Does this make me a bad wife?

kelbel2440 · June 2014

Am I a bad wife for refusing to mess around with my hubby? He wanted to this morning and asked what I had to do after I lay LO down for a nap. I have to pump, eat, get ready, pack him and me for a week long vacation that we are leaving for in 3 hrs..... So I said no, cuz it will probably just be a 30 min nap. AND the whole time I was getting LO ready, including a bath, he laid in bed sleeping. Is it wrong of me to expect him to work for it a little bit? Help with the baby so I can get shit done, then maybe I would be interested in doing stuff? Besides that we haven't even talked for 2-3 days. And if we do talk we are just pissed at each other or it turns into an argument. So nothing about any of this is making me want to jump into bed a fool around!

PaperBowl · June 2014

If my husband wasn't helping with the baby the only loving he'd be getting would be from Rosie Palm and her five sisters, lol! I don't think you're in the wrong here.

maelic · June 2014

Saying no to sex never makes you a bad wife (or person). If you don't feel like it you don't feel like it, no need to justify it.

By all means tell him what would make you more relaxed (him pulling his weight with the baby) but you could not want to have sex because the moon is in Jupiter or whatever and that would be fine too.

LaNorte · June 2014

I don't think it's wrong of you at all - clearly you are busy and it's not a good time. But I would say it's unrealistic to "make him work for it." Think about how ridiculous that would sound if the tables were turned, and your husband told his friends "yeah, kelbel wanted sex this morning but I was busy with some jobs around the house so I told her she had to work for it by making me a sandwich." Sounds dumb, right? IMO, intimacy breeds more intimacy and you have to break the cycle somewhere. You don't want to be physically intimate because you haven't been emotionally connecting for days. I think every woman EVER understands that. What works best for DH and I sometimes is to just go for the physical intimacy whether we're in the mood or not, and that gets us talking to each other again, and communicating better, and empathizing with the other one better. So, no... I don't think you are a bad wife, I think you had every good reason and were totally justified in saying you didn't feel like messing around, and I think your husband should have picked up on those cues and stepped in to help instead of taking a nap. But maybe plan ahead for a specific time in the near future when you can be intimate, and then that gives you both something to look forward to?

kelbel2440 · June 2014

I totally agree, some times we do need intimacy to get past the disconnect. Planned time together seems much more feasible than what he wanted today. Then maybe he can plan to help out a little more too so it's not all on me, as I feel it currently is. Thanks for the input ladies. And the "work for
It" was more figuratively speaking :-)

MrsMeatball41 · June 2014

I was going to say what pp said. Sometimes we don't feel like it or aggravated by so or busy. But making that time to have some intimacy will relax you and him. After tell him this was nice and I want to have these moments with you more often, so I need some help. I need you to make me feel wanted and I need you to help a little more with baby so we have more time for eachother. It's hard I have been there so hugs!

babym6705 · June 2014

I agree with LaNorte.

ksulli · June 2014

Maybe the week away will give you time to talk and fool around. Win-win.

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