The big "if" — The Bump
Babies on the Brain

The big "if"

My hubby and I are thinking about trying soon.  We're both 27 years old.  We have been together for 10 years and married for 3 years. Our goal has been to have a child before we turn 30.  Our parents were both young when they had us and it has always been nice to have younger parents to relate to and were always very active in our lives.  We want to be able to have the same relationship with our child/ren.  My next obgyn appt is in 2 weeks and I was planning on stopping my birth control after this month so I could start getting on my natural cycle and begin trying.  However....the big "if" keeps coming up.  We'd like to get pregnant in the early fall to hopefully have a spring baby.  I just love that time of year and our families have tons of December babies so we want to break that trend.  We want to get pregnant in the early fall so should we start trying sooner in case it takes longer than expected.  But what if we get pregnant right away.  Should we wait to start trying until August or September instead of July?  I know we're only talking about a couple months difference so it's not a huge deal.  However, my husband is starting a brand new job in 3 weeks so he wants to get settled in his new position.  We have been together for so long that it's hard to imagine not just being the 2 of us to do whatever we want but at the same time we both know that this is something that we both want.  The big question is how do you know when the time is right?  Ultimately I have to make the decision of when to go off of birth control.  The hardest part is not knowing how quick or how long it will take to get pregnant.  We'll both be happy when we do and our parents and friends are starting to ask when we'll have kids so it's definitely something I think about almost everyday. 

Re: The big "if"

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  • I sort of think wonder if maybe you aren't really ready to commit if you are that worried about the time of year your LO is born.  I know it seems like a big deal now but once the baby is born you could care less what month/season it is.  I wouldn't start trying unless you are 100% OK with getting pregnant that month. 

    I got pregnant with DD 2 months after going of birth control and was still on it with DS.  
    [Deleted User]
  • Ha thanks! New to this, obviously...
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  • There's no way to know how long it's going to take to get pregnant, obvioulsy, so I would say to ask yourself how you would feel if you got pregnant on the first cycle.

    Yes, there are many, many ladies that have been trying for months.  There are many ladies that have been trying for years.  There are also many ladies that got pregnant right away-- so if you are starting to toy with TTC, I would say to hold off until you are literally ready to have a baby 9 months from now.  Obvioulsy, you might not concieve right away, but statistically, I think it's 1 in 5 couples that do.

    It doesn't sound like you are quite ready yet.  I know it's been said, and it's hard to comprehend, but a baby changes everything.  Some of the changes are good.  Some are bad, but when I say that every single part of my life is different then before, I mean it. 

    Don't even think about trying to "shoot" for a month.  That's just silly and you will be setting yourself up for dissopointment. You will get what you get.

    Good luck.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

  • Understand that it can't truly be planned but we do have a goal.  Obviously if it takes longer or doesn't happen right away we're fine with that.  If I calculate getting pregnant in September time frame I still consider June to be spring.  We know that we want to have kids and we will be happy when we do.  I'm not set on a certain month but just a goal of a time frame of when we would ideally like to have a baby.  I don't really want to be 9 months pregnant in the August heat.  Would I be happy if I was pregnant and that's how it worked out?  Yes of course.  Between both my family and my husbands family we have 11 December birthdays.  Ideally we wouldn't want to have a December baby.  I'm a Dec. baby myself and it sucks...it's always snowy and cold and kids can't come to parties because they're sick.  Plus its the holidays so it's an expensive month.  Again, if it happened that it works out and we have a kid in Dec., I'll still be okay with it.  Doesn't anyone else ever think about a season or time of year that it would be nice to have baby?  I don't live under a rock, I realize that you cannot plan these things but again, we're just trying to keep months in mind and also get an idea of when we're ready to start trying.  I'm healthy, 27 years old and am pretty active.  I could get pregnant in a month or it might take years...i was just looking to see how long it has taken other to conceive after stopping birth control and also how to know when you feel ready.  There are a lot of factors in deciding when you're ready and I don't know that we'll ever feel totally comfortable and 100% ready but we both know that we do want to be parents and we do want to be young enough to stay active and enjoy each stage of their lives so this is something that we'd like to do in the near future.  My biggest complaint about this site is people get to judgemental and are quick to tell question you on things instead of just answering the questions posed.  I'm just looking for some answers or feedback, not criticism on myself or people making rude comments when this is one post and they know nothing about me but can question if we're ready to commit to this.
  • I don't think anyone was being judgemental.  I think a lot of people go into TTC wanting to give birth at a particular time of the year, but it rarely works out that way.  Most of the PPs are trying to drive that point home to you-- it's not something you can control and maybe "getting that" is part of being ready.

    I stand by what I said-- try to think about how you would feel if you had a baby 9 months from today, because anecdotally-- 20% of healthy couples get pregnant the first time they "try".  I did.  Then I miscarried.  Then we did the NTNP thing for about 8-9 months.  Then I got pregnant again, miscarried (early)again and got pregnant with DD the next cycle (with no period in between).

    There's no way to be 100% ready.  I was 31 when my DD was born.  Thought we were ready-- and although I wouldn't change a thing, motherhood has been easily the hardest thing I have ever done.  I honestly didn't understand what people were saying when they told me "a baby changes everything."

    Are you ready?  I have no idea.  If you are financially secure and willing to understand (at least intelectually) that your life is going to change, I say that's a start.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

    [Deleted User][Deleted User]acmedairyprincess[Deleted User]
  • Understand that it can't truly be planned but we do have a goal.  Obviously if it takes longer or doesn't happen right away we're fine with that.  If I calculate getting pregnant in September time frame I still consider June to be spring.  We know that we want to have kids and we will be happy when we do.  I'm not set on a certain month but just a goal of a time frame of when we would ideally like to have a baby.  I don't really want to be 9 months pregnant in the August heat.  Would I be happy if I was pregnant and that's how it worked out?  Yes of course.  Between both my family and my husbands family we have 11 December birthdays.  Ideally we wouldn't want to have a December baby.  I'm a Dec. baby myself and it sucks...it's always snowy and cold and kids can't come to parties because they're sick.  Plus its the holidays so it's an expensive month.  Again, if it happened that it works out and we have a kid in Dec., I'll still be okay with it.  Doesn't anyone else ever think about a season or time of year that it would be nice to have baby?  I don't live under a rock, I realize that you cannot plan these things but again, we're just trying to keep months in mind and also get an idea of when we're ready to start trying.  I'm healthy, 27 years old and am pretty active.  I could get pregnant in a month or it might take years...i was just looking to see how long it has taken other to conceive after stopping birth control and also how to know when you feel ready.  There are a lot of factors in deciding when you're ready and I don't know that we'll ever feel totally comfortable and 100% ready but we both know that we do want to be parents and we do want to be young enough to stay active and enjoy each stage of their lives so this is something that we'd like to do in the near future.  My biggest complaint about this site is people get to judgemental and are quick to tell question you on things instead of just answering the questions posed.  I'm just looking for some answers or feedback, not criticism on myself or people making rude comments when this is one post and they know nothing about me but can question if we're ready to commit to this.


    TL;DR.  But I did read the OP.  Also, paragraphs & line spacing are a good thing, please use them! 

    When we started trying for DD I thought I could control the timing, we started trying in October for an early summer baby so I could have the summer off for Maternity leave.  Nice idea, right?

    Fortunately for us, we got our BFP fairly quickly, in December, and DD was born at the end of August. 

    My advice is to stop over thinking it, get OK w/ being PG (sharing your body w/ another person, all of the restrictions, etc.)  After that it's out of your hands! 

    Good luck! :)

     


  • The only advice I can give you is if you are really set on having a spring baby then just avoid TTC in the months that would result in a December baby (March and April? I'm bad at calculating this stuff). Then pick back up in the months that would involve in a spring baby (so July, August, and September?). So you could start TTC right now and hope that you are pregnant by September and then take a break until next July.

    I'm sorry but that sounds ridiculous to me, but if that's what you have your heart on then it's really the only thing you can do. Just remember, you only have a 20% chance of conceiving each month, no matter how healthy you are. So by doing this you would really be cutting your chances.

    My husband's birthday is August 29 and my son was born September 6 so it kind of sucks that they are close together and I always said I don't want to be pregnant again in the summer (I live in AZ). But I would never plan it out. If I got pregnant around the same time I wouldn't be upset. We would make it work.

    Good luck!
  • There is no way to be sure you'll get pregnant by/on X month, or have a baby by/on X month.  It just doesn't work like that.

    You're ready to start trying when you would be happy to get pregnant on the first shot.  So, if you wouldn't be happy to get pregnant in the summer, don't try in the summer.  If you're only ready in the Fall, try then.
    Love. 9.28.2007.  Marriage.  8.4.2012.
  • My experience (or anyone else's) has absolutely no bearing on what yours will be. I stopped taking my BCP at the end of the summer 2011 preparing for a "last hurrah" trip out of the country with DH the first week of December. I got pregnant on that trip. When we were ready for #2, I actually did research into how cycles and ovulation really work (thanks TTGP Newbie Blog), learned how lucky we were to hit my FW on that trip and to have it take, and started charting to prepare for lightening to not strike twice so quickly. I got pregnant on cycle 2. All of this, however, is useless to you because, again, my experience is irrelevant. For every story similar to mine there's another one that took 1+ year or they are still trying. All anyone is trying to do is point this out to you.
    [Deleted User]
  • OP I'm confused as to what you are upset about.  Who was rude or judgmental?  Pretty much everyone told you how long it took them to conceive or how long they were trying but that has nothing to do with how long it will take you.  I didn't know I was ready.  I thought maybe I'd stop taking the pill and then we'd go from there.  I got pregnant in 2 months.  

    There's no such thing as ready really.  What there is is not getting hung up on things like another December baby or being pregnant in August.  FWIW my second was born in early Sept and I wasn't all that hot.  My first was born in the winter and I sweated my ass off.  
    [Deleted User]
  • myatala said:
    LOL at late 20s being "young parents." Wrong end of the decade. And FWIW my husband was 51 when our son was born and he keeps up with him just fine. #anecdote


    I was actually thinking that too.

    I mean, in my area, yes, late 20s for parenthood is considered relatively young.  But for most of the country, not so much.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

    egad1980
  • Understand that it can't truly be planned but we do have a goal.  Obviously if it takes longer or doesn't happen right away we're fine with that.  If I calculate getting pregnant in September time frame I still consider June to be spring.  We know that we want to have kids and we will be happy when we do.  I'm not set on a certain month but just a goal of a time frame of when we would ideally like to have a baby.  I don't really want to be 9 months pregnant in the August heat.  Would I be happy if I was pregnant and that's how it worked out?  Yes of course.  Between both my family and my husbands family we have 11 December birthdays.  Ideally we wouldn't want to have a December baby.  I'm a Dec. baby myself and it sucks...it's always snowy and cold and kids can't come to parties because they're sick.  Plus its the holidays so it's an expensive month.  Again, if it happened that it works out and we have a kid in Dec., I'll still be okay with it.  Doesn't anyone else ever think about a season or time of year that it would be nice to have baby?  I don't live under a rock, I realize that you cannot plan these things but again, we're just trying to keep months in mind and also get an idea of when we're ready to start trying.  I'm healthy, 27 years old and am pretty active.  I could get pregnant in a month or it might take years...i was just looking to see how long it has taken other to conceive after stopping birth control and also how to know when you feel ready.  There are a lot of factors in deciding when you're ready and I don't know that we'll ever feel totally comfortable and 100% ready but we both know that we do want to be parents and we do want to be young enough to stay active and enjoy each stage of their lives so this is something that we'd like to do in the near future.  My biggest complaint about this site is people get to judgemental and are quick to tell question you on things instead of just answering the questions posed.  I'm just looking for some answers or feedback, not criticism on myself or people making rude comments when this is one post and they know nothing about me but can question if we're ready to commit to this.
    This is great. I totally understand how you would feel shot down by some replies on this thread. People are brutally honest. 

    I am in your shoes almost to the tee. 27, looking to TTC at the right time (I'm a teacher so I'd really like to try to maximize my maternity leave by having a spring baby as well. Being pregnant all summer and having a fall baby would be the WORST timing, IMO)...I've been on the pill for a while and I know it can take a while to get back to "normal." But I've read that some ppl get pregnant immediately and some people take a while...so I'm also stuck. And I don't think it's a question of "oh you must be stalling for some other reason"...I think it's really just that you want this to happen, but you want it to happen in a way that works for you and your spouse and your careers. I think my plan is going to be to get off the pill and use condoms or natural family planning for a while...but I know you can never truly "plan" these things.  Just know that whenever it happens, even if it's not the ideal time, you'll make it work and your family will be thrilled!
  • I was 28 when we started TTC and hoped to have my first before I turned 30. In August, we will hit 3 years of TTC and will not be able to do any treatment cycles until November/December. This means I'll be at least 32 before I have my first. Sometimes life doesn't go according to your plan.

    imageimageimageimageimage

     

    image

    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (32): SA is ok, slightly low morph, normal SCSA  Me (32): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, Moderately high NKC, High TNFa, heterozyogous mutated Factor XIII, and +APA

    October 2012-May 2014: 4 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and 1 failed FETw/donor embryos

    November 2014: IVF w/ICSI #4 Agonist/Antagonist with EPP and Prednisone, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and IVIG for immune issues.  Converted to freeze all due to lining issues.  2 blasts frozen on day 6!

    January 2015: FET #2 Cancelled due to lining issues

    April 2015: FET #2.1


    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!

  • I think trying to plan for a certain time of year is silly , my first was unplanned and he was born in November due in December and I got to bring him home from the NICU on Thanksgiving .Our second was planned but didn't put thought into what month , we just wanted another baby , born in October . Our third took 2.5 years and was born in June . We are now going on 6 months of trying for number 4 . I think any month is a good month to have a baby .
    loisloan1118
  • I'm in the same boat and want to be serious about TTC where our baby would be due during the May-august time frame due to my job. I'd be taking off less time that way. We are also unsure when to stop taking BC and wondering how long it may take. Will we be blessed right away or take some time. You aren't alone. If you are religious like us, just pray and talk to those in a similar situation or have gone through this step already. Good luck!
  • I can understand how you feel a little. I didn't care while TTC, but When I found out I needed treatments at first I figured why not be a little more selective with "birth month", since this has to be so calculated. Yeah, even that didn't work out. Now I don't care if the baby comes during an apocalypse, I just want my LO. I think what the other ladies are saying to you is on point and relevant. Over time you reevaluate what is priority. Just save yourself the headache of trying to time it just right. I'm pretty sure if you start trying now (baring any hang ups) you will miss December being a due date.


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Waited a long time, tried a lot of stuff, science made me a mom.
      

     
  • I regret not starting sooner. Still trying and nada.
    [Deleted User]
  • "...i was just looking to see how long it has taken other to conceive after stopping birth control and also how to know when you feel ready."

    1.) DD was a surprise. It took 4 months for DS. My fertility means nothing for your experience though.

    2.) If you have to ask you are not ready.

    You're welcome.


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