Pregnant after a Loss

AW: silly Fears? (posting here because I know you ladies understand)

I'm 8w2d. After seeing the heartbeat twice, I decided to confide in two close friends, and two people at work for purposes of discussing next year/long term subbing. Is it normal to have this feeling like I cursed this pregnancy (I know, that seems crazy...) because I told people? It knocked me right back to my anxious place after feeling positive after seeing a heartbeat that we never saw last time. PGAL is so hard :(
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BFP #1 10/5/13 MMC 11/13/13 D&C 11/15/13
BFP #2 5/14/14 EDD 1/19/15 Beta 1: 728 Beta 2: 1858 We have a heartbeat! 166 @ 7w3d  Please be our RAINBOW!
Baby G is a BOY!

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Re: AW: silly Fears? (posting here because I know you ladies understand)

  • You are not alone. I'm 18.5 weeks and haven't told yet for many of the same reasons. I plan on telling next week and I imagine I will be having similar thoughts to you after telling some people. Unfortunately I think it's just part of being PGAL. Hugs to you.
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  • PGAL brain is a bugger!  You are certainly not alone.  I was terrified to out myself publicly.  I had to keep reminding myself that jinxing isn't real and me telling people was not going to affect the outcome of this pregnancy.  ((hugs))!

    My fur-babies Chuck Norris, Stella, and Lucy
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    BFP #1 1/4/14; EDD 9/16/14;  mc 1/17/14 
    BFP #2 3/12/14; baby girl born 11/21/14          
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  • Definitely not just you.  And for me, unfortunately, that feeling hasn't gone away.  I got freaked out after we announced and again when we did our gender reveal on Sunday.  Buying things freaks me out, too.  It helps to remind myself that doing these things isn't going to jinx it.
    Me- 29, DH - 28
    BFP #1 9/27/2013, EDD 6/10/2014, Mmc 11/01/2013, completed with misoprostol 11/8/2013
    BFP #2 2/5/2014, EDD 10/15/2014, Lillian Verletta born 10/23/14
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  • voplovoplo member
    Well, like others said, you are not alone. I am 32 weeks and I have only told to my family and close friends. Obviously anyone that sees me at this point would probably know (it's not like my belly is small!!). But we definitely will announce once the baby is here...



    Mummy to 2 wonderful children
    Noah (2011) & Lily (2014)
  • You're not alone in those feelings. Just remember that you can't jinx yourself by sharing the joy and telling people.
    Multiple TTCAL 1image
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     TTC #1 since March 2011 
    BFP #1: EDD 4/16/13~~blighted ovum w/ 2 gestational sacs~~Loss on 9/18/12
    BFP #2: EDD 9/3/13~~Slow HB at 1st U/S~~MMC -Loss on 2/13/13
    9/13, 10/13, 1/14: letrozole + trigger + TI = All BFNs
    3/14: IUI#1 letrozole/Bravelle/Menopur + trigger = BFN
    BFP #3: EDD 1/27/15 Please be our rainbow! ...Team Green


  • I definitely felt the same way and still get anxious as I'm working up the courage to tell someone new.  In the back of my mind I am always thinking "this is one more person I'll have to explain a loss to".  It's awful, horrible, and I wish we didn't have to deal with it.  Give yourself a LOT of grace for feeling this way - it's totally normal.  And, also give yourself a lot of reassuring reminders that telling people, or not telling people, will not jinx your pregnancy.  That being said, I think it is also important to remember that you can take it all at a pace you feel comfortable with.  Don't let others rush you into sharing the news if you feel like you need more time between announcements.  Lots of ((((hugs)))).
    Began trying for a baby January 2012
    BFP 4.25.2013  EDD 1.3.2014  MMC 6.3.2013  D&C 6.19.2013
    BFP 11.3.2013  CP 11.6.2013
    BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014 
  • You are definitely not alone. We told various groups of people in stages - from close friends and family at 7 weeks to a FB announcement at 20 weeks - and each time felt a little scary. PGAL brain sucks. 

    One day at a time. 

    _______________________________________________________________________
    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • We will be preparing the nursery next week and I still have that "curse" feeling...how awful. 

    As PP have said, one day at a time (((hugs))) we're in this together :)
    ~All are welcome~
    MC 23/01/2013 natural @ 7 Weeks

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  • I'm right there with you.  I was petrified to tell anyone but I have to admit that I did feel better once I told my family.  After that, I don't want many others to know for now.

    If it makes you feel any better - there is an unopened box from Kohls with maternity clothes in it that I bought during my last pregnancy in October.  It was delivered the day I had my D&C and I could never open it or return it.  I'm still scared to open it.
    BFP #1 09/26/2013 EDD 06/04/2013 MMC 11/01/2013
    BFP #2 05/15/2014 EDD 01/24/2015

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  • Thanks ladies. You always make me feel better :x DH doesn't always know what to say except "it will be fine". Not always comforting!
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    BFP #1 10/5/13 MMC 11/13/13 D&C 11/15/13
    BFP #2 5/14/14 EDD 1/19/15 Beta 1: 728 Beta 2: 1858 We have a heartbeat! 166 @ 7w3d  Please be our RAINBOW!
    Baby G is a BOY!

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  • Momtobe85 said:
    I have the same fears but someone on here said this to me which helps me tremendously on bad days...

    "just take it one day at a time and celebrate each day as it passes. My therapist always reminds me that if, god forbid, something went wrong with this pregnancy, it's going to hurt just as badly whether or not I connected with my baby, enjoyed myself, and stayed positive. Distancing yourself from baby will only make things tougher."
    That was me! I'm so glad it helps you! It's a great reminder to see you post it again. I still struggle with this every day.
    This is lovely.  Thank you both for sharing.
  • You are so normal :-) I love that you started the thread, cause it just keeps applying to us! ((Hugs))
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  • You are completely "normal" in these feelings! I remind myself that with each person I tell, that is one more person that will give support if G-d forbid something goes wrong. A little reverse psychology there has done the trick for me with easing fears as we have started to tell some close family and friends.
    PCOS & ute crew member
    BFP #1: 10/24/2012  EDD 7/3/13, missed m/c @ 9 weeks, D&E 
    DX: Septate Uterus. Septum resection 6/4/13
    BFP #2: 12/20/2013  EDD 9/1/14, missed m/c @ 7weeks, D&E
    BFP #3: 5/26/2014 EDD 2/7/15, missed m/c @ 9 weeks, D&E- DX Trisomy22
    RPL, Karyotyping, and SHG: All Normal
    BFP #4: 9/6/14 EDD 5/16/15 Praying for our RAINBOW!
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    Baby GIRL on the way!!
    **All AL Welcome**

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