Anyone else waiting to tell as long as possible?

ADALLASBRIDE · June 2014

I would ideally like to wait as long as possible to tell the FB world and others that I'm preggo. I don't usually show for a long time so my plan is to wait until 20 weeks a/s if possible. Reason being we had a 37 week stillbirth last November and 1) I'm terrified of this pregnancy and 2) I don't want to talk about it with anyone. I feel like it's just really personal and I'll get a lot of questions I don't want to answer. I'm trying to stay detached in a way as well out of fear. So, anyone else waiting as long as possible to share the news? If so what are your reasons?

Lalalady54 · June 2014

I like to wait as long as possible just because personally I feel like once people know your pregnant it's all they talk about. I am also waiting bc right before my BFP I got offered a great opportunity at work to transition my role arc the beginning of July and I don't want my being pregnant to effect that (not that legally it could but still)...so we will wait until we know the gender to announce just like we did with DD

mikeANDjen448 · June 2014

I'm so very sorry for your losses. I think you should do whatever is best for YOU. My previous losses were at 5w and 8w and after the second I have become extremely open. That said, I have told close friends and our parents but coming out on FB will wait until I'm out of 1st tri. The Pregnant After A Loss board is a great community as well. (((HUGS)))

Christina_Diane · June 2014

I'm sorry about your loss. We've only told the inlaws so far, but I think we will tell once we enter the second trimester. I could hold off longer, but I know DH is excited to share the news. If he had it his way, we would share on FB once we see the hb.

Beauxbaton · June 2014

Sorry about your loss. We told our family already. But I told.my husband that I dont know if I really want to announce it on Facebook. After 12 weeks I won't keep it a secret if someone asks, but I dnt think we will announce it on Facebook. I just don't feel like getting comments about how close in my age my kids will be, or birth control jokes.

LovelyLips · June 2014

I have only told my parents so far and of course DH. My 5 yo doesn't know yet. My Inlaws are coming next weekend and we are gonna tell them and my son then as I'll be over 10w and they will notice I'm feeling so bad with MS and my bloat belly cannot be hid any longer!

With everyone else I will wait and if they ask or notice I will tell them but other than that I'm not comfortable telling ppl yet due to a previous loss in jan. Tbh it's none of ppls business whether or not I'm up the duff!

kaybeeknits · June 2014

Sorry about your loss

We're waiting to tell friends until after we tell family. This is mostly because it is what H wants to do. I'm bursting to tell some of my friends, but it won't be until the 3rd week of July.

Mejin215 · June 2014

Sorry for your loss. Due to precious m/c we are waiting until after 1st trimester to announce on FB so it will make for a perfect 4th of July announcement. Our immediate families know. We will be telling more people after our 2nd appt tomorrow. I am 10 weeks.

jaxx723 · June 2014

Christeng87 said:

So sorry for your loss. It is very understandable why you want to wait to tell everyone. I wanted to wait until 12weeks to tell anyone (including family), but my husband told everyone at work the DAY we found out. We have since told most friends and my inlaws, haven't told my family yet. We will wait until at least 12-16 weeks to announce on FB much to DH's dismay

My husband told his entire work the day he found out too. So much for keeping it a secret until 12 weeks like I originally wanted! My family and close friends know, but I'll wait to tell FB until at least 12 weeks.

SSCmomma · June 2014

We are waiting until after our first ultrasound to tell family and then we'll tell friends as it goes. Not doing any FB announcing til later. No set schedule really. Probably tell work around 4 months. Confession: I did tell 1 friend who I keep absolutely nothing from but can keep a secret like a vault!

Mrs_Bennett · June 2014

So sorry for your loss....

I'd love to wait until 20 weeks just so I don't have to hear all of the "oh, this has to be a girl!" comments (we already have 2 boys). But, we are planning to tell around 13 or 14 weeks just because I'm tired of hiding it, and I'm pretty sure that my belly will give it away sooner than later!

Maebb · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've had two losses, both around six weeks. This time we waited until after 6 weeks and until we saw the heartbeat to tell close family (our parents and siblings). I just told two of my best friends at 8 weeks because I probably would tell them anyway, even if I had a loss.

I will probably tell work and the Facebook world around 12-16 weeks or whenever it becomes really obvious by looking at me.

lavet22 · June 2014

I'm not keeping it a secret in the fact that we have told most friends and family. But we are not putting it up on FB until we know the sex of the baby. We have 3 boys and I CAN'T STAND all the "Hoping for a girl, huh?" or "I'll cross my fingers for a girl" comments. Like we'd be unhappy with a healthy baby boy or something.

Justyossynjosh · June 2014

I too want to wait until the end of my first trimester because of the fact that we had ivf with a donor egg, most of my family and friends knew we were going through the process and I'm having a hard time telling people... they want to know so bad because they have been praying for us and for our little one... for instance I was at a baby shower mind you I'm 7 weeks and people where approaching me congratulating me...I felt very awkward... because 1. I didn't want to take away from the person having the baby shower, 2. I'm not ready to share this incredible news (even though everyone in my family has wanted me to have a baby for like 15 years)...I have people texting me wanting to know if I have any news to share... it's getting harder and harder

spoonleg · June 2014

I am so very sorry about your recent loss. I imagine I would feel the same way in your shoes.

We are waiting as long as possible to tell. I'm glad you posted this, because I feel like it is somewhat of an UO around here. I feel like I might be "broken" because to me, the thought of telling people creates very strong anxiety instead of excitement. The fact that this is our first pregnancy- and it happens to be twins- makes me very nervous about the attention and types of intimate/invasive questions I'll get. I really dislike talking about myself and find most pregnancy-related questions very personal. I dread telling my family because my mother is quite nosy and lacks any sort of filter, so I definitely do NOT look forward to her endless comments about how hard this will be, how fat I will get, how miserable I will be, how expensive this will be, etc.

We are pretty private people. My husband does not use FB. I do use FB, but with very strict privacy settings and I share very little person info/photos on there. He actually insists that I share NO photos of him, and he will likely feel the same way when it comes to our kids. For this reason, I will probably not announce on FB at all. To me, posting big announcements and US photos feels AW-y, and very unlike me. I don't have a problem with others doing so, but it feels unnatural to me.

We have told three very close couples whom we know will keep our secret. Two of the couples are expecting their first child, and the other couple is actively trying. Talking with them satisfies my need to rant, ask questions, and ponder things aloud when it comes to pregnancy/baby stuff. I don't feel some pressing need to share my US photos or tell my family and friends about the babies.

mommy5point0 · June 2014

Sending you hugs. I can't imagine feeling any other way if in your shoes.

My last baby was born in August and this is my 5th pregnancy. I expect a barrage of rude and intrusive comments/questions from several angles, so that's my motivation for not saying anything. I think maybe I'll just start showing...DH is going to tell his parents when I hit 12 weeks.

spoonleg · June 2014

ICarriedAWatermelon said:

@spoonleg‌ , if you're broken, I must be, too! My BFF came out to visit and I had the hardest time telling her, even tho I really wanted to bc I don't get to see her in person much. I just felt... awkward. Idk why.

I'm so glad there are other broken ladies out there. No offense.

Other than us being very private, I don't really understand why I'm so hesitant to share. It's not like I am some unwed teen mother who got knocked up at prom and am ashamed to tell people (not that there's anything wrong with that, either.) I'm a married woman in my 30s... why does it feel so awkward to tell people I'm pregnant? I just don't know.

alexis.arnone · June 2014

Well, to tell the "public" (i.e. facebook and our friends who we don't feel as close to or see on a regular basis) we are waiting until 12 weeks. I'm 9w1d now so we have told my parents and sisters and his parents and sister and then a few close friends who came out for my 30th birthday and pretty much busted me on the not drinking, lol. But, already I feel like that's too many...although everyone was really excited and super happy for us so I don't know why I feel like that but it's too late now lol

Lalalady54 · June 2014

@spoonleg‌ and @ICarriedAWatermelon‌ - not broken at all. My mom was here for a week- after we saw a heartbeat and I couldn't tell her! (Soooo awkward...) ughhh...

SRose1005 · June 2014

So sorry for your loss. We were originally planning to tell our parents on Father's Day and extended family/friends/social media after 12w, but now I'm less sure. It's our first pregnancy, and it will be the first grandchild for both sets of parents and the first great grandchild for DHs grandparents so I feel like we're going to get a lot more attention than I might like. I'm really enjoying it being our private little joy for the moment, and I think we may wait even longer to tell people. Of course none of that applies to my three best girlfriends all of whom I called two seconds after I peed on the stick, but they're sworn to secrecy and I trust them not to tell anyone.

IHeartScience · June 2014

I'll tell my boss, family and friends in 2nd tri, but haven't decided if and when to announceon fb. Maybe at baby's first birthday...jk

taberbtb · June 2014

Lalalady54 said:
@spoonleg‌ and @ICarriedAWatermelon‌ - not broken at all. My mom was here for a week- after we saw a heartbeat and I couldn't tell her! (Soooo awkward...) ughhh...

I actually don't want to tell anyone. Don't get me wrong, I am excited I am just not wanting the fuss over this first grandchild. I figure I will just wait until A) I start showing and people ask or

They ask where the baby came from this January?

doknow · June 2014

Keeping it off of FB until the baby is born. I've had at least 3 FB friends who were able to do that, and I plan to do the same. Both sets of parents know, but we trust them not to say anything. I just don't want to have to "untell" a lot of people if I should have a loss.

Zoebot · June 2014

I'm in the opposite camp... We live in a small town with (wonderful) nosy people, and many have continually asked us (even before we started trying) when we'll have the next one, since Milo is coming up on 4 pretty fast.

And then with a few sick days and the fact that I'm constantly exhausted, people have even started asking. I can't wait for that first ultrasound or heartbeat (not sure what I'll get) just for extra peace of mind, and then we're telling everyone. I'm so tired of trying to avoid the question or say "well, we're working on it" or "anything's possible!" So obvious.

ETA: OP - I'm so sorry for your loss... I think I started reading the heading/first line, then got interrupted, forgot I hadn't finished reading, came back and replied. Ugh, super insensitive, sorry for that too!

That totally makes sense why you would want to wait as long as possible. Praying for a H&H rainbow baby!

spoonleg · June 2014

taberbtb said:

@spoonleg‌ and @ICarriedAWatermelon‌ - not broken at all. My mom was here for a week- after we saw a heartbeat and I couldn't tell her! (Soooo awkward...) ughhh...
I actually don't want to tell anyone. Don't get me wrong, I am excited I am just not wanting the fuss over this first grandchild. I figure I will just wait until A) I start showing and people ask or They ask where the baby came from this January?

HAHA! My husband said the same thing when I was stressing about the right time to tell our parents. He was like, we'll just hand them two babies in January and be like, "Here are your new grandkids." Somehow I don't think this will work...

tdgo · June 2014

I feel the same way. I've never be a mushy gushy OMG I want a baby person. This pregnancy was planned but I'm definitely not in to the attention that comes with this kind of news.

I'm also nervous about telling my boss but I don't think I'll be able to wait any longer than 12 weeks to tell my boss and coworkers. We have an event the day before I'll be 12 weeks and a lot of our events involve alcohol. At our last event I was getting bugged a bit and I had just found out. If I'm not drinking again this time and I'm at 12 weeks I don't necessarily need to hide it anymore I'll spill the beans if they ask/pester but I'd prefer to wait if I can.

longcat07 · June 2014

well, we've already told parents, and my bestie and my sister know. if i could get away with never telling anyone else, i'd do it (or, not do it?) in a heartbeat because the thought of calling people and telling them gives me anxiety. we're having another baby for us, because we want one and our situation isn't ideal but it's stable, so naturally i don't care what other people think...but at the same time, i do. it's stupid.

we're going to at least wait out the 1T before telling people. i'm considering waiting till after the anatomy scan at the end of summer. there is one more pair of people i can't avoid telling, and that's my LH's parents, because they'll be visiting DS a couple times this summer and they'll SEE the evidence. i already look like i'm showing. that's going to be a fun conversation, and i know my MIL won't keep her g-damn mouth shut to everyone in her and FIL's family either. just thinking about it is making me angry, and i don't want that kind of negativity surrounding this LO but i'm not sure it can be avoided initially. *sigh*

Maebb · June 2014

spoonleg said:
...

I dread telling my family because my mother is quite nosy and lacks any sort of filter, so I definitely do NOT look forward to her endless comments about how hard this will be, how fat I will get, how miserable I will be, how expensive this will be, etc.....

@Spoonleg, it's awful that you have to worry about your mom talking to you about how fat you're going to get. I am pretty direct with my mom, and I would just tell her if she says something crappy like that, "I'm already under a lot of pressure, stress, and anxiety, and I know that's not good for the babies, so I would really appreciate if you could keep your comments positive, helpful, and encouraging." Or if I wanted to be a little more passive, I'd just make an awful face and then redirect the conversation.

Anyway, I know you weren't asking for advice, but I just wanted to say sorry you have to deal with the stress of anticipating those types of comments.

Ana+V · June 2014

Hugs to you !!

Keeping it off of FB until the baby is born. Will tell close friends and family around 20 weeks

UberBiz · June 2014

Wow, I have a way more selfish reason to hide it for as long as possible (truly sorry for your loss). I currently live with my parents (we are waiting on a closing date for our house), and seriously every time I stayed over at FI's, she'd be like, "Don't get pregnant again!" So even though I know they'll eventually be happy about another grandbaby, I REALLY wanted to wait until we were moved out and settled in our own house before I sprung the news. BUT the USDA office is taking FOREVER to give the final approval, and it's getting harder to suck in this bloat.

Eyefrog · June 2014

We will wait quite a long time before saying anything.

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