Can I join this clique? Warning: Living child mentioned & Accessing via mobile

LuvLoveXo · June 2014

After lurking for a bit I'm ready to introduce myself, actually participate in discussions and officially become part of this community. My DH & I have been married over 2&1/2 years. We were together for almost 6 years prior to getting married. We decided on out honeymoon that since we had been together for years & we weren't getting any younger (in our early-mid 30's) we'd "start trying & see what happens". Well we conceived our son the first cycle. We were obviously over the moon yet dumbfounded that it happened immediately. I was expecting it to take months. As was he. We always hoped for 2 children & agreed that a 2-3 year age span would be ideal. We knew that getting pregnant instantly the first time around wasn't "par for the course" & started trying again last November. As luck would have it we got pregnant again the first cycle. I had a missed miscarriage. I went for my first appointment at 9 weeks. I was measuring 6 weeks plus a few days. I knew I lost the baby when I saw the tech's reaction but had to go back a week later for a follow up ultrasound to confirm. Although I'm 34 I was cleared to start trying again after my first period following the Miso. I'm now halfway through my third cycle TTC & am hoping & praying that it will happen just once more for us.

PinkCamino · June 2014

LuvLoveXo said:

After lurking for a bit I'm ready to introduce myself, actually participate in discussions and officially become part of this community. My DH & I have been married over 2&1/2 years. We were together for almost 6 years prior to getting married. We decided on out honeymoon that since we had been together for years & we weren't getting any younger (in our early-mid 30's) we'd "start trying & see what happens". Well we conceived our son the first cycle. We were obviously over the moon yet dumbfounded that it happened immediately. I was expecting it to take months. As was he. We always hoped for 2 children & agreed that a 2-3 year age span would be ideal. We knew that getting pregnant instantly the first time around wasn't "par for the course" & started trying again last November. As luck would have it we got pregnant again the first cycle. I had a missed miscarriage. I went for my first appointment at 9 weeks. I was measuring 6 weeks plus a few days. I knew I lost the baby when I saw the tech's reaction but had to go back a week later for a follow up ultrasound to confirm. Although I'm 34 I was cleared to start trying again after my first period following the Miso. I'm now halfway through my third cycle TTC & am hoping & praying that it will happen just once more for us.

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here.

Thank you for the warning about your living child. To be honest, I wasn't really prepared for that much detail about your LC, especially the mention of wanting to keep a 2-3 year window between. So many of us (including me) have no living children and so, having to hear about wanting to keep the birth order between a 2-3 year window is especially hard. So many of us are fighting to have one child at this point. Also, I'm so happy that fertility doesn't seem to be an issue for you (it wasn't mine either) but, again there are so many women here who are battling with IF that repeatedly pointing out how quickly you got pregnant can be extremely hurtful.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. If you have a moment, please have a look at that sticky thread at the very top. Also, you may find reading the blog very useful. https://ttcalblog.wordpress.com.

BookishMomma · June 2014

So very sorry for your loss. However, as PC said, please be sensitive to the nature of the board. Many of us are dealing with a lot of hurdles, and hearing about how seemingly easy it was for you to get KU can sting.

Eta: I'm also not sure a "clique" is the appropriate wording for this group. It brings to mind Mean Girls or something. We are community, not a clique.

RedTwizzlers · June 2014

Welcome to the board. I'm sorry for your loss. Like @PinkCamino‌ and @BookishMomma‌ said, please be sensitive to the members of the board who are doing everything we possibly can to even have a chance at having one child. They said it better than I could so I won't add anything else.

kbedfox · June 2014

I'll +1 what everyone else has already said. I'm sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. If you are fortunate enough to get a BFP this cycle, please don't post it here and go directly to PGAL instead.

PinkCamino · June 2014

EurydiceNymph said:

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling discouraged by TTC. Please keep in mind, however, that it can take a healthy couple a year to conceive. You were unsually lucky to get pregnant as quickly as you did. 3 cycles is not that long and is perfectly normal. That being said, I do understand the frustration and pain that comes with being impatient for this to happen. It sucks. In the future please keep in mind what the previous ladies have said. The women here are wonderful and supportive and this is a great group. I wouldn't call us a clique, though. None of us want to be here. But while we are we support each other. Missteps happen, but as long as they are learned from we are also forgiving. I see that your are mobile. ASAP please use a computer to change your avatar from the pregnant lady please. That is hard to see as I am sure you can imagine. Welcome to the board.

ummmmmm okay?

I mean yes the avatar is a pregnant woman. Sure, it hits a nerve sometimes. BUT, it's a stock avatar - which often rotates for no apparent reason. I think on the list of "offences" on this intro the avatar is really a non issue.

PinkCamino · June 2014

EurydiceNymph said:

PinkCamino said:

EurydiceNymph said:

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling discouraged by TTC. Please keep in mind, however, that it can take a healthy couple a year to conceive. You were unsually lucky to get pregnant as quickly as you did. 3 cycles is not that long and is perfectly normal. That being said, I do understand the frustration and pain that comes with being impatient for this to happen. It sucks. In the future please keep in mind what the previous ladies have said. The women here are wonderful and supportive and this is a great group. I wouldn't call us a clique, though. None of us want to be here. But while we are we support each other. Missteps happen, but as long as they are learned from we are also forgiving. I see that your are mobile. ASAP please use a computer to change your avatar from the pregnant lady please. That is hard to see as I am sure you can imagine. Welcome to the board.

ummmmmm okay?

I mean yes the avatar is a pregnant woman. Sure, it hits a nerve sometimes. BUT, it's a stock avatar - which often rotates for no apparent reason. I think on the list of "offences" on this intro the avatar is really a non issue.

I'm sorry, you ladies covered the other issues and I thought that the avatar bared mentioning as a reminder to please change it when she has the chance. I didn't see the harm in the reminder, but I apologize and I will keep this in mind in the future.

You didn't say when you get a chance - you said ASAP.

dawnstar898 · June 2014

Welcome and so sorry for your loss. I hope your stay here is a short one.

buggirl72 · June 2014

So sorry for your loss and welcome to the board.

Km380 · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. PPs pretty much covered everything else.

tlc35 · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.

meredithcarole · June 2014

So sorry for your loss. Welcome.

LuvLoveXo · June 2014

Notes taken. I did not mean to come across as insensitive. Believe me I do understand that many of you ladies do not have any children and many have been TTC for quite some time. I will change my avatar as soon as I'm able to hop on my laptop. My husband has it with him today.

Frenchteachermama · June 2014

So sorry for your loss, welcome to the board. There is a check-in on PAL (parenting after loss) for women who are trying to conceive a rainbow sibling. It posts on Thursday if you are interested.