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Need some advice on an issue with my mom (Long post)

BunnyferBunnyfer member
in August 2013 Moms
OK, short back story...My mom and I are not best buddies. We have had a lot of personal issues in the past and we have been trying to mend things, but she lives in NJ, and I live in FL, so we never see each other. We do chat online once and a while...but that about it. We are no where near close.

My mom has been posting on FB, and telling me all the time how she misses E, and wants to see her, but she can never get away to FL, even just for a weekend...Never mind the impromptu trip to Mexico she took earlier in the year. But I digress. So yesterday on FB, she posts a picture. The caption says a beautiful 85 degree sunset. When I look at the pictures, I see palm trees...There are no palm trees in NJ...Also the backyard is familiar, as its my grandmothers house in Port Charlotte(about 2.5 hrs from Orlando, where I am). I ask her if she is in FL. So does my aunt. She then starts playing dumb....We all know she is in FL, but she is not admitting it. If she wanted to hide it from me...why post it on FB for me to see. She never contacted me, never told me she was within 2 hrs of me. On another post, she admitted she was in Port Charlotte. She still has said nothing to me about it..

I am just torn on how to feel or what to do. I will be going to NJ in Aug for E's birthday. I was planning on spending some time visiting my mom at her place, but now, I am thinking I just "wont find the time". She will see E at the birthday party and the christening. Otherwise, so sorry. I also dont know if I should call her BS out on FB, or just let it go...I am just so annoyed, and hurt for E. She is missing out and got the short stick on grandparents. 

So I come to the wise ladies of TB...what do you all suggest?

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Re: Need some advice on an issue with my mom (Long post)

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  • WildRumpusWildRumpus member
    TrueBeliever925 said:

    First of all, I'm sorry that all of this is happening. :( It seems like your mom is being a wicked brat to me. She complains that she doesn't get to see E but CLEARLY doesn't make a true attempt. It seems like she'd even be flaky if the two of you made plans in the first place. 


    IMHO, I just wouldn't spend the energy on her. If she isn't willing to make things work to see E, than that is her loss. 

    eta: As far as E missing out on her grandparents, don't feel bad. She has an awesome mama that will make up for it with all the love she has! <3
    Agreed. I'm in the same situation with my Dad. He hasn't seen Ezra since February, and he's only 2 hours away. His choice, his loss.
    Ezra James 08/22/2013  <3
    Nora Grace Due 12/26/2016  <3

    Two Angel Babies 
    07/03/2012
    08/08/2015

    "If you're still my small babe
    or you're all the way grown,
    my promise to you
    is you're never alone.
    You are my angel, my darling,
    my star...and my love will find you,
    wherever you are."
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  • TrueBeliever925TrueBeliever925 member
    I'm going to add this. <3 I know its sucks to almost cut ties with your mom, but it's honestly not worth being upset over it. Emma has you and her father and that's all she needs. Even if your mom is around E than what type of person is she going to be? Especially when she's older. What if she stays the same way and tells her that she'll take her to do something and then flake out? Just focus your energy on your daughter and if your mom comes around, that's great! If she doesn't then you haven't wasted any energy, emotions, or time on worrying about it. Just make you and your family happy. (((HUGE HUGS!))) And again... I'm sorry you have to be going through this. :( <3333



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  • TrueBeliever925TrueBeliever925 member
    @mwalker710 Mmmmaybbbe I am ;) 



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  • KatyKatMeowzKatyKatMeowz member
    @truebeliever925 What am I thinking about right now? (hint: It's definitely cheese curds.) Seriously though, I wouldn't call her out because who wants that drama? But I also wouldn't make any extra effort to see her. I had a grandma like her, and I honestly preferred just not having her around to having her randomly sort of put in an effort.

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  • TrueBeliever925TrueBeliever925 member
    @katykatmeowz I was totally going to say cheese curds! 



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  • ludaliludali member
    TrueBeliever925 said:
    @katykatmeowz I was totally going to say cheese curds! 
    I heart cheese curds and fried cheese curds.

    @TrueBeliever925 is always right on with advice!  I don't have anything extra but big internet hugs - nothing worse than seeing grandparents not making the effort. :-(
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  • Snowbird7Snowbird7 member
    I'm sorry you're going through such a crappy time. I can't imagine how hurt that must make you feel. :( I definitely think you shouldn't call her out on it; it would just be wasted effort. We can't control other people, especially the ones who disappoint us over and over and over again ... but we can change how we react to them. When you go up to New Jersey, I wouldn't make the effort to go see her, especially since she'll see your LO at the two parties. Outside of that, you don't owe her anything.

    Again, I'm sorry this is a sucky situation. One of the good things about growing up and having kids of our own is having the opportunity to do things differently than our parents did.
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  • MissyCeeMissyCee member
    I agree with the other ladies, I wouldn't put in time and energy to make any plans with her. If she truly wanted to see E, she would've found a way to travel the 2 hours to do so.

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  • thoughtfulmommythoughtfulmommy member
    I agree with all of the previous posts. In my opinion, time together and love is not just given because you are family. It is earned and deserved by the people who really care about you and E.

    When you are in NJ, spend the time with the people who make time for you, and if that is not your mother, that is her loss.

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  • PB102012PB102012 member
    TrueBeliever925 said:
    First of all, I'm sorry that all of this is happening. :( It seems like your mom is being a wicked brat to me. She complains that she doesn't get to see E but CLEARLY doesn't make a true attempt. It seems like she'd even be flaky if the two of you made plans in the first place. 

    IMHO, I just wouldn't spend the energy on her. If she isn't willing to make things work to see E, than that is her loss. 

    eta: As far as E missing out on her grandparents, don't feel bad. She has an awesome mama that will make up for it with all the love she has! <3

    Love this answer.

     

    I wouldn't address any of it on FB- she is doing enough damage to herself by saying how much she misses your LO, then posting pictures showing she isn't really making that much of an effort.

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  • SpeshulSpeshul member
    edited June 2014
    I'm sorry. It sounds like she is wanting some kind of attention with the picture, and playing some kind of game. It's really not worth the drama. In situations like this I keep a distant relationship. I try to stay positive with the person but not emotionally invested.


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