. She was already low birth weight and we had a terrible time trying to breast feed and she just wasn't getting enough food. Formula was the best decision for us and I stand by it. This LO will be formula feed as well. I am not putting myself through the torture again.

This is me with DS and the new baby word for word.

kikimeemee · June 2014

I agree with previous posters: find a nice way to say none of your beeswax. I'm sorry for your struggles on this topic. I get very uncomfortable when people ask me abt my boobs, too.

Another personal question I can't stand is: are you going back to work? "Please tell me you'll do no more than part time" as if full time equals bad mama. And as if we all have the employment option of working part time! I answer people, "we're exploring our options" and it works like a charm. The person then has nowhere to go after my comment so they start talking abt their own personal experience (which is really all they wanted to do in the first place) and you smile and nod while you consider the source! Most sources are not exactly moms-of-the-year.

Saintelizabeth · June 2014

Thanks Ladies, I feel alot better:)

I’m going to try and bf if I can, but if I can’t I won’t be hung up about it. It’s pretty frustrated to read how some of you who tried and couldn’t felt guilty about it, have had other around you make you feel guilty about it as well.

@moroccojade @summersunshine916 @AZMagnini14 that's great to know that there is a chance I'll be able to at least try it if I want to! I’m assuming you didn't know if you would be able to bf until your children were born. Did you register for bf’ing items?

moroccojade · June 2014

@Saintelizabeth

This is going to sound weird, but you can always feed at the breast. Even if you never produce one drop of milk. (But I know you will produce SOMETHING!!) It took a while to get the hang of the Medela SNS, but it was a lifesaver as we had such a huge problem with bottles.

Even if you just let your baby latch on after birth you will be producing some colostrum. Lots of good stuff in there for your little one! And the bonding aspect of it can be really amazing. It is all about 'defining your own success' (There is a book out there with that title for women who are "BFAR" - breast feeding after reduction. If you are interested, you might want to check it out if it is still available.)

So no, I didn't register for BFing items (or bottle feeding items for that matter). But I did rent a hospital grade pump right away... and bought my own a couple of months later. I also bought a couple of those SNS things pretty much right away, too. My midwives had a temporary contraption for me to use at first.

For this baby, I will dust off my pump and get a couple of new SNSs. And hope for the best!

I think you owe it to yourself to give it a shot if you are actually interested.... (You owe nothing to anybody else, though!!) You don't want to be wondering "what if". Once any mom gets the hang of BFing it can be so freaking easy. No formula to buy or prepare. No bottles to sterilize. Just whip out a boob, and presto. Instant milk machine. :P

AZMagnini14 · June 2014

@saintelizabeth

I was given a brand new pump by my sister in law so i didn't need to register for that. The rest I waited to see what I needed and went out the first week or so to pick up. I had almost no hope before hand so didn't want to invest. You could always register and return things unopen if it doesn't work out.

moroccojade. Get the book BFAR - the LC in the hospital told me about it and it was a good help/encouragement. I wish I had read it before hand.

AZMagnini14 · June 2014

Also-- I was always told the longer ago the surgery the better chance you have, so yours was awhile ago as well... thats in your favor!

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