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February 2014 Moms
halfthetree
member
Marriage Trouble - NBR(obv.)
halfthetree
member
Long story short(ish), I have major trust issues with DH. I caught him responding to craigslist ads (not the pg kind) about 3 years ago, I walked out, he cried and said he never intended to meet anyone blah blah blah. I made it very clear that this was cheating in my books, and it hurt me very badly.
So we went to counselling, he went seperately as well. All was going well, until I see a secret email address that he was using to respond (We just found out we were pregnant with E). Again, he says he never goes further than email. I don't believe he's physically cheating, but I consider this infidelity and it's absolutely not ok. So we go back to counselling, he goes again solo. I basically stayed because I was pregnant, and would rather give it another year and see if his promises were real or just crap.
Well, today I found out he still has the email address and still cruises the ads. I'm absolutely devastated. How could he not love me enough to respect me? After all we have been through as a couple, all we have planned for our future, he just doesn't care quite enough to protect that. I'm too embarrassed to tell any family yet, because I feel like I should have just left 3 years ago when they told me too.
I'm too emotional to know what to do. We live in his home town, where he works, 2.5 hours from my family. Do I leave and go to my parents? Or do I confront him and make him leave? I don't want to disrupt my kids like that, and why should I have to be the one living in my parents basement, he's the one who went outside the marriage, but I have nothing here in this city. Ugh.
I'm sorry this is "dear diary" like. I just feel so stuck and confused. I haven't even confronted him yet because I just don't know where to go or what to say, or what I even want.
So we went to counselling, he went seperately as well. All was going well, until I see a secret email address that he was using to respond (We just found out we were pregnant with E). Again, he says he never goes further than email. I don't believe he's physically cheating, but I consider this infidelity and it's absolutely not ok. So we go back to counselling, he goes again solo. I basically stayed because I was pregnant, and would rather give it another year and see if his promises were real or just crap.
Well, today I found out he still has the email address and still cruises the ads. I'm absolutely devastated. How could he not love me enough to respect me? After all we have been through as a couple, all we have planned for our future, he just doesn't care quite enough to protect that. I'm too embarrassed to tell any family yet, because I feel like I should have just left 3 years ago when they told me too.
I'm too emotional to know what to do. We live in his home town, where he works, 2.5 hours from my family. Do I leave and go to my parents? Or do I confront him and make him leave? I don't want to disrupt my kids like that, and why should I have to be the one living in my parents basement, he's the one who went outside the marriage, but I have nothing here in this city. Ugh.
I'm sorry this is "dear diary" like. I just feel so stuck and confused. I haven't even confronted him yet because I just don't know where to go or what to say, or what I even want.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Marriage Trouble - NBR(obv.)
This isn't because he doesn't love you enough. There's something wrong with him (and that may be a massive case of the asshole).
He's shown you who he is. He is going to keep doing this while you keep hanging around. Believe he is who he says he is and talk to a lawyer about the best way to move forward.
We are here for you! So many hugs your way.
BFP #1 5.26.08 DD born 1.4.09
BFP #2 3.11.12 m/c 3.26.12
BFP #3 10.7.12 m/c 10.27.12
BFP #4 2.24.13 ectopic MTX 3.13.13 Right tube removed 3.29.13
BFP #5 5.27.13 DS born 1.22.14
BFP #6 4.14.16
It sounds silly but knowing that I'm not overreacting or throwing 10 years out the window over something small, is very helpful.
We talked, and fought, and I cried and that was about it.
I'm going to call my lawyer in the morning, and take some time to do some serious thinking. For now he's in the basement and going to stay out of my way until I figure out where we go from here.
Mom to Lily and Colin!
Bump Unofficial Glossary
I am so, so sorry. I definitely don't think you're overreacting, he clearly is not going to change. You mentioned feeling like you should've left years ago, but if nothing else, at this point you can know that you gave it your all to make things work.
Like PPs mentioned - contact a lawyer ASAP before doing anything. And I know I've mentioned it before but separation/divorce from her partner is the most dangerous time in a woman's life. Please be safe. Come here to vent whenever you need, perhaps confide in a your closest friend/family until you're ready to tell the rest and good luck moving forward.
I put a call in to the lawyer, just to know my options and what is in my best interests regarding leaving the home or what not.
I'm not entirely confident that divorce is what I want, but I need space so I'm thinking seperation for now.
I really appreciate all of your input and advice. I'm taking @MissDemeanor 's advice and heading to my parents house for some help, love and sleep.
'Cause of the short arms. Just in case.
Serious hugs.
♥ The Blog ♥
Good luck to you.