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Whom should I invite to my babyshower?

hermanavelasquezhermanavelasquez member
in 2nd Trimester
This is the situation... Since I announced my pregnancy, my family is talking about throwing a babyshower.  Now that my colleagues know that I am pregnant, they are talking about throwing me a baby shower, too.  And the babyshower that I do want is one with my friends from Church and some of my friends from college, although I do want to include my family... my colleagues are fine, but I would not include them in a babyshower that I or my family throw.

I don't really want to make a big party, I would like something more intimate and I don't want to spend a huge budget on it, neither would like to make someone else spend a lot of money in my babyshower.  And besides that, joining my friends with my family in the same party would not work at all, it would be kind of uncomfortable for everyone being in an intimate party together.  

And, finally, Can my husband be in the babyshower? Can I invite women with their partners?

Note: My baby is the first grandchild and great-grandchild in my family.
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Re: Whom should I invite to my babyshower?

  • hermanavelasquezhermanavelasquez member
    They would make a family-only babyshower, but I was wondering if I could throw one with my friends, I read that is ok to throw your own babyshower.  I have no experience with this, could I have more than one babyshower?   Because I really want to share this with my friends.
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  • cMichelle0423cMichelle0423 member
    hermanavelasquez said:

    This is the situation... Since I announced my pregnancy, my family is talking about throwing a babyshower.  Now that my colleagues know that I am pregnant, they are talking about throwing me a baby shower, too.  And the babyshower that I do want is one with my friends from Church and some of my friends from college, although I do want to include my family... my colleagues are fine, but I would not include them in a babyshower that I or my family throw.


    I don't really want to make a big party, I would like something more intimate and I don't want to spend a huge budget on it, neither would like to make someone else spend a lot of money in my babyshower.  And besides that, joining my friends with my family in the same party would not work at all, it would be kind of uncomfortable for everyone being in an intimate party together.  

    And, finally, Can my husband be in the babyshower? Can I invite women with their partners?

    Note: My baby is the first grandchild and great-grandchild in my family.

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  • MrsLaLaBugMrsLaLaBug member
    Why are you obsessing over how "intimate" it is?? Are these not grown ass adults who know how to act at a social gathering? If someone has offered to host your shower, then invite everyone you would like included - family, friends, colleagues. Why are you trying to discriminate between the groups because of "intimacy"?
                                                                                      
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    It is never and will never be ok to throw yourself a gift giving event.  Your hosts will determine the guest list.  They may ask for your input, but are not required to. Showers are for nearest and dearest.  Your only job is to show up.
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  • coffee89coffee89 member
    I was asked who I wanted to invite to my shower simply because my sister who was hosting doesn't know any of my friends where I am living now or my MIL's family well enough to know if I'd want them/they would be interested. I gave her a list of names and addresses of people who I thought might care and told her to invite whomever from back home that she wanted. I also knew the details and even helped to set some of the activities up, but everyone I'm surrounded by doesn't give a crap about the etiquette as long as I'm not being gift grabby and hosting my own shower. It was more of a day tog et people together who we hadn't seen in a while and less of a traditional shower.

    you can also have more than one shower. It isn't abnormal to have a family shower and a mall work shower or church shower. It isn't your job to set them up though.
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  • runningmama22runningmama22 member
    I agree w @smhorak - you can give a list of people for the host to consider inviting, especially if the host doesn't know your friends or their contact info or anything. But that's pretty much it... seems weird to plan your own shower or even the whole guest list. Just sit back and enjoy someone else doing the work!! 
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    Who ever has offered to throw the shower will spend what they feel comfortable spending on that shower.  I threw one for a friend.  She asked me guest limit based on the size space I had, I told her, she gave me a guest list.  As far as food and drinks for those people, I planned accordingly.  Budget was none of her concern as I had offered to host and I was fully aware of what I could afford. 

    If three showers were offered by all means let them do it.  Church. Family and friends. Work. 
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  • bohemianlcbohemianlc member
    I agree with previous posters that you just have to go with the flow on this. I understand that you want to have a shower with your friends, but if none of them offers to throw you one, then you just don't get one. Your family and coworkers who are planning to throw you parties may ask for your input on the guest list, and they may not. 

    As for the budget, that's not in your control, either. I think it would be sweet to tell them that you don't want it to be a financial burden on them, but ultimately it's going to be up to them as to how much they spend. 

    If three showers are offered, why not agree to all of them? The more gifts and celebration of your baby's life, the better! :)

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  • HoshikitsuneHoshikitsune member
    You do not get to throw your own.  For instance...this is my first baby and  most likely my only baby...my husband has been thrown a baby shower for this baby at his work, the grandmother of this baby has been thrown one at her work...I have not been thrown one.  Such is life.
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  • MadMeganMadMegan member
    I'm surprised that so many people are responding that the Mother To Be doesn't or shouldn't participate in making the guest list! My sister is throwing my shower, and she lives out of state. She definitely doesn't know EVERYONE I'd want at my baby shower. I'd rather work with the host to create the guest list and make sure all my favorite people are included, than risk leaving out someone who I really wanted to share the day with just because my host didn't have their information. 

    I guess since it's not a "surprise" party, I don't feel like I should be barred from participating in the planning, especially if it will make things easier on the host and result in a better party!
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  • Cat&SCat&S member
    I don't see a problem with giving an invite/address list (if asked); the problem is in the hosting itself. My aunt and cousin are throwing my shower, and they asked me for the names and addresses of who I'd like to invite. No problem. But they're hosting, not me. A coworker is also throwing me a shower at work, and she hasn't asked who I want to invite, which is fine and up to her. She's hosting.


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  • snarkylibrariansnarkylibrarian member
    edited June 2014
    My in-laws are throwing us a co-ed baby shower and it will mostly be close friends and family.. My coworkers are going to throw one for me at work for my colleagues. For everyone else to celebrate with us, we are going to do a low-key potluck or BBQ celebration to just to hang out and enjoy our last days sans infant, gifts not necessary.
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  • hermanavelasquezhermanavelasquez member
    Thanks for all your comments. Now I understand better all about the babyshower. Maybe this is a cultural misunderstanding, as I am in Latin America and not in the US, many women here host their own babyshower, in most of the cases without gift registry, because otherwise they wouldnt never have one, as babyshowers are common, but a relatively new concept in my country (my mom and aunts would never even dream about having something like a babyshower). For me is not gift grabbing, is just a meeting to share the happiness of receiving a new baby. But now that you have talked, I consider that I've been very blessed that they offered to throw my shower.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    @hermanavelasquez‌ : it might just be ok in your social circle. None of my Latina or Latin American family members (on my side) feel that it is proper to host your own shower. In fact, it's a big deal & much talked about if a mother-to-be does it.

    So it's not just an American Thing.


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  • snarkylibrariansnarkylibrarian member
    edited June 2014


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  • snarkylibrariansnarkylibrarian member
    Apparently you can't delete comments on here, but I'm done having this conversation, because I don't really care what y'all think is tacky or not. I'm not in the mood to get in an argument. Every situation and social group is different and I know what makes my friends comfortable.
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    snarkylibrarian said:
    Apparently you can't delete comments on here, but I'm done having this conversation, because I don't really care what y'all think is tacky or not. I'm not in the mood to get in an argument. Every situation and social group is different and I know what makes my friends comfortable.
    Well you sure showed us that by asking our opinions.  The butthurt is strong with this one ya'll! 
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