General Question about Etiquette

emoxymoose · June 2014

The post about Rosie Pope led me to dig around on her website, I found her rules of baby shower etiquette and the first one says that it's tacky for the sister of the MTB to throw the shower? Is this a common thought?

I definitely threw my sister her shower when she was pregnant with my niece in conjunction with the FTB's aunt. My sister is my best friend, I wouldn't of wanted anyone else to do it and I never thought it would be conceived as a family member being gift grabby.

sschwege · June 2014

I think it's outdated. When I think back on all the showers I have been to most were hosted by immediate family. My bridal shower was hosted by my MOH who is my cousin. My baby showers were hosted by my mother and then MIL.

dufferoo · June 2014

Yes, it's a breach of etiquette, and yes, it's very common anyways. Only a few on any given guest list will consider it tacky.

SingleMom31 · June 2014

In our circle, immediate family hosting is frowned upon. Generally, the MTB's friends host. I hosted my BFF's and she hosted mine.

RibbitGrl930 · June 2014

I'm interested: what is the reasoning behind the prohibiting of immediate family members from throwing showers? I thought it had something to do with it seeming like the hostess was trying to increase their own family's haul by throwing a shower for a family member. However, I'm confused by that because the sister of a MTB ir a BTB wouldn't stand to gain much from the gifts herself, since she lives in her own home, right? Somebody help me out here....

dufferoo · June 2014

Miss Manners just says something like 'It's tacky to beg for gifts on behalf of a family member' <not an exact quote but I don't feel like getting up from the couch

RibbitGrl930 · June 2014

jociejones said:

Miss Manners just says something like 'It's tacky to beg for gifts on behalf of a family member' not an exact quote but I don't feel like getting up from the couch

Slacker. :P

Saratiff · June 2014

heh it is considered tacky because way back when it was seen as the family looking to increase the girls dowry which was meant to be supplied by the parents. Now a days girls are not seen as property and a family burden. Because women were viewed this way the husband to be was to be given something for taking the daughter off her fathers hands. Is it a breach for family to throw the shower, technically, but few would side eye you for it.

neverblushed · June 2014

On one hand, people who adhere strictly to etiquette would tell you that no one in the immediate family of the MTB or BTB should be the hostess of the shower. Basically it's saying, "Hey all you people! Come buy my immediate family member some gifts!" Also, I feel that the mother of the MTB/BTB should have an honored position at both types of shower.

However, practically speaking, I feel that it's fine for a sister to host or co-host a shower. In many families, the sister of the MTB/BTB sits at the overlap of the various circles of guests who might be invited: family, longtime family friends, and friends of the MTB/BTB. Also, the sister is at least of the same generation as the MTB/BTB, so the appearance of gift-grabbiness is reduced.

If I am invited to a shower thrown by a mother, I admit, I give it a bit of a side-eye, especially if there are lots of local friends who could have stepped up and been hostess. However, most of the time if the mother of the MTB decides to hostess, I give her the benefit of the doubt and think it's just because she's really excited about this milestone event for her daughter.

General Question about Etiquette

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